"My ex has cheated on me... With the whole world"

[gimlynick]

Hey guys,

 

So... My gf broke up with me due to multiple aspects ( me and her being very ill, family problems, school problems, me moving work to another city,... ). We just grew away from eachother... And I accepted it because she was right.

I went NC, but kinda the light version. I stayed friends with her on facebook and once in a week we heared eachother.

 

We decided 3 weeks ago to meet last friday, so we can talk about it one more time and to give our belongings back.

 

The chat and call sessions stayed very casual and kinda weird... But when I saw her on friday we both fel that there was something hanging in the air.

 

We both talked about our feelings and that she doesn't feel like we broke up... It feels like this is just temporarily.

 

Now, we both got healthy, she got back on track with her education and her family problems are kinda stabilising.

 

 

We ended up having the most amazing sex ever ( after both not having sex for over 40 days ). We talked the whole night, and she was very clear about the fact that she wants a future with me.

I said that I still see a future with her aswell. But I said her that we need time to think about it, because I don't want to get directly back into a relation with her because she broke my heart.

We both were really serious that day, and she said that she didn't expect this to happen aswell ( alldough she was shaved... I was obviously not because I expected not to have sex ).

She stayed over at my place, and the next morning it felt like we had never broken up. We were both towards eachother like it was before.

 

Now I feel like I want to be with her... Even that I said that we both need time to get completely on track. But with me knowing that she still loves me, I can't get her out of my mind anymore.

 

Do you guys think that this was just sex for sex... I mean, she is very hot and can get allmost every guy that she wants so she doesn't need me for this and it was her insisting on meeting up again.

 

I am very confused, and I don't know if I should call her to say that I kinda want to restart something right now...

I mean, if she really cares about me she would love to start hanging out right now right?

At the moment she is very busy with studying and exams coming up + the fact that her parents are moving to another house.

I don't know what to think... Should I make a move?

 

She still means a lot to me, and she kept on saying that she will miss me a lot.

 

It's so weird... I just don't feel like it is over. Before I was so down, and now I am a happy person again... But I don't know if I should be happy

[LD1990]

Are the issues that led to your breakup solved? You said you moved work to another city, does that mean this would be a long distance relationship if you two got back together?

 

If she breaks up with you due to the issues you described, illness, family problems, school troubles, I think that's a cause for concern. Do you really want a relationship where your girlfriend may dump you whenever the going gets tough? You're supposed to handle those things together, hence the whole "in sickness and in health" you agree to in marriage vows.

 

I'd be very hesitant to get back together with her based on that, but if you really want to give it another shot and think it'll be different, I'd say you should be upfront about it. Be either all the way in or all the way out, but staying in contact after a break up almost never works out well. If you two aren't gonna be together anymore, calls and the occasional meet up will only eventually lead to hurt feelings for one or both of you.

[gimlynick]

It's not really a LDR. I worked in the capital, where she lives in a town next to it, I live 110km away and am now working closer to my place.

This wasn't supposed to happen, but with my job you kinda can't allways choose where you work.

 

I'm sure that our relation will heal if I start working again in the capital...

 

There were so many aspects that lead to the break up, it made sence...

But we both care so much about eachother, even the day she broke up she said that she should love to meet me again in better times, when we both are older and have a job ( she is becoming a doctor and I'm a cop ).

 

I think we should wait for now... And try to forget eachother a little bit.

Before we easily handled the bad situation together, and we grew so close together because of this. But now it was all too much.

 

When all this is over, and she got back on track, I think we'll be fine to start dating and hanging out together again.

 

 

Thx for the reply!

[gimlynick]

So... The day after friday we had a lot of contact... Sunday I've send her a long text in which I say that I should like to see her a little bit more again, to restart knowing eachother. I reach out to her and talk about the nice stuff we did friday, and that it really made me happy. On Saturday she also said that she felt rly good friday and that she loved it.

