Why won't this guy kiss me?

[dreamingoftigers]

Well, I just feel uncomfortable asking him. I can't believe I have to ask my bf why he doesn't kiss me. It's just he seems closed off and physical stuff doesn't even seem on the table.

 

Sometimes when we go out he doesn't even say anything. He seems different on the phone than in person.

 

I just don't understand what his problem is with physical stuff.

 

I dated a few late bloomers in my early years. They don't read cues well. (Part of why they bloom late!)

 

But I'll tell you what, you hit them over the head with the sledge hammer of "youre totally open to it" and even try initiating.......there shouldn't be an ongoing issue. And frankly, some of them were just.... Fantastic. You get first crack at it so there's no weird "this is how me and my gf kissed in Junior High so I stuck with it" style kissing, you get a clean slate to work with.

[ilovemusic3]

I dated a few late bloomers in my early years. They don't read cues well. (Part of why they bloom late!)

 

But I'll tell you what, you hit them over the head with the sledge hammer of "youre totally open to it" and even try initiating.......there shouldn't be an ongoing issue. And frankly, some of them were just.... Fantastic. You get first crack at it so there's no weird "this is how me and my gf kissed in Junior High so I stuck with it" style kissing, you get a clean slate to work with.

 

I understand what your saying, but he seems closed off, there's no moment I feel comfortable to just kiss him. I would have to bring it up. I have told him already he could kiss me and he just gives me pecks. There's late bloomer than there's psychological issues/phobias. I just hope he's not asexual.

[katiegrl]

I understand what your saying, but he seems closed off, there's no moment I feel comfortable to just kiss him. I would have to bring it up. I have told him already he could kiss me and he just gives me pecks. There's late bloomer than there's psychological issues/phobias. I just hope he's not asexual.

 

Did you see him last night -- Saturday night? Or Friday night?

 

He is your bf after all, right?

 

What happened?

[ilovemusic3]

Did you see him last night -- Saturday night? Or Friday night?

 

He is your bf after all, right?

 

What happened?

 

He was working yesterday and Friday we went out.

 

He works different days so we don't always go out on weekends.

[sunshine2]

He was working yesterday and Friday we went out.

 

He works different days so we don't always go out on weekends.

 

Im assuming this means you didn't have a talk with him? Did he make any moves?

[joseb]

Im assuming this means you didn't have a talk with him? Did he make any moves?

 

 

And did you make any moves?

[ilovemusic3]

No, neither of us made any moves, and I just dont know what I should say to him exactly?

[sunshine2]

He was working yesterday and Friday we went out.

 

He works different days so we don't always go out on weekends.

 

No, neither of us made any moves, and I just dont know what I should say to him exactly?

 

I think you need to speak up. Why are you so scared to say something? Do you want to be with someone who is not willing to reach out and touch you? It sucks I know, I lived it for 1 year. Don't let it go too long.

 

If you really are that afraid to talk to him, that is a problem, but you can start touching him. When you are talking to him, put your hand on his leg, touch his arm. See if he takes the queue.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

No, neither of us made any moves, and I just dont know what I should say to him exactly?

 

Still no kiss yet? And are you too a couple yet?

[smackie9]

He has his own apartment and we have watched TV there, but that's all we do. He is Christian, but he doesn't go to church anymore though. So what's the deal with this guy?

 

He's a virgin....and virgins at his age have intimacy anxiety which is preventing them from having a normal sexual relationship. His anxiety probably stems from his religious beliefs....religion lays the guilt on pretty thick to keep everyone pure and innocent (haha) until marriage.

 

I say you need to have a very frank conversation with him about sex and sexual contact and get his view on that. His values might be to strict for your liking....so it turns into a compatibility issue.

[ilovemusic3]

Last time we went out, he didn't even peck me, hold my hand, put his arm around me, nothing. Is he trying to make me break up with him or something? He didn't even sit close to me on his couch. We just act like friends. I guess I will ask him on the phone what's going on. I just don't understand what's wrong with him and why he pulled back? I'm really disappointed.

 

If he realized he was asexual I would still be his friend.

 

What should I say on the phone to him exactly? We're supposed to be in a relationship, but you never come near me?

 

He's told everyone about me and it says we're in a relationship on FB.

 

I just never thought a guy like this exists.

[katiegrl]

Last time we went out, he didn't even peck me, hold my hand, put his arm around me, nothing. Is he trying to make me break up with him or something? He didn't even sit close to me on his couch. We just act like friends. I guess I will ask him on the phone what's going on. I just don't understand what's wrong with him and why he pulled back? I'm really disappointed.

