TUDOR Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 Originally posted by LatinGoddess Tudor, are you a man? You sound so. Do I know you? How do you know that is I emailing him? It could be him emailing me for all you know. I'm pissed at him. I'm not going to tell him to f*ck off. I'm going to be as nice as pie to him so that I can know whats going on in his life. I just want to scream at him and tell him to go and get f*cked cause he just acts like I was nothing more than a piece of a*s to him and thats probably all I was. You know he asked me some time ago to leave my husband before he was married and I didn't want to. That was my mistake. I should have, but I wonder sometimes if he isn't a whore. I wonder how many flings he has had. Maybe in the next email I will tell him just how much I hate him. If you noticed in my post I was quoting you from one of your post ealier. You stated you emailed him to still be friends but later you posted you wished he would stop emailing you. I don't know who is emailing who, I am just trying to tell you that it doesn't appear to be healthy. And yes I am a man but don't hold that against me.
SweetSerenity Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 Ok, lets be blunt here about my story. It was sort of like a fairytale come true. Let me lay it out to you. I am in my early thirties now. I was out by myself shopping at a local retail, rather large at that a chain if you will, I was leaving the register and we crossed paths. Our eyes locked and we smiled at each other. This resulted in him following me out of the door and watching me leave. Something in the back of my mind said to return to the store on Monday to see if I couldn't find out who he was. That wasn't hard, he is the Assistant Manager of one area of the retail store. He saw me again and asked me numerous questions. We were both honest and said we were married. The first two months of us was just chatting online and on the cell and seeing each other every day at the store he worked at. Then I went out of town for Easter weekend and I came back and on the following Sunday was our first sexual encounter at his home in their bed. He was sweet to me too, he made me some strawberry shortcake while I waited in his home, in his bed, while he was up at his wife's work on her break. He had rose petals on the floor and the bed. He came in and smiled at me and told me some very loving things and then we made love for hours. Then we talked some more and things became complicated. The second time we made love was a friends house in their exercise room. Then he asked me to meet him at the park one day and told me that he had to take a break cause he was feeling conflicted with his ideas and what he was doing. I accepted this graciously and stopped talking to him and stopped going into the store. A week passed by and then a couple more and I was finally over him, but I knew that I had fallen in love with him and had strong feelings for him. He came back and I took him back. Big mistake. We were talking online one night and he was a little stand offish with me and said he didn't want to know what I was thinking about or what I wanted he preferred to have less complications. Let me say I'm married too. Just like you. I became hurt with his words and so I pulled away. Well he became more affectionate over the weeks that passed and then he became pretty psycho. I told him I didn't want to see him anymore and that he was sweet and everything when things started out but then he turned into a jerk to which he said it was because he didn't want the conflicting complexities of being in love with me. Fine enough. I told him I didn't want to see him anymore. Well he kept calling, emailing, stalking me at the store. Finally one day when I took my husband in there he said something I'll never forget to my husband. He told my husband that I was the best lay he had ever had. My husband looked at me with a complex look and I said 'Honey you remember when I told you that some guy was stalking me up here and wouldn't leave me alone?", he said "Yeah", I said "that was him". I covered my own ass. Affairs are complex girl. You can't go giving your heart out so easily to a married man because things become so complex. I don't think you're doing yourself justice by trying to openly destroy or thinking of destroying this guy. It will solve nothing. I don't want you to get into the harmful banter that I got into. Finally he leaves me alone, but he still stalks me if I go into the store, this is why I don't go to that particular location anymore, I go to another one that is ten miles out of the way. I erased everything of him from my mind and my life. Life and divorce and what not are not easy. I'm not going through divorce but you are. I say take time for your mind, body, and soul and try to let it out without ruining him. If this MM loves you he will ultimately come back to you but you can not wait for that to happen. Make yourself happy and that precious child of yours. Cause ultimately in the end it will be her that hurts from your choices. Not you, not him. Well maybe he will lose his wife over it but you will lose your child. To me that doesn't seem like a fair trade. You think about it. Life does get better and you will get stronger. Goodluck and if you need to talk you can either post in here or write me privately. I'll help all I can.
Author LatinGoddess Posted June 17, 2005 Author Posted June 17, 2005 SS that sounds like a strange situation. Nothing like that with my MM. He lied plenty though. After my divorce I'm going to tell his wife. For sure. I think she deserves to know. He should have thought about everything before getting involved with me. I can't stand liars. Even now he keeps emailing me. Why can't he stay away from me completely? I can't stand him. He lied to me about everything and I can't stand him. To hell with him.
Author LatinGoddess Posted June 17, 2005 Author Posted June 17, 2005 Another thing how do I tell this guy that he should come clean with his wife, because after my divorce I'm going to break it to her. Do you think this is fair game and a wise decision? Anyone?
