ilovemusic3 Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 I've been dating this guy for about a month, Im 26 and and he's 30. He said on one of our first dates that he wants to get married and have kids in the next few years but I'm not sure I want to marry him. I don't want to lead him on, we are exclusive, so neither one of us are getting the chance to meet anyone else. I don't want to end things because I do like him and it is really hard to get guys to like me, I dont think I can find anyone else who seems as normal as him, but sometimes im sure that i dont want to marry him at all and im not sure that I even want to be exclusive right now. What should I do about this?
Leigh 87 Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 you do what I did... I couldn't get guys to like me at one stage. So one day, I lost weight ( I qwas over the slim and fit version of myself by 20 lbs), I got braces and I actually made myself more desirabe so that I could get the men that I wanted. It worked. I had a healthy dating life with loads of options ever since I actually got off my butt and did something about my lack of options. I know EXACTLY what it is like to feel as though you have to accept any option that comes your way.... Trust me, just be single and work on bettering yourself and making yourself more desirable so that you do not have to feel pressure to "settle" for a guy you're not crazy about.
Tressugar Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 Did he say that wanted to get married to you or get married sometime in the future? Big difference! If he directly said he wanted to marry you after a month of dating, this is a huge red flag! When guys move quickly it's a sign of trouble to come. Been there and done that. I've heard guys telling me upon our first meeting they wanted to marry me and have their baby. You can never take these guys seriously. It's pending heartache to come in your future with these guys. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 You have only known him a month. He put his long term plans out there -- he's looking for marriage & a family not casual. But that doesn't yet mean he wants those things with you. He just wants them in general. Do you want those things in general even if you are not yet sure you want them with him? If so keep getting to know him. If in 6 months, you still feel this is not going in a direction you want, end it. In that 6 months you are not required to know you want to marry him. All you need to know is that you have concluded that you don't want to dump him. For now, relax. The most long term plans you should be making is whether you want to celebrate Memorial Day with him. There is no need & it's way too soon to plan the rest of your life. 8
abby_tx Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 You have only known him a month. He put his long term plans out there -- he's looking for marriage & a family not casual. But that doesn't yet mean he wants those things with you. He just wants them in general. Do you want those things in general even if you are not yet sure you want them with him? If so keep getting to know him. If in 6 months, you still feel this is not going in a direction you want, end it. In that 6 months you are not required to know you want to marry him. All you need to know is that you have concluded that you don't want to dump him. For now, relax. The most long term plans you should be making is whether you want to celebrate Memorial Day with him. There is no need & it's way too soon to plan the rest of your life. Agreed. If you're dating people 30+ they will usually put out what they want in the early stages of dating to avoid wasting time with people who want different things out of life. 3
Gaeta Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 Of course he didn't mean he wanted to marry YOU. And of course no one expect you to decide to marry him after 1 month dating. He was just telling you he had a goal and it's to get married and have a family, AFTER he gets to know someone, and date her, and see if feelings grow. 6
Ruby Slippers Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 I agree that it's too early to tell. And I agree that him stating his intentions for marriage and kids doesn't mean he's made up his mind that you're the right partner. I think d0nnivain's advice to give it a chance for 6 months is good. You're right that it's harder than one would expect to find men you have mutual chemistry with, who want a serious relationship, and who you can live with. In my experience, these men are needles in a haystack, and should be regarded with due consideration. 1
MidwestUSA Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 you do what I did... I couldn't get guys to like me at one stage. So one day, I lost weight ( I qwas over the slim and fit version of myself by 20 lbs), I got braces and I actually made myself more desirabe so that I could get the men that I wanted. It worked. I had a healthy dating life with loads of options ever since I actually got off my butt and did something about my lack of options. I know EXACTLY what it is like to feel as though you have to accept any option that comes your way.... Trust me, just be single and work on bettering yourself and making yourself more desirable so that you do not have to feel pressure to "settle" for a guy you're not crazy about. I must have missed where OP said she doesn't have options, isn't desirable, needs braces, or needs to lose weight! Pretty insulting. 3
xpaperxcutx Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 He was only telling what his dating style is, doesn't necessarily mean that he wants to marry you anytime soon. I feel like you're looking for issues where there are no issues. Date for 6 months and then figure out how you feel about him then. Emotions are not static, they do change over time. 2
AndOrchid Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 I must have missed where OP said she doesn't have options, isn't desirable, needs braces, or needs to lose weight! Pretty insulting. I also find the advice given there questionable because we don't know much about the OP. However, she does state in her post: I don't want to end things because I do like him and it is really hard to get guys to like me, I dont think I can find anyone else who seems as normal as him, but sometimes im sure that i dont want to marry him at all and im not sure that I even want to be exclusive right now. What should I do about this? OP, I agree with most replies saying that it is too early to worry about leading the guy on. Just because he wants to get married in the future and is dating you right now does not mean that he is sure he wants to marry you. On the other hand, if you are not sure you want to be exclusive with him and the reason you are with him is because you are worried about not finding someone better, then I understand your concerns. It sounds like you are still not sure how much you like him and perhaps moved a little too fast in establishing exclusivity. I would suggest giving it another month or so to see if your feelings change and then re-evaluate.
preraph Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 You should tell him you like him as a person but that you are sure at this point that he isn't the right match for you and that you don't want to waste any more of his time since you know he's looking for a mate.
