PacificPlain Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 This is going to sound like a really stupid question right after I post it. I met a guy on tinder (actually I met him through a mutual acquaintance before that--the mutual acquaintance being his old roommate, who I was into and had a thing going with, right up until he disappeared on me for another girl abruptly and then moved out of state a couple months ago). The mutual acquaintance was what we started messaging about first, then we started texting, and he's been wanting to meet up with me. So we finally went out on Friday night. And interesting, and fun, and at the end of the night I let him kiss me (I don't kiss on first dates). The next day he CALLED me, reminded me of something we had talked about the night before and asked me do something with him on Saturday night. I was naturally apprehensive that it was a set up to try to sleep with me. He made me dinner, and we genuinely watched a movie. Never tried anything inappropriate, just kissing. It wasn't like he was trying to pis me (unlike so many other men I've gone out with who you can tell want to see how far they can get as quickly as possible). The texting as continued. Today, he asked me if I want do to something tonight. And that's what made me pause and ask this question. PEOPLE, IS IT NORMAL FOR A GUY TO WANT TO SEE YOU THIS MUCH EARLY ON? Or have I just been going out with guys that are only half there for so long, I've forgotten what it's suppose to be like? Or is it just the novelty of I'm in my mid 20s, young and healthy, and he's in his early 30s so the fact he's getting female attention from someone young is an ego trip? I would think he's just trying to get me alone in hopes of sex, but due to a freak injury he's in a cast and that wouldn't even be possible right now. So that's not it. Also, I know he's off work because of the injury for right now, so maybe he's just bored, but he does have friends too--he could see if they want to hang out, if boredom is the real reasoning behind wanting to spend time with me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 I mean, when someone is moving too fast, it can be a big red flag that they are too needy or possessive or both, so you'll have to keep your eyes open. But I have also heard of couples who say, We met on a Monday and we've been together every since." But I believe in trusting your instincts. If it is making you uncomfortable, tell him to slow down and see if he handles it well or just gets more insistent. If it's the latter, it's a red flag. He needs to respect if you want to slow it down and not be checking up on you if you don't go out one night. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PacificPlain Posted April 5, 2016 Author Share Posted April 5, 2016 I mean, when someone is moving too fast, it can be a big red flag that they are too needy or possessive or both, so you'll have to keep your eyes open. But I have also heard of couples who say, We met on a Monday and we've been together every since." But I believe in trusting your instincts. If it is making you uncomfortable, tell him to slow down and see if he handles it well or just gets more insistent. If it's the latter, it's a red flag. He needs to respect if you want to slow it down and not be checking up on you if you don't go out one night. I don't know if it's even him making me uncomfortable, or I'm just not use to this. I'm use to dating guys that *maybe* had time/want to go out with me once a week, on a Friday night. IF I was lucky. I've become so accustomed to that, that I consider it the norm. So I don't have a baseline for if a guy wants to see me this much if it's normal or obsessive. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lilmissjava Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 Would you rather a guy that ghosted or faded? I say enjoy the ride. There are no rules - especially if you like the guy. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 I think its too early to come to any definite conclusions. I would just be mindful not to see him any more than you want to. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 Hum, I have never been one for rules, and all of these notions of not calling before x time has passed etc etc. Also count me in the "we met and have been together ever since" club. Sometimes when it just feels right - it is. Now that said, I WANTED to see him as soon and as often as possible right off the bat, so his eagerness was great. I am not sure you sound as into him.... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 If he's not pressuring you and you enjoy his company, why not? It beats the alternative, which is what usually goes down. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ad4m Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 Hum, I have never been one for rules, and all of these notions of not calling before x time has passed etc etc. Also count me in the "we met and have been together ever since" club. Sometimes when it just feels right - it is. Now that said, I WANTED to see him as soon and as often as possible right off the bat, so his eagerness was great. I am not sure you sound as into him.... I agree. It almost sounds like he is more into you than you are into him. Have you considered that he might actually just really like you, even though it's early on, and can maybe see something he hasn't seen before? That may be the reason he wants to spend a lot of time with you. Just because he wants to spend a lot of time with you, doesn't mean you should be concerned! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zippy2000 Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 Is it normal for a man to want to spend this much time with a woman? To answer your question..."yes" if he is into you. However dont be too available and give it time. Some of these men just want sex and therefore will try to move things faster to get you into bed. The best thing is give it time. If he wants to see you say in a few days. Say youre busy with birthdays and give him a counter offer. It just takes time to filter these men who want to get you into be to real genuine guys who want to be with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OnlyHonesty Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 Seeing each other too often is a recipe for disaster yet people repeat the same mistake again and again. You mentioned that the guy is in his 30's, how old does he look? Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 Seeing each other too often is a recipe for disaster yet people repeat the same mistake again and again. That depends upon the motives of the two involved. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
WhirlwindGuy Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 I think its crazy that people think there is some ultimate prescription of how every relationship should work. Do what feels right and natural to you. If it doesn't feel right and natural, don't do it. It is really that simple. Imagine a world without loveshack.org, or internet advice and articles about dating. How would you function in that world? Once you figure that out, just do that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
WaitingForBardot Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 With the right person yes. The majority of my relationships have involved spending essentially all our free time together after we've met. And most of them involved sex on the first date as well. Neither right nor wrong, just the way my relationships have worked out. Link to post Share on other sites
