JaredP Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 months. I've only known her for 3. We were both each others rebounds which is stupid cause she's not sure if thats all I am. But we've talked about it and decided to just roll with it and we liked each other enough to ride it out and see what happens. We are so alike it's insane, we're practically the same person. So about 3 weeks into dating, I was sure of it that I loved her and it was weird and I had to get it out I had to tell her. So I did annnnnd she said it back. Looking back i think that was a really big mistake I made. To say the Great L word after such a short time......but I was sure....and I still am. Great. We would say I love you on the daily and good morning goodnights and I saw her alot and everything was great. Then recently for about a week she's been a robot. No emotion in text, no more compliments. It just stopped. And the affection level in person dropped significantly. When I asked her what was up over and over again she finally spilled it all. She told me she feels like she doesn't know me and that she doesn't love me and that it mightve been a mistake saying yes to the first date...and she cried her face off and said she doesn't know what to do or how to fix this...or if it's even possible to fix this..she asked me what we should do. So the reason the affection through text and stuff stopped was beacuse she realized she didn't realllly know me for me. She didn't know my thoughts or my dreams or random ideas or the way my brain functioned or my aspirations as a man or my goals or just random crap about me that I've never thought anybody could give two ****s about... and thats why right now she doesn't know the answer to the question..."hey Rebecca! You love Jared right?" Beacuse she truly hasnt known me. She's right. She hasnt really known me. Shes never stepped inside my world. Shes never been to my house...or met my family orrrr been in my room orrr played video games with my brothers or had my sister's run and tackle her and annoy the crap out of her orrr talked with my parents or met my friends....I'm the one whos done all those things and gone the extra mile to set the best example of my family when im in her element. I'm the one who's been trying my hardest to get to know her life that I forgot to open the door for her to look into mine. And only now am I realizing that's what gives the relationship context, to be able to actually identify your partner and to know every inch of their mind and to know WHO THEY ARE. Without that, you have one person in love, and the other wondering why their in love. So yeah, it's my fault. I've been a lil reserved from having my brain on full display beacuse were kinda young and I want to go slow and not turn a fun date, into a serious discussion over something. I just wanted to have fun, and date, and see what happens and let it all slowly build. And in time, we would have those long talks that would reveal so much about each other. And it's kinda hard for me cause I always try to put my best foot forward in a relationship not realizing that by doing so I'M the one whos been behaving like a ROBOT. Im an idiot for not having my personality fully open when I'm with her. Im just an idiot for getting wrapped up in the date and the fun AND saying I love you during it. It was all my fault. I put the pedal to the metal. I didn't want drama. And I felt like expressing myself to the point where she would be learning things about me, in the baby beginning of our relationship like that would be a dramatic moment where it would be hard to not be serious especially with me being in her element. Not mine. But again. I'm a frickin idiot I guess saying I love you all those times was counteractive to my original plan..... She said what should we do I told her were still dating and she's still my girlfriend and we're going to take a step back and think about all of this. And I told her briefly all the things I mentioned above and that it's my fault. 1
Steven1 Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 months. I've only known her for 3. We were both each others rebounds which is stupid cause she's not sure if thats all I am. But we've talked about it and decided to just roll with it and we liked each other enough to ride it out and see what happens. We are so alike it's insane, we're practically the same person. So about 3 weeks into dating, I was sure of it that I loved her and it was weird and I had to get it out I had to tell her. So I did annnnnd she said it back. Looking back i think that was a really big mistake I made. To say the Great L word after such a short time......but I was sure....and I still am. Great. We would say I love you on the daily and good morning goodnights and I saw her alot and everything was great. Then recently for about a week she's been a robot. No emotion in text, no more compliments. It just stopped. And the affection level in person dropped significantly. When I asked her what was up over and over again she finally spilled it all. She told me she feels like she doesn't know me and that she doesn't love me and that it mightve been a mistake saying yes to the first date...and she cried her face off and said she doesn't know what to do or how to fix this...or if it's even possible to fix this..she asked me what we should do. So the reason the affection through text and stuff stopped was beacuse she realized she didn't realllly know me for me. She didn't know my thoughts or my dreams or random ideas or the way my brain functioned or my aspirations as a man or my goals or just random crap about me that I've never thought anybody could give two ****s about... and thats why right now she doesn't know the answer to the question..."hey Rebecca! You love Jared right?" Beacuse she truly hasnt known