misslotus Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 (edited) I had been seeing a coworker for some time. Went on some dates, really hit it off, slept together and he confessed he had feelings for me (which were of course mutual). However, out of left field, he told me that we should no longer continue seeing each other. This was three weeks ago. He stated he just felt very vulnerable and getting close to me scared him. One of his mutual friends talked to me about it after they heard what happened. They stated that he has been hurt a lot in previous attempts with girls and I get the feeling that there are underlying issues and feelings that caused him to break things off with me. Although at work, he still acts very friendly towards me and initiates contact on a regular basis. He can still be somewhat flirty as well and make compliments and find ways to be touchy with me. I do not want to bring drama into the workplace and like to remain civil while I'm on the clock. However, his behavior just leaves me so confused. I don't want to waste my time playing hot and cold games or creating false expectations. But I really enjoyed my time with him and liked this guy. Should I just keep my distance? Or go with the flow and keep in contact to see what happens? Thanks LS Edited April 4, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator duh.
truth_seeker Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 Who does this guy think he is? I call major BS. He has sex with you, he tells you he's into you then suddenly says it's over? He doing another girl at the same time? Who is this "mutual friend"? The "mutual friend" could be BS'ing you with all of this hurt talk. My take: he got you and now is weighing his options. I say the mutual friend is helping him bide his time. There must be another girl in the picture. He's into her and wants to see where it goes with her first. If all goes well, you're out of the picture and he maintains a friendly work place atmosphere. If option 1 falls through, then he'll come after you again - this is why he's still being friendly with you. I would call him out on it. Ask him flat out if there's another woman he is seeing. Whether he admits it or not, you tell him no more flirty, touchy-feely stuff at the office. Lay down the law with this chump. 1
Author misslotus Posted April 4, 2016 Author Posted April 4, 2016 Who does this guy think he is? I call major BS. He has sex with you, he tells you he's into you then suddenly says it's over? He doing another girl at the same time? Who is this "mutual friend"? The "mutual friend" could be BS'ing you with all of this hurt talk. My take: he got you and now is weighing his options. I say the mutual friend is helping him bide his time. There must be another girl in the picture. He's into her and wants to see where it goes with her first. If all goes well, you're out of the picture and he maintains a friendly work place atmosphere. If option 1 falls through, then he'll come after you again - this is why he's still being friendly with you. I would call him out on it. Ask him flat out if there's another woman he is seeing. Whether he admits it or not, you tell him no more flirty, touchy-feely stuff at the office. Lay down the law with this chump. Thank you for your input. The mutual friend is one of his best friends and one of my friends who also works with us all. I do not believe the friend is BSing me as I value their opinion and they are upset with him also for what he did to me.
bathtub-row Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 I have a rule. Whenever someone causes me to guess at their confusing behavior, I'm gone. It's very simple. Don't waste your time on trying to figure it out and make sense of it. He disappeared and now he's acting like a flake. Tell him that and then keep it professional only. 2
Arieswoman Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 MissLotus, This is one very good reason for not dating co-workers. However, it's done now and you can't unring that bell. Here's what you do. You stop worrying about what he's thinking or doing. You keep it totally professional at work and only speak to him about work matters. You tell him to stop flirting with you or touching you or you'll report him to HR. You accept you made a mistake and move on to dating someone outside of work. 1
truth_seeker Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 Thank you for your input. The mutual friend is one of his best friends and one of my friends who also works with us all. I do not believe the friend is BSing me as I value their opinion and they are upset with him also for what he did to me. His best friend but only a friend to you. Sorry, but I wouldn't trust the friend. Others have given good advice in how to approach this. You tell this guy to leave you alone. I like the HR threat. Put this clown in his place. Scare him. Let him know he has no chance with you anymore and now could lose his job.
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