Exhausted and worn out, but its getting better.

[kasop]

This is mostly a long vent. Its been about 6 months sense i have posted here. Writing on LS has always made me feel better. She is 25 im 26. This is i think the 5-6th time she has broken up with me in a year. I could never do it because i have this undying commitment to her.

 

The first time she left me i was in agony for about 2 months and then after another month she came back. I was so happy she did. It was like a dream come true. But each time she would get her feelings really hurt she would just grab all her stuff and leave. Running back to her parents each time.changing relation status to single and deleting al our pictures.i feel like i truly love her but i believe this is a toxic relationship now.

 

When we are together she requires all of my attention. We put alot of pressure on each other to be the person we wanted each other to be. She wanted to get married so bad even though we had only been together for a short amount of time. She didnt work much while i did. Her habits after living with her were not that great. Low abition to do anything. Always expecting me to have a plan for us to do something everynight.

 

It was so much stress trying to amount to everything she wanted in a man. Like she wants someone to rescue her from her own life and take care of everything. I truley wanted to be that person but ive failed over and over. This time she left because i have been a selfish ***hole. Her words. Along with alot of other names.

 

Each time she leaves ive been something else. Everything i say after she gets set off by something just makes her angier and angier at me. Shes also diagnosed bu-polar2 and has alot of mades shes on and off of. Im starting to believe that i reaaly am a selfish human being. I always look back and really try to figure out what i did wrong. Im just like alot of men i make mistakes without relizing it til its to late.

 

Im starting to think im not cut out for the whole relationship thing. This was one of the first girls who i truly loved and loved me but it keeps just crashing and burning. She feels like she does everything for me and i feel like i do everything for her. Idk where all the respect of each other went. At least it doesnt hurt as bad as the first time. The blow softens each time.

 

Idk why im so emotionally attached to this person and i feel like i will be alone forever. I know all the rules of NC and have allready started. Anyways this was just a vent really. If you have any advice please comment LS. Thanks

Edited February 24, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs ~6

[Zahara]

[]

 

That would mean breaking up every two months. It doesn't sound like you both love each other in the healthy sense but more so attaching to each other driven by toxic behaviors. She wants to be rescued and you try hard to be a knight. Relationships aren't made that way. If anything, it should be about two people supporting and nurturing each other. None of this passive aggressive, blame shifting and manipulative drama.

 

Idk why im so emotionally attached to this person and i feel like i will be alone forever.

 

Staying in a bad relationship has nothing to do with undying commitment. See bold.

Edited February 24, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
redacted full quote of immediately preceding post ~6

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, look up Love Addiction and Insecure/Anxious Attachment style. I think you might identify quite a bit.

 

The relationship is toxic. If you want a chance at happiness, you need to stay away from her. She isn't a healthy partner for you. And you need to work on your own self-respect and stop enabling her bad behaviour.

 

A relationship with so much drama isn't a relationship.

[Methodical]

Sorry, but I don't anyone in a relationship that doesn't have bumps in the road occasionally. Running from issues doesn't solve them, nor does sticking your head in the sand and pretending you can't see the obvious facts. You fear loneliness and are in love with the thought of being in love. Both of you are keeping score. That's not love. This on two months, off two months is a childish game destined to lead to more repercussion to your self-esteem down the road. You are correct, this relationship is toxic. Get out and move on.

[Simon Phoenix]

Ok, so will you actually see No Contact through this time, or you going for lucky number 7 as far as breakups?

[edel]

I once had a boyfriend like that. I was with him for three years, and in those three years he broke up with me 7(!!!) times. Sometimes it just lasted for a few days, twice it lasted for a month or two. I realized that he didn't break up because he really wanted to break up, but because he couldn't handle bumps on the road. Everytime we had a bigger fight, he instantly broke up, apparently he didn't know what else to do. Even though I really loved him, I finally realized I cannot continue like that. When he broke up with me the 7th time, I finally gave up on him. He tried to get me back as usual, but this time I declined. I couldn't take it anymore.

 

Break up with that girl, for good. SHe's not gonna change, and I'm sure you don't want to continue being broken up with for the rest of your life.

[kasop]

Ok, so will you actually see No Contact through this time, or you going for lucky number 7 as far as breakups?

 

She always comes back with some story about how awful her life has been and how she was happier with me.

[Zahara]

She always comes back with some story about how awful her life has been and how she was happier with me.

 

You can block her. You can sever contact. It's a choice. You're choosing to be available because you're afraid to let go as well.

 

You don't have to stay open to a situation that is never going to change or be healthy for any of you. The sooner you cut the cord, the sooner you end the insanity.

