tronprogram Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 I just got out of a two month relationship that I entered pretty quickly (not to mention my first marriage, too). I'm finally realizing how vital it is that I take things slow, so I'm really trying to not get too invested in one person. Of course, as I talk to more people and I talk to them fairly regularly (while clearly stating I'm not interested in being exclusive), I'm having to explain why I go quiet when I'm out on dates with other people. The first time, I just explained to one of them that I fell asleep early. It was fairly airtight. The second time, I just wound up being honest with them and while they didn't want to stop seeing me, they weren't thrilled by it. I don't really want to date that person anyway, but I'd still like to see them. So honesty isn't really the best option, either. I'm not one to lie. I'm too lazy for it, I suck at it, and I just don't like keeping up with all those stories. So how do I manage to not lie but also not show my whole hand? 1
basil67 Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 (edited) I think you're not ready to be dating. Frankly, I really feel sorry for these guys who are making an effort to get to know you while you have no intentions of letting things go further. I hope you're not letting them pay for you. Alternately, BEFORE you accept a date, tell them that you're dating numerous people and are not looking to get into a relationship. If you find the truth too unpalatable, then rethink your actions. Edited April 5, 2016 by basil67 2
insert_name Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 So let me get this straight: you want to know how to keep a harem of orbiters hooked on you until you find somebody better and telling these orbiters the truth about your intentions is not an option? Got it. Stay classy OP! 2
Zippy2000 Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 Stop playing games with people and wasting their time. Its people like you who make us go on forums like this, stop it! 1
lino Posted April 6, 2016 Posted April 6, 2016 The quintessential 21st century woman, who instead of having real hobbies, wastes the time of multiple dudes 'just because' Stop playing games with people and wasting their time. Its people like you who make us go on forums like this, stop it! Exactly.
oldshirt Posted April 6, 2016 Posted April 6, 2016 I just got out of a two month relationship that I entered pretty quickly (not to mention my first marriage, too). I'm finally realizing how vital it is that I take things slow, so I'm really trying to not get too invested in one person. Of course, as I talk to more people and I talk to them fairly regularly (while clearly stating I'm not interested in being exclusive), I'm having to explain why I go quiet when I'm out on dates with other people. The first time, I just explained to one of them that I fell asleep early. It was fairly airtight. The second time, I just wound up being honest with them and while they didn't want to stop seeing me, they weren't thrilled by it. I don't really want to date that person anyway, but I'd still like to see them. So honesty isn't really the best option, either. I'm not one to lie. I'm too lazy for it, I suck at it, and I just don't like keeping up with all those stories. So how do I manage to not lie but also not show my whole hand? Is there any way to rewrite this is a straightforward format that keeps to one idea and makes sense? I'm not sure what you are talking about here. Are you talking about not wanting to commit to dating any one person at this time? Or are you talking about being quite on dates and making up wild stories about falling asleep on dates????? huh????? Then you say that you don't want to date someone yet you say you want to keep seeing them. Huh??????
oldshirt Posted April 6, 2016 Posted April 6, 2016 so while waiting for some clarification, I do want to say that there is nothing wrong with multi dating and it definitely has it's place. It's ok to go out on Sat night dates with people just to get out of the house and do something fun with someone that you would like to spend some time with to get to know them better. That's what dating is. If you want to do a coffee date one afternoon and hit the clubs with someone else the next etc etc that is perfectly ok. It is good to get to know a variety of people and have a variety of different experiences. If you don't want to commit to any kind of exclusivity and want to keep things lighthearted and casual then absolutely do so. There is no reason to lie about it or try to do any cloak and dagger stuff. If someone asks if you are seeing other people, simply state that exclusivity or serious relationship is not really on your radar at this time. If someone does not wish to continue dating you under that circumstance, that is their prerogative and if they wish to opt out of future dates, that is on them.
SugarLips72 Posted April 6, 2016 Posted April 6, 2016 It sounds like you are not ready to date. So why are you? You don't want to become a serial dater. Enjoy being single for a little while.
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