d0nnivain Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 I'm sitting here mentally reviewing my female friends. I really need / want to go shopping. I have something coming up for which I need some new suits. I have gained weight & no longer have a good work wardrobe. My job requires suits. Anyway. . . there aren't many local women in my circle. Of the ones who exist, several are much larger then me. Since I'm currently unhappy with my own weight gain, I don't think I could shop with these women & be candid in my dislike of my own body. The woman I am probably closest too at the moment is currently in the middle of a foreclosure. I think it would be cruel & rubbing salt in the wound to go shopping with her & have her watch me spend a few hundred dollars. Two others are between jobs at the moment so again I don't want to show off my liquidity. The others profess to hate to shop & prefer on line to stores. I have tried in the past to get them to go with me but they wouldn't. Granted last time I asked was when DH & I were starting to date. I was never good at sexy date clothes vs. work clothes so I wanted their stylish opinions. In the past I'd shop with my SO but DH is the 1st man ever in my life including my dad who wasn't a shopper. Plus he's still sleeping & really is no fun to shop with. Yes this is a relatively minor "problem" but I miss the camaraderie & social aspects of shopping with the girls. I have a new acquaintance. I have known her for about 1.5 years but have only had her phone # for about 1.5 months. It's already past noon & I haven't seen her for about 3 weeks so I don't want to intrude. How have you brought new same sex friends into your lives?
losangelena Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 Well, I'm unmarried, and live with four other women, so I get plenty of female interaction. All that being said, I'm not a social shopper, and if I'm going to go out and do things, I actually prefer to do them with my gay male friends. However, if I were you, I would ask these existing friends of yours anyway. You sound like you're saying no for them. Maybe the one who's going through a foreclosure, or who's unemployed would like to take a break from their struggles and spend the day with you. Maybe talking with you will be aspirational for them. Let people decide for themselves, don't say no for them.
preraph Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 I have a very hard time bringing friends out of seeing them wherever they work and into my personal life. It usually doesn't happen. I always talk to people and get very friendly with waitress and dental hygienists, hairdressers, vet techs, etc., and it's like old home week when I see them, but only one has given me their contact info, and she's newly married and pregnant, so it's not like she's going to go hanging out at this point. A couple years ago, my vet and the tech came over to my home to put my dog down, and the vet tech made a point of telling me she lived over on the next street. She's the only one with the nerve to trim one of my dog's nails, too. So very friendly when I see her, and I've asked for her before, and she's always helpful. But she stops short of saying "Yeah, holler at me sometime and we'll walk the dogs." And now she's not my vet's tech anymore, so I never see her anymore. I have a neighbor who is a neuromusculoskeletal specialist and though I'd only talked to her over the fence a time or two, I'd talked to her husband a lot (he's the SAHD), but again, in all these years, no personal invitations. She recently saw me hobbling and came into my home and adjusted my knee, which was very nice and then she had me to her office to do it there, and on the way, we had a nice talk with her kids in the back seat. Then I just made an appt and paid for the last visit and again, chattered the whole time I was there. They just moved outside of town and he'll say "I'll show you photos of the new place," and she'll talk my leg off about their animals and kids, but no "You'll have to come out and visit us." It's just weird. I know I don't fit in because I'm single with no kids, but I'm not someone who would ever be a pest because I do value my privacy. So I don't get it. I've had waitresses use me as their psychic about their personal problems. One had a cute bf who used to be a waiter there that I always requested who then went to law school, but she remained behind. And she was always seeking advice because I knew him a little and got very personal. But it never left the restaurant. Another waitress who was an unlikely friend match for me just hit me with her problem one day out of the blue. It even surprised her. It was almost a spiritual thing because just the night before I had been thinking about I wish I had some way to help teenagers. This came from some experiences decades back when someone I knew worked with troubled ones and I sometimes helped a little on special events and found I had a deep empathy for it. So it was just a thought in my head the night before. Then I go to eat and get a waitress I'd had before who was always polite but nothing personal, and suddenly, she just pops out with her problems with her 16-year-old who had clammed up on her. One thing led to another and I said, "Could she be involved with a boy and gotten pregnant?" And of course, like all mothers, she said, "Oh, I don't think she's seeing anyone or is doing that." But it got her thinking. And before I left she said, "I think God sent you to me today. I don't know why I told you all that." Next time I came in, she told me yes, her daughter was pregnant. But still no invite taking it outside of the restaurant. So I wish I could tell you how, but apparently I don't know. I will tell you this, though, unless your larger friends are obviously sensitive about it, I wouldn't worry too much about it. After all, that's their issue to deal with (I'm huge, but my girlfriend tells me she's getting fat all the time, a 10 to a 12). I don't take it personally. I know I'm fat. I know I used to be skinny and that 10 pounds was the difference in feeling hot and feeling not when I was thin. So I'd ask whoever you want and just see if they want to go. The only issue with us plus sizes is we can't shop the same place skinnies shop usually. So you'd have to skip around or find a place that had both. But you can always shoe-shop anywhere together. And for the ones with no money, sometimes it's just nice to get out of the house, stop for a smoothie, hang out. I am not a recreational shopper, but if I go, I incentivize myself with promises of a nice lunch. I often go and don't buy anything. I think you should send out a group email and say "I'm looking for a shopping buddy this Saturday. Any takers?"
