Liam1 Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 Good question: To add to the confusion, I would go one step further and separate the term cheating from infidelity. Cheating suggests taking something away from someone. Not all affairs take from the marriage. They take neither time or money or affection, in SOME cases. Here is the Miriam Webster definition of cheating: Simple Definition of cheat : to break a rule or law usually to gain an advantage at something : to take something from (someone) by lying or breaking a rule : to prevent (someone) from having something that he or she deserves or was expecting to get Not all affairs fit any of those categories. Some may, but not all. Actually, too, some of those definitions attributed to the term cheat could apply to spouses who refuse sex with their spouse(that would be preventing a spouse from having something they deserve and are expecting to get ), or who secretly buy expensive items on the other spouse's credit card or with marital assets, or who verbally abuse their spouse. If you define cheating as anything that would hurt someone you love, you need to ask your spouse what her definition of cheating is. Your spouse may be hurt by all the things you claim to have done with women. She may consider all those things to be an emotional affair. If refusing sex would hurt your spouse, than it's cheating the spouse out of something they have a right to normally expect in a marriage and also deserve in a marriage. If verbally abusing a spouse would hurt them that that is cheating, if cheating is anything that would hurt a spouse. I am A bit confused nowadays about the definition used by People ! things which used to be normal in our old days are now considered fishy ! -I recall playing Volleyball with friends on the beach where some looks like Pamela Andersan , yet we guys didn't have any bad intention . -i recall taking a female colleague of mine to search for a new apartment and inspect the jacoozie joking about wether it can fit three without thinking about her nude. -I recall hugging a female friend on the road , because it has been long time we didn't see each other . -I recall visiting a female friend while on travel, sleeping at her house , without any intention of sleeping with her though she can rock my world . People are becoming awkward nowadays ! if you sleep with a women with the knowledge of your wife : it is not cheating ! If sex happens with strangers everyday in form of open marriage : it is NOT CHEATING ! But if you sleep again with that person without the knowledge of your partner , it is cheating ! I have my own standards now in relation to sins , cheating , and all this BS: -What is good for me ,any action , that doesn't hurt anybody ( or put family at risk )= GOOD -What is good for me but hurts anyone = BAD . I Define cheating now as : an actual intercourse between 2 outside the vows; hence anything else is not cheating . Your Opinion .
MJJean Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 MB (I didn't know what you meant either) must be a cultural thing...not the doing it, the keeping it secret, cheating stuff. I'm English. We openly joke about it....you know how the English are with bodily functions being funny?!? Anyway, I always thought that everyone did it...alone, together, for eachother, too eachother, oh I'm making the English sound like a load of wankers!!!! Now I know where we Americans got it from! We totally do the same thing, especially the men. I swear, most guys over 35 still think fart and poop jokes are funny. And pretty much everyone jokes about masturbation. Especially teenagers, in my experience. My definition of cheating to DH was inappropriate emotional closeness with other women and anything physical he wouldn't do in my presence. 1
wmacbride Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 Good question: To add to the confusion, I would go one step further and separate the term cheating from infidelity. Cheating suggests taking something away from someone. Not all affairs take from the marriage. They take neither time or money or affection, in SOME cases. Not all affairs fit any of those categories. Some may, but not all. Actually, too, some of those definitions attributed to the term cheat could apply to spouses who refuse sex with their spouse(that would be preventing a spouse from having something they deserve and are expecting to get ), or who secretly buy expensive items on the other spouse's credit card or with marital assets, or who verbally abuse their spouse. If you define cheating as anything that would hurt someone you love, you need to ask your spouse what her definition of cheating is. Your spouse may be hurt by all the things you claim to have done with women. She may consider all those things to be an emotional affair. If refusing sex would hurt your spouse, than it's cheating the spouse out of something they have a right to normally expect in a marriage and also deserve in a marriage. If verbally abusing a spouse would hurt them that that is cheating, if cheating is anything that would hurt a spouse. If a couple needs to use Websters to define the parameters of their relationship, they are in for trouble. Each couple needs to define their relationship using parameters that work for them. As for whether or not undiscovered infidelity is hurting marriage, think of it like cancer. Even before you find it, it is drawing away nutrients and energy form the body, quietly growing. It may well be causing harm to the bs, even if the ws isn't aware of it. 3
Rejected Rosebud Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 Cheating, or infidelity by deception, in a relationship or marriage is whatever the partners in that relationship or marriage define cheating to be and agree on its terms or, if they disagree, whatever each partner determines it to be for any partner they might have. That's right OP. So if your wife agrees with you about the cuddling other women in bars, it's not cheating. If she disagrees with it, it is cheating. If my guy was cuddling women in bars ... well, he would never do such a thing:sick:, but if he did I sure wouldn't be around. 2
Rejected Rosebud Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 To me, cheating is engaging is emotional or physical intimacy with another person instead of with your spouse. also, physical intimacy is NOT defined by most of us as PIV sex. 3
Rejected Rosebud Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 Cheating suggests taking something away from someone. Not all affairs take from the marriage. They take neither time or money or affection, in SOME cases. Not all affairs fit any of those categories. Some may, but not all. I think this sounds like justification for regular old cheating. Lots of cheaters like to claim that it's not harming their spouse or family in any way. If the spouse believed they were in a monogamous relationship - and that they were married to an HONEST PERSON, they are totally getting ripped off and cheated. 3
serial muse Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 I think this sounds like justification for regular old cheating. Lots of cheaters like to claim that it's not harming their spouse or family in any way. If the spouse believed they were in a monogamous relationship - and that they were married to an HONEST PERSON, they are totally getting ripped off and cheated. Yeah. Building walls is harmful, whether the harm is immediately apparent or not. 2
MJJean Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 I have many friends ; with whom I am dancing , hugging and sometimes cuddling ; does my wife know ? -Yes ; but no details are given to her ; The alternative is to divorce ! which is much way destructive . What you call cheating here I consider as an alternative of destroying a family . I have promised my wife that if one day I sleep with a women I will tell her on the spot ; she trusts this , and I trust myself . In other words, your wife thinks you are out spending time with friends when the truth is that you're out grinding up on some woman or other. 5
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