Author Patrice Posted April 8, 2016 Author Posted April 8, 2016 Ok ... busy, he texted me all day at work. I finally said, please stop texting me I'm at work, we need to talk tomorrow. If he tries to get a hold of me tonight, the hammer is coming down. This is ridiculous. 1
Zahara Posted April 8, 2016 Posted April 8, 2016 Ok ... busy, he texted me all day at work. I finally said, please stop texting me I'm at work, we need to talk tomorrow. If he tries to get a hold of me tonight, the hammer is coming down. This is ridiculous. Telling him to stop is one thing -- but isn't this raising a red flag for you? This is just a symptom of something much deeper.
Author Patrice Posted April 8, 2016 Author Posted April 8, 2016 Oh, yes ... lack of boundaries, respect for my work. Big time on red alert. 2
Zahara Posted April 8, 2016 Posted April 8, 2016 Oh, yes ... lack of boundaries, respect for my work. Big time on red alert. In that sense, it would be in your best interest to move on from this guy rather than try and work with the red flags. Men that future fake and shoot off the blocks fast -- you should tread carefully.
Author Patrice Posted April 8, 2016 Author Posted April 8, 2016 I don't think he is faking, he is desperate. He must have other issues, that are becoming clear to me, now. Early days of relationship should not include anything but fun and learning about eachother - seeing if you're compatible and going with comes naturally. Forcing people, is not in my vocabulary. 1
Zahara Posted April 8, 2016 Posted April 8, 2016 I don't think he is faking, he is desperate. He must have other issues, that are becoming clear to me, now. Early days of relationship should not include anything but fun and learning about eachother - seeing if you're compatible and going with comes naturally. Forcing people, is not in my vocabulary. Trying to fast forward the relationship regardless of the reason, is a huge red flag. We'll agree to disagree. Personally, it's sounds like he's future faking to speed up the relationship to where he wants it to be -- likely to control it or you or his need for instant gratification. In any case, you'll do what's best for you. Good luck. 2
Author Patrice Posted May 2, 2016 Author Posted May 2, 2016 Okay, after a week away on vacation - ALONE, he texted every morning waking me up. Started in as soon as I got back. I just wrote to him, and told him he was making me feel pressured and anxious, and I would talk to him when I was ready to talk. He wrote back, that he would respect my space and would wait to hear from me. I had asked him to please not post things on my FB as my family is reading all of it, he continued to do that. I was driving back from Virginia, and saw a FB post on my wall, "I love you, honey". I deleted it. Just way too much and it's making me feel disrespected. 2
MidwestUSA Posted May 2, 2016 Posted May 2, 2016 Time to block and delete. Don't worry about his 'feelings'. 3
katiegrl Posted May 2, 2016 Posted May 2, 2016 FWIW.... a popular male poster on the site (I know who it is... maybe he will step up and reveal himself) has given this advice to men who want to break off with a woman but too cowardly to come out and say so. Bombard her with texts! All day, every day! Tell her you're in love with her and want to marry her! Push to meet her family! Start behaving like a needy lunatic, wanting to spend all your free time with her. He said this would wig any normal decent woman out so bad, that SHE will end up breaking it off with YOU so fast, saving the guy from having to do the dirty work. Something to consider.
katiegrl Posted May 3, 2016 Posted May 3, 2016 FWIW.... a popular male poster on the site (I know who it is... maybe he will step up and reveal himself) has given this advice to men who want to break off with a woman but too cowardly to come out and say so. Bombard her with texts! All day, every day! Tell her you're in love with her and want to marry her! Push to meet her family! Start behaving like a needy psycho lunatic, wanting to spend all your free time with her. He said this would wig any normal decent woman out so bad, that SHE will end up breaking it off with the guy so fast, saving the guy from having to do the dirty work. Something to consider. ^^OMG my brother just said the same thing! HE's done it! 1
preraph Posted May 3, 2016 Posted May 3, 2016 Gosh, this seems very familiar, like there was another thread about the exact same thing, but I don't know if it was you or another person. Anyway, he's in a rush to get married. Any chance he is doing it for citizenship or because he needs to work there or something like that? Don't ever let anyone rush you into anything, whether it's a romantic interest or a used car salesman. Tell him bluntly you are nowhere near wanting to marry or be engaged.
