Flakiness is a defining feature of Millennials/Generation Y?

[Emilia]

I've just read an article about ghosting written by a 28 year-old British journalist. She said how prevalent it was in her generation and that it was a symptom of the flakiness of Millennials. Perhaps due to overcommitment, the ease of cancelling plans last minute on social media, etc.

 

Is this much flakiness really typical of Generation Y / the Millennials? I always assume some in their early 20s are flakier because they don't know what it's like until it has happened to them a few times. Then most learn.

 

Has flakiness prevailed though and remained in people in their late 20s+?

 

I casually socialise at sport events with a younger crowd and I haven't noticed them being less reliable. I don't tend to make serious commitments with that age group though.

[loveweary11]

I strongly disagree.

 

In my experience, millennials have been less flaky than gen x and below, while baby boomers, as much as we criticize them sometimes, are the least flaky of all.

 

I've found gen x/y to be worst.

[jasmineb]

I hate to say anything negative about millenials cause it is MY generation who raised them

 

But, I think what they called ghosting, WE all understood as, "oh well, I guess he's not interested after all." And while it stung for a minute, we didn't get near as traumatized.

 

Then again, we raised them as the center of the universe and gave them trophies just for showing up and yelled at the teacher for giving them a B. So what did we expect?

[Mr. Lucky]

Has flakiness prevailed though and remained in people in their late 20s+?

 

I think every generation has tended to put negative labels on the style/taste/choice differences the following generation(s) manifest.

 

As a Baby Boomer, to my parents generation we were shallow, irresponsible and easily led astray. To Boomers, GenXers were self-entitlted, unmotivated and overly self-aware. My GenX kids worry their Millennial children are disconnected, lack interpersonal skills and overly cynical.

 

And yet, despite all the challenges, each generation has flourished in its own way. My company employs large numbers of Millennials. And while they do approach their jobs in a different way, I don't find them to be flaky or irresponsible to any greater degree than folks in other age categories...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Emilia]

Thanks guys I'm sort of hoping to hear from Millennials predominantly, precisely to avoid the inter-generation prejudices.

[blackcat777]

Sometimes, I think people ghost unintentionally when completely overwhelmed from input in the information age... for whatever that is worth.

 

Being connected to everyone, everywhere, all the time, so many notifications... My friends flake a lot and I never take it personally. Sometimes you have to chill. (I know my friends still love me!)

 

I'm a millenial... without a cell phone

 

It's not just the generation, IMHO, but the advances in technology that each generation must learn to cope with...

[Miss Peach]

I feel I like in flakey-ville. Where I live I see it across age groups and gender though I mostly interact with gen Y/X and baby boomers. Very few people socially say what they mean or do what they say they will do.

 

I always thought it was because it's becoming more and more socially acceptable so more people are doing it.

[Emilia]

Very interesting opinions so far, please keep them coming.

[thecrucible]

I'm flaky. I don't know what it is but having constant access to technology is something I find very stressful. So I periodically freak out and ignore the phone for a while. But communicating in person is fine for me. I just freak out at the thought of texting. Because my smartphone is with me all the time, I feel that there is pressure for me to be available at all times and sometimes I can't deal with it. I also feel that that pressure isn't always imagined because I think some genuinely do expect you to get back to them on their timetable.

 

I'm a girl scout so when I am away on camps in remote places with no phone connection, I find it so easy and liberating and it really gives me a sense of inner calm because I know that even if I wanted to, I wouldn't be able to communicate with the outside world.

[angel.eyes]

Standing people up, conveniently "forgetting" when it suits your personal purposes, and barely credible excuses for not showing up have been around since time immemorial. The terms used and the specific details of excuses have changed over time, but the basic behavior is the same. That was true in the 18th and 19th centuries, and it's true today.

 

College is the first time where your parents aren't around to help you "manage" your schedule and remind you to show up where you need to be. So adolescents and young adults are generally less reliable as they make the transition to independence. They're generally still learning how to organize their lives and keep things on track.

 

As a college student (just before cell phones), if someone was late, I waited ten minutes then assumed they forgot and went on about my business. By the time I was in grad school everyone had a cell phone. Today, I'll text to say "here" with a description of my location if the place is crowded. If I don't get a response or an ETA, I wait 10 minutes, then go about my business. It's a little easier to find people, especially with certain apps like Maprika, but my basic MO hasn't changed. If you don't show up in a reasonable timeframe, I assume you aren't coming and go about my day.

[blackcat777]

Case in point! One other colleague and I were without cell phones. The colleague finally bought one.

 

My boss made the most evil face, like something from a movie and said, "Now it doesn't matter where he is... I can get him."

 

Boss is in his 60s, so expectations of availability isn't just among millennials. Millennials are just the first to grow up with it.

