Chris2016 Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 I haven't dated in a long time. Many things circling in my head, not sure why or if it's even important. I'm okay with learning, trial and error. First date scheduled next week. Should her and I be talking/texting til then? I suggested an upscale place. My friends been there. I've always wanted to try it. I don't want to go there alone. So that's the first thing that popped in my head--plus I'll have company. But now I'm having second thoughts. Maybe coffee date isn't such a bad idea; cause this can get crazy expensive. Should I text the day before or several hours ahead, to confirm? Of course if she flakes I'll have nothing to worry about anymore, lol.
itstoni Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 NO, Do NOT text. Don't ever use texting to get to know the girl. Texting is only for setting up dates nothing more. I won't go into detail why Keep the first date SHORT. 1-2 hours tops. Keep the date simple and fun. In other words, ACTION date. Ex. any sport, hiking, bowling, etc. Coffe date is good to, but an action date will work better in your favor. Again, No, Don't text her before the date. You already made plans, Texting her to confirm only shows insecurity.
louxor Posted March 27, 2016 Posted March 27, 2016 I haven't dated in a long time. Many things circling in my head, not sure why or if it's even important. I'm okay with learning, trial and error. First date scheduled next week. Should her and I be talking/texting til then? I suggested an upscale place. My friends been there. I've always wanted to try it. I don't want to go there alone. So that's the first thing that popped in my head--plus I'll have company. But now I'm having second thoughts. Maybe coffee date isn't such a bad idea; cause this can get crazy expensive. Should I text the day before or several hours ahead, to confirm? Of course if she flakes I'll have nothing to worry about anymore, lol. If you've already set the date, time and place with her then there's no reason to text between now and the date. Not texting will build the anticipation plus you'll have more to talk about because you haven't been texting all day leading up. Also, I wouldn't send a text to confirm (unless you haven't set all the specific details yet), because to me, that just kind of comes off as a show of low self-confidence, because even though they have agreed to meet up, you are still unsure of yourself and thus need that extra confirmation. In regards to where you go, that doesn't really matter. As long as it's an environment where you are both comfortable and can have good conversation then location does not matter (but avoid loud noise venues). The place you meet is more of just a means of bringing you together, rather than a make or break as to whether the date will be good or not. One of the best dates I've ever been on was when I got fish and chips with a girl down on the beach and we just sat on a bench and talked for hours. Another tip I can give you is to try and have a few other places up your sleeve where you can move on to after if the date is going well and you wish to continue on elsewhere. For example, for a first date I usually get the girl to meet up with me for a few drinks at one of a few bars that I like going to. If the date is going well, I know there are places we can move on to after to keep the date moving and exciting. Last week I met up with a girl for drinks at one of these bars and by the end of the night we had been to about 4 different places (drinks, pancakes, bowling & dancing) - It was so much fun. I think the biggest thing that will help is to try and look at this date as not so much a date, but a fun time where you'll get to know if this woman is worthy of your time (and money). If you remove the pressure of the title of a 'date', it may help you to feel more comfortable! Good luck! 1
Author Chris2016 Posted March 28, 2016 Author Posted March 28, 2016 NO, Do NOT text. Don't ever use texting to get to know the girl. Texting is only for setting up dates nothing more. I won't go into detail why Keep the first date SHORT. 1-2 hours tops. Keep the date simple and fun. In other words, ACTION date. Ex. any sport, hiking, bowling, etc. Coffe date is good to, but an action date will work better in your favor. Again, No, Don't text her before the date. You already made plans, Texting her to confirm only shows insecurity. Yeah action dates can be good. Had a date on a rocky beach once. Unbeknownst to me that allowed me to break the touch barrier, naturally. I offered my hand for balance. Why not confirm the date? I hear that on LS, regarding people who got flaked on. You should have confirmed the date.
