Lovingperson Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 Long story short I was in a LTR and about a couple of months ago got broken up with on the account that I started to lose feelings for her for the second time and took her for granted. I ignored her for friends sometimes and kind of blew off her emotions, but other than that I was a great boyfriend and she loved me very much. I realize now how much I love her and how stupid I was. I've been going to therapy and making improvements in my life and I feel I could really make her happy and work things out if she would just give me another chance. When she broke up with me she said she wanted to be friends and I agreed. She also stated later on that she loved me (not in a romantic way) and that she cared for me very much and wants to be friends for life. Recently I met up with her to tell her how I felt and asked if we could take it slow and get back together. She said she doesn't want a boyfriend right now, she lost the connection with me and that I should be with someone else and that getting back with me would be taking 10 steps backwards. She said she needs to be with someone who is calmer. I told her if thats the case than I don't think I can be friends with her and will be completely out of her life forever. She cried then got mad, called me selfish for trying to force her back this way, so I ended up agreeing to stay friends. Now I know going NC is for me to heal and get over her, but I've been reading and people have been telling me that going NC with her could push her further away since I've been neglectful in the past and showed her I really didn't care, so staying friends and showering her I'm improving, showing her a good time, flirting with her could re-attract her over time. I really don't know what to do. I love this girl so much and want to give her what she always wanted, a ring and kids, but now she says doesn't want that. I don't want to lose her. I want her back. What should I do?
Michaelroyale Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 Hi Bro I'm so sorry for you but I hope I can send a little advice for you..sometimes you only realised what you had when it's no longer there relationship's are complicated and never always easy...at the moment she's lost the deep attraction and romantic love for you..She loves you but not in love with you...now this is the important part..its possible to get it back and also possible to totally screw it up by what you do next...do not and I repeat DO NOT chase her.. plead how much you love her..text or phone her a hundred times or anything that makes you look weak or needy NO NO NO...grow a big pair of man balls and be a strong and confident man...walk away and continue with no contact give her time to sort her feelings out do the opposite of what you feel it's hard I know..but she will respect you and this is your only real option..she needs to want to come back to you..if you chase her she will run let time be your friend and give her space...be strong and work on yourself and become the best you can be and things will change for you....best of luck....mike
drewbee30 Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 Long story short I was in a LTR and about a couple of months ago got broken up with on the account that I started to lose feelings for her for the second time and took her for granted. I ignored her for friends sometimes and kind of blew off her emotions, but other than that I was a great boyfriend and she loved me very much. I realize now how much I love her and how stupid I was. I've been going to therapy and making improvements in my life and I feel I could really make her happy and work things out if she would just give me another chance. When she broke up with me she said she wanted to be friends and I agreed. She also stated later on that she loved me (not in a romantic way) and that she cared for me very much and wants to be friends for life. Recently I met up with her to tell her how I felt and asked if we could take it slow and get back together. She said she doesn't want a boyfriend right now, she lost the connection with me and that I should be with someone else and that getting back with me would be taking 10 steps backwards. She said she needs to be with someone who is calmer. I told her if thats the case than I don't think I can be friends with her and will be completely out of her life forever. She cried then got mad, called me selfish for trying to force her back this way, so I ended up agreeing to stay friends. Now I know going NC is for me to heal and get over her, but I've been reading and people have been telling me that going NC with her could push her further away since I've been neglectful in the past and showed her I really didn't care, so staying friends and showering her I'm improving, showing her a good time, flirting with her could re-attract her over time. I really don't know what to do. I love this girl so much and want to give her what she always wanted, a ring and kids, but now she says doesn't want that. I don't want to lose her. I want her back. What should I do? Hang in there man it's tough. I'm about 9 weeks out of. 10 year relationship. The last 2 being a complete turdfest! I'm approaching day 30 of NC, and little by little it's getting easier. In fact out of the past 9 weeks I've went 21 and 9 days of NC as well. Looking back now, I would've went NC the day after the breakup. Our main issue was lack of communication. About a week after the breakup I felt the need to pour my heart out to her, and I did. Since we lacked the communication I fealt the need to. After 21 days of NC I reached out again to her. We met up chatted and I apologized for my end of things for the relationship failing. We went 9 days of NC till she reached out to me and I said enough is enough, Here I am almost 30 days later in a better place. It still hurts and in fact I spent the last 2 and 1/2 days balling my eyes out, but I think that's the best thing that has happened to me. Have I turned a corner? Hopefully! They dumped us, they are the ones that need to chase us down now. Don't hope/wait for it. Work on yourself and everything else will fall in place. If she happens to come back, than you have regained all the power. If not than as long as you make an effort to WORK from the inside out on yourself, you won't look back! Just my thoughts!
LD1990 Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 Long story short I was in a LTR and about a couple of months ago got broken up with on the account that I started to lose feelings for her for the second time and took her for granted. I ignored her for friends sometimes and kind of blew off her emotions, but other than that I was a great boyfriend and she loved me very much. Other than that you were great? Ignoring her for friends and blowing off her emotions are both a big deal. And this is the second time you lost feelings for her? Why exactly would time three be any different? Almost every time when you suddenly realize how much someone means to you, it's not actually a realization, it's that you want what you can't have anymore. Getting her back is only gonna lead to the same pattern. You have her, realize she's not actually that important to you, break up, and then all of a sudden now that you don't have her you want her again. You should save yourself and her the trouble and move on. Go NC. It sounds like she has checked out anyway. Loving you, but not in a romantic way, and she wants to be friends for life? Those are both pretty much the kiss of death when it comes to relationships. 1
smudge21 Posted April 14, 2016 Posted April 14, 2016 You don't want to be friends though. Friends means no romantic connection. It also means being happy when you meet her new boyfriend and sending her happy wishes when she falls pregnant or gets married. There's no way anyone can do that when they have feelings for another. Walk away and stay NC. She's said her peace, as have you. Now treat her with respect and go work on yourself. You had two chances but when you were with her, you pushed her away. Like others have said, this could easily be a case of you wanting what you can't have. We often only realise what we have after it's gone, but sometimes by then it's too late to get it back. Do what is best for you and her.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 14, 2016 Posted April 14, 2016 ]Other than that you were great? Ignoring her for friends and blowing off her emotions are both a big deal. And this is the second time you lost feelings for her? Why exactly would time three be any different? [/b] Almost every time when you suddenly realize how much someone means to you, it's not actually a realization, it's that you want what you can't have anymore. Getting her back is only gonna lead to the same pattern. You have her, realize she's not actually that important to you, break up, and then all of a sudden now that you don't have her you want her again. You should save yourself and her the trouble and move on. Go NC. It sounds like she has checked out anyway. Loving you, but not in a romantic way, and she wants to be friends for life? Those are both pretty much the kiss of death when it comes to relationships. All of this. OP, I don't think you understand the gravity of the harm done by ignoring her feelings or blowing her off for friends. I've been in her shoes and it's awful. I too lost feelings for the man who did that to me, and would never have trusted him with my heart again. Once that ship has sailed, it very rarely ever comes back. Sorry, but I think this chapter has closed. Go No Contact. Don't try to be her friend. Think of how hurt you'll be when she tells you she's seeing someone else, which will eventually happen. If she wants to be in touch, she knows where to find you.
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