Author gimlynick Posted June 19, 2016 Author Posted June 19, 2016 It sucks to hear all of this, but I admire her honesty. One hell of a mess that girl. So yes, you got what you wanted, she is struggling. Does it make you feel better? Oh yes she is one hell of a mess. And I'm afraid that she will never get out of this. No, this does not make me feel better, exactly the opposite. This was not what I was hoping for, the only thing that I wanted to have is that she was suffering from our break up, just like I did ( and now again do ). I was upset because she could jump so easily to a new target. With her new target she wanted to escape all the problems that she has build in our relation. But apparently she has cheated allready multiple times on him aswell. I wonder why on earth he is staying with her. I mean, he will never ever be able to trust her again. Anyway, non of my business :-) It will be a very long time staying single for me. I had sex a couple of times, and in my mind everytime I have sex the head of my ex is on the body of the girl I sleep with. It's horrible. I really hope that she will get through this. She still is an amazing girl, who has lots to offer. But she has issues. Huge ones. She is one big red flag at this moment and I hope one day that she will smile again. But it will not be with me. I am hurt too much.
Itspointless Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 Oh yes she is one hell of a mess. And I'm afraid that she will never get out of this. No, this does not make me feel better, exactly the opposite. This was not what I was hoping for, the only thing that I wanted to have is that she was suffering from our break up, just like I did ( and now again do ). I was upset because she could jump so easily to a new target. With her new target she wanted to escape all the problems that she has build in our relation. But apparently she has cheated allready multiple times on him aswell. I wonder why on earth he is staying with her. I mean, he will never ever be able to trust her again. Anyway, non of my business :-) It will be a very long time staying single for me. I had sex a couple of times, and in my mind everytime I have sex the head of my ex is on the body of the girl I sleep with. It's horrible. I really hope that she will get through this. She still is an amazing girl, who has lots to offer. But she has issues. Huge ones. She is one big red flag at this moment and I hope one day that she will smile again. But it will not be with me. I am hurt too much. Hi gimlynick, I asked it on purpose (which sounded a bit mean) as it did point to the fact did you were as much over her as you seemed to think. I guess you are aware of it considering how you feel and what you are describin about sex with others. It is good staying away from relationships for a while on work on yourself. Many people use sex to flee from reality and their problems, your ex has some work to do. Perhaps in a next relationship you better settle for a less open arrangement. I am sorry though for what has happened. Good luck buddy.
Author gimlynick Posted June 19, 2016 Author Posted June 19, 2016 Hi gimlynick, I asked it on purpose (which sounded a bit mean) as it did point to the fact did you were as much over her as you seemed to think. I guess you are aware of it considering how you feel and what you are describin about sex with others. It is good staying away from relationships for a while on work on yourself. Many people use sex to flee from reality and their problems, your ex has some work to do. Perhaps in a next relationship you better settle for a less open arrangement. I am sorry though for what has happened. Good luck buddy. We never had an open relationship. The 'open' part in it is our dating period, which lasted 4-5 months before we told eachother 'I love you'. I have asked her many times that she was seeing any one else in that dating period, she allways said that since she has slept with me I was the only one with whom she had slept. It's all a massive lie. I have so many flashbacks right now about times where I can imagine that she had sex with other people. I'm glad that she met that new dude, otherwise I woud still have been blind to this. Well, one thing is for sure, it will take a very very long time before I ever open myself again for someone. This hurts and she knows that it hurts. I have the feeling that I was together with a psychopath
elaine567 Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 She was sexually abused as a child, so her present promiscuity will be linked to that. Promiscuity is a common long term reaction to the abuse. Seems from what I read, there are two reactions promiscuity OR prudishness, avoidance, asexuality; there is little middle ground. She needs help.
