Married professor having an affair with student...?

[Privatelady677]

I have a close friend that confided in me and told me she is sleeping with her married professor (He's in his 50s and she is in her 20s).... On top of it all, she has a serious (live in) boyfriend.

 

She says it's only physical....

 

But my question is, is there some kind of policy at college's that forbid this?

 

And also, do you you think this guy is possibly using his power to keep this affair going? She gives me the feeling that she doesn't want to continue but is just doing it to gain benefits of doing well in the course, it's weird.

 

She also mentioned that she really doesn't want to attend class anymore because she feels uncomfortable...

 

I would never dare tell her secret that's why I am coming here.

[d0nnivain]

It happens & many but not all colleges have written prohibitions against it.

 

Just keep her secret & hope you are never forced to chose between her & revealing what you know.

[privategal]

Id say this is common.

[Privatelady677]

Now my question is, do you think he'd retaliate if she doesn't show up to class? Not sure, what her reasoning is but she's saying how she doesn't want to really go back to class and plans on submitting whatever he wants her to submit via email.

[Satu]

Id say this is common.

 

Not only common, but also a cliche...

[stillafool]

Now my question is, do you think he'd retaliate if she doesn't show up to class? Not sure, what her reasoning is but she's saying how she doesn't want to really go back to class and plans on submitting whatever he wants her to submit via email.

 

All she can do is not show up and see. It's hard to give advice without hearing directly from her.

[Grapesofwrath]

MAny schools prohibit this. the school ombudsman would know. It will be tough for her to pursue any kind of action, however, without her boyfriend finding out.

[BettyDraper]

This situation is so common that it has become a trope.

 

She thinks her professor is so worldly and mature. Meanwhile, he's using his power and age to take advantage of a naive young student.

 

The professor could easily lose his position over this, so your friend has more power than she thinks she does. If she ends the affair and he starts grading her harshly after that, all she has to do is threaten to reveal the affair to the professor's superiors. Even if he doesn't get fired, an affair with a student will tarnish his reputation.

 

I once had a professor who picked on me and read my papers with a mocking tone so that the class would laugh. She also screamed at me when I tried to participate in class. I simply went to her superiors as well as the registrar. I found out that she was known as a "character" and her colleagues disliked her.

[d0nnivain]

Now my question is, do you think he'd retaliate if she doesn't show up to class? Not sure, what her reasoning is but she's saying how she doesn't want to really go back to class and plans on submitting whatever he wants her to submit via email.

 

I don't understand your Q.

 

Are you saying she intends to do the rest of the work for the semester & simply not see him? If he has any brains, he should find her disappearing act acceptable.

 

If she plans to do nothing but now expects to pass because she slept with him, that may not fly. It depends on how much of a violation this is. If the school has a written policy against sex with students & the prof could lose his job she may be able to blackmail him into the passing grade but it's a risky gambit on her part.

[Privatelady677]

All she can do is not show up and see. It's hard to give advice without hearing directly from her.

 

She made mention of him being an a**hole towards her in front of others (in which I have been told other stories by women he has hit on how he purposely ignores or picks with women that he is attracted to so no one else will think he likes them) and at this point she doesn't want to subject herself to it because it's a bit stressful.

[Privatelady677]

I don't understand your Q.

 

Are you saying she intends to do the rest of the work for the semester & simply not see him? If he has any brains, he should find her disappearing act acceptable.

 

If she plans to do nothing but now expects to pass because she slept with him, that may not fly. It depends on how much of a violation this is. If the school has a written policy against sex with students & the prof could lose his job she may be able to blackmail him into the passing grade but it's a risky gambit on her part.

 

From what I gathered she plans to do the last couple of things they are required to do via email.

 

I just think being in his presence in that environment makes her extremely uncomfortable. He always tries to pry in her personal life by bringing up her boyfriend, etc. A lot to this story... It almost seems like her or him have caught feelings for one another.

[Privatelady677]

This situation is so common that it has become a trope.

 

She thinks her professor is so worldly and mature. Meanwhile, he's using his power and age to take advantage of a naive young student.

 

The professor could easily lose his position over this, so your friend has more power than she thinks she does. If she ends the affair and he starts grading her harshly after that, all she has to do is threaten to reveal the affair to the professor's superiors. Even if he doesn't get fired, an affair with a student will tarnish his reputation.

 

I once had a professor who picked on me and read my papers with a mocking tone so that the class would laugh. She also screamed at me when I tried to participate in class. I simply went to her superiors as well as the registrar. I found out that she was known as a "character" and her colleagues disliked her.

 

 

This professor has also been know to humiliate and berate students in front of the class. There was a story circulating that he cursed out the whole classroom and walked out because no one engaged in conversation about the material (obviously they didn't understand the material or hadn't read it but nonetheless the professor's behavior was totally inappropriate.) and a rumor that the professor threw an eraser at a girl because she looked at her phone.

 

Just seems like a very toxic professor and learning environment

[whichwayisup]

This professor has also been know to humiliate and berate students in front of the class. There was a story circulating that he cursed out the whole classroom and walked out because no one engaged in conversation about the material (obviously they didn't understand the material or hadn't read it but nonetheless the professor's behavior was totally inappropriate.) and a rumor that the professor threw an eraser at a girl because she looked at her phone.

