"My ex has cheated on me... With the whole world"

[keiji]

Because you're addicted, man, and the only way to quit your drug is staying away from it. When you manage to look with clear eyes, you'll see that you have nothing to hang on, at least at the moment. She was quite blunt. I know it hurts, but your only option is to go radio silence and work on healing.

 

You'll never find someone like her, my ass. A couple of months ago I was in the exact same boat as you. And hey, my ex-g is super-smart, pretty and sweet, that won't change, but some days ago I met a girl who's simply stunning and to top it off, we have exactly the same tastes in most things. I would have never thought that I'd go on a date and end up talking about the f****g Karlheinz Stockhausen or Ornette Coleman. I may not be ready to fall in love yet, it's too early, but boy, the girl's amazing. The sooner you start caring about yourself and letting her go, the sooner you'll find someone like that too. Because you will, believe me. It's the addiction that's preventing it.

[JohnFDoe]

Drop her like a baked potato man, shes messing with you. Her ego was hurt that you were cool with breaking up so she came back for sex to get you rehooked, why you think she was shaved (I didnt know this would happen... I dont always do this, oh no ...)

 

She wants to know youre the safety blanket, and as long as she can still string you along and spike your Oxytocin, she knows youll be an addicted fool all over her like a rash.

 

Don't initiate convo, start moving away emotionally and watch as she comes crawling back to you. If you want to play her game, beat her at it and start dating around again, but if you've got any self worth you'll realize she aint worth the time mate, sorry.

[gimlynick]

In some way, the idea that she has developed feelings for someone gives me a little bit more closure.

Now I know that she will not return to me all of a sudden.. So I can't get that hope anymore.

Also, when she said 'he can give me more then you did + We are not as compatible as we thought we are' give me the idea that she doesn't want to get back. Ever. Alldough before she allways said that she wants te meet me again in the future, when we are both in the same stage of life.

 

Thanks for the kind replies people, it really really helps.

 

The idea that someone else gets that amazing sex with her isn't too great, I have no clue how to get that thought out of my head. And even now I just hope that one day, probably year(s) from now, we will get back together.

 

 

I will not break NC anymore, but I keep her on my facebook, I'll try to measure how often I look on her facebook, I'll try do not do this anymore at all... If this works she can still be on it, if not... I will block her in a week or so.

 

Yes, Kenji, I'm addicted te her. I know that there are other people out there who share the same interests like me and who are better then my ex... And I know that my ex had some serious problems, and in the future I will understand that my ex wasn't the good one for me, for several reasons.

I know that with time I will see that her personaliy isn't that great, and that right now I am more attracted on how she looks and how hot sex with her is and that we get along very well for travelling, but that's it!

 

Ah well... I look back to our relation with a smile on my face.

 

Next!

[BC1980]

If she is on your FB, you are not NC. Get ready to enjoy some more pain when she starts posting pics of her new BF.

[gimlynick]

If she is on your FB, you are not NC. Get ready to enjoy some more pain when she starts posting pics of her new BF.

 

I've seen them kissing on camera, can't get worse :-)

Or they had to upload something on an adult site, but I don't think that will be the case

 

 

Feeling good today, hopefully this feeling stays for a while.

[keiji]

I'd advise you to unfriend her anyway. You never know what you'll see in the future and how you'll react to it. You don't want nasty surprises when you're apparently moving on.

[Marc878]

Living the life of hope and breadcrumbs you'll starve to death.

 

If you're smart you'll block everything and go dark. Move on with your life and learn from this.

 

It's all part of maturing.

[BC1980]

I've seen them kissing on camera, can't get worse :-)

Or they had to upload something on an adult site, but I don't think that will be the case

 

 

Feeling good today, hopefully this feeling stays for a while.

 

Even if you feel desensitized, seeing her on social media will be like picking at the wound. You will always have one foot in the past. I've seen so many threads on LS where people are asking, why, years later, they are still hung up on an ex. Inevitably, they follow them on social media or still talk to them.

[gimlynick]

Thanks for the replies people!

 

This forum is helping me a lot.

 

I'm getting slightly better, and am trying to actually date a couple of girls.

My ex is still daily in my head, I still cry once a day, but the tears go away sooner then before.

 

 

I have started to look a little bit more objective to how she is and how she has 'played' me.

I start to realize that she has abused me in a major way.

I couldn't see this in the beginning of the break up, but ExpatinItaly explained me very well. Thanks for this, now I understand it.

 

I don't have a future with this girl.

