"My ex has cheated on me... With the whole world"

[bluefeather]

One day she will find the true one right? Or are these kind of persons messed up for life?

 

I don't know. One thing I can be pretty sure about, though, is that whatever happens with this person, she will not be truly happy until she gets professional help. Even if by chance she ends up with someone who she likes, the cycle of mental issues will most likely continue with that relationship.

 

She deserves to find someone who takes care for her. She needs it

 

I believe that is the "care giver" or "rescuer" mentality inside you. I recognize it because it sounds similar to things I would say about an ex from time to time. I do not believe she needs someone to take care of her. That would not fix the problem. Even if someone could give her a full amount of emotional and financial support, it would not cure her mental issues. As stated above, professional help is probably the only thing that can help her.

 

But yes, I think you did dodge a bullet, but from the sound of it, it has done some damage, and you could benefit from giving more care to yourself. I would advise you to try to forget about what she deserves or needs and pay attention to what you deserve and need.

 

 

edited just to say to you, LD1990, your first paragraph resonates with me too well.

Edited April 11, 2016 by bluefeather

[gimlynick]

Well... I just got a heart attack...

 

So, my ex is doing the 'redbullcanyoumakeit challenge'...

So with her 2 new friends she does a hitch hikinh competition from Barcelona to Paris, and underway they have to do several tasks to gian points.

 

You can follow them on the site of red bull... So offcourse I became curious.

I saw them having a lot of fun ( which is not a problem for me), but then all of a sudden there is an exercise that you have to kiss eachother...

 

So she is making out with the friend that she has kissed before... in front of a camera.

Offcourse she has no clue that I can see this.

I feel embarassed, bad, stomach is turning and I feel a lot of anger.

 

Wow, okay, this is just a task that they have to do. And the kissing looks weird.

But wow, I am shaking at this moment.

 

I want to ask her what happened.

 

I even helped her ( when we were still together ) to get there. I made 'publicity' for their team on my facebookpage. She wrote for me "hey people, my dumbass girlfriend and 2 of her friends want to do a hitch hiking competition....... "

And now she is ****ing kissing another guy in front of a camera.

 

Wow, I feel so low, so bad.

 

Can I say something to her?

I just need to get rid of my massive frustrations.

 

Again... When things are slightly going better for me this kind of stuff ruins me :/

I am having good and bad days, and the last 2 days felt 'okay', especially because I had so much to do so I had few time to actually think about her.

But today I'm home, I can't do sports whole day long. So there is nothing else to do then sitting at home and wondering how she is doing.

 

I don't know what to write anymore, I'm just 'raging' a lil bit.

This is ****.

[keiji]

Do you know what she'll say? She'll say it's just an exercise they had to do. And, well, it's true, isn't it? So you'll keep thinking that there was more to it because you're still aching for her. Nothing she says will keep your mind at ease, believe me.

 

I'm grabbing you by the lapels and shaking you really hard as I say this: DON'T STALK HER!!!! Getting zero information about their life is essential to heal. I'm doing so much better because right now she might as well be dead, or married or even pregnant, but I'm totally disconnected from her life, and viceversa. You don't want to see certain things even if curiosity and nostalgia push you in that direction.

[bluefeather]

You can follow them on the site of red bull... So offcourse I became curious.

 

Don't say "of course" like it was the obvious thing to do. You failed by following her. This is your consequence. Sorry to be so blunt, but you really did this to yourself. No, you should not talk to her about any of it. You guys are broken up, stop stalking her! Get on with YOUR life!

[gimlynick]

Yeah I know.

 

I was just kinda raging. It's allready fine now.

 

Just had to vent out a lil bit against someone, so that someone became this forum!

 

I know that it's stupid to do. I'm not making any more contact as in texting/calling/seeing her.

It's now a week NC, I'm doing okay.

If she ever wants to retry, she is welcome but she will have to beg on her knees.

I am allready at the point that I do not want her back. Not for now, she needs to change. If she doesn't change I don't want her.