[Methodical]

She always comes back with some story about how awful her life has been and how she was happier with me.

 

Has it occurred to you that perhaps she has brought on some of the awful occurrences in her life based on her behavior? Do you ever wonder what she tells ppl about you and your rocky relationship? You do realize that she is not going to paint herself as a rapscallion and you as a saint, right? She sounds like the type of person who is going to tell whomever she is standing in front of the story that best suits her at that moment - and next week that story will change according to whom she is standing in front of then. She isn't a stable person.

[Toodaloo]

She always comes back with some story about how awful her life has been and how she was happier with me.

 

No she isn't or she wouldn't keep breaking up with you...

 

Time to go no contact and be single so you can meet a girl who will stick with you.

 

This needs to end and you need to end it.

 

Trust me after the initial hurt wears off you will start to feel so much better.

[kasop]

Has it occurred to you that perhaps she has brought on some of the awful occurrences in her life based on her behavior? Do you ever wonder what she tells ppl about you and your rocky relationship? You do realize that she is not going to paint herself as a rapscallion and you as a saint, right? She sounds like the type of person who is going to tell whomever she is standing in front of the story that best suits her at that moment - and next week that story will change according to whom she is standing in front of then. She isn't a stable person.

 

No your right. This time she painted me black to her parents. She said she told them "everything" i was like you mean how hard i tried to treat you right?.. anyways her parents dont like me anymore. She thrives off of attention of others. Mostly people how feel bad for her. She plays the victim role. None of my friends or family have liked her in awhile. . Mostly because they see through the bs. She barley has friends of her own either. She will run to anyone who will be nice to her and feel bad for her.

[Methodical]

No your right. This time she painted me black to her parents. She said she told them "everything" i was like you mean how hard i tried to treat you right?.. anyways her parents dont like me anymore. She thrives off of attention of others. Mostly people how feel bad for her. She plays the victim role. None of my friends or family have liked her in awhile. . Mostly because they see through the bs. She barley has friends of her own either. She will run to anyone who will be nice to her and feel bad for her.

 

Right! So unless you have some secret desire to built a volatile relationship with a person that gets off on being victimized, you should run, not walk, from this person. Neither family cares for their loved ones SO, and that won't bode well in the future.

 

Hopefully you are putting the pieces together, slowly but surely, based on your above bolded statement. No, she doesn't tell them anything that paints you in a positive light, which is why they don't like you. Why would you want to be with a person who only spreads negative gossip that makes you out as the villain? There is a reason she has few, if any, friends .

[Grumpybutfun]

This isn't how a loving, respectful, healthy relationship looks like. You are with a drama queen who is emotionally unstable and broken and wants you to fix her life for her. It is an exhausting race that will never finish because you cannot fix another EVER.

Ask yourself if drama and angst is what you want in life...if you equate her immaturity and Princess behavior to love and happiness. If you do, continue to enable her to be an intolerant jackwad. If you want a loving healthy mutually respectful relationship built on love, then let this breakup be the last and go no contact. Anything would be preferable than this soul sucking drama.

Move on,

Grumps

[Simon Phoenix]

She always comes back with some story about how awful her life has been and how she was happier with me.

 

So what? I would hope by now that you realize that it's complete bulls--t. Fool me once, shame on you -- fool me twice, shame on me. Sounds like you're on "Fool me six times" at least.

 

You not only need to go No Contact, but you need TO BLOCK. I mean, your judgement with this woman is complete garbage, so you have to take her out of play until you get your brain reinserted into your skull.

[kasop]

Im having trouble with nc and really need to vent i apologize for bumping this post back up. Im typing here so i dont message her. All i think about is her. I feel like i took her for granted and really was selfish. There were alot of times that i had to have my way. It was always about small things but it builds up. She just has more self respect then i do.. she knows to leave a situation when its bad. When she was with me she really gave me her all. Why would i take that for granted? I feel like this is punishment. She has to leave to make a point. And of course i freak out because it destroys me that she is so easily able to give up.. I know where i as wrong it just took me some time to figure it out. I never cheated on her.. i never rose my voice.. i never threatened her or laid a hand on her.. but she treats me like i did. She acts like im some kind of monster that ruined her life. There were times where i didnt listen to her and would poke fun at her about little things. I never knew she would take it ao serious. She was always upset over something small and it got to a point where it started taking a toll on me. It was like what did i do now?. There were unattractive qualities about her and i did my best to accept it but i would complain every now and there. Like if something she wore was to revealing or how she did t like to pick up after her self. But thats just who she is. I really did appreciate the things she did do for me. i feel like this selfish monster. This girl was everything i wanted and she gave me her all but i screwed it up. She keeps giving me chances but i keep screwing up. I hate this. I hate how i cant maintain a rs with the girl i want to be with forever. Sorry again i just really needed to vent.

