lovehurts05 Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 Recently went through a break up after 8 years of being in this relationship. This person WAS my best friend, but I got some shocking news this past weekend. He told me he had been TALKING to this girl he just met when he went out of state a few weeks ago, and he recently proposed to her. This totally shocked me and broke my heart and I feel so miserable. He wants for us to remain friends, but I have come to the decision to let him out of my life completely! There is a lot more about this relationship, but I will end up typing a book. I need some advice on how to get through all this.
simplyconfused Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 Oh gosh, I feel so sorry for you. I know it must be really hard and he is a jerk for actually telling you he proposed to her. How heartless can you get. My advice would be to start dating other people. Its probably the last thing you want to do now but it does help. Also spend as much time as you can with your friends and i heard it helps if you put notes (say near your phone) with everything he said and done which hurt you at the time. But honestly he seems so selfish just by telling you he proposed to her knowing how much its going to hurt you, not mentioning the fact that he probably had affair with her that one would feel sorry for that girl.
simplyconfused Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 Whatever you do try to avoid being by yourself (at home especially), at least for next 3 months or so. Whether it is getting together with friends, family, dates or simply working keep yourself busy. I couldn't stand being on my own after one painful break up and I think i did the right thing by meeting up with friends, family and dating other people. It really helped. Travelling also helps. Maybe with friend or some date. Personally i think it was mistake to stay with him for so long without him proposing, but you know there is someone out there for everyone. You just haven't met him yet, but one day you will. If it gets real bad get some counselling, but time will definitely heal it. One thing I know is true lots of people go through that and find someone else afterwards and live happily ever after. It is really not the end of the world, even though it may seem like that at a time.
Author lovehurts05 Posted June 16, 2005 Author Posted June 16, 2005 Well, he did propose to me a few months ago, but I did not give a straight answer because the word marriage scares me, but I told him that we need to really think about it, but he took that as a "NO". So basically he thought I rejected his proposal which I didn't. But what hurts me more is that he met this person just a few weeks ago and already proposed to her, and she said "YES"!
Butterflye Posted June 16, 2005 Posted June 16, 2005 First of all, you are definately right to let him out of your life. There are instances when ex's can be friends, but that is ONLY where both people are fine with the break up and where there are no latent emotions. This guy will only hurt you (whether consciously or unconsciously) the more you stay in contact with him. So you HAVE to remember, that while it hurts, you have to keep to keep your distance for your own sake. It's your own turn to be selfish. Looking to how to get through, it really is a case of a day at a time. You definately need to keep yourself occupied, whether it be going out to see friends, starting up new hobbies, joining clubs and meeting new friends etc. I know it is advised to also date new people but I think this is personal preference. Some people find it helps them to remember they are desirable and still attractive (a definate needed confidence boost). However, while the ego boost is definately needed, I find, personally, that half the time when you're on the 'prowl' for someone new it won't happen. Also, you need time to heal, dating may not neessarily help that and you may find that the thought of dating someone new is just the LAST thing you want. Also, is it fair to date someone when you know they are just a rebound, although, having said that, there is nothing better to take away the thought of an old love, than a new one (supposedly a spanish saying). It's completely up to you though, but less 'scary' than dating, maybe some mild flirting will remind you that you are desirable. Whether it just be in a bar or club (anywhere really) it doesn't have to lead to anything at all, but it can help a bit with the ego. I find also that it helps to have something to look forward to, so maybe book yourself a holiday, anything you can look forward to an enjoy on your own. Now is the time to get completely selfish and focus entirely on you. Finally though, but you probably know this, is that you can't contact him. For someone who shared 8 years of your life, he is truly being cruel telling you this, knowing you, your feelings and how you are bound to react. He obviously doesn't care, he is too wrapped up in his own feelings for this new person and is that really the person you know and cared for. It's sad to say but he is obviously a different man to the one you loved and cared for and sometimes this is the only way to move on...to realise that he is completely different to the man you were with and to know that you could never care the new him!
suegail Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 He proposed to you a few months ago, and thought your answer was 'no' and now he's engaged to a woman he met only a few weeks ago. Utterly ridiculous. He's a ridiculous man and he's met a silly woman. I'm not trying to make light of the fact that you're hurt. I hope you don't think that - not at all. But, just for a moment, put yourself in his place. It's just possible that he's willing to go this far in order to think of you as broken and weak from heartache and tears, and he's living for the moment when you begin to beg him to stop the madness and come back to you. Hey, try it the other way and see what you get. Wish him well with all your heart. Tell him you've decided it's the best thing that could ever happen. I think you might see a turn around, however, at that point you have gained the upper hand. If that's how it turns out, I hope you will make a good decision about your future. I think you can guess that I would consider a good decision to be one that doesn't include him. bonne chance, mon amie
Author lovehurts05 Posted June 17, 2005 Author Posted June 17, 2005 Well, thanks for all the replies, all the responses have giving me a little boost. I think I did the right thing by letting this person out of my life, even after he told me that "His life is not complete without me" and this is why wanted to stay friends, but I can't just be friends with him, especially since I lost my trust against him. It is very tough to get through this, the nights in bed are lonely, and waking in the morning is the hardest, but I try to get by day by day. Life is just going to be soooo different without him. Maybe later on down the line he will realize what a mistake he made by losing the person who cared and loved for him so much, and was always always there for him no matter what.
beejsea2 Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 Lovehurt, Take some time and pamper yourself..a manicure, pedicure, day at the spa. The main thing is to take care of yourself. I know that this isn't going to be the best advice but give it "time." When I first came to LS eight months ago when people told me getting over a break-up was "time" I thought everyone was crazy. But time has slowly healed my wounds. Not saying that I'm at 100%. My ex left me eight months ago and I found out a month ago he proposed to some woman he hadn't even meet face to face. Sure at the time I was hurt...but in the long run I look at the growth that I've made in the past eight months and how much better I'm doing.
Author lovehurts05 Posted June 17, 2005 Author Posted June 17, 2005 Well, working at my full time job keeps me well occupied. Lately I have been spending time with family to get my mind off of him, which it does help just a little bit. I am just so hurt over this whole situation. I am very sad that I had to let go of him, but he really hurt me this time. We did so many things together, and we were ALWAYS together, and to all of a sudden not to have him around is very hard. I did so much for him, bent over backwards for him, not saying he did not do anything for me, but I think I gave him my 100% when he needed it. This new woman in his life, not sure if it is going to work out between them because they live in separate states, and both are in the military. Not sure what the odds of him coming back to me if it does not work out for him. I will definately not take him back, especially since more than likely he will do this again!
Author lovehurts05 Posted June 17, 2005 Author Posted June 17, 2005 I have another question, I have not spoken to him in 3 days. Should I continue with NC? Do you think he will call me back someday?
Recommended Posts