 

So... She texted me back monday morning 'hey, was too busy yesterday late, I'll text you after classes'.

 

Since then I haven't heard from her...

I thought things were going a lot better. She even said it like that!

But then all of a sudden no contact.

 

This morning I've send her "Good Morning, apparently classes are taking a long time :p"

 

So I hope to hear her.

But I'm kinda done... This is so frustrating. She wants me, I'm sure about this. I know from her mom that she says that she'll never meet someone like me again and she said to me so many times friday that this feels really good. Then, why is she ignoring her feelings?

This is ridiculous, I'm so mad.

 

I feel like I am stalking her. I feel desperated and jealous. I saw a pic that her mom posted on facebook on where the family was together and one of her ne friends was there aswell. It feels like that guy has taken my place in that family. And yet she keeps on saying that this is just a friend and that she isn't over me at all.

I can barely believe this anymore...

 

Friday was suposed to be a farewell... But instead she gave me soooo much hope by saying that she needs me, wants a futur with me and really likes me. She also said that she does not have someone else and that she didn't get laid for 40 days... Which I believe because she was very ill during most of that time.

 

This is ridiculous.

[LD1990]

But I'm kinda done... This is so frustrating. She wants me, I'm sure about this. I know from her mom that she says that she'll never meet someone like me again and she said to me so many times friday that this feels really good. Then, why is she ignoring her feelings?

 

She's not, she just doesn't want to be with you anymore. Trust the actions, not the words. She ignored you Sunday, texted you a quick excuse Monday and said she'd text you later, which she hasn't done. It looks like her actions Friday were for her ego, and probably to have fun, but she clearly doesn't want a relationship.

 

I find it hard to believe that new guy is just a friend. A big family pic on Facebook includes a guy that's "just a friend?" Sure, it's possible, but not likely.

 

The sooner you go NC, the better.

[gimlynick]

I called her today. To know how she is feeling about this.

She doesn't want to come back. She wants to go on and on this stage I'm not a part of her life.

She is kinda confused aswell, but wants to work on herself and she wants to do it alone.

 

She has a ****ton of work for school ( it's true, she has allmost no time for anything elsee ) and doesn't want to use any power to try to refix our thing. She feels aswell that there is still something but she doesn't want to give it a chance, because she will hurt me and herself by doing it.

 

She's young, she wants to explore the world ( I do too... But I have allready more experienes in some things then she has... )

 

This is hard.

I went directly full no contact after our conversation. I've send her a couple of pics that wehave taken the last time that we've seen eachother and that's it.

 

This feels ridiculous, to cut someone completely out of your life that you loved with whole your heart.

I didn't know that I was this emotional, people know me as a very strong, very realistic person. I've never felt like this before.

 

It's a hard ending... And still I feel that one day, in a couple of years from now, our paths will cross again. When we both are setlled down and have a stable life.

I think too much happened in a way too short timeframe.

 

I will miss her, but i'll keep the good memories, remember what went wrong, stay in No Contact and will find peace with myself again.

 

I'm thinking about getting a ****buddy again, someone with whom I can talk about all this and just can have sex with without all the emotions. This will help me to forget her.

 

Crap, this will be hard. I will keep posting stuff over here everytime when it gets too tough. I like the idea that people read this and can help me get through this thing.

[Chi townD]

Sorry dude, but congrats. You had Ex sex. The ultimate breadcrumb.

 

Time for you to go NC on her an move on. Start making positive changes in your life.

[LD1990]

Hey gimlynick, I went through a very similar situation with my ex so I know how much it probably sucks for you right now. She also wanted to explore the world (without me, I guess). After the breakup, she kept saying she needed time and space but still wanted a life with me. She had to get her things from my apartment, so she came back several times, and the first couple times she gave me all kinds of false hope.

 

At one point she got some stuff and also visited with me, told me "I wouldn't be here if I didn't want this to work out" and "We're gonna be together no matter what," kissed me and drove off with plans to maybe come see me and stay that night. Within a couple hours she goes from "We're gonna be together" to texting me "I need to stick with my decision to move on." It's like getting the rug pulled out from under you, isn't it?

