Ex Girlfriend Ruining Relationship

[Scottyd]

I broke up with my ex girlfriend in January. In early March I met someone new and we hit it off right away. My ex found out about the new girl (we live in a small town) and started calling/texting/emailing to ask me back.

 

 

Long story short is that I talked to ex about the possibility of patching things up. I had just met the new girl and I wasn't sure where it was going or how I really felt about her at that point in time. However, as I spent more time with the new girl, I realized that I had strong feelings for her, and the more I thought about my ex, the more I realized that if we got back together we would have the same old problems and would most likely break up again.

 

 

I never told the new girl that I was still talking to my ex. I didn't think it was a big deal. We were just talking; I never took any action and spent pretty much all of my free time with the new girl.

 

 

In hindsight, this was poor judgment. The ex got upset and I suppose she thought that I was leading her on. So she confronted the new girl and showed her all of the text messages. New girl was very upset and told me she wanted nothing to do with me. A couple of days later I apologized, she forgave me, and everything seemed okay again.

 

 

Until last weekend. The ex sees new girl and I together at a social function. She walks up to new girl and tells her that she is pregnant and I am responsible. A total, bald faced lie which the ex finally admitted to yesterday. (Who does that?!!)

 

 

I talked to new girl last night and said that I was sorry for not being completely honest about everything, but that my ex is vindictive and immature and is doing everything she can to destroy our new relationship. I asked new girl point blank how she felt about me and she said "I love you but I'm really heart broken about this." I told her that it was up to her; if she wanted me to leave her alone, I would understand and respect her wishes, but that I hoped she would go with her "heart" and form her own opinion of me instead of basing it on gossip from an ex with an obvious axe to grind.

 

 

New girl ends up inviting me over and I spend the night. Mentioned she talked to one of her best friends about me earlier in the day and friend said that she liked me better than any of the other guys that new girl has dated recently and that if new girl really likes me, then she should give me a chance.

 

 

We went to bed. I tried to get physical with her. She turned on her side and literally gave me the cold shoulder. So we both went to sleep. I woke up in the middle of the night and tried initiating again. This time she was receptive but didn't seem as into it as she usually is.....although once I started touching her and making out with her she said "Please, I really need you to **** me right now." So deed is done and we go to sleep with her curled up next to me. She leaves for work in the morning, kisses me and says "I love you....talk to you later."

 

 

I think the best thing to do is to leave the ball in her court, maybe wait a day or two to text her and invite her to go do something. Or is the writing on the wall and I should just cut my losses and walk away? The girl seems confused. I don't know if being more assertive is going to help or if she just needs to sort through whatever she is thinking.

[bathtub-row]

She doesn't seem all that confused to me. Just act like nothing is wrong unless she continues to act strangely. What you did with your ex, or said to her, in the early days of dating new girl really shouldn't be that big of a deal. How you handle psycho ex from this point on, though, will determine how much respect and trust new girl will have for you.

[BlueIris]

Sounds like you need to tell your ex to leave you alone or you’re going to lose someone one day that means a lot to you, maybe even this woman. Then, if ex ever walks up to you when you’re with new woman, tell her to go away and that you don’t want her trouble-making any more.

[stillafool]

Yes definitely tell the ex that her lie had no effect on your new relationship and if she approaches you and your girl again you will call the police.[]

Edited April 6, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Scottyd]

Bathtub-Row,

 

 

Why are you saying that she is not confused? Because she invited me over and let me spend the night in her bed?

[d0nnivain]

Does your new GF now believe that the EX is not pregnant? If she doesn't, you may not have much of a chance.

 

If the new GF understands that the EX is nutty & is willing to work with you to make your relationship work, throw her a bone. Sit down with new GF & let her watch you delete & block your EX from your phone & all social media. Then do something romantic for the new GF.

[Methodical]

The new girl is moving forward while processing these recent turn of events. Why would you wait to text or call after having spent the night, being intimate, and her kissing and telling you she loves you before leaving for work? Backing off and not following up might cause her to question your commitment to the relationship and that won't bode well for you.