 

I find it strange, too, how quickly older generations seem aghast when I tell them I don't have a phone. "But what would you DO?!?!?!" (if XYZ)

 

I don't know... whatever you did?!?! WHATEVER MY ANCESTORS DID DURING THE 1980s! Walk! Enjoy a quiet night! Ahhhhh!!!! (now I'm ranting )

 

Now add the stress of five people texting/calling/wanting information/your time/your energy, all with the expectation you'll be instantly available no matter what...

 

It's precisely that pressure that makes people *ghost*, I'd wager.

Edited April 4, 2016 by blackcat777

[thecrucible]

Standing people up, conveniently "forgetting" when it suits your personal purposes, and barely credible excuses for not showing up have been around since time immemorial. The terms used and the specific details of excuses have changed over time, but the basic behavior is the same.

 

I agree with this too. It's a bit of movie/tv cliché where the phrase "he never returned my calls" signifies that the character has been dumped by a man. It's generally seen that a relationship was over when the man chose to cease communication.

 

I have ghosted guys before who try to push my emotional boundaries. I will tell them that I wish them luck but I don't want to talk any more (usually after we've agreed to end things) and they still think they can text me but in fact I meant every word I said! Take one of my exes from 2 years ago, for instance. We stopped seeing each other and I removed and blocked him from Facebook because I wanted to set that boundary. Now for two years, he has been searching for me on the internet, will send me messages on linkedin, twitter and wherever else he finds me. He even created a new Facebook profile, sent me an essay of a message and tried to re-add me as a friend 3 months ago. I've never responded to any previous message so there is no reason for him to think I would want to hear more from him.

 

I find it kind of rude that with there being so many ways to communicate with someone, that a man would think "oh she's blocked me from Facebook, phone and email. That's okay, I can still message her on every other website". Dude, get the message please.

[Els]

Where is the line drawn between millennials and Gen Y?

 

I'm in my late 20s and I haven't noticed much flakiness amongst the people I am friends with. I am sure that very flakey people in my age group exist, but after giving them a couple of chances I tend not to make any plans with them anymore, so we fade out of each others' lives.

 

I think most generations are the same really. Perhaps I've met more flakes when I was in my early 20s, but I think that's mostly immaturity and not a generation thing, hopefully they grew out of it.

[JustGettingBy]

I think every generation has tended to put negative labels on the style/taste/choice differences the following generation(s) manifest.

 

As a Baby Boomer, to my parents generation we were shallow, irresponsible and easily led astray. To Boomers, GenXers were self-entitlted, unmotivated and overly self-aware. My GenX kids worry their Millennial children are disconnected, lack interpersonal skills and overly cynical.

 

And yet, despite all the challenges, each generation has flourished in its own way. My company employs large numbers of Millennials. And while they do approach their jobs in a different way, I don't find them to be flaky or irresponsible to any greater degree than folks in other age categories...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

There's actually a term for how every generation hates every other generation:

 

Juvenoia

[Emilia]

Definition of Gen Y/Millennials: born between early 1980s and 2000. Slightly varies, some put it 1980 - 1995 but to me a generation is 20 years.

[lino]

I think flakiness has been more prevalent since the facebook/social media explosion.

 

I don't deal with millenials but can say for sure that I've experienced a heap more flakes in my generation Y since social media became mainstream and a core part of a lot of people's lives.

Makes sense to me as well as gen Y's and millenials will more likely have it as an integral part of their life.

 

It's way easier for a woman to gain undeserved attention now than ever. All she needs is a smart phone and Facebook/twitter/instagram account and she can be a poor man's Paris Hilton in 48 hours!

[Emilia]

I think flakiness has been more prevalent since the facebook/social media explosion.

 

I don't deal with millenials but can say for sure that I've experienced a heap more flakes in my generation Y since social media became mainstream and a core part of a lot of people's lives.

Makes sense to me as well as gen Y's and millenials will more likely have it as an integral part of their life.

 

It's way easier for a woman to gain undeserved attention now than ever. All she needs is a smart phone and Facebook/twitter/instagram account and she can be a poor man's Paris Hilton in 48 hours!

 

Sorry but I don't need your usual anti-woman crap on this thread. If you can't partake in a normal conversation, please stay away, thanks.

[Els]

Definition of Gen Y/Millennials: born between early 1980s and 2000. Slightly varies, some put it 1980 - 1995 but to me a generation is 20 years.

 

Oh, are Gen Y and Millennials the same generation then? I always thought it was X, Y, Millennial.

[loveweary11]

Sometimes, I think people ghost unintentionally when completely overwhelmed from input in the information age... for whatever that is worth.

 

Being connected to everyone, everywhere, all the time, so many notifications... My friends flake a lot and I never take it personally. Sometimes you have to chill. (I know my friends still love me!)