 

Trust me, it does get better, especially when you go NC, because that keeps you from getting your heart ripped out every time you see or hear from her. It lets you get on with your life. Anyways I'm sorry you're going through this, I was there two months ago and it's extremely painful.

[gimlynick]

Hey gimlynick, I went through a very similar situation with my ex so I know how much it probably sucks for you right now. She also wanted to explore the world (without me, I guess). After the breakup, she kept saying she needed time and space but still wanted a life with me. She had to get her things from my apartment, so she came back several times, and the first couple times she gave me all kinds of false hope.

 

At one point she got some stuff and also visited with me, told me "I wouldn't be here if I didn't want this to work out" and "We're gonna be together no matter what," kissed me and drove off with plans to maybe come see me and stay that night. Within a couple hours she goes from "We're gonna be together" to texting me "I need to stick with my decision to move on." It's like getting the rug pulled out from under you, isn't it?

 

Trust me, it does get better, especially when you go NC, because that keeps you from getting your heart ripped out every time you see or hear from her. It lets you get on with your life. Anyways I'm sorry you're going through this, I was there two months ago and it's extremely painful.

 

Hey, thanks for the reply!

But don't you think that one day, in a couple of years, when you both have grown and when your feelings are gone, you can meet again, start dating again and can grow back into eachother?

I mean... I don't put my hopes on this, but it really feels like this story isn't over. And that's also what she has said now for about 2 months.

 

I think that our relations just started to early in life, when both people were not from the first moment on the same level of life.

 

 

Yes, this will be hard. I'm not crying, but it feels very empty.

It's ridiculously weird to not be able to check her facebook and to say goodmorning to her.

 

We've had a very sexual relation, and I miss this aswell super hard. But I think that sex is replacable, so I wonder if it should be a good idea to just get regular sex with a ****buddy again ( it will be good, but never as good as with someone you're in love with, I know ).

Will this be a good way to get allready a lil bit over her, or will I be pissed about this afterwards?

 

It would have been so much easier to end the relation in a fight, so you ever want to see her again.

 

I will keep strong, alldough even allready now I have the urge to say something like "one day, we'll laugh so much about this"...

[mightycpa]

So... The day after friday we had a lot of contact... Sunday I've send her a long text in which I say that I should like to see her a little bit more again, to restart knowing eachother. I reach out to her and talk about the nice stuff we did friday, and that it really made me happy. On Saturday she also said that she felt rly good friday and that she loved it.

 

So... She texted me back monday morning 'hey, was too busy yesterday late, I'll text you after classes'.

 

Since then I haven't heard from her...

I thought things were going a lot better. She even said it like that!

But then all of a sudden no contact.

 

This morning I've send her "Good Morning, apparently classes are taking a long time :p"

 

So I hope to hear her.

But I'm kinda done... This is so frustrating. She wants me, I'm sure about this. I know from her mom that she says that she'll never meet someone like me again and she said to me so many times friday that this feels really good. Then, why is she ignoring her feelings?

This is ridiculous, I'm so mad.

 

I feel like I am stalking her. I feel desperated and jealous. I saw a pic that her mom posted on facebook on where the family was together and one of her ne friends was there aswell. It feels like that guy has taken my place in that family. And yet she keeps on saying that this is just a friend and that she isn't over me at all.

I can barely believe this anymore...

 

Friday was suposed to be a farewell... But instead she gave me soooo much hope by saying that she needs me, wants a futur with me and really likes me. She also said that she does not have someone else and that she didn't get laid for 40 days... Which I believe because she was very ill during most of that time.

 

This is ridiculous.

I think she just sexed you goodbye. Girls do that sometimes. It's a sign they like you, but it doesn't mean that they want to be with you and you alone.

