animo Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 Hi, I'm an unhappy single! Great opener i know. When i think about it i'm not sure if i ever was anything but an unhappy single. Even when i was in my last relationship which lasted for 5 years i felt like an unhappy single for the past 2 years. When i think back now i don't even know why i stayed in that relationship for so long. I think somehow i believed it was better then nothing. If you can't have gold then silver will do fine? Ofcourse at first i thought i finally found my purpose in life. What a cliché, i know.... I've gone through years and years trying to figure out what's wrong with me. Sometimes i still wonder and try soemthing new. In the end though i already know what's wrong. I'm not the problem, the women i'm dating are... that is to say ofcourse, whenever i am even dating, which isn't alot and if anything isn't the reason why then it's because i don't want to. I've decided a while back to give up dating alltogether because frankly, I simply cannot stomach pretending to like someone anymore in the hopes that maybe i will get to know them and discover their true, deeper self. It's all so damn shallow i can't even begin to describe it. Show your date a good time for 1-2 nights and suddenly your worth their time but don't be yourself, don't be honest or open...nonono... Life is about fun, pointless, meaningless fun and preferably in the most shallow fashion possible. Enough booz, some good tunes and enough energy to go all night... Somehow i don't see the point. Not that i see a point in life in general but still, there are better ways to be pointless then being utterly pointless (i guess...err)... Somehow everything that's going on in my life seems to boil down to this. Shallow relationships, meaningless for most part. When i became single i made it my mission to put my social life back into gear. I had pretty much neglected it during my long term relationship and i realized that as a single it would be really crappy having zero social life. So i wen't on my way to jack it up. I was on the lookout for a couple of new good friends and more importantly i wanted to meet a good female friend since i never really had a good friend of the oposite sex (word has it these relationships can be difficult). I didn't have any expectations from my quest but regardless i actually managed to make some new pretty good friends. Less positive is that i didn't really find that female friend. Odd but from where i'm standing it seems like either your intresting enough to persuit all the way or you're just not intresting and not even intresting enough to get to know. Some tried out of a pure ethic persuasion. I think it's really great if you have values like that but i'd rather be told to my face how things are, like i would tell someone else to his face how things are. But for soem reason it seems extreemly challenging for females to do this. I'm not sure what the problem is, i'm not a very scary guy and i'm very timid so i doubt they are actually afraid of me... Sort of reminds of the relationship i have with my ex now. It's kind of the same relationship as it was the last 2 years of our relationship only that the things that used to bother me slightly now tend to annoy the crap out of me. Regardless i sence from myself that somewhere there still is a desire to get back together with her. I thought about this alot and in the end i could only come to the conclusion that i'm simply an unhappy single. I would even go sofar as to say i'm desparate. When i thought more about that i just wondered...why?! Why would i setlle for just anyone who is untrested in me? Don't i deserve something more then that? When i look at some of the guys some women i know are in relationships with i would think i deserve something more then that. Regardless of what i presume to deserve, there is ofcourse this little thing called reality. And reality says that i'm single and hating it. As much as i hate being single. I think something else is keeping me from becoming truely and openly desparate and that is the fact that i hate shallow and stuck up/spoiled women even more... Now i'm not sure where all of this is coming from but i think in the end it's coming from bitterness. I just cannot stomach being in the presence of stuck up women. They rate the absolute top of my hatelist along with snobbish boyband type guys. This feeling is inforced by the fact that most of the stuck up women i meet are almost all ignorent to the bone. I guess you have to be to be stuck up? I seem to have mixed feelings when i'm around this type of women. In one way they are desirable to me since i'm an unhappy single on the lookout but in another way they are extreemly undesirable because i simply hate the way they act and treat other people whom they presume to be unworthy of their attention. The other say i was surfing the web looking for a good dating site and came across a dating tip site. I briefly read an article that sparked my attention and the author mentioned something about being able to get any beautifull woman he wanted (blahblah whatever). he mentioned the trick was to knock them off their pedestal where they had been put by the constant attention by male and female adorers... All i could think was something like; OMFG and they are supposed to be worth any effort....why??! The only possible reason i could think of why they would be worth the time would be so guys could take home some beautifull women and have sex with her... errr ok. I totally lack any