Since I went travelling, she has changed in a horrible person.

 

***I don't understand how I coud agree with her having FWB with a girl when I was travelling, I think I was just too scared to lose her.

***How could I just simply agree with the fact that she was sleeping over in another city with 2 new male friends?

***She got an std in november, out of the blue, and I still believe that it is not from sexual intercourse with someone else. But... From when I came back from travelling untill februari we did not have unprotected sex, in february we restarted unprotected sex, because the doc said the chance of getting it was really really low + well, we both knew that we were together forever so it didn't really matter.

I'm ****ing glad that I didn't get it. She has been lying about this stuff.

She told me afterwards that having unprotected sex was just to hope that our relation could get better again ( I couldn't give her an orgasm with a condom on + I could barely give one myself, this also because of that serious illness I had ).

 

So she used me by

-having unprotected sex while carrying std and not sure about our relation

-cheating on me with her 'new friends' ( with whom she is together now )

-using my love and blindness for her to get sex with another girl

 

Wow, this is so ****ed up.

One day I will be so glad that I dodged this bullet partially. I am wounded, but my wounds will heal.

One day I'll realize that she is a horrible, unstable person with a lot of disorders.

Are those from her past? Probably!

Can she change? Probably not, it will take a lot of time and professional help

 

 

I'm having three barbecues next week, all of them as a date with 3 other woman.

Probably going to have a lot of fun, I just hope that IF I have sex with one of them, the face of my ex doesn't turn up in my head. This happened last time and it was an instant moodkiller.

[BC1980]

Write down all of the things she did to you, and look at them next time you want to break NC.

[gimlynick]

Had some kind of really bad moment today, started crying and my parents have seen it ( live again at their place ).

 

They started raging, not helping and shouting at me that I need to go on with life. That she's not worth all that crying and that this is not normal.

 

I said that it's normal. They say that I'm not and that I need to go to a specialist because I'm crazy.

 

 

Wow, they really help me :/

I can't talk anymore with my friends about it because they just don't know how to handle this and now I can't even talk anymore with my parents.

 

When I came back from travelling in november I was in some kind of depression... Then, in february I kinda got out of it and then all of a sudden my ex breaks up with me in march and I think I'm deeper in it then ever before.

 

I've been counting the times that I think about her... It's insane.

When I wake up I realize that she's not there.

When I brush my teeth I remember those times when we were laughing and doing stupid when brushing teeth together.

When eating I see her face in front of me, smiling and eating how she used to eat.

When I'm running I think about her ass, when she's running in front of me

When working out, I think about her and how impressed she would be with the strength I have.

When driving my car she's the whole time in my head

And so on...

 

 

I don't know. I just don't think this is normal. I got ****ing break downs all the time, even when I'm surrounded by other people.

 

This was for life, and now I think I'm scarred for life :/

 

It's just that fact that she has to offer more than any other woman I know.

Yes, she has major issues, but even with those she stays an amazing person.

 

I want to travel the world with her, have kids, build a house, be with her and see her smile.

She gave me so much power to get through hard stuff. And I did the same to her.

 

I can't live with the fact that she has fun and that I am having a ****ing mental breakdown every time I think about her.

 

I want to move on but have no idea how to.

 

We both were 100% sure that our life was set. That we had everything and that we would stay together forever. Even in those last months when it was kinda bad, because we both were kinda really really low, I still was 100% sure that we both could get out of this because we had eachother.

 

Sorry for all these long posts. I just need a place to talk about it. I have no idea who to contact. I'm lost.

 

 

 

Edit:

 

Nevermind guys, just had to vent out over here. I'm fine again.

Kinda rude from my parents to behave like this. Idk how I want them to behave, but at least a little bit more compassionate.

They started about the death of my grandfather, and how my grandmother stayed so strong and that I look like a complete loser if I am compared to her...

Edited May 11, 2016 by gimlynick

[BC1980]

Grief is a very normal and healthy reaction to any type of loss. Your parents are probably saying it's not normal because it makes them uncomfortable. Many people are very uncomfortable with grief or emotions in general. I think you are just now processing the finality of it. Before that recent phone call, you were living in denial, so the full weight of the end wasn't on you.

 

I think that everything you described sounds pretty normal. It would probably be a good idea to either see a counselor who can navigate you through grief or read some books on the subject. It's kind of daunting when you are dealing with these emotions on your own. Something that struck me is that you said you thought this relationship was forever. It's hard to reconcile that it's not.