Author Patrice Posted May 3, 2016 Author Posted May 3, 2016 What about this kind of behavior raises the "suspicion" meter? Anybody that desperate, has a flaw of some sort? Pushing me like that, makes me run in the other direction. I literally felt irritated and panicky all week, with the texting. And the lack of regard, for the fact that I drove 2000 miles, and my phone kept blowing up. Added, I lost my mother last Easter, and this year has been difficult already - he knew that, and knew I needed time to relax and see friends. He just couldn't control himself, I guess. 1
katiegrl Posted May 3, 2016 Posted May 3, 2016 (edited) What about this kind of behavior raises the "suspicion" meter? Anybody that desperate, has a flaw of some sort? Pushing me like that, makes me run in the other direction. I literally felt irritated and panicky all week, with the texting. And the lack of regard, for the fact that I drove 2000 miles, and my phone kept blowing up. Added, I lost my mother last Easter, and this year has been difficult already - he knew that, and knew I needed time to relax and see friends. He just couldn't control himself, I guess. The more I think about it, the suddenness of him turning into a psycho after only seeing you 8 times in 5 months, the more I think that male poster and my brother are right. HE wants out and is too cowardly to say so, so turns into a psycho hoping YOU will break up with him. Or is just playing with you for kicks or something. It's just too weird that after five months of virtually nothing, he suddenly and without warning turns into a psycho stalker.... stepping over and disrespecting boundaries. It's like he wants to piss you off! But doesn't care, he just amps it up! Just end it. Edited May 3, 2016 by katiegrl
katiegrl Posted May 3, 2016 Posted May 3, 2016 Okay, after a week away on vacation - ALONE, he texted every morning waking me up. Started in as soon as I got back. I just wrote to him, and told him he was making me feel pressured and anxious, and I would talk to him when I was ready to talk. He wrote back, that he would respect my space and would wait to hear from me. ----- ** I had asked him to please not post things on my FB as my family is reading all of it, he continued to do that. I was driving back from Virginia, and saw a FB post on my wall, "I love you, honey". I deleted it. Just way too much and it's making me feel disrespected. Give me a break, he does not respect you OR your boundaries. He *wants* to piss you off..... isn't it obvious? 2
Author Patrice Posted May 3, 2016 Author Posted May 3, 2016 Yes, it's over. I told him yesterday - please stop contacting me, you are making me feel overwhelmed and anxious. If I choose to talk to you in the future, I will be in contact. He responded, I'm sorry for doing that to you. 2
katiegrl Posted May 3, 2016 Posted May 3, 2016 Yes, it's over. I told him yesterday - please stop contacting me, you are making me feel overwhelmed and anxious. If I choose to talk to you in the future, I will be in contact. ***He responded, I'm sorry for doing that to you. Yeah .... that is precisely what he wanted. His response says it all. You did the right thing. Good riddance.
MidwestUSA Posted May 3, 2016 Posted May 3, 2016 Yes, it's over. I told him yesterday - please stop contacting me, you are making me feel overwhelmed and anxious. If I choose to talk to you in the future, I will be in contact. He responded, I'm sorry for doing that to you. Look up 'stage 5 clinger'. He may very well have wanted something with you. I don't think he did it to scare you off. He'll move on and do it to the next girl. No worries. Relax and do something for yourself.
preraph Posted May 3, 2016 Posted May 3, 2016 What about this kind of behavior raises the "suspicion" meter? Anybody that desperate, has a flaw of some sort? Pushing me like that, makes me run in the other direction. I literally felt irritated and panicky all week, with the texting. And the lack of regard, for the fact that I drove 2000 miles, and my phone kept blowing up. Added, I lost my mother last Easter, and this year has been difficult already - he knew that, and knew I needed time to relax and see friends. He just couldn't control himself, I guess. Yes, it is a red flag. He has control issues or he's very desperate, one of the two. He also doesn't respect YOUR needs. That's what part you won't be liking to live with. Thinks it's all about him. He CAN control himself, but since he's placing himself first, he doesn't want to, so he won't. And if he won't in the beginning of a relationship, he sure won't later. This is him on good behavior, as good as it's going to get. 2
katiegrl Posted May 3, 2016 Posted May 3, 2016 (edited) Look up 'stage 5 clinger'. He may very well have wanted something with you. I don't think he did it to scare you off. MW I agree with all your posts but gotta disagree with you here. The guy goes from wanting to MARRY HER, bombarding her with texts night and day, posting "I love you honey" on FB, even after telling him to stop stop stop..... etc etc etc.....to when she tells him she is overwhelmed he says "sorry I did that to you"? That's all he has to say after all THAT? And then just lets her go? Really? He may as well have said "I'm sorry I messed with you like that." JMO.... something isn't jiving. Edited May 3, 2016 by katiegrl
katiegrl Posted May 3, 2016 Posted May 3, 2016 Yes, it is a red flag. He has control issues or he's very desperate, one of the two. He also doesn't respect YOUR needs. That's what part you won't be liking to live with. Thinks it's all about him. He CAN control himself, but since he's placing himself first, he doesn't want to, so he won't. And if he won't in the beginning of a relationship, he sure won't later. This is him on good behavior, as good as it's going to get. It wasn't him in the beginning of the RL though. It was him after five months of being in a "relationship" during which he saw her a grand total of 8 times in that five months. Something's definitely not jiving here. In any event, doesn't really matter. The guy is a creep whether he suddenly turned into a controlling stalker after five months or was just messing with her. Good riddance.