me. She's right. She hasnt really known me. Shes never stepped inside my world. Shes never been to my house...or met my family orrrr been in my room orrr played video games with my brothers or had my sister's run and tackle her and annoy the crap out of her orrr talked with my parents or met my friends....I'm the one whos done all those things and gone the extra mile to set the best example of my family when im in her element. I'm the one who's been trying my hardest to get to know her life that I forgot to open the door for her to look into mine. And only now am I realizing that's what gives the relationship context, to be able to actually identify your partner and to know every inch of their mind and to know WHO THEY ARE. Without that, you have one person in love, and the other wondering why their in love. So yeah, it's my fault. I've been a lil reserved from having my brain on full display beacuse were kinda young and I want to go slow and not turn a fun date, into a serious discussion over something. I just wanted to have fun, and date, and see what happens and let it all slowly build. And in time, we would have those long talks that would reveal so much about each other. And it's kinda hard for me cause I always try to put my best foot forward in a relationship not realizing that by doing so I'M the one whos been behaving like a ROBOT. Im an idiot for not having my personality fully open when I'm with her. Im just an idiot for getting wrapped up in the date and the fun AND saying I love you during it. It was all my fault. I put the pedal to the metal. I didn't want drama. And I felt like expressing myself to the point where she would be learning things about me, in the baby beginning of our relationship like that would be a dramatic moment where it would be hard to not be serious especially with me being in her element. Not mine. But again. I'm a frickin idiot I guess saying I love you all those times was counteractive to my original plan..... She said what should we do I told her were still dating and she's still my girlfriend and we're going to take a step back and think about all of this. And I told her briefly all the things I mentioned above and that it's my fault. Sadly I think this a case of far to much far to soon. As you said you both went into this immediately after breaking up with someone else and I doubt either of you had many intentions of this becoming serious at the time. Sadly from what you have said, from her point of view it was a spur of the moment thing, and in different circumstances you probably aren't someone she would go out with and opening up to her fully after a short amount of time has probably overwhelmed her. Knowing someone for 3 months and dating for 2 is an extremely, extremely short amount of time to become invested with someone when knowing so little about them. I think that as I said, you do both need to take a step back and get to know one another, or wait until you are fully ready to date other people. Rebounding often turns into this tbh. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 I think she is right, but not for the reasons you outlined. She doesn't know you because...well...you two have only known each other for 3 months! Of course she doesn't know all those things about you yet - how could she? You can't know everything about someone in 90 days. Honestly, it seems like you two moved very quickly and you're now seeing why that's not a wise move. Love after three weeks? You hardly knew her. You're still in the getting-to-know-you phase at that point. And if you're each others' rebounds, she could be subconsciously trying to fill the void left by her ex. How long was she with him, and how long had they been broken up when she met you? Same questions for you and your ex? 1
d0nnivain Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 You may have only been a rebound to her & now that's she's had time to process, she's backing off. That said, if you really want to try to move this forward, agree to her terms about slowing down. By that I mean no more ILYs & no more talk about what you are. Instead take the time to get to know each other. Have her play video games with your brothers or pal around with your sisters. Focus more on the acts of spending time together and less on the talking about the relationship.
Author JaredP Posted April 3, 2016 Author Posted April 3, 2016 She dated her ex for a lil over a year until he broke up with her. She still doesn't know why. I dated my ex for 4 months until she cheated on me. So yeah. My feelings for my ex are long gone but I do understand why she's still left with her feelings.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 She dated her ex for a lil over a year until he broke up with her. She still doesn't know why. I dated my ex for 4 months until she cheated on me. So yeah. My feelings for my ex are long gone but I do understand why she's still left with her feelings. How long ago did she and her ex break up?
ExpatInItaly Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 About a month before she met me I very much doubt she is ready for a new relationship. I think she's realizing she can't suppress the pain of her break-up by substituting her ex with you. She is still grieving, especially given that she doesn't know why her ex broke up with her. Although I'm sure it's not intentional, she is seeking to fill a void right now. All this talk about not knowing your dreams, your family, etc etc...she is remembering how it was with her ex. But they'd been together a year. She is waking up to the fact that she can't just feel that same level of comfort with a new person so quickly. Despite what you think, this isn't all your fault. She just hasn't really let go and moved on yet.
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