[BC1980]

Also, that's pretty disgusting that your parents would compare you to your grandmother. No one knows how she handled it in private. No one knows what their marriage was like. Maybe she was glad to be rid of him. Comparing the way people grieve is unhelpful.

[gimlynick]

Also, that's pretty disgusting that your parents would compare you to your grandmother. No one knows how she handled it in private. No one knows what their marriage was like. Maybe she was glad to be rid of him. Comparing the way people grieve is unhelpful.

 

Yeah I know.

Well, they had a very good and long marriage ( 55 yrs ), and were very very happy with eachother. She has had a very bad moment right after the funeral, but they had 2 years to say goodbye ( cancer ), so they knew that it was coming.

I don't know why they acted like this. They just don't have experience with these kind of situations.

 

 

Do you recommend any books?

I've been searching on the web, but a lot of books seem like bull**** to me.

[keiji]

Don't hold it against your parents. They probably act like that out of awkwardness, as the previous poster said. In January I broke down and cried in front of them, which I never do, and I clearly saw they didn't know how to behave or how to be helpful.

 

As to your reactions (breaking down 10,000 times a day), it's completely normal. In time those daily breakdowns will be fewer and farther between. Today I have barely thought about her, maybe once or twice (it's almost 5pm here now). If three months ago you had told me I'd be feeling like this now, I would have told you to buzz off.

[BC1980]

Yeah I know.

Well, they had a very good and long marriage ( 55 yrs ), and were very very happy with eachother. She has had a very bad moment right after the funeral, but they had 2 years to say goodbye ( cancer ), so they knew that it was coming.

I don't know why they acted like this. They just don't have experience with these kind of situations.

 

 

Do you recommend any books?

I've been searching on the web, but a lot of books seem like bull**** to me.

 

A book that really helped me was "Getting Past Your Breakup" by Susan Elliott. She also has You Tube videos. Regarding your parents, they may not have any similar experiences, so they don't understand. Still, they don't need to berate you the way they did. You will notice that a lot of people are very uncomfortable with grief or any other type of sad emotions. Most people don't want to talk about it unless they have been through that experience and can relate. I had two good friends who had been through experiences like mine and could relate to me.

[gimlynick]

Thanks for the book advice!

I've started reading in it and it's amazing and very helpfull.

 

Last 2 days have been great. Somehow I kinda forgot my ex allmost completely and I'm very much into a new ( very very hard to get ) girl of work.

She is showing a lot of interest but my colleagues who work here longer advice me not to see to much into it. Apparently she's teasing and she bites very rarely.

Anyway, she has my attention, and this way the attention to my ex kinda fades away. Especially because she is really kinda the opposite of my ex in 'looks'.

Brownie versus Blondie!

 

In an hour I need to bring my parents to the airport... It will be the first time that I will cross the town where my ex lives. It's saturday and normally this weekend we would have spend at her place. So I'm 100% sure that she's there with mister douchebag, her new lover.

I don't really care but somehow I started thinking about this, and I think the way back home will be a struggle... Being so close to her place but not able to see her or reach out.

 

Anyway I'm making a lot of progress.

It's been 3 days since I've cried. If it does not come back on the way home now, I think my crying period will be over.

 

I'm getting stronger and now I'm even sure that if she would call me to get back together, I would refuse it.

She's immature, a cheater, liar, and messed up emotionally. I can't deal with this kind of person.

 

Edit:

Yes, didn't miss her at all when driving a kilometer from her house. I really took a big step forward in the healing process the last couple of days. Especially thanks to LS!

 

Extra point: my parents told me they have seen my ex in the national news... On television, kissing intensely with a girl in the yearly Gay Parade in Brussels, filmed in close up.

What's wrong with that girl... Damn!

Well, I'm glad I'm not with her anymore, no way my parents should accept this kind of stuff. What's the chance that SHE is filmed in a 60.000 person parade kissing a girl...

Maybe she is doing this for attention? No idea, I don't care!

Edited May 15, 2016 by gimlynick

[gimlynick]

Some extra news:

 

I've been healing very fast.

I haven't cried anymore and I don't feel like I want her beg. Ever.

 

Now and then ( like twice a day for a short moment ) I think about her, but then my mind fills up with all the things she has done to me and her image is gone again :-)

 

 

Kinda weird but yesterday was my birthday and somehow I felt really sad that she wasn't there to celebrate with me. It's the first time in 20 days that I felt this sad. It kinda confused me.

I have her on facebook ( I haven't cared to look at her profile in 20 days ), but she did not give a single 'happy birthday' to me.

