scooby-philly Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 @Chris2016 As part of the "relationship" or what you want to call it, you have every right to find out key information. But we also can't give you complete advice without more information from you. Not only her age but how long you guys have been "dating", how many dates, physical intimacy, # times per week you see each other, how often you communicate, who initiated, how conversation has been going - who initiates, topics, ease of communication. If you can provide more information we can provide more precise guidance. Suffice to say - if you're inexperienced then take what you can get. That doesn't mean you should waste your times or hers, but if you end up with incompatible wants (or goals) and/or don't cross that long-term threshold us the situation to inform how/where you look for people and how you screen. Sounds like if it doesn't work out too you may have to put some more effort into your searching. Again - nothing wrong with going with the flow, but you can ask where things are going and you can also alternate what you do on your dates to see things/her in a different light. Do you always plan them - let her take the lead, you guys always get food and/or drinks/coffee? Then go to a museum, go hiking together, etc. Just be yourself and ask!!!!!
AMJ Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 You should probably find out the basics first- like how old she is- before you start talking about having children. How many times have you been out? You should take it easy and just have fun for now. Talking about a serious relationship too early isn't a good idea.
Author Chris2016 Posted April 5, 2016 Author Posted April 5, 2016 (edited) We've been out twice. Next will be at her place, she's cooking. It's been once a week. No kiss, hug, or hand hold yet. In person conversations have been fine. We text mostly but hardly talk on the phone. I'd rather meet and talk with her in person. Edited April 5, 2016 by Chris2016
Author Chris2016 Posted April 5, 2016 Author Posted April 5, 2016 I just straight up ask her these things? "have a conversation on where she is at in her life, is she recently single, is she looking to settle down, where she sees herself in a couple of years." How do I find out or ask her age? Guys aren't supposed to ask that? Maybe when she goes to the bathroom I can dig around her purse, lol. Yeah, part of me wants to take it easy and have fun, for now. Enjoy and live in the moment.
Versacehottie Posted April 6, 2016 Posted April 6, 2016 hmmm, well I like when guys just roll with it and have fun. HOWEVER, if you ask her those "where do you see your life going questions" directly, I think it's a clear indicator from you to her that YOU are serious (serious about her too) about a relationship. I can't really advise on what to do. I think it's important to gauge each other's personalities in order to decide how to approach it. But there certainly is nothing wrong with it. The point is that you want to know. I think it's good info to know. There are several ways to get it. Directly with direct questions OR a bit more indirectly over sharing time together, stories and linking those experiences back to stuff you want in your life comments and other things about lifestyle. I don't think there is a wrong way to go about it--just a way that is more you/more her. Good luck
AMJ Posted April 6, 2016 Posted April 6, 2016 We've been out twice. Next will be at her place, she's cooking. It's been once a week. No kiss, hug, or hand hold yet. In person conversations have been fine. We text mostly but hardly talk on the phone. I'd rather meet and talk with her in person. I just straight up ask her these things? "have a conversation on where she is at in her life, is she recently single, is she looking to settle down, where she sees herself in a couple of years." How do I find out or ask her age? Guys aren't supposed to ask that? Maybe when she goes to the bathroom I can dig around her purse, lol. Yeah, part of me wants to take it easy and have fun, for now. Enjoy and live in the moment. You can find out all this information in a very low-key way, if you want. If you just start asking her questions about her life, you can figure out her age. You've been out with her a few times, so you must have a ballpark idea about her age, right? Would you guess 25-30, 30-35, or older? For example, asking where she went to college, or what she did after college, how long she's been at her current job or where she worked before that, how long she's lived in your city, etc., will usually get someone talking and telling their story. You don't have to blurt out- how old are you? Although done correctly that's not necessarily an offensive question. Once I asked a guy, "How old are you?" and he told me, then said "Um..how young are you?" and then we laughed because we both thought the gap was bigger than it actually was. Once you start that conversation, it's a bit easier to find out where she sees herself relationship-wise. And when you're asking broader questions about her history, you look like you genuinely want to get to know her, instead of asking very direct survey-like questions. Anyway just relax! Get to know her better. And try to kiss her or hold her hand or something.
Author Chris2016 Posted April 11, 2016 Author Posted April 11, 2016 hmmm, well I like when guys just roll with it and have fun. HOWEVER, if you ask her those "where do you see your life going questions" directly, I think it's a clear indicator from you to her that YOU are serious (serious about her too) about a relationship. I can't really advise on what to do. I think it's important to gauge each other's personalities in order to decide how to approach it. But there certainly is nothing wrong with it. The point is that you want to know. I think it's good info to know. There are several ways to get it. Directly with direct questions OR a bit more indirectly over sharing time together, stories and linking those experiences back to stuff you want in your life comments and other things about lifestyle. I don't think there is a wrong way to go about it--just a way that is more you/more her. Good luck You can find out all this information in a very low-key way, if you want. If you just start asking her questions about her life, you can figure out her age. You've been out with her a few times, so you must have a ballpark idea about her age, right? Would you guess 25-30, 30-35, or older? For example, asking where she went to college, or what she did after college, how long she's been at her current job or where she worked before that, how long she's lived in your city, etc., will usually get someone talking and telling their story. You don't have to blurt out- how old are you? Although done correctly that's not necessarily an offensive question. Once I asked a guy, "How old are you?" and he told me, then said "Um..how young are you?" and then we laughed because we both thought the gap was bigger than it actually was. Once you start that conversation, it's a bit easier to find out where she sees herself relationship-wise. And when you're asking broader questions about her history, you look like you genuinely want to get to know her, instead of asking very direct survey-like questions. Anyway just relax! Get to know her better. And try to kiss her or hold her hand or something. Thanks all for your advice. I like your ideas of indirectly finding out things. As it turns out, she had questions she wanted to ask. So she pretty much asked them, which got me to do the same. Questions like, how old are you; have you been married; do you want children; etc. Communicating/discussing those things weren't as difficult as I thought it would be. And they were things that needed to be discussed, to see where we were going. She mention not being able to have children. She later asked if I wanted children, to which I said yes. Unfortunately we're not compatible in this area. It was a great date. Our conversations are easy. I learned a little more about her, and her a little more about me.
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