[preraph]

What you've got to do is totally block your ex in every possible form, text, facebook, change your phone number, and sit down with the new girl right next to her and say, Now, I want you to see this, I am blocking all contact with my ex. But then the ex can still pop up in public. You need to tell the ex not to speak to you anymore. If you are too soft to do this, then you ARE trying to keep her on the back burner in case you want her again and just need to admit it. If you're not willing to completely block her, change numbers, all that, to make the nice new girl have a tangible reason to stay with you after this, then you have made your choice.

[Gloria25]

Does your new GF now believe that the EX is not pregnant? If she doesn't, you may not have much of a chance.

 

If the new GF understands that the EX is nutty & is willing to work with you to make your relationship work, throw her a bone. Sit down with new GF & let her watch you delete & block your EX from your phone & all social media. Then do something romantic for the new GF.

 

On top of that write a letter that is mailed "certified with return receipt" (make sure you put the tracking number within the letter) and tell your ex-gf that you didn't appreciate that she did X, Y, Z (be specific, include dates), that you're blocking her, and if she ever approach you, and/or someone you know (family, friends, people you're dating) again, that you will file a restraining order.

 

If you send the letter - on top of blocking ex on social media, then hopefully your current gf will clear up any possible doubts about you and/or if you break up and meet someone new, your ex will be put on notice that her little stunts aren't funny and/or a game you're willing to play...

 

Cuz, right now, if I were your gf, I'd wonder why you haven't blocked your ex and/or sent her a e-mail or letter like I described above ^^. Cuz, if you haven't and especially since you tried to get back with ex recently, then I'd worry that you're trying to keep that door open....I'd also worry about the women you are into, cuz if your ex pulled these stunts, I'm sure that while you were dating her she played similar games and why would you want "that" and why would you want to return to "that"?

[bathtub-row]

Bathtub-Row,

 

 

Why are you saying that she is not confused? Because she invited me over and let me spend the night in her bed?

 

I'm trying to figure out why you think she IS confused. Lol.

 

I don't think she's confused because she said she loved you and would talk to you later. Just act normal. Don't make trouble where there isn't any.

[Lady2163]

If you met this girl on March 1, you've been seeing each other 39 days today.

 

In 39 days, you've had two mistakes. Well, one major mistake. You were stringing along an ex-girlfriend while in the initial stages of getting to know the new girl.

 

While you can't control the ex girlfriend from doing stuff like throwing a pregnancy scare out there or other drama, you did create this and should man up.

 

I've been on both sides of this, I've been the girl who was kept dangling and the one who was courted when there was unfinished business with an Ex.

 

The thought process of your ex could be, "he led me along and wasted my time. Now I'm alone and heartbroken. Meanwhile he gets to move on with somebody new while I'm still coping with the loss. I'm miserable and it is his fault and he is getting off scot-free without any of the pain I am feeling. He must suffer."

 

I'm not saying that is healthy, but that could be what she is going through. And again, if you led her to believe there's a chance for reconciliation, she has faced the end of your relationship twice.

 

Your new girlfriend is kind of the innocent one here. Particularly if she didn't know you had unfinished business. There's drama in her life she doesn't deserve.

 

I don't think a letter to your ex is a smart move. There are ways to write it, but most people can't said aside their own frustrations and anger to do it. No matter what she did wrong in the relationship, you goofed the breakup and the ending.

 

Your new girl is facing stuff that is beyond her control. I would ask HER what she wants you to do. If it is block the Ex, then do that in front of her. If it is send a letter to the Ex, then write it and do that together. I'd encourage you to get feedback from people on here. This is one of those cases where disinterested third parties can point out phrases to avoid, things that may set her off. Forget about threatening a restraining order, it isn't that the police would laugh at you, she hasn't done anything that threatens you or property damage. And, you aren't guilt-free.

 

You're putting your new girl through this. I definitely would NOT back off if you really like her/love her and see a future with her. Back off sends the message that you are going to leave her to go through things alone when they going gets tough AND when you have made the mess, she has to deal with it on her own.