strawberryshortstack Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 I've been dating this guy for about a month, Im 26 and and he's 30. He said on one of our first dates that he wants to get married and have kids in the next few years but I'm not sure I want to marry him. I don't want to lead him on, we are exclusive, so neither one of us are getting the chance to meet anyone else. I don't want to end things because I do like him and it is really hard to get guys to like me, I dont think I can find anyone else who seems as normal as him, but sometimes im sure that i dont want to marry him at all and im not sure that I even want to be exclusive right now. What should I do about this? I'd give it more time. Doesn't sound like he was asking you to marry him, just mentioning that it's something he eventually wants with someone. It's only been a month, you don't have to know if you want to marry him now, or even if you want to be exclusive. So relax and enjoy getting to know him! 1
fitnessfan365 Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 He was making a general statement about what he wants in the next few years. But it doesn't automatically apply to you. After all you've only known the guy for a month. I say take your time and don't stress over it. If it's not you, he'll marry someone else in the next few years. 2
Author ilovemusic3 Posted April 5, 2016 Author Posted April 5, 2016 I'm in a relationship with this guy, I'm 26, he's 30. He never kissed anyone before me. We've been dating about a month, and all he had done is held my hand and give me a peck on the lips. He has his own apartment and we have watched TV there, but that's all we do. He is Christian, but he doesn't go to church anymore though. So what's the deal with this guy?
neowulf Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 I'm in a relationship with this guy, I'm 26, he's 30. He never kissed anyone before me. We've been dating about a month, and all he had done is held my hand and give me a peck on the lips. He has his own apartment and we have watched TV there, but that's all we do. He is Christian, but he doesn't go to church anymore though. So what's the deal with this guy? Maybe... ask him? Sorry to be flippant, but honestly, there's a million reasons that it could be. We're not mind readers. Best advice? Talk with him about your concerns. At least try and understand what's going through his head and what the issue might be.
basil67 Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 Your original title to this post is "Why won't this guy kiss me?" Is this also an issue? Have you kissed each other yet?
introverted1 Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 Your original title to this post is "Why won't this guy kiss me?" Is this also an issue? Have you kissed each other yet? I think two threads were merged. Two posts back she states he won't kiss her. OP, what has this guy's dating life been like? 30 and never kissed is unusual for most men/people. Do you have any insight into this?
preraph Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 I'm in a relationship with this guy, I'm 26, he's 30. He never kissed anyone before me. We've been dating about a month, and all he had done is held my hand and give me a peck on the lips. He has his own apartment and we have watched TV there, but that's all we do. He is Christian, but he doesn't go to church anymore though. So what's the deal with this guy? Him being 30 and not 19, I'm going to have to say that I think there is something big you don't know about this guy. He has some type of big mental issue or sexual issue. He sounds like he's kissing you as little as it takes to keep you around. That's not normal. I dated a gay guy for a long time but I knew he was gay, but he couldn't even consider it because he had some family/religion-instilled shame about sex overall, had nightmares about it. This guy could have any or all those problems or be asexual or have a debilitating social anxiety. Anyway, do not even consider making any more commitments until you've known him a year and feel you know what's really going on with him. 1
Larryville Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 He said on one of our first dates that he wants to get married and have kids in the next few years. Why do I keep seeing this people verbalizing this on a freaking first date? Does this happen that often with dudes these days? There is something seriously wrong with that… but that is another thread… I think it is amazing that people apparently these days minimize the act of a kiss. I see so many “why doesn’t this guy kiss me threads” if a guy won’t kiss you, catch a clue. Kissing is far more intimate than screwing someone… Kissing strengthens closeness When you kiss there is a form of closeness which starts to grow in the relationship. You tend to become a lot closer to your partner than before, but it has to get there... Want to gauge the strength or closeness of a relationship, observing friends or another couple observe how much they kiss. When kissing is missing from a relationships the relationship is on the way out. But again you gotta get there! Are their exceptions sure... but generally good barometer and if a guys is not into kissing you early he is not THAT into you. it is really hard to get guys to like me, Frankly that says it all, and I am certain he can sense that… hell anybody would or should.
amaysngrace Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 I'm in a relationship with this guy, I'm 26, he's 30. He never kissed anyone before me. We've been dating about a month, and all he had done is held my hand and give me a peck on the lips. He has his own apartment and we have watched TV there, but that's all we do. He is Christian, but he doesn't go to church anymore though. So what's the deal with this guy? He's not into woman but his religion is making him pretend he is? 1
Author ilovemusic3 Posted April 6, 2016 Author Posted April 6, 2016 I am really concerned about this, how do I go about asking him though? What should I say exactly?
Toodaloo Posted April 6, 2016 Posted April 6, 2016 I think this is one of two things; 1. He is frightened to kiss you due to inexperience. 2. He doesn't want to kiss you. Sometimes you just have to ask the question... Try a few variations in your head on how it might sound. Practice in the mirror to get the cadence of your voice and your expression right then I am afraid its just a case of blurting it out... "Do you want to kiss me?" His reaction and answer will give you the information you need.
Author ilovemusic3 Posted April 7, 2016 Author Posted April 7, 2016 Thanks so much for the advice. I do like him, I just wish if he did have social anxiety or a problem he would discuss it with me. He just acts like kissing was out of the question, he treats me like he's my cousin when it comes to physical stuff.
Author ilovemusic3 Posted April 7, 2016 Author Posted April 7, 2016 I'm in a relationship with this guy, I'm 26, he's 30. He never kissed anyone before me. We've been dating about a month, and all he had done is held my hand and give me a peck on the lips. He has his own apartment and we have watched TV there, but that's all we do. He is Christian, but he doesn't go to church anymore though. So what's the deal with this guy?
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