 

Here's the acid test... send her a text, and say something like

 

Matilda, I've been thinking a lot about all the things you've said and texted to me, and I've talked to some friends. I think I understand now, and so I'm sorry for being pushy before. I get it now, and after thinking about it, I don't blame you. You're doing the right thing for both of us. You're so smart.

 

But the other night? Wow! Best of my life, it was fantastic and you were so good, so sexy! I can't stop thinking about it, and I've ruined perfectly good underwear just thinking about it. I want to do that again, and again and again, don't you? I hope so.

 

I think one thing that helped was us not doing it every day. That made it more exciting, better. I'd like to keep doing it that way with you. I'll text you next month, we can hook up, and then hopefully do it again the month after that. Doesn't that sound great? I can't wait. See you then.

 

Oh, I almost forgot. Have some fun until the next time I see you. It's ok if you do, I understand. I'll do the same. Maybe I can even learn a new trick to show you. That's all I wanted to say. See you later. xoxoxo

 

There are a bunch of ways she might react to that, from anger to signing on. Her reaction will tell you everything you need to know about where her head is at and where you stand.

[gimlynick]

Hey,

 

Yeah apparently she sexed me goodbye.

 

I know that kind of texts, it's the way that I usually 'play' with a girl...

 

 

Oh well... This feeling will get over in time.

It just sucks that we had so much in common...

We both are travellers, hikers, mountaineering is our passion.

It's not something that many girls are into and she was even more skilled then I am... So we were a perfect travelteam aswell.

 

I don't know any other girls that are fysical and mental as tough as she is, if she was a guy she would be some kind of special unit dude, she's so tough. I love that.

 

I mention this because it's hard to me to believe that all our futur travelplans are over now.

 

She said at the end of our conversation that she will never do some travels without me ( Iceland, climbing Cho Oyu in Nepal,... )

 

One day, we'll meet again. But first I have to move on with my life. Time to find some chicks again, I'm on the hunt again

[RocketQueen]

Sorry you're going through this. I can totally get where you're coming from and how you're feeling- like many other people on this forum. Why? because we've all been through it.

 

I am going through a very similar situation myself. My Ex didn't give breadcrumbs, he offered a platter of sandwiches to lure me in! I took the bait and am now paying for it.

 

I am currently in no contact because even though I don't feel like it at the moment I know I deserve more. As do you.

 

Hope you start to feel better soon. Move on and don't look back.

 

Good Luck

[LD1990]

Hey, thanks for the reply!

But don't you think that one day, in a couple of years, when you both have grown and when your feelings are gone, you can meet again, start dating again and can grow back into eachother?

I mean... I don't put my hopes on this, but it really feels like this story isn't over. And that's also what she has said now for about 2 months.

 

I think that our relations just started to early in life, when both people were not from the first moment on the same level of life.

 

 

Yes, this will be hard. I'm not crying, but it feels very empty.

It's ridiculously weird to not be able to check her facebook and to say goodmorning to her.

 

We've had a very sexual relation, and I miss this aswell super hard. But I think that sex is replacable, so I wonder if it should be a good idea to just get regular sex with a ****buddy again ( it will be good, but never as good as with someone you're in love with, I know ).

Will this be a good way to get allready a lil bit over her, or will I be pissed about this afterwards?

 

It would have been so much easier to end the relation in a fight, so you ever want to see her again.

 

I will keep strong, alldough even allready now I have the urge to say something like "one day, we'll laugh so much about this"...

 

Anything's possible, but you have to live life as it comes. My ex had some issues, to be honest, strong symptoms of a personality disorder, so I'd have to see that she has been getting help for that before I'd want to try again. I get that it's nice to be able to think that your story with this girl isn't over, and hey, whatever helps you cope with things, just don't let it affect your choices right now. A million things could happen between now and then. You could fall in love again. I'm sure right now it seems like there will never be anyone you love like her, but trust me, it's possible. I know plenty of people who have been in love multiple times, I'm sure you do too.