respect for that basically. The thing is, i'm not sure what to make of all this. I feel... unsure about my own perception. I think sometimes i see a stuck up woman while really they aren't. I'm not sure why. I've ben considering to see a therapist but i'm not sure what i'm gonna tell him/her. I think there is something wrong with me but i'm not sure?! I dislike stuck up people? Who doesn't?! O.o Another thing is that, as a male i feel somehow useless. I feel like a toy. Something women pick up when they want to play and for the rest of the time i'm locked away in some box where i won't get in the way. I don't feel asif alot of women treat me as a person. Just some 'thing'. I feel asif i'm being painted with the typical 'single guy' brush which basically looks like a guy who will nail anything with 2 boobs and a heartbeat because he's been locked away in the box for too long. I feel asif i'm being cathegorized into the same section as the types i hate the most, shallow types. My greatest nightmare is that, because of this feeling and treatment i will actually become what i hate. Stuck up and shallow. Howmuch longer can i keep talking to women in the conviction that they are nice people when all i ever meet is stuck up women. I'm afraid to become prejedous :/ Funny thing is that everything is just supporting these feelings and pushing me in that direction. The last 2 years of my last relationship were so messed up that i simply tried to put my mind off of it so i wouldn't go crazy. I focused on my carreer and basically it's paying off for me very well now. Being single has made me a little more aware of my self image and recently i have alot of free time, so i've been shopping basically. Getting some nice clothes for myself, tossed some old furniture and replaced it with newer version, i bought a membership to a number of healthclubs and such things... I even bought a new car to go with the (sort of) new me. And now suddenly i seem to be somuch more intresting to women. I don't even know why, it's not like i look different or anything, it's still the same old me with a more expensive outfit. I have absolutly no respect for this new attention though... It's just another proof for me that alot of women are shallow. Maybe i do seem stuck up to them now... But how otherwise can i act? I just don't respect shallowness in general! How should i feel when some woman blew me off 6 months ago when i was just plain old me but now that i'm much more concerned with my looks and image i'm suddenly intresting enough to walk upto even... I just can't see myself doing anything else then returning the favor she did me a couple months back :S I'm afraid of losing myself because i really like who i am deep down. I don't concern myself with shallow presumptions and i consider that a pro about myself but what good is it when everyone else seems to think the oposite way? I'd rather put on my cameleon outfit then be considered a loser just because i value kindness and the deeper self more then i do what brand of clothes someone wears or what colour of hair they got.... I just fear that i will actually meet a nice woman and i will just blow her off because i don't see her but just another stuck up gold digger... ugh, i'm so confused right now sry for the long post. I just felt like i needed to get all this out of my system...
moimeme Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 I think you're developing a huge chip on your shoulder due to bitterness and that that is colouring your perception badly. If you're wanting to live a life away from shallowness, you have to expect to find fewer people who will be interested in that. Therefore you have to learn to enjjoy living alone and doing things alone. Develop your own interests and continue to grow. Next, you have to understand people. You cannot possibly determine whether someone is 'stuck up' just by looking at him or her. I suspect what you mean by 'stuck up' is 'not interested in talking to me'. But what do you bring to the table? Are you a cheerful, happy person? Are you friendly? Do you smile and look inviting or do you wear that hangdog 'I'm deep' expression that screams "I avoid any sort of merriment"? If so, time to change the persona. Try reading some of Albert Ellis' books. He's great at showing you how to not take life or yourself too seriously and how to cope with your ideas and impressions about yourself and others.
Marshbear Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 I lost count how many times you said shallow and stuck up. You are a very bitter person and who would want to be around you feeling as you do. You say you have friends. How do they react to your views on women and relationships? Maybe you need to stay single because you seem like no one could please you in any way, shape, or form. You need to take the chip off your shoulder and join the human race. If you don't like the way things are then do something about it, don't get complain poor, pitiful me. It's easy to blame everyone else for your delima. That is the shallow way. It is much harder to decide what goal you have for yourself and strive to achieve it. I think what you really want is one of the shallow women that you say you hate. Read some books on relationships and how to make opposite sex friends. You have to be a friend to get a friend. You have to be a happy person for people to want to be around you. I would suggest you rejoin the human race and if you think you have all the answers then voice your opinion and make some changes. Peace...
