yololin Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 My ex and I dated for about 3 months quite intensely. I liked her, but I broke up with her because she was quite shy and introverted, a little unseasoned - we had communication issues. We saw the break up coming from a long way away. We had been NC for at least 6 months. A mutual friend of mine and my ex-gf had a small leaving party. He invited us both, with forewarning of course. I arrived hoping that it wouldn't be awkward. She gave me a death stare and a reluctant hello before expecting me to carry on. It was so awkward so I just drank and started the party. She left shortly. I know she's got a new bf, and she kinda knows that I have a new gf, so I thought things would be all under the bridge for the both of us. ...I was quite perturbed that she would still give me a death stare after 6 months. She was like an unreasonably angry cat threatened by a big smiley dog wagging it's tail. I want to end the avoidant posturing and become just friendly people who can exchange messages once in a while. I think of her fondly, not in a romantic way. I'm thinking of sending her a message to express the sentiment above, and to say I hope the next time we meet again, that we can be amicable, or at least, no death stares. What do you guys think? any suggestions on what to write that won't up with a straight denial or one word answer? 1
BlametheIrish Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 I really don't see any valid reason for contacting her again. 2
Author yololin Posted April 3, 2016 Author Posted April 3, 2016 Well, it's just such an inconvenience and a major bummer. What if I bump into her again somewhere? Isn't it so much more effort to be mean than to be loving and friendly? I wanted to be friendly to her, but she scared me off. Next time, should I be proactively mean to her? I want peace! 1
Toodaloo Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 Don't worry about it. Some people struggle with being polite to exes when they see them. Clearly she is one of those so just give it time and keep going. Ignore her when she is rude. Don't allow yourself to feel awkward just get on with it. Eventually she will give up the act and get over you. 1
Zapbasket Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 Maybe she doesn't see you as a friendly dog wagging his tail. Maybe for her you are a rabid hyena whose vicious attack six months ago left her bloody and half-dead in the plains of a solitary present and future. If overall you treated her kindly and the breakup was relatively amicable, eventually she will come to see you as a friendly dog that at the least she can scratch behind the ears before turning back to her human friends at the party. But that will have to happen on HER timetable; "encouragement" from you won't be taken well. So, leave her alone. Continue to be cordial to her when you see her out and about; eventually she'll come around. 1
dyna85 Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 You don't get to control other people and how they react towards you, so for you to be so perturbed at her giving you a death stare is your issue rather than hers. She can do as she pleases. She is not tied down to you nor does she owe you anything. If you send her your sentiments, don't expect anything and you won't be disappointed. If anything, you should be pleased that she acknowledged you at all.
stillafool Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 Was your gf with you at the party? Was your ex's bf with her?
Author yololin Posted April 4, 2016 Author Posted April 4, 2016 Was your gf with you at the party? Was your ex's bf with her? Neither of our other halves were with us at the party. But we both know about each other from our mutual friend.
stillafool Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 Neither of our other halves were with us at the party. But we both know about each other from our mutual friend. I find it interesting that neither of your brought your SOs along with you to the party knowing your exes would be there. Hmmmm! 1
Chi townD Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 Just let it go dude. It's her problem, not your's. Sometimes our Ex's, even in mutual break up's, may end up demonizing the other person in their mind to help cope with the pain and loss. Just let it go. 1
Standard-Fare Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 This clearly isn't someone you risk crossing paths with on a regular basis. You've managed to go six months without seeing her, and the one time you did you were forewarned in advance. Frankly it also seems like she would take her own steps to avoid seeing you in the future. So I don't see why you're concerned with making sure future interactions are positive and friendly when there's little chance that there will BE future interactions. Also, you shouldn't try to guess where her head is with this. YOU may want to be friendly with her, but for her it might be easier to just cut you out of her life. It's possible you really hurt the girl and she's still got sore feelings about it. 1
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