jebrooks1988 Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 Well the fact that he's 30 and has never kissed anyone before you should tell you a lot right there. He's obviously inexperienced. Some people are just late bloomers and he's clearly one of them. Let him go slow and don't worry about things.
Author ilovemusic3 Posted April 7, 2016 Author Posted April 7, 2016 Well the fact that he's 30 and has never kissed anyone before you should tell you a lot right there. He's obviously inexperienced. Some people are just late bloomers and he's clearly one of them. Let him go slow and don't worry about things. You really think this is what it could be? He didn't put his arm around me. It didn't even feel like physical stuff was a possibility and we were on his couch 4 hours
katiegrl Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 You really think this is what it could be? He didn't put his arm around me. It didn't even feel like physical stuff was a possibility and we were on his couch 4 hours Sounds like a friendship, not a relationship.
Dis Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 I think you know that youre feeling as if something isnt right here. Listen to your gut! If his inexperience, or lack of sexual chemistry is bothering you, move on! Theres plenty of other guys out there! I personally need a guy that knows how to make a move so I wouldnt be feeling that at all.
jebrooks1988 Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 (edited) You really think this is what it could be? He didn't put his arm around me. It didn't even feel like physical stuff was a possibility and we were on his couch 4 hours Yea. Imagine if you are 30 and had never done anything ever but kissed your current boyfriend, would you feel comfortable putting your arms around him? or be affectionate period unless he initiated? If you're worried about it just ask him, "Hey I know you haven't had a lot of experience do you feel uneasy about being affectionate/physical sometimes?" see what he says. Edited April 7, 2016 by jebrooks1988
William Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 Folks, we merged a couple of threads on a similar topic so there may be some duplication of content and/or interspersed quotes. Please continue the discussion here. Thanks!
katiegrl Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 (edited) I'm in a relationship with this guy, I'm 26, he's 30. He never kissed anyone before me. We've been dating about a month, and all he had done is held my hand and give me a peck on the lips. He has his own apartment and we have watched TV there, but that's all we do. He is Christian, but he doesn't go to church anymore though. So what's the deal with this guy? You said in your initial post that he is the most *normal* guy you have dated. Yet he has never kissed you or given you any physical affection (except holding hands and quick peck on lips)) in the entire month you have been *dating* him, if you could even call it that. Goodness gracious, if he is the most normal, I shudder to think what the others guys you have dated were like. You also said you continue to date him as it is hard to find guys who wish to continue dating you. But how do YOU feel about him or does that not matter? As long as he is willing to date you, you're in! I mean is there any chemistry at all going on? A small spark of attraction, anything? Doesn't sound like it. I dunno this whole thing including you assuming he wants to marry you (when he was only speaking generically) when he won't even kiss you after a month sounds really off IMO. As I said before, to me this sounds more like a friendship than a dating relationship. Are you sure HE considers it dating? I mean four hours on the couch watching Netflix and nothing? No touching ... nothing? And you have been in a *relationship* for a month. Bizarre to say the least. I would definitely move on. Unless you are okay with a friendship. Edited April 7, 2016 by katiegrl 2
RecentChange Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 What happens when you try to kiss him? If he is so inexperienced, what is stopping you from making the first move? 2
Saracena Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 I'm in a relationship with this guy, I'm 26, he's 30. He never kissed anyone before me. We've been dating about a month, and all he had done is held my hand and give me a peck on the lips. He has his own apartment and we have watched TV there, but that's all we do. He is Christian, but he doesn't go to church anymore though. So what's the deal with this guy? I have to say I find this incredible. Did he state any reasons?