[c.198730]

This is mostly a long vent. Its been about 6 months sense i have posted here. Writing on LS has always made me feel better. She is 25 im 26. This is i think the 5-6th time she has broken up with me in a year. I could never do it because i have this undying commitment to her.

 

The first time she left me i was in agony for about 2 months and then after another month she came back. I was so happy she did. It was like a dream come true. But each time she would get her feelings really hurt she would just grab all her stuff and leave. Running back to her parents each time.changing relation status to single and deleting al our pictures.i feel like i truly love her but i believe this is a toxic relationship now.

 

When we are together she requires all of my attention. We put alot of pressure on each other to be the person we wanted each other to be. She wanted to get married so bad even though we had only been together for a short amount of time. She didnt work much while i did. Her habits after living with her were not that great. Low abition to do anything. Always expecting me to have a plan for us to do something everynight.

 

It was so much stress trying to amount to everything she wanted in a man. Like she wants someone to rescue her from her own life and take care of everything. I truley wanted to be that person but ive failed over and over. This time she left because i have been a selfish ***hole. Her words. Along with alot of other names.

 

Each time she leaves ive been something else. Everything i say after she gets set off by something just makes her angier and angier at me. Shes also diagnosed bu-polar2 and has alot of mades shes on and off of. Im starting to believe that i reaaly am a selfish human being. I always look back and really try to figure out what i did wrong. Im just like alot of men i make mistakes without relizing it til its to late.

 

Im starting to think im not cut out for the whole relationship thing. This was one of the first girls who i truly loved and loved me but it keeps just crashing and burning. She feels like she does everything for me and i feel like i do everything for her. Idk where all the respect of each other went. At least it doesnt hurt as bad as the first time. The blow softens each time.

 

Idk why im so emotionally attached to this person and i feel like i will be alone forever. I know all the rules of NC and have allready started. Anyways this was just a vent really. If you have any advice please comment LS. Thanks

KASOP I think you need to do what I am doing. NO CONTACT. Talk to her one last time. Be happy and explain that your doing well and you hope Shes great as well. Do not mention that your sad or hurt. Just be normal or better yet a bit distant. Then wait 30 days. If she calls or texts do not reply. After 30 days shoot her a simple text saying hey how have you been. Then if she reaches out to you talk with her but still act happy and distant. Now the goal is for her to see you in a different light. You keep losing her because every time you get back together she sees the same MAN. You want it to be a fresh start. You want her to see a spark in you. Go work out, Go focus on things that make you feel better. Maybe go on some dates(i did and it helps).

[Redhead14]

This is mostly a long vent. Its been about 6 months sense i have posted here. Writing on LS has always made me feel better. She is 25 im 26. This is i think the 5-6th time she has broken up with me in a year. I could never do it because i have this undying commitment to her.

 

The first time she left me i was in agony for about 2 months and then after another month she came back. I was so happy she did. It was like a dream come true. But each time she would get her feelings really hurt she would just grab all her stuff and leave. Running back to her parents each time.changing relation status to single and deleting al our pictures.i feel like i truly love her but i believe this is a toxic relationship now.

 

When we are together she requires all of my attention. We put alot of pressure on each other to be the person we wanted each other to be. She wanted to get married so bad even though we had only been together for a short amount of time. She didnt work much while i did. Her habits after living with her were not that great. Low abition to do anything. Always expecting me to have a plan for us to do something everynight.

 

It was so much stress trying to amount to everything she wanted in a man. Like she wants someone to rescue her from her own life and take care of everything. I truley wanted to be that person but ive failed over and over. This time she left because i have been a selfish ***hole. Her words. Along with alot of other names.

 

Each time she leaves ive been something else. Everything i say after she gets set off by something just makes her angier and angier at me. Shes also diagnosed bu-polar2 and has alot of mades shes on and off of. Im starting to believe that i reaaly am a selfish human being. I always look back and really try to figure out what i did wrong. Im just like alot of men i make mistakes without relizing it til its to late.

 

Im starting to think im not cut out for the whole relationship thing. This was one of the first girls who i truly loved and loved me but it keeps just crashing and burning. She feels like she does everything for me and i feel like i do everything for her. Idk where all the respect of each other went. At least it doesnt hurt as bad as the first time. The blow softens each time.

 

Idk why im so emotionally attached to this person and i feel like i will be alone forever. I know all the rules of NC and have allready started. Anyways this was just a vent really. If you have any advice please comment LS. Thanks

 

You are not in love with HER, you are in love with the person you wish she would be and it appears that she is basically rowing the same boat.