 

 

 

Edit:

A friend just told me that he has seen this clip aswell... It isn't even the task to make out with eachother, the only thing they had to do as task was to come in a local tv show. So it has nothing to do with kissing someone.

Lol, so she was just afraid to say that she has someone else SOOOOO this means that she had allready something with him for a while.

So theoritical this means that she has cheated on him aswell on that 'amazing friday'...

 

Great girl

 

It sucks that I still care.

I wish I was allready in the ' I dont give a **** face '.

Guess that it's not such a bad idea to see her sometimes, because the more of this stuff she does, the more I start to see what an ******* she is.

 

She didn't even had the balls to say this stuff to me. I asked her about 20 times ( also on that last friday ) if she isn't in love with him or stuff like that. What a witch.

 

I just feel like sending something like

"hey, it's a shame that you were too afraid to tell me that you have someone else. It would have shown that you have at least a little bit respect instead of doing everything behind my back. Good luck, have a nice life".

 

It's amazing that I don't even want this girl back.

I want another her, one that is stable and doesn't cheat.

Guess cheaters will never change right?

Perfect mindset to move on and not give a **** about her.

 

I know that I sound kinda jealous right now, and the sucky thing is that I never was jealous at all... Untill that dude came in her life somewhere in december ( when I was allmost dying in hospital ^^ )

 

EDIT EDIT:

Hmm, so it kinda feels good that he is kinda the opposite of me appearance wise => he looks like a nerd, skinny, his teeth are horrible, he just has a silly look.

She could have had guys who are so much hotter. I hope for her that he really is that amazing.

This kinda cheers me up, the fact that she's together with this kind of guy

Edited April 14, 2016 by gimlynick

[Jaded11]

Hey I am so sorry you're going through this heart break. I wanted to give you some hope and tell you there is the possibility you two will end up together again. My ex and I were together for 3 years and around the 2.5 years mark, I decided to end our relationship for various reasons, all the while hoping this break up would assist in him growing. I didn't expect that I would end up growing and learning so much about myself and about relationships during our breakup! Where I want to give you hope is that I definitely felt we weren't over and I only just found out that he also felt it wasn't over. I was pretty confident knowing that we would find our way back together, even if it was a year later or many years down the road. We lived together so I moved away and even though my decision was sooo hard to make and realky a rash decision, which I have some regret about, I felt good once I moved into the new place in a different city about 3 hours away. I felt good about my decision because I was confident that we could work on ourselves to come back together stronger than ever. We started texting each other because I guess we needed one another as well as missed each other. I was on the fence about us and it was hard for him but he never stopped supporting me and my decision and I admire that so much to this day. That is not an easy task. About a month or more goes by where we haven't seen each other and barely texting because he was heart broken. I came to town and pretty much had to convince him to let me see him. Sad right?! He was guarding himself and I dont blame him. I missed him insanely much and he finally let me come over. We had a few hours to hang out and it was great! hard for him but my goal was to keep him feeling positive about us. I started to see it as a mission we were on! I visited more and we talked every single day and we turned our breakup into a break and eventually we were official again becausw he had proven that he really heard what my issues were. Eventually i came back home and moved in with him. Things were better than ever between us. And somehow, we both lost sight of our newfound wisdom and appreciation and are relationship started slipping out of our grasp. We are no longer together for reasons that are completely unrelated. In my heart of hearts, I still take comfort in knowing that my heart is with him and I believe his is with me. He just isnt able to be in a relationship right now and that may last a long time. Unfortunately, I have to carry on somehow accepting that we most likely will never be together again, but Im not ready to let go of that hope. So in conclusion of my long story ;P , if you both reeaallyy feel in your hearts and souls that this isnt over, then you both might just be right! In the mean time, work on yourselves is the best thing you both can do for yourselves as individuals and as a potential couple! And if you feel like it, dont be afraid to go on dates with girls. It doesnt mean you have to commit but its a great way of learning about yourself and what you want and dont want! Even though my heart and soul is with my ex, i think in due time I will be ready to go on some dates with no expectations. The world is your oyster!