 

As far as the sex goes, I feel your pain! My ex and I had a very intense sexual relationship also, and we lived together, so going from amazing sex anytime to the occasional hookup or FWB isn't great. I don't think sex is going to help you get over her, but it's fun, so go for it if you want. The truth is there's no activity besides maybe a lobotomy that's going to help you get over your ex. Hanging out with friends, going to the movies, going out, having sex, you can have fun but you're still gonna feel how you feel.

[mightycpa]

I think that our relations just started to early in life, when both people were not from the first moment on the same level of life.

You know, that's what I used to think about one of mine, but as it turned out, looking back, I can see that the time we had was really the only time we could have had together. Our lives went in completely different directions, and no time in my life would have been any better. I would have been better, and I guess she would have been better, but the circumstances would never again be right. We were truly two ships passing in the night.

 

In other words, don't pin your hopes on having her in your future. That is an insidious form of false hope.

[bluefeather]

"I will never give up on us! I want to grow old with you!"

 

"This isn't gonna work. It's over."

 

-Same person.

 

Actions speak louder than words. If she wanted to be with you, she would have been with you. Although the idea of maybe one day reuniting can sound romantic, wouldn't you rather be with a person who actually wants you now and forever? As opposed to "some day in the future, maybe..." Don't go hide your sorrows between some girl's legs. Be a man and accept that you are hurt. It's OK. It sucks but it happens to a lot of us. Women experience that too from some men. Some people just don't know wtf they want in life yet. But it's not fair to have this person string you along with dreams while they try to figure it out. I mean, if you think you're not worth more than that, then by all means go along with life hoping that one day, you will get back with her. But if you are going to do that, you might as well give up having a serious relationship with anyone else, because you will be doing them a disservice to even try. You will waste their time.

 

I have been told similar things by a woman - things like, "maybe in time, I can figure things out and then we can try again." What the heck am I supposed to say to that? "OK, great, I'll be looking forward to when you decide that day is.." ??? Really?

 

Look at yourself and decide if you are worth more than that. I think you are, but only you can be the judge of that.

[gimlynick]

Hey people,

 

 

Thanks for the comments and advice, ti's amazing!

I like this forum a lot.

 

I like the idea of a lobotomy! ;-)

 

 

It really helps to stay occupied. When I'm at work I barely think about her, at home I try to do a lot of sports, I try to visit friends and am planning a 40 day vacation in Bolivia with my cousin ( instead of the plans I had with my ex to go to Iceland... ). All this stuff helps to keep me busy and to not have an overthinking mind.

 

I don't reallt feel like I miss her at the moment, but I think that comes because we didn't see eachother daily, it was more like 2-3 times a week. Alldough those 2-3 times were very very intense.

In december I became very ill because of travelling so since then 'us being together' changed from 2-3 times/week to 1time/week... So it's allready kinda normal to not see her all too much.

 

Today I'm having a good day I think.

[mightycpa]

I have been told similar things by a woman - things like, "maybe in time, I can figure things out and then we can try again." What the heck am I supposed to say to that?

How about this:

Cool! Why didn't you just say so in the first place? That makes perfect sense to me! I'll see you then!

[bluefeather]

Cool! Why didn't you just say so in the first place? That makes perfect sense to me! I'll see you then!

 

No thanks, I'm not going to wait around for whenever she feels like taking me back. I'm not a doormat.

[TimmyC]

I agree with what a few people mentioned on here. A relationship has to be strong even in tough times. Would you finance a car for a lifetime if you knew one day it could be gone, if you drove it to during the toughest of weather? Think of love in that same aspect.

 

Our emotions make things difficult sometimes don't be blinded by them. If I were to listen to my emotions right now I would be on my way back to a woman that constantly calls me an idiot, puts everyone before me, lies, talks down about me to her friends, etc.

 

Sometimes you have to be stronger than your emotions. I know you miss her and the sex may have been awesome, BUT what's more important. Brief happiness or your mental well being? Don't jump back into the well when you spent souch time climbing out of it.