Author Chris2016 Posted March 28, 2016 Author Posted March 28, 2016 Another tip I can give you is to try and have a few other places up your sleeve where you can move on to after if the date is going well and you wish to continue on elsewhere. For example, for a first date I usually get the girl to meet up with me for a few drinks at one of a few bars that I like going to. If the date is going well, I know there are places we can move on to after to keep the date moving and exciting. Last week I met up with a girl for drinks at one of these bars and by the end of the night we had been to about 4 different places (drinks, pancakes, bowling & dancing) - It was so much fun. I think the biggest thing that will help is to try and look at this date as not so much a date, but a fun time where you'll get to know if this woman is worthy of your time (and money). If you remove the pressure of the title of a 'date', it may help you to feel more comfortable! Good luck! We're meeting at a restaurant. Work next day so we probably wont stay up too long. I don't mind staying up, just not for a first date I guess. Yeah well see what happens. I hope the date goes well. If not, at least I can finally say I've tried this restaurant. 1
Author Chris2016 Posted March 28, 2016 Author Posted March 28, 2016 We've only been communicating via a mobile app. She gave me her number, said if I'd rather call or text. I haven't responded. Not sure why I'm postponing. Thoughts?
itstoni Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 Why not confirm the date? I hear that on LS, regarding people who got flaked on. You should have confirmed the date. Every girl is different, so there is no real answer. From research and personal experience I discovered that it shows neediness. It shows you have nothing better to do. It shows that you're worried about her forgetting. If you feel like you should text her to confirm do it in a neutral way. Example, "You should wear something that you're okay getting sweaty in" Assuming that activity you did caused it. She will most likely respond better to this text instead of getting a one word "yeah" or worse, no reply - flake. A text like this confirms a date for both parties and best of all, it doesn't show neediness. We're meeting at a restaurant. Work next day so we probably wont stay up too long. I don't mind staying up, just not for a first date I guess. Yeah well see what happens. I hope the date goes well. If not, at least I can finally say I've tried this restaurant. Goodluck;)
hippychick3 Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 Um, I'll have to disagree with previous posters. If the date was made several days in advance, I would greatly appreciate a confirmation text. That would not make a guy appear needy or insecure AT ALL. It would be polite and decent to text or call between the set up of the date and the actual date. I, personally, preferred to be texted before the date. I'm not a phone person and really don't like talking to strangers on the phone if it can be avoided. 4
AMJ Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 Every girl is different, so there is no real answer. From research and personal experience I discovered that it shows neediness. It shows you have nothing better to do. It shows that you're worried about her forgetting. If you feel like you should text her to confirm do it in a neutral way. Example, "You should wear something that you're okay getting sweaty in" Assuming that activity you did caused it. LOL. Do not say this! Women don't want to get sweaty on first dates. And we don't really want you to tell us what to wear, either. It looks a tad insecure if a guy is regularly checking in to make sure you don't flake on him, yes. But it's also nice to know a person is thinking about you and excited to meet you. It's a fine line, so I can see why you're asking this question. And it's true, all women will have different preferences. I think it's safe to say no one wants you to be overly text-happy before the first date. A while ago a guy texted me selfies while he was driving to meet me for our first date. It was kinda cute how he felt comfortable to tell me that he was nervous....but...also it was just too much. When is your date? Text her tomorrow to say hey, how was your weekend? Looking forward to ____ (whatever day the date is). Keep it simple, and leave it alone after she responds.
itstoni Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 LOL. Do not say this! Women don't want to get sweaty on first dates. And we don't really want you to tell us what to wear, either. It looks a tad insecure if a guy is regularly checking in to make sure you don't flake on him, yes. But it's also nice to know a person is thinking about you and excited to meet you. You took what I said out of context. I never told him to say that - it's an example of a neutral way of confirming a date while showing confidence. He will find his own example for his own date. A real man won't tell you want to wear, because he won't care. He's in it for her not for her outfit. He will merely go with it and love it. I disagree, last 12 dates were all action dates. all loved it, and wanted more. You'd agree with me if you'd experienced it yourself.