I wish you both the very best of luck and lots of love! You never know whats around the corner!

[LD1990]

I just feel like sending something like

"hey, it's a shame that you were too afraid to tell me that you have someone else. It would have shown that you have at least a little bit respect instead of doing everything behind my back. Good luck, have a nice life".

 

I feel your pain gimlynick! I did something stupid too actually the same night you did, I looked on the social media of the supposedly "gay friend" who my ex-girlfriend had been texting behind my back. Most recent post, who is it but my ex and this guy smiling that he captioned by mentioning how he's in love with her. That was like getting punched in the stomach, but luckily the feeling passed fairly quickly, although it's still on my mind more than it should be.

 

The funny thing is the same thing happened to us both around the same time and I look at this guy and feel the same way you do about your ex's new guy. My ex always told me how she liked that I was big and masculine looking, now she's with some much shorter skinny boyish looking guy who's into art. I'm just thinking you've gotta be kidding me. But hey, at least now I know she was lying to me this whole time and that she's a total scumbag.

 

Anyways just wanted to also say definitely don't message her no matter what you do, don't give her the satisfaction of knowing that you even looked. She'll just come up with some BS excuse anyway, and then she'll get an ego boost because she'll feel like you're still hung up on her. Just remember that it's you who's gonna grow from this experience while she keeps getting into lousy relationships to mask her insecurities. Stay strong my friend!

[gimlynick]

Thanks both of your for your great texts!

 

Jaded11, yeah, we both are pretty sure that one day we'll get back in touch, but first this whole thing will have to heal, and she will have to change drasticly before this, and I'm not sure if I will want that 'new person' in my life. I hope for you 2 things will turn out right, I think that your foundation of the relation is pretty strong.

 

To LD1990, awtch, guess our ex'es just aren't that mature enough to understand this kind of stuff. I think they have the idea of 'the grass is greener on the other side....'.

 

I didn't text her, I have to admit that I look daily to the red bull thing but tbh I don't really care if she is with him or not right now.

It's over, she does whatever she wants to do. I'm glad she was a part of my life, but now it's time for a little bit fun as a single.

And yeah, it's extremely weird that our exes go for someone who is completely the opposite of us. My ex is very intilligent, and my IQ tests are kinda high aswell, but I don't practice a job where you need it, my job is more about the muscles, tactics, fighting,... I think that her family finds me an idiot ( also because we both have another mother language, so I have to talk English with her, whom is my 3rd language )

 

Anyway, this is going to heal sooner the expected I think/hope

[Jaded11]

Thanks, I really hope it works out for us too.. even if it takes a year or more. He and I both have our individual issues we need to address in order to have a lasting relationship and I think it's a matter of timing of when you feel ready to aknowledge and address these issues in a way of finding some source of help to get better. It sounds like to me your ex is most likely under a lot of pressure with school. It can't be easy going to school to become a doctor and good for her for aiming high given she had such a rocky background. People can change absolutely as long as they want it and are ready for it. She might be hanging out with this new guy as a way to let loose. Have you two talked about marriage and your future lives together? She might just need to get a little crazy and let her hair down. Her lying to you on that Friday isn't cool at all, but she obviously didn't want to hurt your feelings and it is her perogative to not disclose that she is seeing someone else. It oesn't sound like she broke up with you for him. It feels to me more like she broke up with you to let loose and be wild cuz I think we all go through a stage in life like that. For some people, it's a midlife crisis. And it sounds like she does still have feelings for you,but she most likely feels she isn't quite ready to be with you for the long haul yet. And try and be thankful that she is doing what she needs to do for herself right now and not dragging you "down" with her, which she might feel she would be doing if she were still with you.