[gimlynick]

Life is so empty at some moments.

 

Every time that I'm home I remember that usually I should be with her right now.

We should talk, have fun, cuddle...

 

Why doesn't she want this anymore. So ridiculous.

[LD1990]

That loneliness comes and goes. As time passes and you stay NC, you'll notice that, while you still feel sadness, it's getting better. You're sad less often, and it's not nearly as bad as it used to be when you are sad. You'll start feeling better during happy moments too, real happiness where you don't have to force it.

 

And then at some point you're fine. Or so I've been told, I'm still slowly but surely getting over my breakup too. It has gotten a lot better though. Take it one day at a time and never be afraid to vent to someone during the sad moments - family, friends, or just post here. It helps.

[gimlynick]

That loneliness comes and goes. As time passes and you stay NC, you'll notice that, while you still feel sadness, it's getting better. You're sad less often, and it's not nearly as bad as it used to be when you are sad. You'll start feeling better during happy moments too, real happiness where you don't have to force it.

 

And then at some point you're fine. Or so I've been told, I'm still slowly but surely getting over my breakup too. It has gotten a lot better though. Take it one day at a time and never be afraid to vent to someone during the sad moments - family, friends, or just post here. It helps.

 

Yeah, my parents, this forum and a long distance friend are helping me very well to cope with this situation.

My real friends are kinda uncomfortable with this thing happening, due to the fact that they've never expected to see me emotional...

 

It will take a very long time, but I'm sure that she misses me aswell, so I am not the only one suffering ( as in many break ups... ).

 

I have put all our pics on hard disks that I can't have direct access too, because it's really hard to see us two smiling together.

 

 

How long since your break up?

We'll go through this together!

[LD1990]

Yeah man, I'm not the outwardly emotional type either. Friends can be good to talk to but you also don't wanna be that person that talks about their ex constantly.

 

My breakup was just over 2 months ago, but we also lived together so it was a big adjustment to go from seeing someone every day to not at all (and paying all the rent/bills now). It took her awhile to get her stuff out so I've only been NC since I last saw her on March 11. I guess that means I'm coming up on a month, although I don't really do the whole "it's day 1/3/47 of NC." I figure NC isn't some phase, it's life for me now, so there's no need to make a big deal out of it. Besides, that would only make me focus on my ex more.

 

Sorry you've gotta go through this, it's not fun, this is my first real breakup. But it builds character and you learn from every relationship.

[gimlynick]

I've been reading your topic over here and yeah... Our stories are very similar.

This was aswell my first real serious relation and I'm also kinda difficult to deal with for girls...

 

Also, I start thinking about the fact that my ex had some serious mental problems... Which are not her fault.

 

Why?

Well:

She got sexually abused at age 8 ( once of a stranger... She was going home alone after school, she remembers seeing a dude smiling at her and afterwards she can't remember anything ) and at age 13 ( her family is religious and she got oral raped by a priest on multiple occasions... Her family did not believe this for years... ). Because of this things happening her dad thought that she was a lying and she got disconnected from her dad for years.

At age of 14, she saw that her lil sister allmost got sexually abused aswell from the same priest, but luckily people could prevend it on time.

The thing I don't understand is why they've never gone to poice to declare this ( Im a cop, so this was a huge topic for me... But I was kinda scared to talk about it because she still has nightmares because of these *******s ).

 

Other factors are:

- Her parents were mormons ( nowadays only her mom still is )

- She has lived in 4 different countries, has 3 nationalities, and has never had real longtime friends ( her dad has a very highpaid job but has to move a lot ). But now she is since her 13th fix in my country

- She never really stopped flirting with other guys, but the first year I didn't care because she was insanely in love with me )

- She got punched by her first love at age 15

- She has had a 4-some at age 16/17 ( with her ex-boyfriend, his brother and their best friend... They made her drunk )

- Her dad is very often away from home and her mom has troubles keeping money... So since age 14 she has to keep her mom's money...

