swirly27 Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 Hello, So I wanted to get people's opinions on this, just to see if my head is on straight, at least partially. I had another thread on here about a guy I as newly dating. We dated for about 2 months and then things changed......he got distant and we never ended up going out again...but he kept initiating almost all the contact and wouldn't fade and kept insinuating he wanted to still get together. This went on for weeks. Finally I reached out to him and got a date planned, which he then ended up getting out of (he didn't officially cancel but his lame excuse gave us no time to get together that nite, so I said it wasn't gonna work that nite) Then he played some BS manipulations......telling me he was sorry and would make it up to me, only to have him not call when he said he would, then texted me that he felt like he was bothering me....what a crock, seriously, I responded telling him I was confused because I asked him to talk twice and both of those messages got unanswered, specifically anyway, so he was dodging. So he told me he liked hanging out with me but he is extremely busy and it is what it is....but if I wanted to hang out or talk, he 'had no issue with either'.....lovely words every girl wants to hear huh? Lol. So I wrote a very nice text saying how I enjoyed hanging out as well and had wanted to do so but things have changed since the beginning and he was busy then too....I said he seemed like a great guy but that I was looking for more when getting to know someone and I wished him well. His response.....it sucked and he understood and he'd catch me on the flip side! Obviously I said the words he wanted me to say, but that last text was sooo not what I expected from him, I was insulted. So obviously I never responded, why would I? The thing is, I am very hurt by this and it has been a little over a week. I do not plan on contacting him, but does the NC rule apply when uv been dating a short time and technically I was the one to officially ended it? I mean his actions did the ending, that crap went on for 7 weeks, so I officially said the words...but IF he did end up contacting me, do the same NC rules apply here? Just curious, I know I can make my own rules but in the end, I am the one hurting, so I know no matter what, the NC is correct anyway because it will help me.... Thanks! 1
smudge21 Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 NC is to heal... what are you expecting out of it? Currently he's in your head and heart and will be for a while. Plus the fact he turned out to not be what you wanted will have bruised your ego a fair bit. He clearly wasn't that interested (people who are, well, you know when they are) and just wanted to keep you hanging around. You weren't prepared for that (good on you) and so you walked away. Now you have to get him out of your head and go find someone who wants and appreciates you. There's plenty out there - go shopping. 1
Satu Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 It depends on what you are trying to achieve. If you're doing it to help you heal, it's very likely that it will help. If you're doing it to help you get your ex back, it's not as likely that it will help. It depends also on the people in question. Take care. 2
Author swirly27 Posted April 4, 2016 Author Posted April 4, 2016 I ended it officially because I knew it was the right thing to do.....it does hurt and he is in my head because I have no idea what happened...but I guess I have to suck that up, such is life. I do deserve better than that.....it just was going well for 2 months....I know that is a blip of getting to know someone and that ALL of his actions all have to count, which is why after weeks of hearing excuses, I bowed out. (They were hard excuses to argue with at first, so I gave benefit of the doubt for a bit) I guess my problem is, I am stuck in the 'what if' phase....but getting better with that also. I did have a date this past Friday night and he was nice but I wasn't feeling it, so on to hopefully more. As for the question in this post, IF he did contact me sometime in the future, should I still do NC, even though I officially walked? i guess it's just I still care, which sucks. Either way, NC is best for me and that's what matters but until I am over it, I am analyzing too much.... 1
brothers343 Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 No contact is for people that want to leave that (someone) behind and never look back. It tests your mental fortitude. Its a hard choice that can change your life and make you start a better one. 1
Author swirly27 Posted April 4, 2016 Author Posted April 4, 2016 Thanks brothers343, I agree. Regardless if I hear from him again or not, I definitely am doing the NC......I was more interested in IF he does end up contacting me eventually, do I still follow NC, like suggested on many sites, at least for 30 days? Obviously I walked because it was right to do so, but I can honestly say I'm not over it and if there was some way he would realize he made a mistake, how should I handle that? Doing at least 30 day no contact? I realize I am in a fantasy world here with that last thought but that's where my head is at right now..... Thanks Satu and Smudge21 for ur responses as well! 1
Erik30 Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 Actually, to me it seems like he already initiated NC with his last message. Usually the dumpee starts NC so they lose the urge to constantly contact the dumper, (like he was doing) and to get that person out of their system. But your situation appears to be a little bit different. Forget about those 30 days NC tactics, he'll still be on your mind because than you're basically counting down the days until you can reach out to him, so you won't heal. Just do NC, focus on yourself. 1
Author swirly27 Posted April 4, 2016 Author Posted April 4, 2016 Thanks Erik30, that very well could be. That's what was so confusing thru those weeks of wondering, because he kept initiating but never following thru. I even didn't answer him one time and he contacted again, making me more confused. As of now, his last text was insulting, but he initiated that convo too, telling me he'd make it up to me and apologizing, all for what reason I cannot fathom. But it is what it is. I feel I did the right thing going out on a high note, I was nice and direct and said I wanted more. I don't regret that, but I guess I wondered what to do IF I did hear from him again.....but I won't be contacting him again.... 1
brothers343 Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 Remember that NC means to let go....permanently. Do not go in circles becouse if he disappears again everything that you have done to that point is not going to mean anything and you will be back to square 1. I did NC once and never waived back to that someone. That was 7 years ago. But then again I was married and had alot to loose. That was my motivation. 1
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