Raina314 Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 My ex broke up with me almost six months ago because he said the spark was gone and he couldn't say that he loved me. Full story is in one of my threads somewhere. He wanted to stay friends (and we have a bunch of mutual friends), so after 3 months of total NC I went out with the group again. Last night was the second time I've seen him since the BU. He was friendly, so I was friendly back, but inside I'm still heartbroken. I still love him so much, and I don't even have a good reason. What's really getting me is that I never got to tell him that. I was waiting for him to stay it first because my other ex freaked out when I first told him, so I didn't want a repeat of that. But instead, he told me he didn't love me, and I never expressed my feelings. I've been trying my hardest to squash them and ignore temptation to contact him and focus on other things, and there are times when I do pretty well. But whenever I see him, this burning urge to talk to him comes up again and I want to tell him how I felt/feel. My best friend says I should talk to him just to get it out, otherwise it'll just stay there and stop me from moving on. But I know it would only make whatever semblance of friendship we have even more awkward. Still, maybe my friend is right. This is eating me alive and I don't know if it's prolonging my healing or if saying something would make it worse. Which leads me to my other problem, which is my worry about my future in love. My first ex, who I was with for two years, didn't initially respond well when I told him I loved him, this ex didn't love me at all, and the one guy in between who I had a fling with didn't say anything, not that I expected him to. He wanted to be exclusive and I wanted out, so he had no reason to say he loved me if he ever even did. So now I'm just wondering if I'm just unlovable? Though I ended 2/3 of my relationships on my terms, the other party was ready to get out by the end. I'm always the one left crying in the end and now I'm wondering if it'll always be like this. Will anyone ever love me? Or will I always be left behind? I always do my best to be kind and caring. People tell me I'm attractive. I have a full time job just out of college and am moving into my own place. What am I missing?
ad4m Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 Personally, I think you need to talk to him and tell him how you feel. If you're still in love with him, he needs to know. Although you didn't get a chance to tell him when you were together, if you tell him now you will have closure. After telling him, you will find out all of the answers. There may be a chance that he didn't realise you loved him, and upon hearing you say it, may rekindle something that was missing when you were together. He may feel completely different after telling him you love him. On the flip side, it may make no difference if you tell him and he won't be bothered. Either way, you will then have closure. If he thinks that maybe there is still something there to start up again, great, you're back with the person you love. Alternatively, he may not care that you love him, in which case you can start moving on. Whatever the outcome, you will know what you can do next. But, this can only happen if you tell him how you still feel and felt when you were together.
Light Breeze Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 You just haven't met someone who will reciprocate your feelings yet but he's out there. You seem young, so take your time and don't be disheartened by failure. Just be mindful not to make stupid choices. With regards to your ex. It seems you are still hoping that he would come back after confessing your feelings. Well, that won't happen. The extinguishing of the so called "spark" is practically a death sentence to relationship nowadays. People who rely on that overrated thing tend to be unreliable for LTRs anyway. You probably dodged a bullet there. Anyway, I disagree with your friend's advice to talk to your ex so as to enable you to move on. It sounds cliché but it's true that closure comes from within. If you want to heal then go hard NC, it really works.
Author Raina314 Posted April 4, 2016 Author Posted April 4, 2016 Thanks guys. I'll take both points into consideration. I've never had to go NC before, to be honest. I've always managed to be friends with my exes while getting over them, but those exes cared about me and I don't think this one cares about anything other than not having to feel awkward when we're in the same room. I know NC might be best, its just hard when doing it this way is taking longer than it took me to move on when I was in contact with my other exes. He may feel completely different after telling him you love him. He said he was 100% sure this was the right decision because he wasn't ready for a relationship. So while I wish there were a chance of this, I just doubt it :/.
Recommended Posts