Author animo Posted June 17, 2005 Author Posted June 17, 2005 Well... I used to be fairly insecure about myself because i felt like i had nothing to offer people... The reason for this was exactly because i felt people judged me on shallow perceptions. I was afraid to open up because i was afraid that might make me even more like an alien. I felt undesirable for a very long time and it made me bitter and resentfull... But i worked on this and i realized that it doesn't really matter what people think of me since if they can't like who i am i'm better off not knowing them anyways. As soon as i realized this i started acting more and more like myself. I guess more like a real person and magically i found it much easyer to talk to people and get to know new people and friends etc. Like i already mentioned i was basically non existant for almost 3 years in my recent life and before i met the woman i had a relationship for 5 years i was just a very unhappy teenager. Lonely, depressed, feeling invisible and alienated. My school life was horrible. I was always an alien, never had any friends, always getting picked on... During my relationship with this woman i became more self confident and thats when i realized i didn't really have to worry about what people think of me. When the relationship turned soar and eventually ended i was so tied up in my carreer i was almost working round the clock. A few months after the relationship ended i suddenly felt asif i was waking up from a very long and very scary dream and i felt like it was time to start living my life and get out of the pit i've been in most of my life. I became much more selfaware and now i just enjoy looking my best and spending some of the money i've been making... I guess i'm compensating for all those years living in a box i created for myself... But things aren't quite as they should be. I'm not as happy as i could be and i feel like my past has alot to do with it. Especially the way i perceive people and maybe even moreso, howmuch it bothers me. I guess my whole life i have felt like i was being pushed under by people who were more confident then me, looked better, were more succesfull...whatever. And now i guess i just feel like i don't need to worry about them anymore because there is nothing left for which they can discriminate me and i have sort of an attitude like 'you didn't want to know me before so why bother now?' I know i might come over as cocky now and maybe even stuck up but i don't mean to be. In general i really am just cheerfull. I don't feel like i need to avenge anything that has been done to me and most of the time i just treat people the way i'd like to be treated. But i think subconsiously the past is still haunting me because i seem to feel more naturally around guys. When i do or say soemthing nice to a guy it just comes naturally. If i do the same to a women it's forced somehow. I feel asif they might perceive it asif i'm making a pass at them and i fear that as soon as they figure this out they are going to use it against me and start acting weird around me because they think i made a pass. It would put a dent in the armor i guess... pff i'm having a hard time trying to explain this... Stuck up means not intrested in talking to me? I guess in a way that's true but maybe not in the way you mean. When i meet someone new i'm always very courtious and friendly. So if someone blows me off at this point idon't feel very agreeable with that. The least they can do is be polite in my opinion. I'm a fairly unforgiving person when it comes to rude manners and generally looking down on someone. When someone who blew me off before or was blatantly talking down to me i have little understanding when they try to mend it now because i seem to be less of an alien now. Maybe that's a chip on my shoulder... I don't really care if a woman is just not intrested in me but if you take the time to go and talk to someone and then they just turn around without saying a word i consider that to be just rude and that's pretty much the point where they can go to hell as far as i'm concerned....
Marshbear Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 What is wrong with making a pass at a women? Quit trying to be friends with them and let them know you want them. You need to get out and just flirt with gals and see how they react. You might be suprised of their reaction. If this one doesn't reapond then go to another one. Just don't give up and think all women are the same ( shallow b*tches ). It is fun to flirt with gals. Try it, you might just like it.
Author animo Posted June 17, 2005 Author Posted June 17, 2005 Marshbear, Asside from being single and everything that goes with it i really AM looking to make friends firstly. I'm not sure if this is a general thing but being a guy it's soemtimes hard to tell if you are genuinly intrested in a woman or just intrested 'because' they are a women... I!m not really a big flirter because i want women to feel comfortable around me and i guess they don't feel comfy when they get the feeling like you're 'checking them out' half the time. I don't think i really want a relationship right now... Like i said, i'm looking to make friends firstly but yeah i guess i'm open to whatever grows from a friendship eventually. The thing i have with stuck up women is... Whenever you try to talk to them with no real intentions to swipe them off their feet or whatever, they always imidiatly assume that's what you are trying to do, eventhough in my case it's usually not true. That just bothers me tremendously and when they blow me off i feel asif i got blown off while i wasn't even making a pass in the first place. I just experience it as a punishment...unjustly at that... Some of the women that are in the group of Aquaitances i spend my time with displayed some very arrogant and degrading behavior towards me a year orso back. That made me feel really bad and lately i've gotten the feeling like now they are trying to talk to me and 'get to know' me and i'm just thinking to myself that they only seem intrested now because i'm treating myself better and looking better (i guess), generally just looking more intresting according to their shallow standards.... I'm just not sure anymore how well i can trust my own judgements in these cases cause well, they could have been going through a rough period or maybe back when they first met me i was so turned into myself i sent out very negative vibes. I realize i'm packing bagage and i fear it might be messing with my perception of others in certain cases and i would hate possibly missing a good friendship because of it. Like i said i've considered seeying a therapist about this... I'm just not sure what i'm going in therapy for and i don't want to waste anyones time. Maybe this is just soemthing i need to work out myself but i'm not sure if i can do that and i'm afraid of where it might take me and who i might become because of it. I don't want to be bitter or prejedous... least of all stuck up but according to the replies i'm getting i guess i AM becoming exactly like that because of my own issues.