 

You sound like a really great guy. Really smart for sure, dpn't let her family make you feel otherwise. You might just be reading into their interactions with you that make you think they think youre an idiot. You sound mature and like you have your **** together in your daily life and emotional state. She most likely doesnt feel the same way about herself and perhaps that leads her to believe she isn't quite ready for you yet in her life, but it doesn't sound like she is closing the door on that possibility in the future.

keep your head up. You must be a great catch. Of course it will be hard to feel good about life in all aspects again for a while, but you will. Im sure her lying to you will make it easier to pick yourself up and keep moving along. I hope she is able to come to peace with herself and sort out the problems she has and recognize that she is worthy of having a great guy like you. She just needs time to work on herself and thats okay! And you can do the same but it sounds like you already are!

[gimlynick]

Thanks, I really hope it works out for us too.. even if it takes a year or more. He and I both have our individual issues we need to address in order to have a lasting relationship and I think it's a matter of timing of when you feel ready to aknowledge and address these issues in a way of finding some source of help to get better. It sounds like to me your ex is most likely under a lot of pressure with school. It can't be easy going to school to become a doctor and good for her for aiming high given she had such a rocky background. People can change absolutely as long as they want it and are ready for it. She might be hanging out with this new guy as a way to let loose. Have you two talked about marriage and your future lives together? She might just need to get a little crazy and let her hair down. Her lying to you on that Friday isn't cool at all, but she obviously didn't want to hurt your feelings and it is her perogative to not disclose that she is seeing someone else. It oesn't sound like she broke up with you for him. It feels to me more like she broke up with you to let loose and be wild cuz I think we all go through a stage in life like that. For some people, it's a midlife crisis. And it sounds like she does still have feelings for you,but she most likely feels she isn't quite ready to be with you for the long haul yet. And try and be thankful that she is doing what she needs to do for herself right now and not dragging you "down" with her, which she might feel she would be doing if she were still with you.

 

You sound like a really great guy. Really smart for sure, dpn't let her family make you feel otherwise. You might just be reading into their interactions with you that make you think they think youre an idiot. You sound mature and like you have your **** together in your daily life and emotional state. She most likely doesnt feel the same way about herself and perhaps that leads her to believe she isn't quite ready for you yet in her life, but it doesn't sound like she is closing the door on that possibility in the future.

keep your head up. You must be a great catch. Of course it will be hard to feel good about life in all aspects again for a while, but you will. Im sure her lying to you will make it easier to pick yourself up and keep moving along. I hope she is able to come to peace with herself and sort out the problems she has and recognize that she is worthy of having a great guy like you. She just needs time to work on herself and thats okay! And you can do the same but it sounds like you already are!

 

Hey, wow, you are good in giving me some positive self esteem

I like that!

Yeah, she has so much on her head and she is young... She still has a lot to explore.

Yes we talked about the futur. We talked about how we will live together, who is doing what in the house holding, we talked about when we want kids ( both 30+ because we are both career minded ), we talked so much about all the big travels we wanted to do,... It was so much futurtalk. That's what upsetted me a lot. Because all those plans, I still want them because I had them allready before I met her. But now I kinda want it with her.

 

Even on the last day that we saw eachother, I've heard her mom saying that my ex said she'll never find a guy like me again.

My ex was still talking about the futur aswell, that we will have great kids one day and that we don't need to do the most crazy travellings right now, because we'll do it in the futur together.

 

I think aswell that she just needs to explore a lil bit more.

That guy is just interesting for her because he talks about completely other stuff then I do, and he tries to be the 'very intilligent dude'. Ah, whatever.

 

Thanks for this powerfull message, I guess you are a very kind person!

[Jaded11]

Haha thanks! I'm happy if I can help in some way!

 

Ooh yeah and nothing wrong with wanting to experience life. Thats great you guys talked so much about your future plans! Sounds like you both are on the same page about all that and thats a good start! Travelling sounds like a lot of fun and if it's something you wanted to do before you two were together, you can certainly do them now! It would be fun to get a bunch of buddies together and go somewhere tropical or something! You can still make your dreams come true and that'll be a great experience for you and make you feel good about having adventures without her! And you never know what can happen. You might still get a chance to travel with her down the road!

haha her mom loving you for her daughter can certainly help her find her way back to you! Moms always want the best for their daughters so it's really great that she adores you and sees your worth! Thats something else that should make you feel good about yourself! And thats a good sign she is still envisioning having kids with you in the future! You just never know!!

