Getting that creepy feeling!! !

[Patrice]

I've been dating a man for about 5 months .. he travels a LOT, so I think we've been out on 8 dates in that time period. He was in Italy for two weeks, and I didn't see him for a month. He came to my house last weekend, wanting to take it to the next level. He slept with me. but I just didn't feel comfortable having sex with him. On Sunday, the I love you talk started, then the marriage talk started, the "we're a couple" talk started .. and it was all one-sided. I didn't know what to say. Now, he's pushing to see me next weekend (He lives an hour away), wants to meet my Dad and kids.... just too much. I'm getting the creepy crawly panicky feeling, and I'm not sure why. He is bombarding me with texting, FB comments - when I am at work. It's making me push him away and I just feel irritated ... what does this mean?

[jen1447]

It means he's pushing way too hard and you're getting creeped out.

 

fwiw, guys never come back from being considered creepy so you might as well move on now. Tell him he pushed too hard so he has sth to take away from the experience for next time.

[BlueIris]

It's making me push him away and I just feel irritated ... what does this mean?

 

It means you aren't uncomfortable with him and your gut is telling you that. Tell him that it's too much too soon.

[Patrice]

I need him to slow DOWN ... I think my desperate man radar is up now.

[BlueIris]

I need him to slow DOWN ... I think my desperate man radar is up now.

 

I'm going to adjust that a little to point out that you have just as much control as he does: "I'm going to slow this down."

 

Oh, and don't be completely shocked if he wigs out about it. Some of the steamroller sorts get upset when you slow things down.

[Patrice]

What do I say? I like spending time with you, but this is too much too soon?

 

I have told him, I have a stressful job and I need my alone time. He mentioned that he has told his mother about me, and she was asking if he was going to be moving in - AFTER staying over one night???? I did say, tell your mother that's not happening.

[BlueIris]

Are you sure you want to continue seeing him at all?

 

Jen's right that once you see someone as creepy, its near impossible to recover.

 

Personally, I would see him any more.

 

But if you want to keep going (you sure?! ), just tell him it's got to slow down and you'd like to get to know each other for a few months before even thinking about bringing family into the mix.

[Larryville]

guys never come back from being considered creepy so you might as well move on now.

 

I will admit, I have not seen so much creepy dude talk until I found this site. Mental illness abounds. It only makes me realize more the reason why so many women who are on OLD are so cautious.

 

Will say I’ve seen some creepy woman stuff too, I don’t know if it is getting worse or was just unaware.

 

Just dumbfounded at so much first and second date “I love you” “wanna get married talk”

[BlueIris]

Are you sure you want to continue seeing him at all?

 

Jen's right that once you see someone as creepy, its near impossible to recover.

 

Personally, I would NOT see him any more.

 

But if you want to keep going (you sure?! ), just tell him it's got to slow down and you'd like to get to know each other for a few months before even thinking about bringing family into the mix.

 

Left out the most important word! oh, man...

[Patrice]

Okay ... I haven't answered a text all day. I'll have the talk when I get home from work. Let's see what his reaction is. If he is mature and amenable to slowing it down, and he maintains that? There is a chance. I've been here before .. in another relationship, where I had the talk and it got nasty (you don't care anything about my feelings). That guy called me a few weeks after and sent flowers etc .. so, I relented and had dinner with him. And he was going full blast within a day, and that ended it.

[Methodical]

Yikes! I'd get the same impression about his desperate meter topping the chart too. Eight dates and talking marriage...way too much, too soon. And why is his mother asking if he is going to move in? Does he live with her? Is she trying to push him out of the nest?

[preraph]

Can you think of any reason why he'd be in a hurry to get married? Legal status, anything like that?

 

Just trust your gut. Be honest and tell him you've only had 8 dates and you'd probably like to have a hundred (don't use time period since it's so occasional) before you'd feel you really knew someone.

 

Also, do a background check on him online. Pay the $25 and find out about marriages and any legal problems. Everyone should do that.

[Patrice]

He moved back to this area to take care of his mother, she is 91. I've got the "too nice" gene ... and it's hasn't helped with this. He claims his marriage ended 20 years ago, because the marry wasn't happy and he was gone 300 out of 365 days and she ended up having an affair, and he caught her. I don't think it's unreasonable to be left alone when I am at work ... and, frankly I'm not sure if I want to be in an exclusive relationship with him. Texts as soon as I get up, to long after I've gone to bed. Just tooooo much.

[Patrice]

I just need to figure out what to say ... this is hard. But, it's stressing me out big time.

[BlueIris]

I just need to figure out what to say ... this is hard. But, it's stressing me out big time.

 

It's ok to tell him how you feel. It's actually good to do that. It's fair and kind.

Are you afraid of him in some way?

[Satu]

I'm not convinced that it would be wise to carry on seeing him at all.

 

You're not living in the same world...

[Patrice]

No, I'm not afraid - I just don't like hurting people's feelings. Doing the background check now!

[Patrice]

The background check is fine ... no lies. Ok, now onto how to tell him I need space and this thing to slow down.

[Methodical]

The background check is fine ... no lies. Ok, now onto how to tell him I need space and this thing to slow down.

 

^^This!

 

You don't like to hurt ppls feelings and there is nothing wrong with that. Be straightforward and tell him that you aren't ready to talk marriage, house with the white picket fence, etc., in a firm but polite manner.

[Patrice]

Ok, getting it done .... worked on the Bernie Sanders campaign .. he's looking for me.

[truth_seeker]

On Sunday, the I love you talk started, then the marriage talk started, the "we're a couple" talk started .. and it was all one-sided. I didn't know what to say. Now, he's pushing to see me next weekend (He lives an hour away), wants to meet my Dad and kids.... just too much. I'm getting the creepy crawly panicky feeling, and I'm not sure why.

 

This guy is funny in a crazy guy way. It's like you met Christopher Walken. lol.

[Patrice]

Ok, getting it done .... worked on the Bernie Sanders campaign .. he's looking for me.

[Rejected Rosebud]

So he's been completely cool for 5 months until Sunday?!?!?!

[preraph]

He moved back to this area to take care of his mother, she is 91. I've got the "too nice" gene ... and it's hasn't helped with this. He claims his marriage ended 20 years ago, because the marry wasn't happy and he was gone 300 out of 365 days and she ended up having an affair, and he caught her. I don't think it's unreasonable to be left alone when I am at work ... and, frankly I'm not sure if I want to be in an exclusive relationship with him. Texts as soon as I get up, to long after I've gone to bed. Just tooooo much.

 

Well, from what you've said about the texting and that you don't like that, I think you might not even want to waste your time trying to slow him down, because as you found out from your past experience, that would only work if they were only "sped up" to please you. But it's usually about them.

 

Maybe this is the time to just tell him that after he mentioned commitment, you realized you simply are not feeling it in that way.

[Patrice]

I've only dated him 8 times in 5 months ... now, it's lockdown with this guy ... I'm pretty independent .. have been divorced for 7 years, have my own home.