Author Superman2024 Posted May 5, 2016 Author Posted May 5, 2016 OP, I went back and read some of your threads, as I like to do when I'm participating in someone's thread whose story I'm not familiar with. It sounds like you've had some difficulty meeting eligible women to date, which has led to you consider different, maybe less likely sources for finding women. I got a sense that your inexperience with women in a romantic and/or sexual level keeps you from picking up some some social cues and mores that might seem obvious, even innate to others. I think maybe this latest scenario is such a situation. Whereas you merely saw an opportunity to get to better know someone you found attractive (and was soon to be available), others saw a scenario fraught with red flags and potential trouble. From your other postings, you don't seem like a sleazy guy, just a bit wet behind the ears when it comes to the fairer sex. So even though this girl appears to be off the market, I'll contextualize why pursuing this woman would've been a poor idea: - She's not yet divorced. Divorce is traumatic. People need time to heal from it, whether it was necessary or not. Those who jump right back into dating are usually attempting to distract themselves from pain, but that necessary healing must eventually take place, whether it's now or later. In short, most relationships that emerge shortly after someone's separation or divorce aren't long-lasting. - She's married to a family member. I get it. He's a distant relative and he cheated. I don't think you need to support him, but for a lot of people, exes of friends and family are essentially hands off. - She's barely an adult. She might have life experience in the form of marriage (and soon divorce), but emotionally, you and her are probably in very different places in your lives because of the age difference. Another 10 or more years and that matters a lot less, but right now, this woman's teen years aren't the distant in the rear view mirror. Thanks for your post. Keep in mind this girl has no idea I'm even interested in her at this point. I talked about my interest in her to my closest family first and they were supportive, so this isn't a case of me not picking up on social cues or inexperience with women. Of course I don't have experience with this specific type of situation but most people don't. My thoughts were to start talking with her to gauge mutual interest and test the waters, but I didn't intend to date or do anything serious until she was officially divorced. I'm definitely not contradicting my Christian faith here as has been suggested, but she clearly is by living with another guy when she's still married. Also, I wasn't saying she lied to me about anything but that I learned that she generally lies a lot. You're right about divorce being traumatic and someone jumping into a relationship during or after too quick isn't a good thing, but it appears she's done just that. It's been a concern of mine not to move too quick which I previously posted about. My main question recently about this was whether I should start chatting with her to slowly build more of a connection and gauge interest. In this case since he's a distant cousin (4th) the family connection is a minor thing compared to her emotional state. If this was an issue my family definitely would've advised against pursuing things with her. It's true that age differences can cause problems sometimes, but not always. It's not unheard of for two people these ages to be in a relationship. My family didn't think the age gap was that big of a deal in this case. Of course I'm more inclined to listen to them than strangers on the internet, but it's good to hear different viewpoints. All of this doesn't really matter now anyway since she's not the person I thought she was.
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