Author ilovemusic3 Posted April 7, 2016 Author Posted April 7, 2016 You said in your initial post that he is the most *normal* guy you have dated. Yet he has never kissed you or given you any physical affection (except holding hands and quick peck on lips)) in the entire month you have been *dating* him, if you could even call it that. Goodness gracious, if he is the most normal, I shudder to think what the others guys you have dated were like. You also said you continue to date him as it is hard to find guys who wish to continue dating you. But how do YOU feel about him or does that not matter? As long as he is willing to date you, you're in! I mean is there any chemistry at all going on? A small spark of attraction, anything? Doesn't sound like it. I dunno this whole thing including you assuming he wants to marry you (when he was only speaking generically) when he won't even kiss you after a month sounds really off IMO. As I said before, to me this sounds more like a friendship than a dating relationship. Are you sure HE considers it dating? I mean four hours on the couch watching Netflix and nothing? No touching ... nothing? And you have been in a *relationship* for a month. Bizarre to say the least. I would definitely move on. Unless you are okay with a friendship. I know it's weird, but I do like him. He is such a sweet guy and I enjoy spending time with him, I just don't understand why he doesn't want to touch me. Well he said he wanted to get married in 2 years and we're supposed to be in a relationship, he talks about us doing things months from now, so I assumed he could picture marrying me. Should I even bring this up, I mean I don't want to make him uncomfortable and be awkward. I don't even know what to say. Very disappointed he's strange. The other guys weren't interested in me or were needy and crazy or a drug dealer.
Author ilovemusic3 Posted April 7, 2016 Author Posted April 7, 2016 What happens when you try to kiss him? If he is so inexperienced, what is stopping you from making the first move? I don't even feel like I can kiss him. He acts like it's not even a possibility. He seems closed off. He just sat there and watched the movies and shows. He jumped right up after the movie to go to the bathroom and after the shows he got money for the restaurant. It's like we never hung out on the couch. It seems awkard if I just randomly kissed him.
Author ilovemusic3 Posted April 7, 2016 Author Posted April 7, 2016 I have to say I find this incredible. Did he state any reasons? He said he never had any luck dating. No where to meet people. He also said he never knows when it's time to kiss someone. I think he's insecure and has trust issues too. Some of his friends have been cheated on.
Author ilovemusic3 Posted April 8, 2016 Author Posted April 8, 2016 Any other advice or insight would be appreciated. I just don't know how or if I should bring this up to him. Tomorrow we're going out, but he didn't mention his apartment at all. I'm just upset about this. I want a boyfriend I can make out with and not just act like friends. What is with this guy? Don't people kiss after over a month of dating? I do like him, but I feel this is an issue. Am I over analyzing this or over reacting?
joseb Posted April 8, 2016 Posted April 8, 2016 Any other advice or insight would be appreciated. I just don't know how or if I should bring this up to him. Tomorrow we're going out, but he didn't mention his apartment at all. I'm just upset about this. I want a boyfriend I can make out with and not just act like friends. What is with this guy? Don't people kiss after over a month of dating? I do like him, but I feel this is an issue. Am I over analyzing this or over reacting? Oh course people kiss after a month. A lot sooner than that!. But he never has. Ever. Is it really surprising to you that he has no clue what to do? Right now you are just platonic friends. I think you need to force the issue. Kiss him. If he responds, great. Maybe once he has kissed he will get over this fear he seems to have.
katiegrl Posted April 8, 2016 Posted April 8, 2016 (edited) I'm sorry to say this but perhaps he is just not attracted to you. Or attracted to women at all. He could be sexually ambivalent, or even asexual altogether, since you said he has never kissed anyone, ever. When we are attracted, it is human nature to want to touch, kiss. When we are attracted, it very difficult NOT to want to touch, kiss, etc! I mean we are talking an entire month here, not a few dates. Not even sure how you can define this as a dating or romantic relationship. It is a friendship at this point. Kissing, touching, physical affection is precisely how we differentiate between a friendship and romantic relationship. Since there has been no kissing, etc ... again sorry but this is not a romantic relationship. You can try to kiss him but you said earlier, he is not showing any signs he even wants you to kiss him. Door is closed shut. I am sure he likes you and enjoys the companionship but there is simply no attraction or chemistry at least on his side. Jmo of course. Good luck though hope it works out. Edited April 8, 2016 by katiegrl 1
carinata Posted April 8, 2016 Posted April 8, 2016 Where does he come from? My friend didn't kiss his girlfriend until the girl asked him why. My friend is from Africa and the girl from the West.
preraph Posted April 8, 2016 Posted April 8, 2016 He's just too fearful, probably has social anxiety, and all I can tell you is it's not just about the sex. It will interfere in everything you do. He won't be able to hold up his end of things. If you have kids, he probably won't want strangers around or to get very involved with anything or to do anything or go anywhere out of his comfort zone. It will be like he's your problem child who is reluctant to step up. That's not husband material. And yes the sex will be crap too. The one a friend of mine had mostly likes to watch and isn't very hands on. Sound familiar?