Popsicle Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 Go ahead and text her to chat. I don't understand why people act so weird about texting (or even calling for that mater). You have a date set up. That's the most important thing. 2
planb1973 Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 Coffee dates are weird and "company" on a date is a NO. The place does not matter, but keep it light. Ask questions, listen to what she says, and make eye contact. A couple good laughs, an innocent touch or two, followed by a "I had a great time lets do this again." and she will be begging for a second date (but she will never let you know) 1
SunnyWeather Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 meh, a drink for a first meet up (as in never met before, OLD) works best for me. and, if the date was made 5 days to a week or so in advance, I like a quick confirmation text the day before. maybe it's a generational thing, but an action date would be a turn off for me if suggested for a first date/meet up. maybe the 2nd or 3rd date would be more appropriate for that
Versacehottie Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 NO, Do NOT text. Don't ever use texting to get to know the girl. Texting is only for setting up dates nothing more. I won't go into detail why Keep the first date SHORT. 1-2 hours tops. Keep the date simple and fun. In other words, ACTION date. Ex. any sport, hiking, bowling, etc. Coffe date is good to, but an action date will work better in your favor. Again, No, Don't text her before the date. You already made plans, Texting her to confirm only shows insecurity. I pretty much agree with this, especially the type of date. Open about the length. If it's going well, I would just roll with it (keeping things in perspective). Action dates are best. "Doing" something. The fact that it's different than a coffee date will be transferred to how she perceives you. Also it's a fact that if the heart rate goes up, ie like a hike or sporting type thing, it is also transferred to the person and raises the interest level. I think coffee dates are uninspired and personally would view a guy as kind of lame if that what he suggested. I do realize it's the norm--it's just that you can do better, no? Plus if you've already suggested an upscale place and than scale it back to coffee THAT is no bueno! Only way you can scale back efficiently now (assuming you've told her about the upscale place) is pick up on something she mentioned liking (the outdoors, nice day for a hike) or an event that came up that you think would be fun to see/do. Otherwise any plan switch should be equal in nature of the first suggestion or she will think you are phoning it in. I kinda agree with the texting thing--though not as strictly. I think you can text her once mid-way through week's time before you meet IF you have something to say. Keeps momentum going. But if it's an insecure or boring check-in, forget it, ie have something flirty or funny etc to say or reason to be in touch. So only part I really disagree with (and I know most will not agree) is that a coffee date is not "good". It's lackluster, bad environment to be flirty and feels like an interview. Not to mention others are sitting 2 inches from you where it is not so noisy. If you want to dial it down, I think drinks are better. But like I said if you've already told her about the upscale place plans, it's kinda rude to "dial it down". Maybe drinks at the upscale place? Point is that it's about the environment. It can be a little over the top to go to an upscale (like a quiet, overly formal or foodie) place for a first date. But thinking if that was some place you wanted to try already, maybe it makes sense to find out if she has similar tastes in activities or can roll with it. If you are doing it to impress primarily that's not the best choice because it will come off awkward. Good luck 1
Author Chris2016 Posted March 28, 2016 Author Posted March 28, 2016 Every girl is different, so there is no real answer. From research and personal experience I discovered that it shows neediness. It shows you have nothing better to do. It shows that you're worried about her forgetting. If you feel like you should text her to confirm do it in a neutral way. Example, "You should wear something that you're okay getting sweaty in" Assuming that activity you did caused it. She will most likely respond better to this text instead of getting a one word "yeah" or worse, no reply - flake. A text like this confirms a date for both parties and best of all, it doesn't show neediness. Goodluck;) Good idea. An indirect way of confirming a date.
AMJ Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 I disagree, last 12 dates were all action dates. all loved it, and wanted more. You'd agree with me if you'd experienced it yourself. OP is saying he's a bit inexperienced in dating, so I think it's best for him to keep it simple in terms of dating activities. Just my two cents.
Author Chris2016 Posted March 28, 2016 Author Posted March 28, 2016 When is your date? Text her tomorrow to say hey, how was your weekend? Looking forward to ____ (whatever day the date is). Keep it simple, and leave it alone after she responds. Date is tomorrow. I'll do this, and txt her later today. I haven't text or called her over the weekend. I hope she doesnt think I'm ignoring her. I guess I'm just not sure what to make of all this, with a new person. I'll let her know I don't mean to ignore.