MidwestUSA Posted May 3, 2016 Posted May 3, 2016 MW I agree with all your posts but gotta disagree with you here. The guy goes from wanting to MARRY HER, bombarding her with texts night and day, posting "I love you honey" on FB, even after telling him to stop stop stop..... etc etc etc.....to when she tells him she is overwhelmed he says "sorry I did that to you"? That's all he has to say after all THAT? And then just lets her go? Really? He may as well have said "I'm sorry I messed with you like that." JMO.... something isn't jiving. Only saying it's happened to me. Had a guy plan an entire summer for 'us' after one coffee meet. He bombarded me. Called me after I got home from major surgery, offering to help. Woke me up again the next morning at 0630, after I'd just gotten back to sleep when the block wore off. When I called him on it, he slinked away with tail between legs. He knew there was no coming back. Maybe it was the way I handled it, I don't know. I didn't leave any room for him to think there was a chance after that. He got the Midwest smack down, LOL!
katiegrl Posted May 3, 2016 Posted May 3, 2016 (edited) Only saying it's happened to me. Had a guy plan an entire summer for 'us' after one coffee meet. He bombarded me. Called me after I got home from major surgery, offering to help. Woke me up again the next morning at 0630, after I'd just gotten back to sleep when the block wore off. Oh I definitely hear ya on that one! But what strikes me as odd, is that for the first five months he was fine. In fact, distant. Only having time to see her 8 times in that five month period. So to go from that ..... to suddenly and without warning becoming this psycho dude bombarding her with texts day and night, wanting to marry her, posting "I love you" on FB, ad nauseum, even after telling him to stop over and over.... something definitely sounds OFF. Then after she tells him she is overwhelmed, which any woman would be, all he has to say for himself is "sorry I did that to you"? That, of course, being "messed with you." And then just lets her go.... no problem! Again JMO, even though it doesn't mean a hills of beans at this point. But you could be right too! The whole thing just sounds really really bizarre. Anyway, it's over, he's gone. Next. Edited May 3, 2016 by katiegrl 1
Author Patrice Posted May 3, 2016 Author Posted May 3, 2016 This guy was like that too ... I'm getting tickets to this or that, without even asking me if I wanted to go. He wanted to go to a Kentucky Derby party this weekend, and half of his texts were about whether or not I had found a hat or not. I mean, HELLO? I am driving, enjoying my vacation and he keeps trying to find ways to interject in my time, and get himself in the middle of it.
Author Patrice Posted May 4, 2016 Author Posted May 4, 2016 The texting commences his morning. He is hurt, angry, said I was never into him. I'm just going to ignore. I took him off Facebook and blocked him. I've had enough. 2
Author Patrice Posted June 15, 2016 Author Posted June 15, 2016 Update, yes he finally wigged out - I haven't seen or talked to him since early May. I got a VERY nasty message from him, asking do I do this to men all the time, asking if I was a narcissist, and saying he thought my marriage ended because of something I had done (I left my marriage in 2009, because my husband was selfish, had anxiety disorders and refused to seek help). My final note to him was - if you disrespect me, my boundaries, make this all about your needs - you need to consider if you are the narcissist. I told him his tone was sounding abusive and to not contact me again. Lesson learned, thanks all. 1
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