Is it normal for a man to want to spend this much time with a woman?

[Gaeta]

I did tell him no. I had things I needed to do.

 

I get that he's probably bored--with his cast he can't get out of the house much, and is on crutches, and he's normally extremely active and at work.

 

Did you offer another time? If you are interested in a man don't cancel without offering an alternative. As he offered an alternative?

[WaitingForBardot]

By fragile I mean at the beginning of a relationship the first 3-4 dates are decisive. You can be 100% into a girl but then she says (or do) something that completely turns you off. At the very beginning the relationship has no base to lean on yet, nothing is solid, you are strangers.

Yeah I agree with this.

[RecentChange]

Wow, some people sure do turn dating into a chess match. So many rules, don't do this, do that, don't call, do call, don't try to see her too much, don't let her know you really like her...

 

Despite being a very rational, feet on the ground kind of person - I have just always followed my heart, and have been THRILLED with a mutual - falling head over heels romances.

 

If I liked a guy, I never thought, oh gees, he is trying to see me too much. He must have X, Y and Z negative qualities. I thought, "I want to see you too! Let me try to fit it in!"

 

This is the type of man that will spend 1 or 2 weeks worshiping you then he'll make a complete turn around and he'll say the butterflies have died.

 

I have never experienced this.... sure the butterflies die down - I would say quickest I had a "fast hot and heavy" relationship sputter out was a few months... current guy, after first date, we saw each other 3 more times that week, and tried to see each other every time we could there after. That was 15 years ago.

 

That is also my experience and I have a lot of dating experience. When it starts like a firework it dies like a firework.

 

How much of this dating experience has translated to long term relationships?

 

By fragile I mean at the beginning of a relationship the first 3-4 dates are decisive. You can be 100% into a girl but then she says (or do) something that completely turns you off. At the very beginning the relationship has no base to lean on yet, nothing is solid, you are strangers.

 

Again - opposite experiences for me. The way I see it, when you first become smitten with someone, its easy to over look all of their flaws, they are new, exciting, interesting... I could go on.

 

Its way down the road, after the honeymoon phase that the "turn offs" become more apparent.

 

Shrug..... I come from the "if he wants to see you a lot he likes you" school, not the "if he wants to see you a lot be VERY skeptical school".

[preraph]

I don't know if it's even him making me uncomfortable, or I'm just not use to this. I'm use to dating guys that *maybe* had time/want to go out with me once a week, on a Friday night. IF I was lucky. I've become so accustomed to that, that I consider it the norm. So I don't have a baseline for if a guy wants to see me this much if it's normal or obsessive.

 

Well, the potential is there that he's too needy or needs a woman as a crutch for his self-esteem, but he might just really like you. Try to find out how his other relationships ended and why. Find out if he says they all cheated (if so, he probably imagined at least some of it out of jealousy.) Also, do turn him down for a date soon and see how he handles it, if he checks up on you via text the whole time or leaves you alone to rest up or go out with friends or whatever you tell him. If he keeps checking up or gets suspicious, it's a red flag and I wouldn't keep seeing him, honestly. Possessive people are just trouble.

 

But if he respect that you are instead relaxing at home or seeing your girlfriends and leaves you alone, by all means text him when you get home or the next morning and say hi.

 

It's just too soon to know. Don't make any commitments until you find out. If he's had jealousy issues, he will probably readily rant about his past cheating girlfriends to you. See what his longest relationship was, etc. Ask if he's still friends with any of his exes.

[SwordofFlame]

Maybe it's because I'm a man, but I really don't mind these "relationships" that start fast and burn out pretty fast as well. They're enjoyable and I have no regrets. Why not just have fun with it?

[Gaeta]

How much of this dating experience has translated to long term relationships?

 

Absolutely none. I have met 200 men over 4 years. I have heard and seen everything. I have experienced what OP is describing many times. Too many times. I have 3 years of history on here to prove it.

[kismetkismet]

Every situation and person is different! I am often hesitant with people that try to move too quickly and because i'm an introvert i need time apart from the people that i have to be *on* around all the time - which is usually the case for people you just started dating.