 

I'm a millenial... without a cell phone

 

It's not just the generation, IMHO, but the advances in technology that each generation must learn to cope with...

 

This. 100%.

 

I start talking to and ghost more than a dozen women a week, every week, because I can't deal with all the people and there is always a new one coming along to distract you from the ones you have currently been talking to.

 

It's so overwhelming and completely different than before my marriage, last time i was single.

 

There are so many people to choose from, it's impossible to make a decision. I'm just paralyzed by all the new ones coming in.

 

I use about half a dozen platforms to meet women because I'm a little busy in life to go to bars, squeeze grocery store melons, etc. I use no dating sites though. I have dabbled in a couple dating apps but have had no quality coming from them.

 

But the end result is just too many to make a decision... paralyzed by too many choices. Electronic ways of meeting new people is the direct cause of this and causes me to be a huge flake.

[Emilia]

Oh, are Gen Y and Millennials the same generation then? I always thought it was X, Y, Millennial.

 

It's babyboomers -> Gen X -> Millennials that people started calling Gen Y as well.

 

So this thread is about the first generation that doesn't have experience of what it's like to be an adult without social media.

[loveweary11]

 

So this thread is about the first generation that doesn't have experience of what it's like to be an adult without social media.

 

By this definition, GenX is also included. I have no experience dating as an adult without doing it electronically either.

 

After college, aside from one girl I met at work and my ex wife that came socially through common people, every last one has come through the computer.

 

I got lots of girls from AOL chatrooms, AdultFriend Finder and MySpace when those were a thing.

 

Yet, I think the real issue is in my post above and Blackcat777's. Now, everyone and their mother is on the latest platforms and what used to make it more efficient to date, now makes it impossible due to the sheer number of people on it and choices available.

[clia]

I find it interesting that there is a term for it now -- ghosting -- when "ghosting" has always been something that happens. I wonder if it's more prevalent or just feels more prevalent because all the social media communication methods can create a false sense of intimacy so that it feels more dramatic.

 

In the old days, you meet a guy, give him your number. He calls and sets up a date. Maybe you have a couple phone conversations before the date, but if you do, they are in the evening after work. You go on the date and then never hear from him again. You might feel hurt, but you didn't have that much invested in it. A couple phone calls, maybe. You don't know much about him other than what he's told you. He's gone, ghosted. You never see him again.

 

Contrast that with now. You meet a guy, give him your number. He starts texting you. Maybe you spend days texting each other all day long. You start following each other on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Kik, Twitter, etc. At some point, you go on a date. Then you never hear from him again. But you've invested a lot into it. You know all kinds of things about him via his social media accounts. You've seen pictures of his friends, know where he gets his morning coffee, know what bar he was at last night for happy hour. You falsely feel like you were are part of his life because of all of this, even though you only met him one time for one date. And now, even after that date, you can still see what he is doing via his posts. You have a lingering connection with a guy who you went on only one date with!

 

I find it really fascinating. It seems so unhealthy.

 

And social media makes it so much easier to flake. You avoid the confrontation. It's so much easier to send a text saying you are sick or can't make it rather than speaking to the person to cancel. These imaginary, written word relationships can go on for ages...but there is really nothing there.

[Emilia]

Agree clia 100% and this is why I specified the thread to be mostly about Millennials. Great post, thank you.

 

The current 18-30 generation has a very unique perspective in this regard and I'm fascinated too.

[Emilia]

By this definition, GenX is also included. I have no experience dating as an adult without doing it electronically either.

 

After college, aside from one girl I met at work and my ex wife that came socially through common people, every last one has come through the computer.

 

I got lots of girls from AOL chatrooms, AdultFriend Finder and MySpace when those were a thing.

 

Yet, I think the real issue is in my post above and Blackcat777's. Now, everyone and their mother is on the latest platforms and what used to make it more efficient to date, now makes it impossible due to the sheer number of people on it and choices available.

 

No disagree, Gen X is different and specifically excluded.

 

I am not looking to discuss online dating but the Millennials experience in growing up in such a socially accessible and hectic environment.

[jen1447]

IIRC the last time the generation topic came up, some models said that Y and Millennials were different, but with some overlap, and some even disagreed with when x and y begin and end. I have no skin in the game as far as that goes, just saying that sometimes it's hard to know what's what.

 

I think I'm a very late X, tho I qualify as Y to some lol. I do interact w/quite a few Ys tho and I'd say that they do tend to be less reliable overall, and I don't think it's entirely a 'haven't grown up yet' thing. The impression I get is not so much maliciousness as a core value difference and lack of comprehension of what traditional accountability means. So it's not so much "I said I'd meet Jen at 7 but I don't give a damn about the time," moreso "I know we said we'd meet at 7 and it's 8:10 now, what's the problem?"