kittyxo Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 I met a guy a month ago and we hit it off. He's funny and sweet. The only issue I'm having with him is that he is really busy. He works 45 hours a week and sometimes works night shifts a week out of each month. I totally understand this and respect this. When hes not working on the weekend, he goes out with his friends and will text me here and there, but takes forever to respond back to my msgs. He'll send me a msg saying "hey" and when I respond, he won't msg until 4 hours later.. What do you guys think..
hippychick3 Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 I think he's not busy...he's just not interested. Interested people make time in their busy schedules for you. They won't risk someone else stepping into their place. 4
Author kittyxo Posted April 5, 2016 Author Posted April 5, 2016 I think he's not busy...he's just not interested. Interested people make time in their busy schedules for you. They won't risk someone else stepping into their place. I should mention that he asked me to be his girlfriend..Im so confused!
hippychick3 Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 I should mention that he asked me to be his girlfriend..Im so confused! Why would you want to be the girlfriend of someone who doesn't have time to see you or talk to you but has time to go out with his friends? Save the girlfriend label for a guy who is worthy of being your boyfriend. 4
ScienceGal Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 1. He is either not serious about dating right now, or not serious about you. 2. This is how he dates and shows interest, it just doesn't match up with your wants/needs/expectations and how you date. 3. He is playing it cool. Regardless, in these situations, always lead with honest communication and being true to yourself, it's the only way you can determine if you're truly compatible. If you would like to see him more, tell him, just keep it light since it's so new... "I'm having a lot of fun getting to know you, I wish we could spend a little more time together". How many dates have you been on? 1
Author kittyxo Posted April 5, 2016 Author Posted April 5, 2016 1. He is either not serious about dating right now, or not serious about you. 2. This is how he dates and shows interest, it just doesn't match up with your wants/needs/expectations and how you date. 3. He is playing it cool. Regardless, in these situations, always lead with honest communication and being true to yourself, it's the only way you can determine if you're truly compatible. If you would like to see him more, tell him, just keep it light since it's so new... "I'm having a lot of fun getting to know you, I wish we could spend a little more time together". How many dates have you been on? We have gone on about 8 dates. I just got out of a 5 year relationship (see my previous posts) so I'm ok to keep it cool. I dont know why he wants to rush into things after I told him I wanted to keep things slow. He has also mentioned hes never had a girlfriend before because he was busy with work..
Author kittyxo Posted April 5, 2016 Author Posted April 5, 2016 Why would you want to be the girlfriend of someone who doesn't have time to see you or talk to you but has time to go out with his friends? Save the girlfriend label for a guy who is worthy of being your boyfriend. Good point..
clia Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 You met him a month ago and have gone on 8 dates, so you've seen him approximately twice a week? That seems like a pretty normal pace at this early point in your relationship. 4
basil67 Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 We have gone on about 8 dates. I just got out of a 5 year relationship (see my previous posts) so I'm ok to keep it cool. I dont know why he wants to rush into things after I told him I wanted to keep things slow. He has also mentioned hes never had a girlfriend before because he was busy with work.. He's hardly rushing things if you aren't happy with the amount of time you're seeing him. Rushing things is where you feel "this is too much, too soon"
ScienceGal Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 So are you "OK to keep it cool", or not? Eight dates seems like enough for one month. I guess I'm confused by your initial post, it sounded like you were worried he isn't interested in you, but your subsequent posts indicate he is?
preraph Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 He's not going out with you on the weekends. Does he take you out, or is he just coming over to get sex? Normally unless you are busy, you'd expect to see him at least once over the weekend to go out and do something. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 4 hours to respond to a text is not that bad. 4 days, you have something to complain about. 45 hours per week plus some OT, again, not all that busy. When I 1st met & started dating DH I had a FT job (60+ hours / week) and part-time job (10 hrs/wk) plus I served on 3 boards of trustees which ate up another 20 hours per month. Yet we managed 3-4 dates per week. If this guy wanted to see you more, he'd make time. He's choosing to go out with his friends. You may have been given the label GF but he's not acting like you are important. Discuss your concerns with him & ask for more time together or to at least be included in the time with the friends.
Lorenza Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 If you like attention, spontaneous dates, long walks and other small but pleasant details, don't date a busy guy. You'll wait and wait until you turn into a fossil. He's busy mostly in his mind and that's the way he wants it to be. He has never had a girlfriend because it wasn't a priority for him. Which you, most likely, won't be either. 1
kismetkismet Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 45 hrs a week isn't really all that busy. That's pretty average for people that I know, 40 hrs is full time, then most people usually have some kind of other hobby/obligation etc that would take up at least another 5 hrs if they're not doing OT. That said, twice a week in the first month isn't THAT infrequent by a lot of people's standards. And taking a while to text back if he is at work or at some kind of social obligation isn't that terrible either.. however "hey" texts and then no follow up when you respond sounds immature/semi inconsiderate. Why would he send you a text if he was too busy to talk? that makes no sense to me unless it's some kind of game. I think we need more info to get a better feel.. What do you guys do when you hang out? How old are you? How far apart do you live? Does he hang out with you on weekends, or only during the week?
kismetkismet Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 I agree with what Lorenza said though too, not ever having a gf before is a bad sign that relationships aren't a priority for him/he doesn't really know how to be in one. Also people that are a pretty average level of 'busy' but like to refer to themselves as busy and/or complain about being busy a lot, often like to keep up that air so that they have an excuse to neglect other relationships/obligations. It makes them feel important not to have time for other people. Not in ALL situations mind you, and i know you didn't say that he talks about being busy a lot, but it's something to look out for.
Author kittyxo Posted April 26, 2016 Author Posted April 26, 2016 just wanted to let everyone know that he has officially disappeared.. I believe the term "ghosting" is what's going on here
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