SweetSerenity Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 Girl, no. Man don't do anything that will hurt someone else. I know you're hurt but you're not listening to anything I've said thus far. It is not right for you to actively seek out to hurt someone. Why not stop contact with this man, go home, scream, cry, yell and even write him something and put all your feelings in there. The next step is to put this somewhere and leave it there with the intentions of mailing it, but do not mail it. Keep writing more and more letters as much as you can. Ultimately you'll get everything out and start to feel better. Please do not seek out to destroy this man. Don't do it. Even if he did lie to you, what can you perceive as a lie? In relationships we have our "Only what we want to hear" ears on. Please please think about it. You're going to regret everything. Remember your kid? Look in her for solace. Love, laugh, and rest assure that if this guy is as bad as you say he is, and he may not be but you're so full of anger that you're going to see it that way, that in the end you know that thing called karma? Well it's a b*tch and he'll get his without you interfering. Do you understand this?
newbby Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 Do any of you have any idea how much I poured myself into this entire relationship? He lied to me so many times that I can't count. look around you, everyone in this forum has been through, or is going through, or is about to go through this exact same thing. it is hard, it is really hard. read some of the other threads, it might help you. you are going through alot right now, if you are full of vengence and anger it is not going to help you deal with all these changes, you will snap and break. i think you are dealing with the initial shock of this and YOU MUST NOT ACT NOW. never ever act in fear or anger. sweet serenity is right, setting out to ruin someone is not right and you will regret it. keep reading and writing here, i know when i was going through the end of my relationship with mm, people used to say keep reading and writing here, and it didnt seem as though it would help because it seemed so far removed from my life, but it does help, and reading other peoples stories helps too. whilst you are in this stage it is hard to see clearly because all you can see is you were lied to and it does make you angry, it takes a while to become clear. there are people in here who's relationship ended a long time ago and they are just managing to get a bit of an idea of what was actually going on in their mm's head. these are such confusing relationships. i was angry at my mm too, because he knew i was having a bad time yet he still lied to me, at first i was really really angry that i had been used. now i talk to him and we are quite friendly, and i can see abit more objectively, i still dont know whether he is lying to me as i'm still not sure whether he still wants to sleep with me, but enough time has past that it no longer hurts me, only during the pmt weeks!! the other thing, you think his wife needs to know, she doesnt, it will hurt her. the least people hurt by this the better, so be strong, be strong for your little girl and be strong for you. ((hugs))
Author LatinGoddess Posted June 17, 2005 Author Posted June 17, 2005 I have heard everything you guys have said. I talked to him earlier. I just can't stand him. He was paranoid. Good, thats what I like. I will make him pay soon. Thanks everyone but I can't just let him off free.
TUDOR Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 Originally posted by LatinGoddess I have heard everything you guys have said. I talked to him earlier. I just can't stand him. He was paranoid. Good, thats what I like. I will make him pay soon. Thanks everyone but I can't just let him off free. Sounds like he has reason to be to me! Be careful LatinGoddess and remember you can put this behing you and move or you can play some more with that fire and get burned even more. In the end I think you will do what is best if you cool off first and don't act while you are still so mad. Let's face it if he had left his wife and wanted you, you wouldn't be here talking trash about him and what a bad guy he was. You would be snug as rug and happy. So don't ruin some one and their wive who had nothing to do with it because it didn't go your way. Hang in there and do what ever you feel is right in your heart!
Author LatinGoddess Posted June 17, 2005 Author Posted June 17, 2005 What I feel is right in my heart is to make him hurt as he has me. He lied to me in Vegas and he continues to lie to me. So to hell with him. I'm going to think about everything over the weekend and then make my mind up on how to do everything. Have a great one everyone.
Guest Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 Ummmmmmmmmmm... Does this MM's family have a pet bunny? Eek~!
newbby Posted June 17, 2005 Posted June 17, 2005 there are always many aspects to a persons feelings in any relationship, there may be paranoia alongside other feelings. my mm was paranoid too, he never had reason to be because i would never want the a exposed and never have done. it is inevitable that he willbe paranoid, it doesnt neccessarily mean that some of the other feelings he felt did not also exist. i believe my mm did have feelings for me, but it doesnt mean he also wanted to leave his wife and be with me, he didnt. he lied to me too, but he lied because he wanted to continue things with me. that means some feelings, they may not have been the feelings i wanted him to have for me, but theres nothing i can do about that. he also was paranoid alongside those other feelings and actually i had paranoia alongside my feelings for him too, i didnt want the a exposed either, it doesnt make the other feelings i had for him invalid though. you must take some time to calm down, things are not so black and white, you cannot see into his head and you dont know everything that he was thinking or feeling. so some things he did and said to you were not nice, then just move on, forget him. this is your life look after you and your child, you will get through this stage, it may not seem like itnow but you will. you dont need to ruin his life, what will that do? it wont change anything, it wont change the fact that he lied to you sometimes, it wont change the fact that you want him to feel the way you want him to. it will make him hate you, is that what you want? do you think if you hurt him he will think well this is how she must feel? he wont, he will think the woman is a b!tch and i'm glad i never left my wife for her. it wont do any good at all.
TiredOfWaiting Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 LatinGoddess I can identify. You are in THE MOMENT, you are ANGRY, you feel BETRAYED, but ... DON'T act like a crazy person. I acted like a crazy person myself and I wish I could win back all the dignity I lost! Oh boy I acted like the psycho I accused him of being all along. Don't do it! Let go of trying to make it turn out the way you want it, by being nice, being angry or being helpless. Stop needing to win. Stop needing to fight, or to make him give you a good reason or excuse for his behaviour. Stop needing him to be sufficiently sorry. Respond in a way that will end the game. Maintain your centredness, and dignity.
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