- Since both her parents were kinda ****ed up since she was 13 ( they had every day fights, and did not sleep together anymore but still lived together ), she had to raise her younger sister and brother

- When I was gone travelling, she and a good girlfriend of hers were partying, her friend got in problems because of some guys... My ex asked the guys to leave and one of them punched her in the face... What resulted in a mental breakdown.

- She got herpes during our relation... When I was travelling for a long period. She keeps on saying that she has never cheated on me but for me this was a huuuuuge red flag so I started to be very very suspicious.

Nowadays I believe her, because I have talked with several doctors. They say that herpes can be in your body for years without symptoms. Even with a blood test ( we both had one before starting unprotected sex ) it's not sure if they can find it.

 

 

I think her parents screwed her up big time...

I have posted this so I have an overview of all red flags in the relation.

It's also a reason why it's hard to say farewell to her. She really needed me and talked about stuff that she has never been able to talk about in her whole life.

She also said that she didn't have nightmares since I was sleeping in her bed.

 

Now, in the end, I see that a healthy relation with this kind of person is impossible. There just has happened too much with her, and she does not have a normal view of life.

 

Offcourse... With me travelling for a couple of months, returning ill, and giving her my illness afterwards, things didn't go better aswell.

 

Friday, when we last met, she told me that since the sexual abuse she hides her problems with sex. She said to me that sometimes, when she didn't feel like argueing, she just pulled me towards her just to have sex.

She said that she wants to work on this problem. And that she wants to change.

She said that she will stop flirting with guys untill she has become another woman. She admitted that she has never been in love before like she did with me. And she truly wants to see me again in a couple of years, when she has changed and times has healed these very very deep wounds.

I truly hope for her that one day she will find peace with herself.

 

Since end of november she has been in a mental breakdown.

I wish I could help her, but she wants to do this alone.

I think that she doesn't trust me anymore, because I left her for travelling and I wasn't there anymore when she really really needed me.

 

Wow, after rereading this maybe I really dodged a big bullet. But then... One day she will find the true one right? Or are these kind of persons messed up for life?

She deserves to find someone who takes care for her. She needs it

[LD1990]

Yeah, when you write down all the issues it becomes hard to overlook major red flags that you've been ignoring while blinded by emotion. As far as whether she'll change or be this way for life...change is possible, but it's more likely she'll have these issues her entire life, as sad as that may seem. Why? Because changing such deep rooted personality and emotional issues takes a significant amount of consistent time and effort, and most people would rather ignore the problem. It's a lot easier to just ignore issues or blame other people than to seek help. My ex said multiple times how she would go to therapy, including after we broke up and she said how we both needed to improve ourselves. Now, I don't know whether or not she's going, but knowing her, I highly doubt it. Especially considering that within a week of saying that, she had blamed all our relationship issues and our breakup on me.

 

I completely understand when you say how hard it is because she needed you. After all the lousy things my ex did and said, after treating me like garbage throughout the breakup and making people think I was abusive, I still hate the thought of her being sad. The thought of her crying still hurts me. I really did want to make her happy and help her with her issues. But we can't do that, these aren't issues a significant other can fix.

 

Be wary of taking the things your ex has told you at face value. It sounds like she has had a tough life, but many people play the victim to garner sympathy. She has been punched by multiple guys, had two instances of sexual abuse, she had a foursome because other people got her drunk, she had to raise her siblings and manage her mother's money because her parents fought all the time (despite her father not being around because he traveled very often). In every story she's either the poor victim or the one who's holding the family together. At some point, you see all these bad things happening to one person and you have to wonder, is this girl just really unlucky, or is she also putting herself in bad situations? Is she omitting parts of the story to frame it a certain way? To make it clear, I'm not saying she lied about any one thing in particular or that she brought it all on herself. I'm just saying you may not have gotten the whole story about certain things.