Pemmin Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 Hi there and thank you for taking your time, Summary for anyone not willing to read the confusing stuff down there... 5-6 years relationship breakup 8 months ago, mutual and after 3 months asked for getting back together in a LDR New boyfriend since 2 months I changed A LOT for the better Want her back for the serious things, marry children... the full program(not jealous about boyfriend but worried about not getting another chance) this is going to be a long one with a lot of typing misstakes... sorry in advance! Well into the story... I met my, now ex Girlfriend, when I was 19. We got together after being friends for a year. A month of the honeymoon phase and then she went to New Zeeland for a year(Us located in central Europe). While she was over there, I decided that 1 year is a long time and we should not tie to each other for the one month we had. I had no intentions or urge to see other women and didnt do so, neither before nor after she came back but at that age it just didnt seem right. I visted her in New Zeeland and told her about my decision about 5 months into her 1 year vacation. I get that it was a stupid move and luckily when she came back she angry with me and felt let down but we came back together. It was cold from her side though and it took me half a year to warm her to the relationship. Things went well but she was dpressed about her choice of study and this caused her to be troubled for a year. She felt that she couldnt decide to change study due to financial issues but was utterly unhappy with the career path ahead of her. Another good perios of a year followed but then I got seriously sick and had a chemo therapy for a year. This made me very lazy and boring which I didnt get rid of for the next year and a half. I was stuck in a swamp of being lazy and not caring too much about job or the future while she had plans and got frustraded. Summary 5 years of relationship in 7 years (1 year abroad and reconciliation time) troubles along the road so a relationship with ups and downs. The core of my Problem: Again one of us had to leave. I finished my studies and as my family moved to Australia 5 years ago and my visa for Residency was about to run out I had to follow for a minimum of 8 months in order to renew it. She originally wanted to come with me but as she started her doctors and our last year or two were a lot of wear and tear for her due to my lost drive we argue a lot back and forth and end up saying we split and will see about our feelings in half a year while being friendly and tell each other if our feeling shift away. I went to Australia and worked in the outback 80-90 hours a week. Worl and isolation made me start thinking about what I want to aim for in live... bit of an insight thing. During the next 7months I changed from being untidy, lazy, overweighted and without a goal. I changed a lot for the better, lost 20kg down to sporty shape, got a place at Australias best university, got a new clothing style, became tidy and found it to be great and giving me purpose to continue in order to impress her properly as well. I realised that I want to rekindle the relationship with my ex now that i feel like I know what i want in live and our main source of anger and fights is gone. In this time she called me after 2months if she could visit me which she told me she doesnt want to do at all cause it would make her suffer more again as well as if we are really spliting the relationship. I told her yes we are not officially a couple anymore but I am coming for her as soon as I can and we will talk it all out. I didnt call or tell her I just send subtile messages, cared for her by correcting her english work, sending presents etc while I was in Australia... and then it hit me. One month before I could fly back to Europe and ask her out, present my progress, show her my idea of a common life and tell her about the feeling I still have for her more than ever... she calls me. We have a great conversation, we laugh and then she tells me she has a new guy. She says please dont be angry please let us stay friend you are so important to me and you always will be. She says the new boyfriend knows about me he knows our story and he doesnt like it but he has to accept that we stay in contact... My first reaction was cool I wished her luck made jokes and hung up. But this was tl protect myself and give me time to think. I felt like she betrayed me though it was not the case. I called her again and confessed that I wanted her back that I should have never gone to Australia etcetc. She started crying and told me we should continue this call the next day. But the next day she said it is too much for her and she needs time, next weekend would suit her. So i went back to Europe not caring for the visa (resident return visa was in application and I luckily got it afterwards so no damage done there). I asked her out to talk to me but she was totally supprised that i am there in person and her new boyfriend was with her so she delayed to the next day. And delayed again the day after giving me a time snd date for day 3 of my 5 day stay. When she arrived she was deathstaring at me. When seeing her so cold it made me cry... and yeah damn I sound like a softy but well in this case it really hit me. We went into my appartment and she let me know that she was angry with me. How could I come over now and make her new life crumble after letting her down etc. She wanted to leave right after half an hour but I talked with her, told her my story and she warmed up a lot... we went out for dinner talked an laughed. We saw each other the next day snd the day after. Topics got lighter but the summary was the same. Not now, maybe in a month, or two, or three or never...she said the new relationship is not the problem but she is stil angry with me and though she sees that I changed she couldnt feel it, couldnt witness it... I left and all was okay it was understandable for me. But it got down to my guts when I was back that communication was hard... I definately went over the top texted back and forth with her daily 5-10 times and asking for a closing phone call about the weekend as I had to sort my thoughts... tvis went for a week and thats when I lost her on the communication. She didnt reply, I wrote more stupid stuff showed her pictures of things in Australia I want to do with her and retroperspective it was like baiting her.... stupid one... I wrote a big love/how I feel about it message saying that I see her anger and new relationship mean she needs time. After this we went silent for 3 weeks. I returned to europe as my grandmother died and informed her about my trip. She replied neutral but polite and caring. I asked for a meeting and we met 2 days before I had to fly back to Australia after a bit of her delaying answers wheather or not we meet... when we meet and what we do. She had had a flu and was still quite weak but we met at her place and talked for 5 hours about what happened in our lives (very little relationship talk). It was nice but not nearly as warm and comfortable as my previous visit. She told me that her new boyfriend is soon moving back to his parents as he has a financial short and needs to rewrite on his thesis for 3 months. This location is 2 and 1/2 hours away. But no word on the thoughts on their future. Further insight was that her new friends are all from work just as her new boyfriend and they all hang out a lot together just like a school gang thing (we are 27 now and they are in a research institution). Well I have the impression that I fell from being still totally on her mind to being needy and annoying.... I will return to Europe for good in 2 and 1/2 months but I dont know what to do know... keep moderate contact see what becomes out of their relationship?? I have no idea how I can get back to not being the weirdo who is annoying her and be interesting again... i ave the feeling the fact that i told her i care more than she thought made her feel like she needs distance. Well any clues on what to do/consider? 1
LovelyJoey Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 Hey man, it's all gonna be okay you hear me? I'm so glad you've got your life back together and you know what you want to do in life, first steps doing good for yourself, be proud man you've come far and fought hard! Let me tell you something though, as hard as it can be, sometimes you have to let go of what you want to do what's right. If you've honestly done all you can to try to win her back, and she just wont budge, you can't stick around man I'm sorry to tell you that. Sometimes there's only soo much you can do and if you've done it, you have to eventually live for yourself man. If she comes back around then she does, but if she doesn't I think you'll be just fine, these feelings wont last forever and you'll meet someone amazing, and if she does come back, try not to get your hopes up too much, not saying there's no chance but you've got to live life for yourself and not wait on others. You're a great guy with great potential not to be toyed around with or wasted, as much as it hurts now it will get better I know what you're feeling. You'll find that perfect someone one day man I promise you, and she'll love you and never want to let you go. Please take it easy and think about it perhaps, talk to loved ones and friends, but don't think too hard to where you stress yourself out, life's not all about worrying and sadness bro. You take care now and have a wonderful night okay, take care man! Stay strong!
LovelyJoey Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 This is also only my advice, don't think I'm too good at relationships and I'm awfully young. Though try to think about the best of things when it comes to yourself and what you want in life and what you're worth. Do what you need that's the best for you in other words and you've done great, have no regrets or guilt you were honest and that's all that matters, it will all be okay and have a great night man.
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