Author gimlynick Posted June 19, 2016 Author Posted June 19, 2016 She was sexually abused as a child, so her present promiscuity will be linked to that. Promiscuity is a common long term reaction to the abuse. Seems from what I read, there are two reactions promiscuity OR prudishness, avoidance, asexuality; there is little middle ground. She needs help. Exactly. I've talked with her. I don't feel any hate towards her and knowing all this gave me a lot of closure. I've wished her a good recovery. She will need it and I really hope that she will get through this. In many ways she is the most amazing person I have ever met. If she can get rid of her disease she will become a great woman. I wish her al the best and a lot of happiness and peace. 1
DKT3 Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 We never had an open relationship. The 'open' part in it is our dating period, which lasted 4-5 months before we told eachother 'I love you'. I have asked her many times that she was seeing any one else in that dating period, she allways said that since she has slept with me I was the only one with whom she had slept. It's all a massive lie. I have so many flashbacks right now about times where I can imagine that she had sex with other people. I'm glad that she met that new dude, otherwise I woud still have been blind to this. Well, one thing is for sure, it will take a very very long time before I ever open myself again for someone. This hurts and she knows that it hurts. I have the feeling that I was together with a psychopath She is only one woman and not all of them. You are clearly not ready now, but once you start dating don't make the new women pay for your exes sins. Doing this could cause you to miss a great one.....of course a bad one would be an upgrade ha-ha...too soon for that joke? 1
Trinity7 Posted June 20, 2016 Posted June 20, 2016 Aw man, I'm sorry to read all this.. What a mess . I DON'T think it was nice of her to tell you she had been cheating.. There was no productive reason for her to tell you that after things were already long over. I remember like 7 years ago I was heartbroken over an ex and he emailed me months after the breakup to tell me he had cheated on me twice while we were together. Like wtf man? I could've gone my whole life without knowing that, thanks. I think they do it for selfish reasons to alleviate their own guilt. But hey, if it gave you some closure, I'm glad for that. Sometimes learning such a major thing as cheating gives us something to cling on to so we can stop remembering them as perfect, and that is a good thing I suppose. I know for me it's a dealbreaker, so it kills off any hopes of reconciliation and allows me to make my own decision that I would never take them back. I'm trying to get there mentally with my current ex. Hope you're doing ok.. These forums are great for venting and support. Hang in there x
Author gimlynick Posted June 20, 2016 Author Posted June 20, 2016 She is only one woman and not all of them. You are clearly not ready now, but once you start dating don't make the new women pay for your exes sins. Doing this could cause you to miss a great one.....of course a bad one would be an upgrade ha-ha...too soon for that joke? I'm always in for a joke, no worries Thanks Trinity7 for your reply :-) She knows me, I have allways asked her for the truth. So she knew that she had to do this for me and I had asked her the reason for blocking me out of nowhere. I think that our big difference is that your ex did this to you out of nothing, wothout a real reason ( except of having sex ). My ex did this to not feel lonely, she is scared when she is alone. She hides her problems with sex. She has explained to me that sometimes when she felt like we were going to have an argue in which she could not 'win', she just started to blow me to stop the conversation. Yes this kils hope for reconiliation, alldough I really hope I will meet her in the distant futur, to become friends. I hope if that day comes we both have a partner. Good luck with your healing process aswell. Thanks
Author gimlynick Posted July 31, 2016 Author Posted July 31, 2016 I did not expect to be on here anymore. But here I am... In two weeks we were supposed to travel together for 40 days. We were supposed to go to Iceland. It's trip that we both were talking about for allready 18 months or so. It strikes me har to think about all the amazing things that we could have done there. We would have also grown back to eachother a lot in that time. Out of curiosity I watched her facebook and I saw that she made her relaton with that new guy 'official'... And their relation started 1st of januari. Wattafak. We were together untill end of februari. It feels so confusing and it strikes me very very hard. She paid me back her flight ticket ( that i booked ) but we had some things booked in advance allready ( only about 60 euros) and I sould appreciate that she pays that back to me. I hate her, she used me and she has to have the bals to give me this back. She didnt resêct me a single bit. Last time that we were talking it was about her cheating. After all I did not appreciate it that she explained that she cheated with a couple of dozen guys on me. I did not want to know this ****. I am on here today because I allmost texted her something. I want my money back, nd I should appreciate if she pays my ticket for Iceland back aswell. I did the same for her when we couldnt go to a citytrip because I was in hospital, so she can do now the same for me because she ****ed it up. I still have a hard time to understand the fact that she dithes me, and that she gets directly into a relation with another guy, whom she talks about on her facebook like he is god. I am jealous as **** and want the same. I was dating a really cute girl untill my ex texted me that she cheated on me. I broke down completely and now that cute girl ran away because well... It is kinda weird to start somethin with a guy wo is crying about his ex who cheated on him. I hate this situation and most of all I hate the fact that I still miss her a lot. When this all started I gave myself untill middle august to get over her completely. I have the feeling now that I'm still not over her. I still care a lot about her and every single time that I have sex with a girl I am thinking about my ex. Even when the sex techniccally is amazing I still think about how my ex is doing and small things remind me constantly about her. Crap, this is really not motivating to ever date again.
BC1980 Posted July 31, 2016 Posted July 31, 2016 There's no timeline on getting over someone. And you are making things much worse by looking at her FB page. You are rubbing salt in the wound and almost texted her something. You aren't getting your money back. Trust me when I say that an ex has no reason to pay you any money back. Milestones and anniversaries will trigger emotions, so it makes sense you are feeling down right now. You should go to Iceland alone. Can you still do that?Save
Author gimlynick Posted August 19, 2016 Author Posted August 19, 2016 There's no timeline on getting over someone. And you are making things much worse by looking at her FB page. You are rubbing salt in the wound and almost texted her something. You aren't getting your money back. Trust me when I say that an ex has no reason to pay you any money back. Milestones and anniversaries will trigger emotions, so it makes sense you are feeling down right now. You should go to Iceland alone. Can you still do that?Save Thanks for the advice. I didn't go to Iceland alone but I managed to get my money back ( and apparently she did not ) via cancellation policy. The days are hard, everyday I know what we would have done in Iceland right now. Now we were suposed to hike and in two days we were suposed to spot whales... A friend said that she is now with her new boyfriend in Switzerland... It just sucks that I want to be that person who is sharing experiences with her. I've learnt a lot since the break up... Allmost 6 months ago, but I know that it still hurts. Every time I have sex with a girl she reminds me of my ex. Anyway, I wanted to type my thoughts a little bit over here since most ppl around me think I'm over her...
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