 

That said, my current boyfriend and I started hanging out almost every day after only a couple of weeks.. The first week we started dating we spent 4 nights and 2 full days together, and then after that we basically spent every night together. It was mostly his pushing to do that also, my previous boyfriend was aloof/emotionally unavailable so i wasn't sure how to feel about it at first. But we just had so much fun together and he was so easy to be with that it just quickly became the norm to be together whenever we didn't have anything else going on. (We are careful not to neglect our friends, family and hobbies though)

 

so.. Proceed with some caution (as with anything really) but don't stress over it too much. Pay attention to if he seems genuinely into YOU or if it seems like he just can't be alone.. If you don't actually have that much in common and the hangouts aren't really that comfortable then it could be that he just doesn't know how to be alone, or that he doesn't have anything else going on in his life. Neither of those are good qualities in a partner haha.

 

but have fun, don't worry too much, and don't let yourself get sucked in irrationally too quickly!

[RecentChange]

Absolutely none. I have met 200 men over 4 years. I have heard and seen everything. I have experienced what OP is describing many times. Too many times. I have 3 years of history on here to prove it.

 

Well 200 men and not a single relationship as a result - obviously something isn't working. I am really not trying to be offensive, but perhaps your advice on how to develop a relationship isnt the best....

 

I have much less dating experience than you, but a fair amount of relationship experience. All of my "long term" (over 6 months) relationships started this a fast, hot and heavy OMG I want to see more of you! As much of you as I can.... We would be desperately trying to rearrange our lives to fit each other in.

 

I was never skeptical of it, and always game, unless I wasn't into him (in which case we would never progress beyond some dating).

[Gaeta]

Well 200 men and not a single relationship as a result - obviously something isn't working. I am really not trying to be offensive, but perhaps your advice on how to develop a relationship isnt the best....

 

I have much less dating experience than you, buta fair amount of relationship experience. All of my "long term" (over 6 months) relationships started this a fast, hot and heavy OMG I want to see more of you! As much of you as I can.... We would be desperately trying to rearrange our lives to fit each other in.

 

I was never skeptical of it, ans always game, unless I wasn't into him (in which case we would never progress beyond some dating).

 

I did not say I had experience on how to obtain a valuable long term relationship. I said I have dating experience, and oh boy do I have some ! as you can see.

 

If we were talking about experience in long term relationship then I'd talk about my 15 years long marriage. Not the subject at hand.

 

The subject at hand is how to recognize red flags in very early dating. I got experience with that. Unfortunately because I hit my nose many many times now I know. It's not because it took me a few years to meet the right man (because eventually I did meet the right man) that it makes my experience inadequate.

[Gaeta]

I have much less dating experience than you, but a fair amount of relationship experience. All of my "long term" (over 6 months) relationships

 

6 months is long term? We must be of different age. I call long term something over 5 years.

[RecentChange]

We most likely are a different age - the OP is in her mid 20's, in my 20's I considered 6 months+ a relationship, not just dating. Its hard to rack up a bunch of 5+ year relationships at that age.

 

We obviously have very different styles! I couldn't imagine finding 200 different men that I was interested in enough to want to date. I guess I do a bit of vetting first. I keep the numbers of men I dated low, limited to men I had shared interest with, mutual attraction, etc - and out of the smaller pool I dated, a much higher percent ended up a "relationship" for six months or more.

 

So if I guy I thought was pretty cool, smart, cute, respectful caught my eye enough to date him - I was never concerned when he showed interest, and wanted to spend a lot of time with me! It was kinda the point of dating him.

 

I have been in my current relationship for coming up 15 years now - we were joined at the hip from day one.... I don't know what would have happened if I kept him at arms length because I was concerned he was too needy, or that the relationship was progressing too quickly.

 

But I never thought things through like that - or consulted a website on how to proceed.

[Gaeta]

We most likely are a different age - the OP is in her mid 20's, in my 20's I considered 6 months+ a relationship, not just dating. Its hard to rack up a bunch of 5+ year relationships at that age.

 

We obviously have very different styles! I couldn't imagine finding 200 different men that I was interested in enough to want to date. I guess I do a bit of vetting first. I keep the numbers of men I dated low, limited to men I had shared interest with, mutual attraction, etc - and out of the smaller pool I dated, a much higher percent ended up a "relationship" for six months or more.