moimeme Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 i have felt like i was being pushed under by people who were more confident then me, looked better, were more succesfull...whatever. Well one hopes that now you care less about what others think you have also abandoned this idea of people 'pushing you under' which, of course, nobody was ever doing. You pushed yourself. I'm a fairly unforgiving person when it comes to rude manners and generally looking down on someone. When someone who blew me off before or was blatantly talking down to me i have little understanding when they try to mend it now because i seem to be less of an alien now. Maybe that's a chip on my shoulder... You seem *far* too eager to judge that you're being 'looked down upon'. I don't think that's healthy and I think you might want to look into counselling. I don't really care if a woman is just not intrested in me but if you take the time to go and talk to someone and then they just turn around without saying a word i consider that to be just rude and that's pretty much the point where they can go to hell as far as i'm concerned.... Whatever you may think about yourself being happy, cheerful, etc., this post fairly oozes anger and hostility. You seem to have some unresolved issues. I'd defintely see someone just to get a professional's opinion.
Author animo Posted June 22, 2005 Author Posted June 22, 2005 Well you may be right about the cheerfull part... See most of the time i just fake it. I'm good at it two, you'd never notice. Far to eager to judge? Maybe i am eager to judge in the way i have been stating before but simply because it gives me confirmation on things i have been suspicious of for many years. Wether i am 'too' eager or not i am not to sure of. Perhaps my judgement of character has simply allowed me to see the less happy side of reality that most people choose to ignore... Ofcourse it's all to easy when speaking for myself. Only bearing in mind my own experiences. That would be just TOO easy. If only it WERE so easy. The simply truth is i don't just base my findings on personal experience, although they make a significant impact ofcourse. The truth is i base my findings on the experiences of many friends and relations. Odly enough most of the straight forward and honest guys i know seem to complain about the same thing. Namely having not so straightforward and honest girlfriends. The term 'selfish' seems to ring a bell in more than one occasion. Ofcourse honesty requires me to come clean here.. I'm a guy. Why do i want a relationship with a girl? Well for selfish reasons ofcourse. So i can be happy, feel loved, have regular sex, have someone to share household tasks with, have someone to have children with. Really it's for selfish reasons. But there is one crucial difference. In all my selfishness it is also my utmost and honest intent to make the woman of my dreams feel the same way and experience the same happyness a straighforward an honest relationship would bring me.... To be honest that doesn't seem to matter... Someone explain to me why it is that a perfectly decent guy, who happens to my friend, can be in a semi steady relationship where the girl enjoys having a flutter with some other guy. Only ofcourse to lateron tell this friend that she is NOT happy with this guy and that she wishes he were more like this friend i have. All in the while KNOWING perfectly well that this friend of mine would like nothing more then to get back together with her. Now what other opinion can he have then 'what is your problem, if i am so great why don't you stick with me???'. Right, i found myself asking the same thing. What could it possibly be??? To be honest i can think of no other reasons than purely and completely shallow ones. Maybe the other guy looks just a tad bit better then my friend in her very personal opinion? Now to be perfectly honest, my friend is anything but ugly so seriously it's not like it would be an issue for any sane thinking human being. You want to hear me speak my mind? It's easy! I think that this girl should thank her lucky stars she even has a shot at a guy like that and the fact that she is throwing it away and even hurting his feelings is completely beyond me. It's not right, it's not fair and it happens way to often... I have looked for explanations. tried to make sence of it. But there is none. The simple facts are that in a country where men outnumber women 5 to 1, women can afford to be picky, mess with peoples feelings, swich boyfriend like socks or underwear. It's all affordable. But is it morally correct? Well that's another question really, one with which i seem to have a huge issue. See i'm not like most of these guys i know. They would end their own lives if only it would get them the one thing they want the most... a women that will spend her life with them. Me on the other hand, I have a somewhat different opinion in this matter. Namely that if a women isn't ready to sacrifice asmuch as me in a relationship well, to bad but my pride simply will not allow me to continue or even begin that relationship in the first place. Nor do i feel it should. Why should i have to give and give and never ask in return?? Because the simple fact that 1 out of 5 guys over here stay single for life and never have sex??? Please, give me a break. If i ever became so shallow i would just have to end myself honestly... Going on pure animalistic instincts... I don't care how horny i get, i would much rather end myself then give into some women's powergame of supply and demand when it comes to sex. It drags intimacy through the mud, it makes a mockery out of romance and it's plain and simply degrading in any aspect you can view it... So yeah there you have it all. The entire content of my silly fubar mind and the worst part of it all is that i don't consider my mind to be screwed up. I think i'm completely right and have enough examples for proof. This is just another example of a case where my instincts have lead me to the simple, hard, unrefined truth as they have done in somany cases before. I don't care how stuck up this may sound but women should only be so lucky to be with a guy like me or any of the affor mentioned friends i've spoken about. Their only fatal flaw is that they seem to ignorent to realize it and rather spend their lives in love/hate relationship for some shallow conviction. Well good luck tbh but i for one am sick of trying so hard to maintain a relationship in which i sacrifice everything that is sacred to me... I am jaded, i am bitter and the worst part of it is that i have every reason to.... Now i'm sure that, uppon reading this last phrase there maybe thoughts like 'people notice this, people know you are bitter or jaded'. Well yeah sure, allow me to be sarcastic, Mr 'sextourist' aka mr. 