I thought that I would not care about this, but apparently I do. It's kinda offensive.

 

Anyway, I hope she is spreading her std around with her new boyfriend and lesbian lover.

[gimlynick]

A little update for myself.

 

I'm doing great with another girl, starting to date regular and I am rly into her.

 

A weird thing is that I don't really care about my ex anymore but she knows a lot about climbing/hiking. I asked her a couple of questions 2 days ago because I want to go hiking with a friend in an area that she knows by heart. She answered a little bit. Today I looked to those replies and I spied on her facebook out of curiosity. Apparently in those 2 days she has blocked me.

It feels kinda weird. She was the person who wanted to remain friends.

Afterwards I checked her IG to see if she has blocked me over there aswell and she did not but she deleted 1 of the 2 pics we had together on it. Really weird.

 

I kinda like this, because it feels like she is struggling at this moment more than me. She deserves to struggle. I'm glad I am over my very hard moment of suffering. Life is smiling at me again. I've never been as fit as I am now and this has a positive reaction to the new people I meet in life.

[gaig]

Plz do yourself a favor and delete/block her from all these dump applications..

Let her enjoy her misery without you adding any value to it. You deserve better

[Itspointless]

I'm doing great with another girl, starting to date regular and I am rly into her. [...] A weird thing is that I don't really care about my ex anymore [...] I kinda like this, because it feels like she is struggling at this moment more than me.

If you do not care anymore than why do you like to see her struggle?

[gimlynick]

Okay so this will probably be one of the very last ( and insaaaaane ) updates I post over here.

 

So to make it short. We were together a small 2 years, from which I went travelling in the last year 6 months.

 

I asked via whatsapp why she blocked and deleted me from facebook.

 

Her Reply:

REPLY 1

hey ****,

I blocked you on Facebook because I screwed up and I need to let go of my past. I did so many extremely bad things.. I lied to and cheated on both you and "current boyfriend".... every person I've ever been with for that matter...

The day where I came over the last time, I was already dating "current boyfriend". So by having sex with you, I cheated on him.

I've been lying and cheating for so long... and I just didn't know how to stop because I was so far into it. I'm sorry about hurting you and I know this doesn't sound believable but it was never my intention... it was never my intention to hurt either of you. but I did and I know that there is nothing I can say or do, that will make this any better. I need to take responsibility for my actions.

What I've done disgusts me. The person I've been disgusts Me and I don't want to be her anymore. not only because it's been hurting everyone around me but because I'm so ashamed of who I was and I just don't want to go on like this.

So in order to fundamentally Change, I need to get rid and block away my past.

I am very sorry...

Take care.

"her name"

END OF REPLY NR 1

 

 

So I asked her about when she has cheated on me. I took everything very lightly and responded very normal in a non caring, professional way. This is her reply:

 

REPLY 2

I didn't just cheat on you guys with each other.. I cheated on both of you so much and I lied about it so often.. I just couldn't admit it. I thought that every time I did it would be the last, that I was strong enough to stop but I wasn't. I didn't. But my actions have done so much damage. I've hurt my friends, I've hurt people I love, I've hurt myself.

To answer your question about if I cheated on you before your trip, the answer is yes. we had been in an open relationship and I kept on sleeping with other people. but because I was the only one to do it, I was ashamed and partially scared. because I've been scared of being alone.

I know that you think that it was incredibly wrong of me to jump from you to him but because his and my connection was and still is insane, it was the right thing for me to do. He's the reason I got through these past few months. I wouldn't have been able to do it without him. and I'm not able to do this change without him either.

I am young, yes, people make mistakes, yes... but I really screwed up. I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of in my life but this. this is by far the worst thing I've done. I needed a wake-up call.

For the past few weeks I have been seeking professional help. the past months have been a lot and I have noticed that I have hardly processed anything from my past, I just passively coped. But that's not what I want to do anymore. I have a problem. I have a problem with cheating and lying. I first had to see and admit it to myself before I could start actively fighting and become the person I want to be. and even though I may In some ways be a great girl, I have been a major piece of **** in the past that doesn't deserve to be seen as someone great. But I want to become someone I don't need to be ashamed of.. someone great.

Also, you don't need to worry about me potentially attempting suicide. that has and will never be an option for me, even if the thought of it sometimes comes up and I have romanticized the idea at moments, I love life. and if things are bad, it's not over..

I know that you don't believe that blocking you was my idea but it's something I need to do. I need to completely cut out my past.. and I'm sorry about this.. but that includes you.