 

Lol sometimes we need to change things up for a bit and lose what we had in order to really appreciate what we had unfortunately. Keep that head up! Think positively and positive things are sure to come your way!

 

You're very welcome!! Haha I guess so!! I guess I just always try to see the positives in every not so good situation. You seem like a positive person to begin with so I think you will do just fine!

 

If it helps, this is an exercise I tried when I was in the process of getting over my exes. Of course the first week or so I thought about them a loooot and cried a lot and thought about the good times and how I wish we couldve still been having those good times and then I got to a point where I knew enough is enough. So yes thoughts of them still popped in my head for a long time after but when I knew that I couldnt be feeling and thinking this way anymore, I practiced literally pushing the thought out of my mind. Just keep doing that, dont even give yourself the chance to finish the thought. Just push it out, think of something about you and your life, good things, goals, whatever it may be but something anout you. Eventually you will get so good at forcing yourself to stop thinking of her and eventually those thoughts will happen less frequently to the point of not at all.

Try it if you feel the need to. It can help so that thinking of your ex doesnt bring you down. And try to pick things out of your experience with her that you can learn from and grow from,both good and bad. Keep us up to date!

Edited April 16, 2016 by Jaded11

[gimlynick]

Brrrrr,

 

last 2 days were hell.

Constantly thinking about her and how awsome our future together should be.

Before I had 3-4 really nice days where I didn't care all too much about her, but now I start to hope that she will contact me.

 

She will not. I know this, but there is this hope in me... It's bad, I wish I didn't care. I wish I could say that if she contacts me I can say "hey, yeah I'm okay, apparently life without you isn't that hard at all" but it is not.

 

At work I have noticed that 2 very cute girls started to show interest in me ( when I was in a relation I didn't even talk to them, only 'hello' ), and my co-workers say that I should definately give them a shot.

I don't want to give them too high expectations, because at this moment even miss universe could stand in front of me naked and I would not touch her. But I wonder if it should help me forget my ex a little bit if I date someone else for a while.

I will make this very clear to those girls, so that I don't break their heart.

really not sure what to do, I just need a way to forget her, and to forget about our futur

[keiji]

Brrrrr,

 

last 2 days were hell.

Constantly thinking about her and how awsome our future together should be.

Before I had 3-4 really nice days where I didn't care all too much about her, but now I start to hope that she will contact me.

 

She will not. I know this, but there is this hope in me... It's bad, I wish I didn't care. I wish I could say that if she contacts me I can say "hey, yeah I'm okay, apparently life without you isn't that hard at all" but it is not.

 

At work I have noticed that 2 very cute girls started to show interest in me ( when I was in a relation I didn't even talk to them, only 'hello' ), and my co-workers say that I should definately give them a shot.

I don't want to give them too high expectations, because at this moment even miss universe could stand in front of me naked and I would not touch her. But I wonder if it should help me forget my ex a little bit if I date someone else for a while.

I will make this very clear to those girls, so that I don't break their heart.

really not sure what to do, I just need a way to forget her, and to forget about our futur

 

I also feel lucky to have several girls pursuing me, but I'm on the same boat as you. I've slept with a few girls since the breakup, with some of them on several occasions. Gone out to dinner, drinks, telephone calls, etc., but I can't feel it. It won't fill the void you're feeling. You'll compare them to your ex and they'll lose. My advice is don't do it, it backfires. It may work as a momentary ego boost or distraction, but nothing more. Also, if the girls feel something for you, you'll end up full of guilt and hurting them. No matter how many patches you put on the wound, it's still there.