 

So if I guy I thought was pretty cool, smart, cute, respectful caught my eye enough to date him - I was never concerned when he showed interest, and wanted to spend a lot of time with me! It was kinda the point of dating him.

 

I have been in my current relationship for coming up 15 years now - we were joined at the hip from day one.... I don't know what would have happened if I kept him at arms length because I was concerned he was too needy, or that the relationship was progressing too quickly.

 

But I never thought things through like that - or consulted a website on how to proceed.

 

The world of dating has changed a great deal in the past 15 years. It has nothing to do with what you find out there nowadays.

 

I have been on 200 coffee-dates. I did not 'date' 200 men. Many of then I did not see again, many of them I had 2-3 dates with them. Very few I dated 2-3 months and only 2 I dated past 5 months including the man I am dating.

 

Dating nowadays means people will fade, ghost, disappear, lie, mislead you, name it. Just read what people are going through in this section.

[preraph]

Can't rule out that this is simply him in a frenzy for sex either.

[PacificPlain]

Can't rule out that this is simply him in a frenzy for sex either.

 

True. and that's initially what I was thinking when he invited me over for dinner over the weekend.

But then I realized, and did some googling...with where his fracture is..something important is in a cast. It geographically would be really difficult for him to have sex right now. So I don't think sex is the motive?

[preraph]

Uhhh, I wouldn't guarantee that would stop a guy from trying, honestly. You never know. He may be worried about the functionality -- or he may at times have a very tight cast and know he is A-OK. I think if he is in a cast, you should ask him about it, maybe. Do we know why he is in a cast? It is not that easy to break it. I've tried.

[Saracena]

To answer your original question-yes, I've found invariably all the guys I've dated did want to see a lot of me in the initial stages. To me there was no reason other than being very interested and wanting to be with me. It never really bothered me (provided I had the time LOL!) as the feelings were in most cases reciprocated. I should say I don't really date guys I'm not fairly attracted to from the onset and have never really experienced those who are lukewarm.

[PacificPlain]

Uhhh, I wouldn't guarantee that would stop a guy from trying, honestly. You never know. He may be worried about the functionality -- or he may at times have a very tight cast and know he is A-OK. I think if he is in a cast, you should ask him about it, maybe. Do we know why he is in a cast? It is not that easy to break it. I've tried.

 

It's a soft cast. He's on crutches still. The fracture occurred because sometimes when you're enjoying winter sports...yeah well, you know what happens.

 

 

I went over and saw him last night after work. I mentioned to him fleetingly a favorite beer during dinner last weekend, and what I didn't know is when he went to the grocery the day after, he remembered and got me some and surprised me with one. So we had a beer and talked. In terms of "functionality"--things work. I could tell.

 

He also felt the need to announce to me "hey I just wanted to clarify--something you said the other night. I got the feeling you think I'm sleeping with people. I'm not. I don't understand the multi dating thing, I think that's more people in their 20s now. I've never done it. I'm not seeing anyone else, and I'm not sleeping with anyone. Just wanted you to know." I paused and thought to myself...like man what do you want me to do with this info?

 

He then invited me to a cookout this upcoming weekend, which I guess a bunch of his friends are going to be at (why would you take a girl you just met?).

[Gaeta]

 

He then invited me to a cookout this upcoming weekend, which I guess a bunch of his friends are going to be at (why would you take a girl you just met?).

 

See, that's normal. Guy invites you on a Wednesday for an outing on the weekend.

 

I don't think this guy is misleading you or after sex. I think though that men coming on too strong, too fast, have certain issues sometimes and you should be observing him for a while. I am talking issues like being recently out of a relationship.

 

A good portion of the men that came on to me very fast and strong fell in a couple of categories.

 

1. Recently out of a relationship. Often they are in a hurry to fill the void and will lash on the next woman. They are not even aware of this.

 

2. Men coming on strong and fast because they know women count dates before sex. In their mind if they take you out on 3 dates ASAP then faster you'll get to sex.

 

3. The impulsive type. They love fast and furious and abandon you fast and furious. They're addicted to new relationship energy, butterflies, once that has all been consumed they move on = emotional immaturity.

 

Date him and just observe. Don't give your trust or the benefit of the doubt to a stranger. The first month you date a man he's on probation. He has to show you his cards.