Author ilovemusic3 Posted April 8, 2016 Author Posted April 8, 2016 Thanks for the advice and insight. Do you think I should just end things, or should I at least ask him? Is there any reason he may be holding back that would be okay? Should I just continue dating him and see what happens? I do like him and don't really have anyone else to date.
carinata Posted April 8, 2016 Posted April 8, 2016 Thanks for the advice and insight. Do you think I should just end things, or should I at least ask him? Is there any reason he may be holding back that would be okay? Should I just continue dating him and see what happens? I do like him and don't really have anyone else to date. Why don't you ask him why He hasn't kissed you. You might lose a wonderful person simply because of a kiss.
Author ilovemusic3 Posted April 8, 2016 Author Posted April 8, 2016 Why don't you ask him why He hasn't kissed you. You might lose a wonderful person simply because of a kiss. Well, I just feel uncomfortable asking him. I can't believe I have to ask my bf why he doesn't kiss me. It's just he seems closed off and physical stuff doesn't even seem on the table. Sometimes when we go out he doesn't even say anything. He seems different on the phone than in person. I just don't understand what his problem is with physical stuff.
katiegrl Posted April 8, 2016 Posted April 8, 2016 Well, I just feel uncomfortable asking him. I can't believe I have to ask my bf why he doesn't kiss me. It's just he seems closed off and physical stuff doesn't even seem on the table. Sometimes when we go out he doesn't even say anything. He seems different on the phone than in person. I just don't understand what his problem is with physical stuff. If you don't feel comfortable asking your own boyfriend such an important fundamental question such as this, and then discussing it, your problems with him go way deeper than him merely not kissing you. There are major communication problems here, on both sides, which will ultimately be the downfall. Have you ever been in a RL before? Just curious. 1
Author ilovemusic3 Posted April 8, 2016 Author Posted April 8, 2016 If you don't feel comfortable asking your own boyfriend such an important fundamental question such as this, and then discussing it, your problems with him go way deeper than him merely not kissing you. There are major communication problems here, on both sides, which will ultimately be the downfall. Have you ever been in a RL before? Just curious. Yea, I understand what your saying. Should I just ask why haven't you kissed me? Is that how I should word it? I was with a guy for 5 months last year. He was shady and sent mixed signals. He turned out not to be a good guy.
Chris2016 Posted April 8, 2016 Posted April 8, 2016 OP why don't you go for it? My first French, she went for it and I sure wasn't stopping her.
katiegrl Posted April 8, 2016 Posted April 8, 2016 Yea, I understand what your saying. Should I just ask why haven't you kissed me? Is that how I should word it? I was with a guy for 5 months last year. He was shady and sent mixed signals. He turned out not to be a good guy. No offense, but he may have thought the same about you. Not that it was your intention to act that way but..... Why are you not able to communicate? Word it however you like, to get your point across and to facilitate a discussion. If nothing else, it will be good practice, as it sounds like you don't have much experience communicating your feelings, things that trouble you, etc. You are in a relationship, it's time you learn, don't you think? I don't say that to be harsh or anything, but seriously don't you really think you should start learning to communicate? No relationship will ever work out unless you can do that. Wish you the best hon and good luck!
joseb Posted April 8, 2016 Posted April 8, 2016 I'm in a relationship with this guy, I'm 26, he's 30. He never kissed anyone before me. I'm not sure why you keep posting wondering why he hasn't kissed you when you knew from the start he has never kissed anyone. So it shouldn't be that surprising that he is any different with you. Now as to the reason, it could be a lot if things...he might be gay, might be asexual, might have a phobia, whatever. But the best placed person to find out is you. If you don't feel you can initiate the kiss yourself, then you have to ask him.
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