 

This is the time to reassure the new girl you care about her. This is the time for thoughtful gestures. Whether it be a single flower, cooking AND cleaning up from supper, doing sweet things for her. I'd be ready to cut and run if some guy I dated for less than two months had this going on. He didn't think enough of me as a person to conclude his personal business before engaging me. He was considering getting back with his Ex in the early stages of getting to know me. His Ex is a drama llama and is dragging me into it and ruining my free time.

 

That's more trouble than I want.

[Gloria25]

If you met this girl on March 1, you've been seeing each other 39 days today.

 

In 39 days, you've had two mistakes. Well, one major mistake. You were stringing along an ex-girlfriend while in the initial stages of getting to know the new girl.

 

While you can't control the ex girlfriend from doing stuff like throwing a pregnancy scare out there or other drama, you did create this and should man up.

 

I've been on both sides of this, I've been the girl who was kept dangling and the one who was courted when there was unfinished business with an Ex.

 

The thought process of your ex could be, "he led me along and wasted my time. Now I'm alone and heartbroken. Meanwhile he gets to move on with somebody new while I'm still coping with the loss. I'm miserable and it is his fault and he is getting off scot-free without any of the pain I am feeling. He must suffer."

 

I'm not saying that is healthy, but that could be what she is going through. And again, if you led her to believe there's a chance for reconciliation, she has faced the end of your relationship twice.

 

Your new girlfriend is kind of the innocent one here. Particularly if she didn't know you had unfinished business. There's drama in her life she doesn't deserve.

 

I don't think a letter to your ex is a smart move. There are ways to write it, but most people can't said aside their own frustrations and anger to do it. No matter what she did wrong in the relationship, you goofed the breakup and the ending.

 

Your new girl is facing stuff that is beyond her control. I would ask HER what she wants you to do. If it is block the Ex, then do that in front of her. If it is send a letter to the Ex, then write it and do that together. I'd encourage you to get feedback from people on here. This is one of those cases where disinterested third parties can point out phrases to avoid, things that may set her off. Forget about threatening a restraining order, it isn't that the police would laugh at you, she hasn't done anything that threatens you or property damage. And, you aren't guilt-free.

 

You're putting your new girl through this. I definitely would NOT back off if you really like her/love her and see a future with her. Back off sends the message that you are going to leave her to go through things alone when they going gets tough AND when you have made the mess, she has to deal with it on her own.

 

This is the time to reassure the new girl you care about her. This is the time for thoughtful gestures. Whether it be a single flower, cooking AND cleaning up from supper, doing sweet things for her. I'd be ready to cut and run if some guy I dated for less than two months had this going on. He didn't think enough of me as a person to conclude his personal business before engaging me. He was considering getting back with his Ex in the early stages of getting to know me. His Ex is a drama llama and is dragging me into it and ruining my free time.

 

That's more trouble than I want.

 

I agree ^^

 

But really, the ex, regardless of whether or not she was played - has no right to harass the new girl and/or pull a "pregnancy scare". That's just a psycho level like Fatal Attraction bunny boiler mentality that has to be stopped.

 

So, IMO, ex is waaaaay out of line and it's people not getting a handle on Krazy (i.e. sending that certified letter, laying it out, and putting it to rest) that allows the Krazy to escalate and/or continue.

 

Ok, to soften the Krazy maybe both of you should meet with ex (in a public place with friend hiding around just in case to call police or something) and apologize for leading her on, but letting her know that this has to stop. If that doesn't work, on top of blocking, certified letter with return receipt.

[Miss Peach]

The new girl is moving forward while processing these recent turn of events. Why would you wait to text or call after having spent the night, being intimate, and her kissing and telling you she loves you before leaving for work? Backing off and not following up might cause her to question your commitment to the relationship and that won't bode well for you.

 

Totally agree with this. She is probably giving to the benefit of the doubt right now but if you do anything else that makes her question whether she can trust you it will probably be the end of things. You need to just keep your current routine constant while she works this out in her head.

[mikeylo]

Keep exes as far as possible when you break up, to be taken seriously by any prospective partner. Else , you end up in drama and trust issues in a budding relationship.