jen1447 Posted April 6, 2016 Posted April 6, 2016 Well, personally I would choose a weekend away with my friends over a coffee date with a stranger (no matter how much I liked him) without hesitation, so I don't think it matters whether he forgot about it or planned it afterward. He doesn't even know OP. The fact that you're hurt by this shows you are already too invested in this guy. Just relax and go with the flow. Stop texting with him so much. It's creating false intimacy for you. If he reschedules, you'll know he's interested. Until then, it's all just noise. Date others and don't worry about it. I suppose it's down to personal values ultimately but I'd find it rude myself. Any plan made with anyone should supersede other prospective plans just as a matter of courtesy. The old "sorry guys, I can't do the weekend bc I'm already committed for a date." If he really really wanted to do the weekend he could ask OP if she'd mind rescheduling, but just telling her he opted to go w/friends instead is rude in my book and good enough reason to forget the guy, bc those traits usually stick. I mean, if I was meeting you - even tho we don't even know each other - and then someone offered me a fun-sounding invite I'd still say no out of courtesy to you. I don't think that's an outlandish value system. Most important tho is what OP feels, and she was apparently somewhat offended.
Author Heloooo Posted April 6, 2016 Author Posted April 6, 2016 If he had plans with friends, fine, no problem! But then why plan and agree to meet with OP during the same time then? I find it extremely difficult to believe he *forgot* about these previous plans. And then not offering an alternative date when cancelling? What does this tell you? Is this how you treat people? Anyone, whether you had met them previously or not. Make plans and then something better comes along so you blow them off? And don't reschedule? Again, 30 minutes! I sure wouldn't, but to each his own I suppose. He didn't know about work but he owns a building company. So he does get called away last minute. The weekend away is a friends birthday which I can see is all over Facebook so it looks like he decided to go last minute. He already rescheduled the date and sent me flowers to my work. So i called him to say thank you for the flowers. He said he knew I was upset by my tone last night, so I explained I thought he was blowing me off. He told me I don't have to worry that he really wants to see me. He did explain about work and I myself always put my job first so I can't be hard on him for that. So this time I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. If I dropped him just because of this I'd better off staying single. I was disappointed but once I slept on it. I was overreacting a bit. 3
katiegrl Posted April 6, 2016 Posted April 6, 2016 (edited) Yes, katie, I make it a practice to treat people like crap, if that's what you're inferring. I guess I'm just more laid back about things like this. It was a first meet for coffee, not even a real date. My guess is he and his friends decided somewhat last minute to go somewhere for the weekend, but obviously I don't know the guy and have no idea. Maybe he's a ditz and forgot his plans. Either way, I would totally understand someone cancelling coffee to go away for the weekend. As for why he didn't immediately reschedule, I don't know the answer to that and neither do you. I don't automatically jump to the worst assumption. Maybe he's traveling for work again the following week and won't be home. I mean, who knows? Time will tell. I stand by my previous advice that she should just go with the flow, text him less, and date others. No worries, if that works for you, fine. As for me, I prefer to weed flakes out early... as I have found if a guy can be this rude early on (as to blow off a FIRST MEET), they are just as likely to be rude later on, once you're actually dating, if it ever gets to that point. Which may be why I have never been faded on, ghosted, or even broken up with for that matter. And yes I have done OLD too, many years ago and felt the same way back then. I choose wisely from the beginning and if that means nexting a guy who blows me off after making a definite plan and especially with no offer to reschedule, then so be it. Works for me! He is not the only fish in the sea. I definitely have other (better) options, for sure! But as another poster said, the OP should do whatever feels right to HER. Edited April 6, 2016 by katiegrl
clia Posted April 6, 2016 Posted April 6, 2016 No worries, if that works for you, fine. As for me, I prefer to weed flakes out early... as I have found if a guy can be this rude early on (as to blow off a FIRST MEET), they are just as likely to be rude later on, once you're actually dating, if it ever gets to that point. Which may be why I have never been faded on, ghosted, or even broken up with for that matter. And yes I have done OLD too, many years ago and felt the same way back then. I choose wisely from the beginning and if that means nexting a guy who blows me off after making a definite plan and especially with no offer to reschedule, then so be it. Works for me! He is not the only fish in the sea. I definitely have other (better) options, for sure! But as another poster said, the OP should do whatever feels right to HER. I don't understand why you have to try to passive aggressively insult me to make your point. I notice you do that a lot to posters -- why? Anyway, OP's recent posts indicate that many of the assumptions you made aren't accurate. 1
katiegrl Posted April 6, 2016 Posted April 6, 2016 (edited) I don't understand why you have to try to passive aggressively insult me to make your point. I notice you do that a lot to posters -- why? Anyway, OP's recent posts indicate that many of the assumptions you made aren't accurate. It was not my intention to "passive-aggressively" do anything other than state my opinion and what works for me. In turn .. I said whatever worked for you was fine too. If you took offense to that, my apologies - again not my intention. Edited April 6, 2016 by katiegrl
Eighty_nine Posted April 6, 2016 Posted April 6, 2016 smudge, I don't neceaasily agree the continued contact means he is definitely keen. Being that be blew her off for a simple coffee this weekend, It means he wants to keep her on backburner. IMO. Why waste time with these flakes? Seriously. There is a whole world out there full of men and women who don't *forget* previous plans, make excuses or otherwise blow people off ...before even meeting! This is a red flag, again before even meeting! Date smart and choose wisely! Move on from peeps like this early on and avoid headaches later. Because it's an hour of her life for coffee and some time texting. Unless people are overly invested super early, it's not like meeting up with people has to be a big deal. I don't like black and white thinking; it can be helpful, but too much of it in life is no good. You don't have to like that he blew you off, but there's no harm meeting up with him. Be aware of any further red flags and if he cancels again or does anything else shady, certainly move on. The key is to take all this early stuff in stride and not get overly attached. As long as you're able to do that, I see no issue with second chances.
katiegrl Posted April 6, 2016 Posted April 6, 2016 (edited) Because it's an hour of her life for coffee and some time texting. Unless people are overly invested super early, it's not like meeting up with people has to be a big deal. I don't like black and white thinking; it can be helpful, but too much of it in life is no good. You don't have to like that he blew you off, but there's no harm meeting up with him. Be aware of any further red flags and if he cancels again or does anything else shady, certainly move on. The key is to take all this early stuff in stride and not get overly attached. As long as you're able to do that, I see no issue with second chances. I don't like black and white thinking either, in fact I am one of the most flexible and easy going people around. Hard to tell on LS sometimes.. lol but I really am. It's just that for me personally (and I realize everyone is different and should do what is right for them), I don't make plans with someone and then flake unless I am sick or a death in the family or something equal to that in severity. I definitely don't make plans and then break those plans when I receive an offer for something more fun or interesting, regardless of whether I have ever met the person.... actually definitely NOT when I have never met the person... because since I have never met them, and hope to meet them and possibly date them... I want to put my best foot forward and make a good impression. It has nothing to do with being invested, but more to do with common courtesy and how I treat people, and in turn, how I expect to be treated. Also and again just my opinion, but when someone one hopes to date tends to flake prior to ever even meeting, once you do meet and date, there is a strong possibility that they will continue to flake (break dates, make excuses, etc.) Sorry, no thanks. So for me, early nexting in situations like this avoids having to deal with any flakiness later. It may sound like a tough stance, but since I am NOT invested, I find this to be best for me. I have learned to trust my intuition in situations like this too.... and in this particular case, the way the OP has described, something isn't jiving. JUST ME. Again, OP and everyone one should do what feels right for them. Edited April 6, 2016 by katiegrl
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