 

This has the markings of a co-dependent relationship. Keep moving my friend. It's time . . .

 

The blow softens each time.-- This is a line of thinking that parallels this: I keep hitting myself with a hammer because it feels so good when I stop . . .

[kasop]

Ive gotten her back with a serious heart filled apology after some time before.. its been a couple of weeks. Im just breaking down. I really wamt to try to send a msg. But theres a good chance she will tell me to f off. Idk if she is just still mad at me or what.

[Redhead14]

Ive gotten her back with a serious heart filled apology after some time before.. its been a couple of weeks. Im just breaking down. I really wamt to try to send a msg. But theres a good chance she will tell me to f off. Idk if she is just still mad at me or what.

 

As soon as you start feeling the urge to reach out to her, call someone else. Call your Mom, your sister or brother, a buddy, anyone else.

[Downtown]

She's also diagnosed bipolar-2.

Kasop, as you stated today in your post in Concerned's thread, the behaviors you describe are much closer to the warning signs for BPD (Borderline PD) than to those for bipolar-2. If you're interested, I describe the differences I've seen between the two disorders in my post at 12 BPD/Bipolar Differences, which is based on my experiences with a bipolar-1 sufferer (my foster son) and a BPDer (my exW).

 

With regard to BPD, I provide a list of 18 BPD Warning Signs and a more detailed description of them at my posts in Rebel's Thread. Please keep in mind that, even if your exGF's diagnosis of bipolar-2 is correct, it does not rule out her having strong BPD traits as well. A recent large-scale study found that 27% of bipolar-2 sufferers also have full-blown BPD. See Table 3 at 2008 Study in JCP.

[kasop]

Kasop, as you stated today in your post in Concerned's thread, the behaviors you describe are much closer to the warning signs for BPD (Borderline PD) than to those for bipolar-2. If you're interested, I describe the differences I've seen between the two disorders in my post at 12 BPD/Bipolar Differences, which is based on my experiences with a bipolar-1 sufferer (my foster son) and a BPDer (my exW).

 

With regard to BPD, I provide a list of 18 BPD Warning Signs and a more detailed description of them at my posts in Rebel's Thread. Please keep in mind that, even if your exGF's diagnosis of bipolar-2 is correct, it does not rule out her having strong BPD traits as well. A recent large-scale study found that 27% of bipolar-2 sufferers also have full-blown BPD. See Table 3 at 2008 Study in JCP.

 

Ive read your post before downtown. Its all nothing new. I read them the first time we broke up. I get that she is ill. Understanding the illness didnt help solve anything really after getting back together.

[wonderbug111]

Ive read your post before downtown. Its all nothing new. I read them the first time we broke up. I get that she is ill. Understanding the illness didnt help solve anything really after getting back together.

 

are you back together now or still maintaining NC? Just curious...

[elaine567]

The reality is that you cannot keep a relationship going that is all about breaking up every 2 months, that is ridiculous.

If she has been diagnosed with Bipolar-2, she will find it difficult to maintain a relationship, you can't fix her single-handedly, and trying as you are finding out is sending YOU mad.

Please look after yourself, grieve, and move on is my advice.

We only get one life, so surrounding yourself with misery and chaos is wasting large chunks of it. Set yourself free.

[Simon Phoenix]

Ive read your post before downtown. Its all nothing new. I read them the first time we broke up. I get that she is ill. Understanding the illness didnt help solve anything really after getting back together.

 

The point is that you shouldn't be continuing to try to get back together with this woman. It's wash, rinse, repeat. You're banging your head against a brick wall repeatedly, yet are confused as to why your head is bleeding.

[kasop]

Just a little vent. Ive posted many times in the past. Its been 3 months from our 1 year on and off again relationship. The breakup was so ugly. Its taken me some time to gain my confidence back and to bounce back from a very weak point of my life.

 

I feel as if i became too complacent in our relationship and i stopped trying. I still havent completely figured out why i did. We moved in together so soon and wanted to get married so fast. I believe i showed alot of fear and it completely turned her off. Even so i believe we all remember the good over the bad with some time. We really had great moments together and i feel stuck in them.

 

I have this feeling in the back of my head that says shes going to reach out at any moment as she has before after weve broken up. How can she not want too after everything we have been through. But still no phone call or message. I know im just projecting my feelings onto her. Honestly i dont even know her anymore. she left me. She ran away again. I cant take her back even if we both wanted it. It would be disrespectful to myself.

 

If anyone has some feedback its always much appreciated. Maybe even links to articles or vids that have helped others move on. Ive been listening to corey wayne alot and its helped me get a better procpective of being a man. Thank you LS.