amaysngrace Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 I hate shopping with my daughter. I run out for a thing or two and if she's with me I end up spending a lot more money on clothes that will end up on her floor. Plus she's a very slow shopper. 1
nymphetgrown Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 It's unlikely your daughter will know what you need in terms of workwear anyway, unless she reads Corporette. Incidentally, you could try them for ideas, and that way in case you don't have a girlfriend around to shop with, you won't be flying blind.
Timshel Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 It would take a very close friend to expect complete honesty while shopping. Examps: *That color makes your reddy complexion even...reddier. *The skirt that hit you just above the knee looks better than the moomoo.. *Yep, it's super cute but there isn't a slip known to humanity that will conceal your unders in daylight. After the sun sets...perfect. *And the no, no...just, I sorry, no. If you can hire a stylist, good. Otherwise, the lunch and shopping are fun but it takes a long time friend to give you the real. If it's high end or mucking stalls...dress for comfort and your own personality. The right gf will come along. 2
amaysngrace Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 Where do you live btw? I shop nearly every day and I gained weight since last summer so you'd get no judgment from me, unless you gained more weight in your boobies than I did. Then I might complain. Actually probably I wouldn't. I hate my new big boobies because they came with my new fatter ass. 2
Timshel Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 Didn't know we are in the presence of Kardashian/Jersey *ss. Be a dear and send a plane to d0 stat......pick me up and a shopping spree is what OP will have. The truthiest (which is best) ever. d0nnivain, I'm sure you'll be fine but I agree with you, it is more fun to shop with honest/fun women. When amay picks me up, we are to the rescue. 1
alphamale Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 How have you brought new same sex friends into your lives? by getting involved in singles groups
Author d0nnivain Posted April 3, 2016 Author Posted April 3, 2016 Poor DH ending up going with me. He felt bad 'cause I was sad. He's such a good guy. We got lucky with a great sale at Macy's. I ended up getting 4 suits but only because 1 was regular price & the other 3 were $29.99 each plus I had a 20% off coupon. So I feel better. But I do need to be more willing to ask people to go with me & give them the option to say yes or no rather than choosing for them.
preraph Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 Sounds like a great sale! That's one thing I miss about being thin, the sales at the higher end stores. Your husband is a saint. 1
Timshel Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 Poor DH ending up going with me. He felt bad 'cause I was sad. He's such a good guy. We got lucky with a great sale at Macy's. I ended up getting 4 suits but only because 1 was regular price & the other 3 were $29.99 each plus I had a 20% off coupon. So I feel better. But I do need to be more willing to ask people to go with me & give them the option to say yes or no rather than choosing for them. Poor DH nothing. He spent a lovely day with you. Chin up d0....you aren't rare for not having gf's around to shop. What is rare is a hubs that stands by when you feel sad and....I bet he was perfectly dishonest to boot. DH also witnessed your financial finesse while imagining how to remove these items when you wear them. Sounds like a Win/Win. 1
dragonfire13 Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 I'm fortunate enough to live in quite a cool buzzing city - I joined a Meetup group that was females only and have met some nice girls there. It's a bit hit and miss sometimes and also gets quite bitchy esp with the more recent organisers, but this tends to be the younger party animal crowd. A friend of mine has tonnes of creative hobbies e.g baking, crocheting, mug painting classes etc and has made loads of new friends through that. She also joined a UK creative committee known as Women's Institute as well. There might be something similar in your area? Or a book club?
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