s13 Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 I've been living with my girlfriend for the past year and everything seemed to be going fine. She just finished her first year of nursing school and started hanging out with her friends more because she had more free time. For the past 3 weeks I hadn't seen much of her because she was always going out. The other day she decided she wanted to have a talk. I thought we were going to talk about her going out and how I was feeling about it. Instead, she talked about how she wanted space and to be on her own for awhile. Now, we have to break our lease and I don't know what to do. I can't stay at our apartment because it reminds me of us, so I've been staying with a friend of mine. What really makes this hard and confusing is she tells me how much she cares for me and how I'm her best friend. She wants to keep in contact but I don't know if that's a good idea. She says we're on a break, but I don't think it's healthy for me to wait and see how this plays out. Can anyone give me some clarity of my situation?
tanbark813 Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 She means that she found someone else she wants to date for a little while and wants to keep you on the backburner. If things don't go well with him she'll come back to you for a while. Or it might not be someone specific. It might be that she just wants to be single for a while and get more male attention without any guilt or negative repercussions. Treat it like a breakup and move on. If she comes back to you, you can decide at that point whether or not you want her. If she doesn't come back to you, you're already on your way to getting over her. Whatever you do, though, don't sit around pining for her.
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 Taking a break gives someone time to decide whether or not they want to stay in the relationship. It is generally initiated by the person who is not satisfied with the relationship or are outgrowing it, and wants to explore other options. It allows this person to live single, while having the comfort and security of the 'backup relationship'. Usually, a 'break' is followed by a 'breakup' depending on whether or not the person initiating the break found a better opportunity while on the break. Sometimes, a 'break' is just a soft letdown. What to do when you are stuck on the receiving end? You have a choice: keep yourself around as the backup plan, or make your own break. Date around, fill your time with other things and keep your options just as open as the person who has forced you to accept that they are keeping their options open.
Learning12 Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 A couple of months ago, my girlfriend of 3 years decided that she wanted to take a break because she felt that things had started to change between us and she wanted space to figure everything out. After a few days of unsuccessfully pleading with her to change her mind, I went along with it because I felt like there was no other option. We kept in touch every few days for about two weeks, at which time I couldn't take the gray area anymore and asked her what she was feeling. She said she still had doubts about where we were headed and that she felt like I deserved a clear answer, so she broke things off between us for good. In a way, I was upset with myself for possibly rushing her into making a decision she had not yet completely formed. At the same time, I can honestly say that it was better knowing -- even when the result was not what I wanted -- than it was agonizing in limbo, wondering what she was thinking, when I would know, or what I could do to win her over again. I think each case is different, but in mine, "taking a break" meant that she wanted out but didn't want to leave me shattered all at once. In fact, those two weeks were far worse than the two weeks or two months since our breakup. When she broke up with me for good, all she could talk about was how she wanted to stay friends, how this wasn't about her liking anybody else, how we would have plenty of chances to hang out this summer, etc. We've talked maybe three times since. I'm not saying this mirrors the situation with your girl, but be prepared for a letdown and start preparing yourself mentally now for life beyond your relationship. When she decides, it will be better for you to be pleasantly surprised than painfully surprised.
GOSSMAN Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 my girlfriend wanted a break from me a couple of weeks ago for the exact same reasons mentioned here. she doesnt have anyone else but she's only 18 and we had been together for 2 years so she wanted to see what the world was like. I called her about a week into the break and told her that it was over and she agreed. She wants to stay friends and said it wouldnt be out of the question for us to get back in a couple of years again when we are nearly finishing uni, but i wont be waiting for that. Hopefully we can stay friends though as you never know what can happen down the track a bit. Accept that a break is really a breakup if the feelings just go away. All you can do is move on and realize that you were too good for her, that's what I've done. Cheer up mate!
Author s13 Posted June 17, 2005 Author Posted June 17, 2005 Thanks everyone for the advice. Of course, I have some hope that we can patch up our relationship but I am going to try to move on. It's just really hard right now because all of my normal routines have been interrupted. Hell, I don't even kno where I'm sleeping from night to night. Now, I have to try to put some of the emotions on the side and try to talk with her about how we're going to split up the furniture and break the lease to the apartment. I just feel as though it's going to get worse before things get better.
Author s13 Posted June 22, 2005 Author Posted June 22, 2005 This situation is just so damn hard to deal with. After work I have to go back to the apartment my gf and I had for over a year and deal with the fact that this isn't our place anymore. It's hard to be there and not see the pictures on the walls or photos on the desks. I also have to detach myself from the two cats we owned together. Just to recap my situation, my gf told me last week that she felt we were drifting apart. That our relationship became too comfortable. She actually said she feels like she's living with her best friend and not her boyfriend. She said she felt her heart wasn't in it right now. Her feelings for me began to change about 6 months ago she told me. I asked why she didn't tell me sooner and she said she thought her feelings would change and everything would be fine. However, she did say she half regrets what she is doing and the other half says she needs to do this. Her best friend wanted her to move in with her but she said no because she wants to live by herself for a little while. This just sucks because I have been so supportive of her in everything she does. I love being with her and would do anything for her. She said I have been the best boyfriend she has ever had. What really makes it hard is she said she loved me still, but that was in the heat of the moment when emotions were flying. She's got me f'd up so bad right now that I've gone to see a counselor to help guide me through this situation. Is anyone else going through this type of situation? Thanks for the advice so far.
