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He Got Busted...

Tressugar

By Tressugar
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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted

However, I also have a friend who met her husband online and his profile was still up a year after they met (I think he had forgotten about it). They have been married 5 years and have two small kids and he is faithful as far as I know. So there are exceptions. But I think the rule is if a guy told you he deleted his profile and it's in fact still up, that's a bad sign.

 

It's easy to know if a profile is active or not. And yes, the nail in the coffin here is that he told her he had deleted them

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CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

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OP, How *long* have you two been dating?

 

That may have some bearing on this....

Maxtor Established Member

Maxtor

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OP ,

 

I am not here to critisize you .

 

I am not here to give you the wrong advise .

 

all what I am saying that we men do silly things !

 

if you want to succeed in a relationship , the ground should be solid .

 

when you said agreed about exclusivety ; he could say 100 excuses if the definition is broad .

he might tell you , well , I am not sleeping with anyone else...

 

you are both young too if i am not mistaken , right ?

 

at the same time you don't want to put him in a jar right ?

 

define for him the territory , don't assume he knows it .

 

Im sorry, what?

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kismetkismet Established Member

kismetkismet

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If he told you explicitly that he deleted tinder then that's even worse than if it were accidentally there.. particularly if he receives notifications from it, because then he couldn't just forget that it's there buried in his apps. And very rarely do people get new matches after they haven't been using the app for a while.. at least from my understanding of how it works. How long have you been exclusive?

 

Also, deleting all of your text messages is really shady behaviour, even if he deletes yours too, what is the reasoning behind that?

 

I think it's good of you not to bother playing detective, if you trust him so little that you feel the need to do that then the relationship is seriously flawed to begin with.

 

I would definitely bail, whether or not he's physically cheated or not, he's already blatantly lied to your face and participated in other shady behaviour.. how will you trust him after that?

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salparadise Established Member

salparadise

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We are talking online dating here and human nature. Human nature that I observed for the 4 years I was online. 4 Years observing my male friends doing online dating. 4 years of being their confident while they were looking for 'the one'. Even my male friends that are the most commitment phobe, that have spent years on Tinder and POF, once they found a woman that knocked their socks off they deleted their profile.

 

You've been on here long enough, you've read enough similar stories on here to know I am right. All of those threads about <my boyfriend has a profile> don't have happy endings.

 

Yes, I know it doesn't bode well for her. But a) it seemed like they hadn't been together very long, and b) while I do see it as a big red flag, in and of itself it's not cheating and I'd hate to see her ditch the guy if it can be corrected they can move forward. I did say that she'd be justified based on disingenuous behavior if that's what she concludes this is. I just don't believe in catastrophizing - turning it into something it's not. Her choice.

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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Yes, I know it doesn't bode well for her. But a) it seemed like they hadn't been together very long, and b) while I do see it as a big red flag, in and of itself it's not cheating and I'd hate to see her ditch the guy if it can be corrected they can move forward. I did say that she'd be justified based on disingenuous behavior if that's what she concludes this is. I just don't believe in catastrophizing - turning it into something it's not. Her choice.

 

OK so from a guy point of view, why is he deleting all his texts, the OPs included?

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salparadise Established Member

salparadise

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OK so from a guy point of view, why is he deleting all his texts, the OPs included?

 

Hell, I don't know. Maybe he is guilty as you presume. I wasn't addressing the deleting of texts, just the online presence.

 

If he is doing all of the stuff y'all are assuming he is, and he doesn't have sense enough to turn off notifications and enable password protection then she should probably dump him for lack of intelligence.

 

I'm not taking a stand on this hill.

Jejangles Established Member

Jejangles

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OK so from a guy point of view, why is he deleting all his texts, the OPs included?

 

I don't want to defend this guy, because I think he's questionable, but I have recently started deleting texts to free up storage space. I am only now realising it could look shady. My friends and I share a lot of images and they take up space on my phone... So unless I know there's something I want to keep, I delete!

 

I think the bigger issue is he is receiving alerts from a dating site. Why would he then not delete his account? Once my guy and I were official, I immediately deleted my accounts, I had no interest in receiving anything more about online dating. If I ever feel the desire to go online again, I would seriously question the relationship I'm in.

Toodaloo Established Member

Toodaloo

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I only delete texts from guys I am never going to speak to again. I have conversations going back for years!

 

Perhaps I should delete a load but keeping them has come in handy when someone has said hey can you remember ages ago such and such there was a number... hang on I will look back and get it for you!

 

Old Skool I know to keep everything... at work we still have a copy of the FT that was used to work out a quote... every note is kept... It does come in handy.

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Lovelorn00 Established Member

Lovelorn00

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I might have totally missed this (apologies if I did) - OP, did you actually confront him about this? Or did you just leave the house? I'm curious to know his reaction.

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Tressugar Established Member

Tressugar

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Carrie,

 

I've know him since the end of January and dated him one month a week before we decided to made it exclusive.

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Tressugar Established Member

Tressugar

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Love,

 

I informed him that he just received a message from timder and asked him if he's still on tinder. He told me yes and then that's when I said I thought you said that you deleted your account. He said that he never said that in fact he said he's also on pof.