'playa-playa' is a living testament to that with his unrivaled methods of smooching up girls with his smooth talk and sly smile. A real undeniable proof that women actually see through these kind of disguises....*cough* no offence intended ofcourse, just stating some observed facts... Now all in all i am a realist and i fullwell realize this does not exclusivly apply to women. This applies to people in general who are given unfair ods in any contest (5 to 1 is what i would call seriously unfair ods). Not to mention ofcourse this age old mentallity that men are supposed to take every single step in a relationship going from asking her name for the first time to asking for marriage, doesn't exactly even the ods up. Yes i know this is an old fashion idea but the truth is it's still very alive and active among present day social interactions. So yes i DO very much think this is unfair and i do very much think that if a girl or woman really likes me i deserve to have the honor of being persuid by her. Eventhough this honor, rarely if ever comes my way and most of the time i'm the one making an endless fool out of myself persuing emotionally shallow women (apparantly)... Ofcourse, as i said, this is about women because it is MY case and that of numerous friends and relationtions (don't tell me they are ALL just unlucky...) but the same thing could be said about men in any reverse situation and basically it all comes down to one simply universal truth and that is that most people are good at heart and have the best intentions... Only the way they out those good intentions is most of the time hurtfull or just deadwrong. Lots of points for good will....no points for acting on that good will beyond their own intrests... Now i would like for nothing more than to find a happy, loving woman that is crazy about me. And i would like nothing more than to give her all the best i have to offer. But seriously. How am i supposed to find her in all of this mess and emotional abuse? It's sooooo easy for a woman to seduce a man, it's just silly, how am i supposed to know when i found someone special or just the next thorn in my side? It's a truely exhausting and painfull path and all of this simply because i was born with the desire to raise a family and have a happy relationship. When i look back now i'd much rather would have been born with the desire to become a monk and never have to worry about finding this one needle in a stack of needles and never having to wonder if i have truely found someone special or if it's just my hormones getting the better of me. I realize my posts radiate anger and the reason for that is simply because i AM angry. I'm sick and tired of having friends come to me with their stories of heartbreak and how they can't let go and keep being hurt and how they cannot move on to a new relationship. I'm sick and tired of having people come to me with stories of how they are thinking about ending themselves simply because they are completely miserable in their relationships but for some reason just cannot find that decent, honest person they are looking for and so they settle for what they think is the best they can have... sad! sad! sad! And from my point of view simply depressing. This post may seem like a typical rant about women from a typical woman hater but really whatever you may think. It's not. I don't hate women AT ALL. Infact i think it's fairly safe to say i admire women in alot of ways. It just seems so blatantly obvious to me that finding a decent one is harder then walking a marathon on boiling coal. And ofcourse the exact same might apply to guys. I just can't say anything about that because the guys that come to me with their concerns are all very decent, loving and hardworking blokes and i personally i'm 100% straight so i have not had the honor of persuing men romantically... Although come to think of it that DOES seem somuch easyer and less painfull and this is coming from a 100% straight guy who would barf at the thought of making love to another man. Just to emphasise how gravely i experience the situation... And btw. I would just like to make a little comment on the 'you pushed yourself'. And that is that even if i may have 'allowed' people to push me under and in so doing it was my own fault in allowing this... I will refrain from feeling guilty and sympathetic towards my past 'opressors' since in no way or fashion was it ever proper or morally correct to persuit such courses of action. There is no way picking on people can ever be just or acceptable and it would have been nice if i was actually aided in my personal development instead of set back by ignorent people... And yes i do consider them now to be compleet and utter losers in their own decadent way, so i think i can say with confidence that i couldn't care less about their opinion of me... Infact, silly as it may sound, i think they are now more worried about my opinion of them. Fortunitly i don't concern myself with that anymore so they are getting off easy from my angle...
Tony Posted June 22, 2005 Senior Moderators Posted June 22, 2005 I have always found that women worth having in my life prefer brevity, except in bed.
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