AMJ Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 Date is tomorrow. I'll do this, and txt her later today. I haven't text or called her over the weekend. I hope she doesnt think I'm ignoring her. I guess I'm just not sure what to make of all this, with a new person. I'll let her know I don't mean to ignore. If she's a secure person, she won't have any expectations from you yet. You guys haven't even met in person, so she shouldn't expect you to do anything at this point. I think it's best to assume best-case scenarios, so let's assume she's a secure person, which means she doesn't think you're ignoring her. I'm just saying, it's okay to show interest as a way to reconfirm your date without also appearing insecure. Which means, yes it's okay to send the casual "how was your weekend" text.
Author Chris2016 Posted March 28, 2016 Author Posted March 28, 2016 If she's a secure person, she won't have any expectations from you yet. You guys haven't even met in person, so she shouldn't expect you to do anything at this point. I think it's best to assume best-case scenarios, so let's assume she's a secure person, which means she doesn't think you're ignoring her. I'm just saying, it's okay to show interest as a way to reconfirm your date without also appearing insecure. Which means, yes it's okay to send the casual "how was your weekend" text. We actually already met in person at an event. I thought she was cute and had a nice personality so I reached out to her through the event's mobile app. Yeah I want to show that I'm interested but not needy/insecure.
Lady2163 Posted March 28, 2016 Posted March 28, 2016 Date is tomorrow? I don't see anything wrong with sending her a confirmation text and maybe even saying, "looking forward to supper!"
Author Chris2016 Posted March 29, 2016 Author Posted March 29, 2016 Coffee dates are weird and "company" on a date is a NO. The place does not matter, but keep it light. Ask questions, listen to what she says, and make eye contact. A couple good laughs, an innocent touch or two, followed by a "I had a great time lets do this again." and she will be begging for a second date (but she will never let you know) I meant "company" as in she'll be my company. There will not be a third person.
Author Chris2016 Posted March 29, 2016 Author Posted March 29, 2016 i.e., have something flirty or funny etc to say or reason to be in touch. But like I said if you've already told her about the upscale place plans, it's kinda rude to "dial it down". Maybe drinks at the upscale place? Point is that it's about the environment. It can be a little over the top to go to an upscale (like a quiet, overly formal or foodie) place for a first date. But thinking if that was some place you wanted to try already, maybe it makes sense to find out if she has similar tastes in activities or can roll with it. If you are doing it to impress primarily that's not the best choice because it will come off awkward. Good luck I'll keep the follow up light, add something funny, and not be a boring check-in. She has similar taste. It's a place I already wanted to try.
scorpiogirl Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 Good luck. And good for you for taking the leap. I hope the date goes well.
Author Chris2016 Posted April 5, 2016 Author Posted April 5, 2016 I met her IRL. Thought she was cute and I liked her personality. But I'm not sure where we're going with our dates. I enjoy her company, and she appears to like mine. But it feels like we're just going through the motions, if that makes any sense. I'm an inexperienced dater. When would it be okay to ask her about her long term goals and future plans? I hope to have children someday. I'm currently 40. I don't know how old she is. Maybe I'm over thinking and should just go with it, given my inexperience.
Gaeta Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 I met her IRL. Thought she was cute and I liked her personality. But I'm not sure where we're going with our dates. I enjoy her company, and she appears to like mine. But it feels like we're just going through the motions, if that makes any sense. I'm an inexperienced dater. When would it be okay to ask her about her long term goals and future plans? I hope to have children someday. I'm currently 40. I don't know how old she is. Maybe I'm over thinking and should just go with it, given my inexperience. Going with it will only bring you disappointment. You don't need to ask her what she wants 'with you' but definitely have a conversation on where she is at in her life, is she recently single, is she looking to settle down, where she sees herself in a couple of years.
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