francis Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 from my experience one of the hardest things to come to terms with is the fact that you have no control over your partner's feelings. it may be that you girlfriend's love has evolved into a more platonic feeling towards you. it is the hardest thing to hear, but maybe her romantic feelings for you have melted away. otherwise she would not risk everything, risk losing you. her confusing actions may be because she hates to see you hurt, and is hesitant about the consequences of her decisions right now. it means a huge change in both your lives if she ends this relationship. please stay strong. it's been a week. it's the old cliche of time...you've got to ride the storm at the moment. stay strong. do comforting things that will make you happy, that do not involve her. treat yourself kindly, indulge yourself, dont do anything but be gentle on yourself. remember that you deserve to be with someone who loves and wants you 100% and dont settle for anyone who has doubts about being with you.
lostinmymind Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 Originally posted by s13 However, she did say she half regrets what she is doing and the other half says she needs to do this. This just sucks because I have been so supportive of her in everything she does. I love being with her and would do anything for her. She said I have been the best boyfriend she has ever had. What really makes it hard is she said she loved me still, but that was in the heat of the moment when emotions were flying. Similar to what I'm going through, except we didn't live together. It is hard as hell and my ex has a new boyfriend (summer fling) and I've seen them together twice. Keep your head up, it probably feels like you are a zombie walking through life right now but it will get better. Do things you used to enjoy (even if nothing sounds exciting anymore), it will help a lot. If you are alone and lonely and feel like having a breakdown just do it. Might not be the most masculine sounding of things to do...but it helps. Moving on is just something you have to FORCE yourself to do, it won't happen if you don't work hard at it.
Author s13 Posted June 28, 2005 Author Posted June 28, 2005 I have mixed emotions right now about what is going on in our relationship...that is ending. Unfortunately, we still live together. I'm trying to move in with a friend right now and hopefully will be moved in by next week. But to recap my situation, my gf felt like we want different things. When I asked her what they were she said she wanted to be on her own. There is no other guy, heck she didn't even want to live with her best friend. The funny thing is though she still wears a bracelet I got for her on Valetine's Day. She also calls me "Honey" and "Baby" once in awhile. It's confusing when she tells me these things because I'm trying to get over her. I'm hoping when we finally go our separate ways she realizes what a big mistake she made.
francis Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 there is a severe danger in reading too much into things. for two months i have been clinging on to words like 'right for this time' and 'concentrate on your exams first' and 'we must break up now before it wears us off completely'. to any rational being, these are clear signs this guy aint interested, but to me, a woman very much against this decision to break up, i want to see that there is still hope for us. dont fool yourself by being a victim of mixed messages. if the person wants to be with you, they will. they wont risk losing you, they will keep fighting with you. when a person says its over, you must let them go, for your own sanity. get a grip of your own life (this is as much advice for me as for you) it is the saddest thing. no one can take the pain away. it has to just fade. and that takes time.
chad Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 if its any consolation im going thru the exact same thing.. i gotta stay here until the end of the week before i can move out. it really sucks.. 5 years... and she wants to be on her own, and wants to be `friends`. however i did something last night, and said quite cheerily, well it aint all bad... i got my first invite to a girls house already ( a girl i used to be friends with - who she hated me seeing) well, she went green, red, purple allsorts, asking me 20000 questions, got her well jealous... im still undecided whether thats a good sign or not, considering she wants me out. ?
penkitten Posted June 29, 2005 Posted June 29, 2005 i took a break with this guy in high school and come to think of it, we are still on a break. haha taking a break = lets break up and if neither of us find anyone better lets get back together.
Author s13 Posted July 7, 2005 Author Posted July 7, 2005 My worst nightmare keeps getting worse. Yesterday one of my best friends, who is also my boss, informed me I am going to be relieved of my position within the company because they do not see me within the company in 5 years. I'm on my fourth week of separation of my girlfriend, but unfortunately, we still have an apartment together until the 18th. Luckily, another one of my best friends was able to let me stay in his extra room. This has been so hard to deal with and now I'm going to lose my job. My life just f*cking sucks right now. She even called me the other day saying she's confused and doesn't know who else to talk to about our situation. I was somewhat strong and told her I wish I could support her but since she's no longer in love with me, there's nothing I can do. Why does she call me and tell me she has no one else to turn to when she's the one who put us through this mess!! She's the one that wanted to move out and live on her own!! I'm so frustrated with my life right now!! I'm usually a pretty strong person, but my life has hit rockbottom and I don't know how to deal with it. Please HELP!!!
betnow Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 she tells you these things because she knows youll listen and youll always be there. i think its time for you to show her tough love. if she says shes confused let her be confused by herself with no help from you. trust me i just had the same situation and it only went downhill the more i played into her the worst things got. learn from my mistake, cut off from her.
Drivetildriven Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 Hey, s13, I'm right there with you brother. After three years, I got the "I love you but i'm not in love with you anymore." It F'd me up so bad I had to get therapy. For me the hardest part is/are the memories and future plans.
Sal Paradise Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 Ne a real man and go No Contact, no text messages, no phone calls, nothing.
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