Thank you for your nice words and kind advice but I need to do this my way. I'm happy that you got some help aswell and that it made you better.

 

END OF REPLY 2

 

So I became curious and asked her how many times she has cheated on me before travelling ( so in the first 9 months ): she has replied '7 different guys, I feel horrible blablablablabla'

 

 

Wow, so my very first relation was with a girl who has probably cheated on me more then 20 times in less then 2 years. She has lied to her best friends, her parents, me, her current boyfriend,...

 

What is she doing?

What is wrong with her? How sick can you be? Can someone put a name on the decease she has ( not Nymphomania )?

I want to understand this weird/horrible event that has happened in my life.

 

I want to heal. I want to get rid of any memory I have had with her.

Edited June 19, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[LD1990]

Wow, so my very first relation was with a girl who has probably cheated on me more then 20 times in less then 2 years. She has lied to her best friends, her parents, me, her current boyfriend,...

 

What is she doing?

What is wrong with her? How sick can you be? Can someone put a name on the decease she has ( not Nymphomania )?

I want to understand this weird/horrible event that has happened in my life.

 

I want to heal. I want to get rid of any memory I have had with her.

 

I'm sorry to hear that she did all that, gimlynick. That's terrible and it's always rough when your first love betrays you.

 

You're wasting your time trying to understand her. The choices she made are the sum of her entire life to this point and her genetics. Nature and nurture, as they say.

 

She's clearly a very screwed-up person. She chooses to use her little sob story to justify her own selfish actions, as many do. You really need to commit to NC, though. Finding ways to get in touch with her is only going to prolong your agony.

[Itspointless]

It sucks to hear all of this, but I admire her honesty. One hell of a mess that girl. So yes, you got what you wanted, she is struggling. Does it make you feel better?

[LivingWaterPlease]

Hey guys,

 

So... My gf broke up with me due to multiple aspects ( me and her being very ill, family problems, school problems, me moving work to another city,... ). We just grew away from eachother... And I accepted it because she was right.

I went NC, but kinda the light version. I stayed friends with her on facebook and once in a week we heared eachother.

 

We decided 3 weeks ago to meet last friday, so we can talk about it one more time and to give our belongings back.

 

The chat and call sessions stayed very casual and kinda weird... But when I saw her on friday we both fel that there was something hanging in the air.

 

We both talked about our feelings and that she doesn't feel like we broke up... It feels like this is just temporarily.

 

Now, we both got healthy, she got back on track with her education and her family problems are kinda stabilising.

 

 

We ended up having the most amazing sex ever ( after both not having sex for over 40 days ). We talked the whole night, and she was very clear about the fact that she wants a future with me.

I said that I still see a future with her aswell. But I said her that we need time to think about it, because I don't want to get directly back into a relation with her because she broke my heart.

We both were really serious that day, and she said that she didn't expect this to happen aswell ( alldough she was shaved... I was obviously not because I expected not to have sex ).

She stayed over at my place, and the next morning it felt like we had never broken up. We were both towards eachother like it was before.

 

Now I feel like I want to be with her... Even that I said that we both need time to get completely on track. But with me knowing that she still loves me, I can't get her out of my mind anymore.

 

Do you guys think that this was just sex for sex... I mean, she is very hot and can get allmost every guy that she wants so she doesn't need me for this and it was her insisting on meeting up again.

 

I am very confused, and I don't know if I should call her to say that I kinda want to restart something right now...

I mean, if she really cares about me she would love to start hanging out right now right?

At the moment she is very busy with studying and exams coming up + the fact that her parents are moving to another house.

I don't know what to think... Should I make a move?

 

She still means a lot to me, and she kept on saying that she will miss me a lot.

 

It's so weird... I just don't feel like it is over. Before I was so down, and now I am a happy person again... But I don't know if I should be happy

 

The title of your thread is, "My ex has cheated on me....with the whole world," yet you never addressed that in your post. I've only read the first few posts in this thread so maybe someone else has mentioned this and you've already addressed it.

 

But, if it's true that she cheated on you with a lot of men and now wants to get back with you, in your place I wouldn't do it.

 

OK, so now I just read your explanation in post #72. My advice stands, don't get back with her. She has a lot of healing and maturing to do.

 

And, no offense, but I believe you have healing and maturing to do, too.

 

The fact that you didn't post her egregious behavior towards you in your first post asking for advice is concerning. Not sure how a mature person would neglect mentioning such significant information when asking for advice.

Edited June 18, 2016 by LivingWaterPlease