 

If he realized he was asexual I would still be his friend.

 

What should I say on the phone to him exactly? We're supposed to be in a relationship, but you never come near me?

 

He's told everyone about me and it says we're in a relationship on FB.

 

I just never thought a guy like this exists.

 

You have two choices.

 

(1) Continue complaining about him ad nauseum until you become so emotionally drained and resentful that you end up so angry at him that you either dump him yourself or he dumps you first due to all your pent up frustration or resentment,

 

(2) Communicate with him in whatever language you feel comfortable with. It doesn't matter what you say -- JUST SAY IT.

 

(3) Break up with him now.

 

Continue to complain and bytch about it and him serves no purpose whatsoever.

[katiegrl]

Last time we went out, he didn't even peck me, hold my hand, put his arm around me, nothing. Is he trying to make me break up with him or something? He didn't even sit close to me on his couch. We just act like friends. I guess I will ask him on the phone what's going on. I just don't understand what's wrong with him and why he pulled back? I'm really disappointed.

 

If he realized he was asexual I would still be his friend.

 

What should I say on the phone to him exactly? We're supposed to be in a relationship, but you never come near me?

He's told everyone about me and it says we're in a relationship on FB.

 

I just never thought a guy like this exists.

 

It doesn't matter what you say, just as long as you say it.

 

But what you proposed above sounds good to me! For starters anyway.

 

Continuing to complain about him serves no purpose whatsoever.... for either you or him.

[sunshine2]

Last time we went out, he didn't even peck me, hold my hand, put his arm around me, nothing. Is he trying to make me break up with him or something? He didn't even sit close to me on his couch. We just act like friends. I guess I will ask him on the phone what's going on. I just don't understand what's wrong with him and why he pulled back? I'm really disappointed.

 

If he realized he was asexual I would still be his friend.

 

What should I say on the phone to him exactly? We're supposed to be in a relationship, but you never come near me?

 

He's told everyone about me and it says we're in a relationship on FB.

 

I just never thought a guy like this exists.

 

 

 

I'm very familiar with this type of guy as I said, and yes they do exist! Just talk to him or it's going to drive you crazy. It's not worth it. Read my story I posted here again. Don't wait like I did hoping it would get better. My X bf told everyone I was his girlfriend but we were more buddies then anything else. At least I got a hello and goodbye kiss and hug. But that was about it most the time.

 

 

He may just need a nudge but you'll never know unless you speak up. Keep us posted.

[peter_pdbg]

Is he look to you confident in general? Maybe he didn't know what he wants?

[ilovemusic3]

Is he look to you confident in general? Maybe he didn't know what he wants?

 

I don't know. He seems normal that is why I am surprised he doesn't do anything physical.

 

I guess I have to ask him, I just can't stand how awkward it might be.

 

I hate I have to ask my 'boyfriend' why he won't come near me.

[katiegrl]

I don't know. He seems normal that is why I am surprised he doesn't do anything physical.

 

I guess I have to ask him, I just can't stand how awkward it might be.

 

I hate I have to ask my 'boyfriend' why he won't come near me.

 

They make him NOT your boyfriend then....

 

Problem solved!!

 

How long has it been now almost a month and a half?

 

I don't know of any (or many) women who would have stuck around for this long without their "boyfriend" wanting to come near them.

 

I think you both have some issues to sort out.

 

Good luck though.

[SwordofFlame]

I don't know. He seems normal that is why I am surprised he doesn't do anything physical.

 

I guess I have to ask him, I just can't stand how awkward it might be.

 

I hate I have to ask my 'boyfriend' why he won't come near me.

 

How is that any more awkward than him not wanting to be near you or touch you?

[ilovemusic3]

Well he ended it through FB today. He wrote this long somewhat nice message about how we're not a good fit and we don't have much to say to each other anymore.

 

I was going to give him a chance to explain about the physical stuff next time we talked, guess I'll never know why he hasn't come near me since we met. He did really like me at first.

 

I am upset that he probably was never really attracted to me and now how will I get anybody else to like me or be attracted to me? I can't afford expensive make up, hair products and clothes, and I'm average looking but try to look nice. I don't really know how to flirt. I may not be that funny, or that interesting but i dont think im dull either. I try my best to not be akward around new people. I volunteer and go to meet up events plus dating sites. What should I do?