Edited April 18, 2016 by keiji

[gimlynick]

I also feel lucky to have several girls pursuing me, but I'm on the same boat as you. I've slept with a few girls since the breakup, with some of them on several occasions. Gone out to dinner, drinks, telephone calls, etc., but I can't feel it. It won't fill the void you're feeling. You'll compare them to your ex and they'll lose. My advice is don't do it, it backfires. It may work as a momentary ego boost or distraction, but nothing more. Also, if the girls feel something for you, you'll end up full of guilt and hurting them. No matter how many patches you put on the wound, it's still there.

 

thanks for the reply.

Yeah it seems to be a very bad idea to date one of those girls. If I were single for a long time one of them would probably be a girl to stay with, she's awesome. But right now I can't give her what she deserves, so I think it's better to get friendzoned with her.

Today was sucky again, I cried, for the first time in 10 days. It came in my head that I will not see her smile for a very very long time ( or maybe forever ) and that's really a bad thought.

I'm concentrating so much in getting in top shape, being on a very strict proteindiet and doing sports like hell.

But those moments when it is quiet at work or when driving my car my thoughts are playing games with me.

I bet that out of curiosity one of the coming weeks she will text me

"hey, it's been a long time, how are you doing?".

Is it smart to reply?

I mean, it's just a stupid text, I should just say that everything is fine, I shouldn't even ask how she is doing. But still, I am so scared that over time her memories of us together will fade away and that I will only be 'an awsome but faraway ex' instead of a futur potential target.

 

Is it wise and helpfull to get professional assistance?

I think I might need it.

I need to get rig of this horrible feeling, I can't deal with the loneliness, it just sucks that she was the person with whom I talked about my emotions, no there is on one anymore to listen.

It is killing me.

If I will keep on moving forward like this I will not be a single step closer to 'not caring' even in september.

Doing preparations for travelling hurts, doing sports hurts,... It's all stuff that we would do together, and it's ****ing insane that she will not be bith me at those times.

Edited April 19, 2016 by gimlynick

[gimlynick]

It has been a hard day again.

Started crying when eating together with my parents. My mom is suffering aswell from this, it's hard to see her son being hurt.

Even at work sometimes tears roll in my eyes.

 

I think I will push untill end of september, that's the moment when we both are free again for a long period.

I'll ask her for a drink on that moment, so we can see how we see the future.

 

I just want to know how she is doing, how her parents are, how it is to live without me...

[Simon Phoenix]

It has been a hard day again.

Started crying when eating together with my parents. My mom is suffering aswell from this, it's hard to see her son being hurt.

Even at work sometimes tears roll in my eyes.

 

I think I will push untill end of september, that's the moment when we both are free again for a long period.

I'll ask her for a drink on that moment, so we can see how we see the future.

 

I just want to know how she is doing, how her parents are, how it is to live without me...

 

Bad idea. How many times do you need her to break up with you before you get the picture? I know things suck right now but you have to ride out the wave of hurt. Every time you contact her you're resetting your recovery clock. And you aren't going to recover very quickly if you are planning for a later meetup. That will just keep you in the muck.

 

No meeting in September. That's a terrible plan.

[gimlynick]

It's just... I don't feel like NC is the solution for me.

 

It's awkward, because things were still fine inbetween us. Not having contact just feels stupid and ridiculous.

But yeah you guys are right maybe I should stick to it

 

Ah well... Think I will need this forum for a long time to let out some thoughts.

My parents are now at a point where they want to see me moving on, so they get irritated by it.

My friends are even worse, they don't understand it at all or even don't care. Which is kinda bad because I start to feel like they are no real friends. When I rly need them they are not helping.

So my only real 'getting steam of' point is over here ( and sports ).

 

Today is just again a vey very bad day.

I thought it was going to get better, but day by day the urge to see her is just growing.

 

I think I still love her, even with all the stuff that she has done... I guess that's problematic :/

[LD1990]

Go back and reread your post about all the red flags you were ignoring. All those problems she has, the fact that she flirted with other guys. What's going to change? Is doing the Red Bull Challenge (whatever the hell that is) going to help her solve her many deep-rooted issues?

 

I get it, I really do. It hurts, it's not something you just get over. But saying "I'll go NC until this date" is not the way to go. It makes NC almost useless, because you're still focusing on her, you're not moving on.