 

And he said yes we are exclusive and he doesn't check or looking actively online.

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Tressugar Established Member

Tressugar

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Well just as he deleted my texts, I deleted his contact information and text messages.

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Love,

 

I informed him that he just received a message from timder and asked him if he's still on tinder. He told me yes and then that's when I said I thought you said that you deleted your account. He said that he never said that in fact he said he's also on pof.

 

And he said yes we are exclusive and he doesn't check or looking actively online.

 

I will refrain from calling him names, don't want to be reported for improper language.

 

Please delete and move on.

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Jejangles Established Member

Jejangles

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Love,

 

I informed him that he just received a message from timder and asked him if he's still on tinder. He told me yes and then that's when I said I thought you said that you deleted your account. He said that he never said that in fact he said he's also on pof.

 

And he said yes we are exclusive and he doesn't check or looking actively online.

 

This is confusing. Which website did he tell you he was off in the first place? And did you ask why he was still on the sites if he was exclusive with you?

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CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

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Carrie,

 

I've know him since the end of January and dated him one month a week before we decided to made it exclusive.

 

Okay - less than six weeks.... Honestly, a bit too soon to "made it exclusive," isn't it? You barely know him but as I see you have made the decision to move on, learn the lesson from next time that you might want to take a little more time and have clearer lines of communication about these issues.

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Okay - less than six weeks.... Honestly, a bit too soon to "made it exclusive," isn't it? You barely know him but as I see you have made the decision to move on, learn the lesson from next time that you might want to take a little more time and have clearer lines of communication about these issues.

 

No it's not. It's not a marriage or an engagement. It's just an agreement to concentrate on each other and delete profile. Most couples talk exclusivity after 1 month or so or 4-5 dates.

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Jethro Established Member

Jethro

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Agreed. I wouldn't have deleted my dating site info either. 6 weeks is still infancy.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Agreed. I wouldn't have deleted my dating site info either. 6 weeks is still infancy.

 

Then don't say you'll delete your profile when you have no intention of doing it.

 

If you believe in multi dating for months say so.

 

This guy mislead OP. He lied and mislead her.

 

Now he's telling her to her face that he's on POF and tinder. What a cheap little twit.

  • Like 3
Jejangles Established Member

Jejangles

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No it's not. It's not a marriage or an engagement. It's just an agreement to concentrate on each other and delete profile. Most couples talk exclusivity after 1 month or so or 4-5 dates.

 

Agreed. My boyfriend and I became exclusive when things moved ahead physically (around a month or 5 or 6 dates) then both deleted our profiles a couple of weeks later, definitely before 2 months. A guy I dated last summer who was also interested in a relationship actually followed the exact same timeline - at a month he brought up us being exclusive and taking down profiles (I ended things at that point because I saw too many incompatibilities).

 

It takes seconds to set a Tinder profile back up. Yes, you lose your matches when you delete, but so what? If you are exclusively interested in the person you're dating, you don't need those matches. I'm a multi dater in the early days but if you're still keeping your options open after a couple of months, you have to think you're not feeling that into the person in front of you.

 

I say this as someone who dated a guy for 3 months who never took down his profile and when I finally asked said he wanted to keep things casual. Interested people act interested, which includes removing the profile.

Edited by Jejangles
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elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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If you are going to be sleeping with someone you do not really want to be sleeping with a tribe, hence you need to establish exclusivity. Depending on the participants it can be after 6 hours or after 6 months. It is never too early. As Gaeta says " It's not a marriage or an engagement."

 

If he told her he deleted the app and he hasn't, then he lied to her face. What basis for a relationship is that?

He didn't lie about taking the garbage out when he forgot, or he ate three cookies instead of one, he lied about something that is core to their relationship.

(He is now saying he never told her he had deleted it and has admitted to being on two sites, not just the one...a mistake???)

 

Seems when found out the best practice is to "Deny, deny, deny..."

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Tressugar Established Member

Tressugar

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We met on Tinder and I was only aware of Tinder.

 

We really both liked each other after a month of casual dating we had the talk of making it exclusive because we didn't want anybody else.

 

I haven't slept and at a new job...all too overwhelming.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Sweetie, I read your past history with this man and I think you have your pink tinted glasses on.

 

You started dating March 1st.

 

On March 13th already you were posting on here thinking he had broken up with you.

 

Mon March 28th you posted again that he was not making you a priority.

 

On April 5th you find him online.

 

Yes he was into you for the first 2 weeks but that's it. A relationship is suppose to evolve with time, not decline as yours is.

 

He is also a cop, *rolling eyes* please don't date those. They are c0cky, arrogant, name it.

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lilmissjava Established Member

lilmissjava

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Lies equate to dissolution of trust.

 

No trust.

 

No relationship.

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dreamingoftigers Established Member

dreamingoftigers

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And if he really loved you he'd never let you pay, never look at or talk to another female, never enter another bar, would mow your grass and paint your house, pay your electric bill, never show up without flowers, would always do exactly as he's told... dontcha just love those "if he loved you" witticisms... they must be true, after all you heard it on LS.

 

Wow, really?

 

I gotta have a little chat with my husband tonight.....:mad:

 

:laugh::lmao:;)

  • Like 3
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