[Dis]

Well he ended it through FB today. He wrote this long somewhat nice message about how we're not a good fit and we don't have much to say to each other anymore.

 

I was going to give him a chance to explain about the physical stuff next time we talked, guess I'll never know why he hasn't come near me since we met. He did really like me at first.

 

I am upset that he probably was never really attracted to me and now how will I get anybody else to like me or be attracted to me? I can't afford expensive make up, hair products and clothes, and I'm average looking but try to look nice. I don't really know how to flirt. I may not be that funny, or that interesting but i dont think im dull either. I try my best to not be akward around new people. I volunteer and go to meet up events plus dating sites. What should I do?

 

Hun you really need to work on your confidence. There is not ANY sane women on this earth that would be content with the type of "relationship" you had with this guy. Every women deserves to be shown affection and intimacy by their partner whether they are pretty, ugly, plain, overweight, skinny, orange or purple. I highly suggest you stop dating for now and work on your self esteem and confidence. You settled for a guy that wouldnt even touch you because your confidence level is that low??? Pls stop focusing on men for now because your self esteem is so low you will end up with some serious low lives who wont treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

 

I'm personally glad he ended it. This thread annoyed the **** out of me because I could not understand for the life of me why you insisted on staying with a man that wouldnt even come close to you.

 

Shouldnt you have been the one to end it????

[ilovemusic3]

Hun you really need to work on your confidence. There is not ANY sane women on this earth that would be content with the type of "relationship" you had with this guy. Every women deserves to be shown affection and intimacy by their partner whether they are pretty, ugly, plain, overweight, skinny, orange or purple. I highly suggest you stop dating for now and work on your self esteem and confidence. You settled for a guy that wouldnt even touch you because your confidence level is that low??? Pls stop focusing on men for now because your self esteem is so low you will end up with some serious low lives who wont treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

 

I'm personally glad he ended it. This thread annoyed the **** out of me because I could not understand for the life of me why you insisted on staying with a man that wouldnt even come close to you.

 

Shouldnt you have been the one to end it????

 

I did like him, just disappointed how things turned out. I wish he would have been more attracted to me or told me what his problem was.

 

He said this past week he noticed we kept repeating the same things. However we talked an hour everyday, not much is new everyday with us. That's not my fault. We talk the night before then go out the next day, well all I did was sleep in b/w.

 

If he noticed I was quieter this past week it was because I was upset about the no physical stuff. He should have asked me if everything was ok.

 

I just didn't know how to bring the lack of physical stuff up.

 

I just hope my next guy doesn't have as many issues; I doubt it though.

[katiegrl]

I did like him, just disappointed how things turned out. I wish he would have been more attracted to me or told me what his problem was.

 

He said this past week he noticed we kept repeating the same things. However we talked an hour everyday, not much is new everyday with us. That's not my fault. We talk the night before then go out the next day, well all I did was sleep in b/w.

 

If he noticed I was quieter this past week it was because I was upset about the no physical stuff. He should have asked me if everything was ok.

 

I just didn't know how to bring the lack of physical stuff up.

 

I just hope my next guy doesn't have as many issues; I doubt it though.

 

Perhaps he *would* have been more attracted and excited by you if you had been more communicative and open about your feelings instead of being too scared to open a dialogue about his lack of affection. Attraction entails a lot more than how you look.

 

I said this earlier but did it ever occur to you that HE may have been nervous or fearful of approaching you physically due to YOUR inability to even let him know that it bothered you?

 

He may have thought and probably did think you were perfectly fine with no physical affection.

 

After all, you didn't initiate either ... or even do or say anything that would make it easier and safer for him to initiate anything! Or that it even bothered you!

 

He might have been thinking "what's wrong with this girl, doesn't she want me to kiss her"?

 

Meanwhile, you think he is strange, what's wrong with HIM ..... while he was thinking the same thing about you!

 

He may have been the one to end it, but you both contributed to its demise.

 

Lesson learned for next time, hopefully.

Edited April 16, 2016 by katiegrl

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

So you are not dating this guy anymore? He never became your boyfriend?

[SwordofFlame]

If you're dating extremely socially awkward men, you may very well have to take the initiative to touch and kiss them. On the bright side, when has anyone ever heard of a guy turning his cheek away? So what have you got to lose? If you want a man that knows what to do and how to lead, than stop dating these socially awkward guys who have never kissed or had a gf before.

[ilovemusic3]

I'm not dating him anymore. And I don't want to date socially awkward guys but nobody normal ever seems to like me, how do I change that?