 

You don't feel NC is the best solution for you because you don't want it to be. You don't want to feel like it's over, but it already is. Committing to NC is simply doing what's best for you.

 

Like Simon Phoenix said, keep riding the waves. Some days are gonna hurt, some you'll feel a bit better. The pain comes and goes, but it goes a lot easier without your ex around.

[gimlynick]

Well...

Last saturday I've had sex with someone who works for a couple of months at my workplace.

For me it was horrible. My ex was the whooooole ****ing time in my mind, I was just thinking about how good sex with her was, and how 'normal' sex with someone else is.

The girl didn't notice, but I really felt bad afterwards, allmost crying...

 

Never thought that my ex could take my sexdrive away from me... But wow, I don't want to have sexual contact anymore in the coming months!

 

It was a good life lesson.

 

Some days are fine, some very bad.

In a couple of days it's my ex' birthday. I know that I shouldn't contact her and I will not do it. But it feels weird, because of the fact that we broke up in peace

[gimlynick]

Haven't seen her in 4 weeks and NC for over 3 weeks now.

 

It's her birthday in 2 days, and yes I know that it's stupid to send something but I will do it.

I'll send a postcard, with a small 'happy birthday' text on it.

 

It's weird not to do this... We went each our way in a very friendly way so for me it would feel rude to not do this.

I've said her not to contact eachother with birthdays, and she was kinda sad to hear that. So I guess this will turn a smile on her face.

 

I don't expect a reaction back, alldough deep in me I am hoping to get a 'happy birthday' one month later aswell.

 

( wow, this sounds ridiculously stupid and so childish )

[ChickiePops]

I think she just sexed you goodbye. Girls do that sometimes. It's a sign they like you, but it doesn't mean that they want to be with you and you alone.

 

Here's the acid test... send her a text, and say something like

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There are a bunch of ways she might react to that, from anger to signing on. Her reaction will tell you everything you need to know about where her head is at and where you stand.

 

Lol..please don't do this..you'll make a fool of yourself.

[LD1990]

Haven't seen her in 4 weeks and NC for over 3 weeks now.

 

It's her birthday in 2 days, and yes I know that it's stupid to send something but I will do it.

I'll send a postcard, with a small 'happy birthday' text on it.

 

It's weird not to do this... We went each our way in a very friendly way so for me it would feel rude to not do this.

I've said her not to contact eachother with birthdays, and she was kinda sad to hear that. So I guess this will turn a smile on her face.

 

I don't expect a reaction back, alldough deep in me I am hoping to get a 'happy birthday' one month later aswell.

 

( wow, this sounds ridiculously stupid and so childish )

 

Maybe it will put a smile on her face. A smug smile, because she's moved on and will get to see that you're still thinking about her. You're gonna do whatever you want, but I don't see how wishing her a happy birthday ends well for you. You're doing it because, on some level, you want her to talk to you. Odds are you either don't get a response, or the response you get just leaves you wanting more, either of which will leave you feeling lousy after and hung up on her again.

[gimlynick]

Brrrr...

 

I've done what everybody over here has advised not to do... Broke No Contact this night.

Horrible idea.

So I went exactly one month NC ( it's not on purpose one month )

 

Couple of ( stupid ) points why I broke NC:

- I was not 100% sober ( not drunk either, just had 2 beers )

- Because of the beer I became curious, I wanted to know where she is in live

- I miss her ( a lot... I cry daily )

- I want some good old rough sex ( not like the boring one night stands )

- I need someone to talk with about stuff that I can't talk about to other ppl

 

So, she was asking the whole time why I made contact, since one month ago I said it's better to break all contact. But she was happy that I made contact.

 

I said to her that I'm over the emotional attachment ( not true ), and that I felt curious about how she is doing in life.

 

I said to her that I have seen her 'red bull race', she was kinda surprised, and I guess she was scared that I had seen her kissing her friend... ( tbc )

 

Then, she asked what the real reason of contacting her was... So I told her I would love to see her again, to have a talk.