WhirlwindGuy Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 This dating thing is so crazy fickle...If you try too much, you're needy and possessive, If you don't try enough, you are aloof and fickle. You have to follow some magic multivariable formula that changes from situation to situation, and if you happen to venture a little away from it, you are ****canned. What a nightmare. Dating wasn't like this when I met my ex wife 13 years ago. Or maybe it was, I just didn't pay attention. Link to post Share on other sites
WaitingForBardot Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 This dating thing is so crazy fickle...If you try too much, you're needy and possessive, If you don't try enough, you are aloof and fickle. You have to follow some magic multivariable formula that changes from situation to situation, and if you happen to venture a little away from it, you are ****canned. What a nightmare. Dating wasn't like this when I met my ex wife 13 years ago. Or maybe it was, I just didn't pay attention. I don't think it's a matter of trying too much or too little, it's a matter of finding the right, read a compatible, person to try with. In my particular case I always dove in head first, which undoubtedly scared some potentials off, but matched with enough others that I have never spent much time worrying about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 So we finally went out on Friday night. asked me do something with him on Saturday night. Today, he asked me if I want do to something tonight. Friday Saturday Tuesday To me that indicates an impulsive personality. He wants to see you often, and he wants it now, never planned ahead. He is more about getting his dosage of PacificPlain than about getting to know you and winning you over. He is not worried at all about monopolizing your time or over-doing it and by the same chasing you away. Any normal man would try to temper himself in fear of over-doing it. This is the type of man that will spend 1 or 2 weeks worshiping you then he'll make a complete turn around and he'll say the butterflies have died. Link to post Share on other sites
WhirlwindGuy Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 I don't think it's a matter of trying too much or too little, it's a matter of finding the right, read a compatible, person to try with. In my particular case I always dove in head first, which undoubtedly scared some potentials off, but matched with enough others that I have never spent much time worrying about it. That is what I have landed on. If I like someone, I typically move quickly and enjoy spending time with that person as much as possible. If the potential partner is not OK with that, then they really aren't for me anyway. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
WaitingForBardot Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 ... To me that indicates an impulsive personality. ... Perhaps, but also perhaps just decisive. I meet someone, I like them, I make a decision to go for it. It's not always the right decision of course, but neither is it ever simply impulsive. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PacificPlain Posted April 5, 2016 Author Share Posted April 5, 2016 Friday Saturday Tuesday To me that indicates an impulsive personality. He wants to see you often, and he wants it now, never planned ahead. He is more about getting his dosage of PacificPlain than about getting to know you and winning you over. He is not worried at all about monopolizing your time or over-doing it and by the same chasing you away. Any normal man would try to temper himself in fear of over-doing it. This is the type of man that will spend 1 or 2 weeks worshiping you then he'll make a complete turn around and he'll say the butterflies have died. Gaia this is the angle I see on a man wanting to me you a lot. But I'm not sure if that's how it really is, or just my limited experience of men who half-assed it. I feel like the guys who come on the strongest burnout the fastest. It's not that Im not interested in him, it's just I've learned to be leery. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PacificPlain Posted April 5, 2016 Author Share Posted April 5, 2016 You mentioned that the guy is in his 30's, how old does he look? he doesn't look like it (but then again, neither did roommate). Men seem to enter this timeless/non aging thing between 27-35 where they just don't change. Wish women experienced that. He looks about 29. But he's 32, turning 33 next month. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 Perhaps, but also perhaps just decisive. I meet someone, I like them, I make a decision to go for it. It's not always the right decision of course, but neither is it ever simply impulsive. Going for it does not equal monopolizing her time. You still have to be respectful of her world and time. Inviting her out 3 nights in a row is over-doing it. You don't want her to have an indigestion of too much of you. The beginning of a relationship is very fragile. Too much is as bad as too little. Also the fact he never plans ahead. He calls her during the day and invite her out for that same night. It's ok once in a while but 3 times in a row? Can't he set up a proper date a few days ahead? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 Gaia this is the angle I see on a man wanting to me you a lot. But I'm not sure if that's how it really is, or just my limited experience of men who half-assed it. I feel like the guys who come on the strongest burnout the fastest. It's not that Im not interested in him, it's just I've learned to be leery. That is also my experience and I have a lot of dating experience. When it starts like a firework it dies like a firework. About tell him you are not available tonight but Thursday or Friday would do? That will temper him a little Link to post Share on other sites
WaitingForBardot Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 Going for it does not equal monopolizing her time. You still have to be respectful of her world and time. Inviting her out 3 nights in a row is over-doing it. You don't want her to have an indigestion of too much of you. The beginning of a relationship is very fragile. Too much is as bad as too little. Also the fact he never plans ahead. He calls her during the day and invite her out for that same night. It's ok once in a while but 3 times in a row? Can't he set up a proper date a few days ahead? I agree that he should not monopolize her time if that is not what she wants, I was just pointing out that sometimes it is what both people want. And as to relationships being fragile in the beginning, we have different experiences because this has just not been mine. Mine has been that fragile things tend to break; sometimes sooner, sometimes later, but they do usually break. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 And as to relationships being fragile in the beginning, we have different experiences because this has just not been mine. Mine has been that fragile things tend to break; sometimes sooner, sometimes later, but they do usually break. By fragile I mean at the beginning of a relationship the first 3-4 dates are decisive. You can be 100% into a girl but then she says (or do) something that completely turns you off. At the very beginning the relationship has no base to lean on yet, nothing is solid, you are strangers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PacificPlain Posted April 5, 2016 Author Share Posted April 5, 2016 That is also my experience and I have a lot of dating experience. When it starts like a firework it dies like a firework. About tell him you are not available tonight but Thursday or Friday would do? That will temper him a little I did tell him no. I had things I needed to do. I get that he's probably bored--with his cast he can't get out of the house much, and is on crutches, and he's normally extremely active and at work. Link to post Share on other sites
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