 

Just seems like a very toxic professor and learning environment

 

Did she know all this before choosing to have an affair with her Prof?

 

It sucks she's now uncomfortable but she needs to suck it up and go to class. How much longer is this course?

[GorillaTheater]

This professor has also been know to humiliate and berate students in front of the class. There was a story circulating that he cursed out the whole classroom and walked out because no one engaged in conversation about the material (obviously they didn't understand the material or hadn't read it but nonetheless the professor's behavior was totally inappropriate.) and a rumor that the professor threw an eraser at a girl because she looked at her phone.

 

Just seems like a very toxic professor and learning environment

 

 

Seems like she'd be doing everyone a favor by reporting the affair. Even if he's tenured, it doesn't mean he's bullet-proof, and maybe the school and it's students would all benefit by him getting the boot.

[Privatelady677]

Did she know all this before choosing to have an affair with her Prof?

 

It sucks she's now uncomfortable but she needs to suck it up and go to class. How much longer is this course?

 

 

She was aware of most of this but she still enjoyed the thrill of the situation. But she says she recently has had a change of heart and wants to not continue in this.

 

I believe she said the course is about 4 more weeks.

[13Hearts]

What an azzhole! Disgusting creep. People just have no honor!

 

She should finish out the class with as little drama as possible. Then turn him in after grades are posted.

[whichwayisup]

She was aware of most of this but she still enjoyed the thrill of the situation. But she says she recently has had a change of heart and wants to not continue in this.

 

I believe she said the course is about 4 more weeks.

 

She gambled. Chose to have excitement sex with the Prof (ask her if it was worth it?) vs having the Prof just be her teacher so she could be in class. Now this consequence is uncomfortable for her.

 

4 more weeks she can go and just be courteous and professional, keep her head down and don't get caught up in any drama, to just do her school work and that's it.

 

She's made some bad choices not only by cheating on her boyfriend (why would she do that to him?) but by losing out on her education by sleeping with the Prof. She needs to do some thinking and changing on how to be the woman she wants to be, I doubt she's happy with how things have played out.

[cocorico]

I have a close friend that confided in me and told me she is sleeping with her married professor (He's in his 50s and she is in her 20s).... On top of it all, she has a serious (live in) boyfriend.

 

She says it's only physical....

 

But my question is, is there some kind of policy at college's that forbid this?

 

And also, do you you think this guy is possibly using his power to keep this affair going? She gives me the feeling that she doesn't want to continue but is just doing it to gain benefits of doing well in the course, it's weird.

 

She also mentioned that she really doesn't want to attend class anymore because she feels uncomfortable...

 

I would never dare tell her secret that's why I am coming here.

 

Any university worth its salt has a policy forbidding sexual relationships between staff and undergraduate students. Many extend that to postgraduate students too, but that's more of a grey area owing to students being older, often with established careers of their own, etc.

 

She was doing it for the thrill, and hoping to get better marks. He was getting free sex. "Sex for grades" is one of the oldest tropes, and she can be sure that when it gets out, her classmates will look on her as some kind of sex worker, and the departmental marks board will have someone else review all her work to make sure she was assessed fairly - so if she has been handing in work of a substandard quality, she may want to hold back on reporting it until she's out of the course - unless she's confident her work will stand on its own merits. Also, her reputation will take a knock in the department, so any future course she takes in that department with other lecturers may be affected.

 

Given that she knew all that about him, and went for it anyway, she's probably not going to get too much sympathy, although she should be offered counselling - though usually only after the tribunal / disciplinary hearing, at which she will be expected to testify openly, possibly in graphic detail if he denies her claims (to establish the veracity of her claims - students making false claims against teaching staff is also an old trope).

 

He will, if found guilty, face any of a range of consequences from a warning to immediate dismissal, depending on a range of factors. So he may still be around, even after she does him in. Depending on his relationships in his department, or any other departments she may take courses in, people may feel more sympathy for him than for her, and she needs to be prepared for that.

 

She needs to consider carefully whether she's willing to go through all of that. If she's close to graduating, she may choose to just get on with things for now, and report it later, so that she's not around for any unpleasantness following on reporting. If she's still a way from graduating, she needs to decide whether it's worth it - given that she was a willing participant, engaging for material benefit (marks) - or whether to write it off as a lesson learned. If she does decide to report, she needs to make sure she has enough support - and yes, it will get back to her boyfriend, so she'd be wise to get him onside - as it won't be painless.

[Phoenician]

I am An academic and had a similar incidence ; when she attempted to approach me , I just told her , sure let's have a date :

 

-2 days after the finals ;

 

she got a fair grade , after that we went out for dinner many times ; cuddled,kissed and had a nice time .

 

when she inspired me that we can go further ; i just told her that it will happen 2 days after my divorce ; but the only problem is that there is no date set for my divorce ...

 

[sandylee1]

She was aware of most of this but she still enjoyed the thrill of the situation. But she says she recently has had a change of heart and wants to not continue in this.

 

I believe she said the course is about 4 more weeks.

 

 

There are policies against it. He would be in trouble if the employers knew. She's getting an unfair advantage by sleeping with the prof.

 

Why doesn't she just tell him she's busy studying and 4 weeks will soon be over.