laluna Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 Hi, So I've been really good about getting over the ex. I have not spoken to him in weeks and just say hi to him when I see him at work. It's taken me forever to get to this point because I see him a few times a week. However, I've been really lonely lately and I've been thinking about calling him. I saw him today and he gave me the vibe that he is dating another coworker. I gave in and stopped and said hello to him. She was sitting with him and just shot me a not so nice look. He was coldly friendly. I walked away disgusted, I don't know if by him or by myself. I find myself feeling really jealous. I really think that it is because he has someone and I don't. I don't understand, any advice is appreciated.
BrotherAaron Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 First off, you're assuming that he's dating this girl. He might be, or he might not be. Just take what you saw at face value have these kind of thoughts: "He was sitting with some girl, who happens to be very rude. Hmm, I don't like her very much, she doesn't seem that cool. Gee... I hope he's not thinking about dating that girl. Who'd want to go out with such a bitch? Oh, man, he's more lost than I thought - good luck with that! Ha! :rolleyes:" Not these thoughts "Oh my gosh, he was with a girl... I could tell right when I walked in, from the tension - they're in love! Oh they probably already have the wedding planned! What am I going to wear?? I'm such a lonely loser!" Second of all, even if it is his girlfriend, part of accepting the reality that you two are broken up is accepting the reality that he can see other people. You have to prepare yourself for the eventuality that he will have a girlfriend. You'll be tempted to write her off as a 'rebound chick' that 'won't last!', but don't. Just realize that he will start seeing other people, and they may get serious too. It's the way life is played out. But don't be discouraged! "How could I not!", you protest, "He's going to be out there having fun with her!" You're not going to care - because you're going to be too busy to give a rat's ass what he does. I want you to get out there and have some fun! Don't worry about him anymore. Call up your girlfriends, tell them to do their hair and makeup extra nice, put on your favorite outfit, and have a night out with the gals. Hell, make it a whole day. Tell them that you need a "therapy shopping and makeover session", and be the center of attention for the day. Go out and bat your pretty little eyes at some hunks downtown, maybe give out your phone number, eh? Remember - you're single now. You don't need that worthless no good scrub. He never listened to you anyway. Plus he was cheap! (Well, maybe not, but that's what most girls say about their ex's.) If you do this, and you still don't feel all of the way better - do it again! Don't leave time for moping. Stay away from cartons of ice cream and romance flicks. Remember - you're a STRONG WOMAN who doesn't need no man. You don't need to waste your time worrying about some jerk who's too busy trying to woo that rude ho from the office when you've got better things to do. Hey, if that still doesn't work, I'll take you on a date. If you don't like me, you could always just ditch me and go home with some jerks from the bar. I won't mind!
moon Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 BrotherAaron that was a really nice and thoughtful post. One of the better ones I have read on that topic. I think it is true that you have to get busy again with your own life, despite the hurt (but PLEASE also deal with that hurt too). I have a friend who is going through a divorce and she dumped her husband. She moved away and can't believe it because this guy is having parties at their old home together and she's hearing stories about how he's out with friends and he's not calling her. She's quite shocked. It's making her a little depressed. Not that I want to see my friend depressed (I don't!!!)....I am just learning a bit from this. I guess if you really do want your ex to hurt (or feel some pain at least), you hop back on life and make him sorry he left you. It seems to work a bit for some people. What I usually do is get as far away from the situation as possible and stop talking to them. But if you're working with them you've got to do something. That sucks that you work with this guy! Can you get a new job? Good luck.
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