 

She said that it's a bad idea. That it's to early after the break up to see eachother.

I said that I'm over it...

 

Then she said that she got feelings for someone else ( The friend, obviously ), and that it should be unfare to see me again, because it should hurt the both of us.

 

She said that he can give her more then I did, that he was the only one being there for her at the moment when she needed help the most

( the moment when she got out of the blue the std, and that she got kinda in a depression )

=> at that moment I was dying in Nepal... Came back home, very very ill... Brought her to the hospital, talked about it with her, said I trusted her,...

I don't know what I did wrong over here, yes, when I wasn't around I wasn't calling her daily because I was in ****ing hospital... So I guess that the 'friend' was there a lot more for her then I was.

I just gave her all I could give her at that moment in time...

 

Anyway, I explained her that apparently when I got home after travelling I fell into a depression ( who will not => your gf having an std, you losing your dreamjob, not doing the best part of the 6 month trip, allmost dying in hospital, her parents breaking up,... )

So she told me that she was aswell... And that she still is. She says that she has daily 2 panick attacks because of all what has happened ( especially because when she was going out she got hit by a dude in the face ), and that she is scarred for life.

 

She admitted that she hates me in some way because I gave her the parasite ( she only finished the meds of it 3 weeks ago ) + that I never had to leave her for travelling for such a long time...

 

She is right, and I hate her for kinda falling in love with another guy, and ****ing cheating in some way on me.

 

Still, I said, that in many years from now, when we both are in a new stage of life, I said that I should love to meet her again, and now, for the first time ever, she kinda said that I am not the person she is looking for.

That we did not survive being together when things are going very bad, and that we are not as compatible as we thought we were in the past.

 

I don't know how to feel about this all.

 

For me, she is still the woman of my life.

I really hope that one day we can have a life together again. I understand that I don't have to wait, and I will not. And even the idea that right now she probably has sex with the other guy, is just fine for me.

It's over, she can do whatever she wants.

 

I just thinks that she forgot how much I cared about her, and that she is just blinded by love from this new guy.

 

Anyway people... This is again a good lesson: why not to break NC.

 

I feel awful, I don't have to cry, but I feel pitty for myself.

She is allready over me. And I am even not a single step closer into healing...

I asked her 'how she can be over me after this amazing relation', she said

" at the end we were barely in a relation anymore, + when it feels good with a new person it's not that hard to get over someone ".

 

So wow, kinda worst case scenario.

 

In your face...

 

I think that I will go for some professional assitance to get over her, this is killing me.

 

I really want to meet other people and I really want to get over her, but I know that there are not so many other girls like her. I know that this is extremely cliche, but it's true. My standards are ultra high. I get pissed of by so many stupid factors... She had everything I ever dreamed about.

 

For example:

I dislike the following:

- Fancy, expensive dresses

- Make up

- Shopping girls

- non sportive girls

- girls who complain all the way

- clingy girls

- attention seekers

 

She was rough, had a kick ass personality, was super sportive, disliked shopping, dresses, make up, ... We both had our own live to a certain level, she loved travelling the hard way, she's intilligent, can be super funny, has a super hot body, cute face, insane sex, we were able to talk forever and ever...

 

 

Why????

 

I miss her, I still love her. **** this **** :-(

 

 

edit:

I just need someone to show me why this isn't meant to be... I want to go on with life... I understand that it's better to go each our own way but I want facts why it's better to not contact her anymore.

I feel so weak. This is dusgusting.

Edited May 6, 2016 by gimlynick

[Simon Phoenix]

You want facts? How about not having to experience what you just experienced? I mean, if that wasn't enough to show you how foolish and stupid it is to break No Contact at this stage, no amount of facts are going to have an effect.

 

You seem to relish in sabotaging yourself. Until you stop doing that, there aren't any "facts" that will help you.

[BC1980]

You are all over the place with your emotions. Normal at this point, but a good reason to be NC. You need distance and perspective to detach. You can get there, but it takes NC.