He's gone away for a year and a half, how can i make him give us a shot nonetheless??

[Butterflye]

Hey everyone,

 

OK, feeling in need of a bit of advice.

 

Me and my ex broke up about 4 months ago, crazy thing is I still love him and we were always good together. The reason for the break was because he was going to a different country for a year and a half and basically he got scared he was liking me too much, so he ended it earlier rather than later to make it easier for himself (this is what he said at least).

 

Point is, as we're at uni together with a lot of mutual friends, so NC wasn't really going to happen and I do admit I did contact him quite a bit as I was so torn up.

 

Anyway, before he left I mistakenly sent him a VERY long text saying how I want him back, miss him etc. You can only imagine!! It was however never meant to be sent, I pressed some button by mistake, so rather than deleting it, I sent it. Anyway, reason I say this is because afterwards, he basically wanted to know if I meant it. I was in a BAD mood that day though and basically said i'm not pandering to your ego so he got annoyed too and was like, "well, forget it then". Obviously kicked myself for that later as i'm not sure if I made a mistake there.

 

Anyway, things with us have been awkward to say the least, but before he left we said we'd stay in contact. I personally doubted this would happen though as I admit I have been a little OTT with him in the sense of telling him how I feel, wanting him back, completely screwing with his head basically.

 

However, he's now, within two weeks of being abroad emailed me twice. Granted, it's an email he sent to everyone but I really thought he would use this time to just basically break away from me completely seeing as how I've acted and I know that I have annoyed/freaked him a bit with my "illogical" behaviour.

 

I've decided to not contact him for a while though. I know I need to try sort myself out a bit. Howver, with us it was never about not liking each other. i just want to know how i can say to him i still care, want him back, give it a go, that it doesn't need to be as hard as he thinks it will be despite the distance without sounding like the desperate girl from before.

 

i know he'll freak to whatever i say but i also know there is a part of him which still wants to be with me.

 

HELP??

[LucreziaBorgia]

The reason for the break was because he was going to a different country for a year and a half and basically he got scared he was liking me too much, so he ended it earlier rather than later to make it easier for himself (this is what he said at least).

 

When a guy tells you he 'likes you too much', dumps you earlier than necessary, and then has no contact with you outside of mass emails - then its a pretty good indication that he wasn't being truthful about 'liking you too much'. It sounds like his problem was that he didn't like you enough - and wanted to free himself up for this new phase in his life. I'm not sure how you'd get a guy back into a relationship that he wasn't too eager to hold on to in the first place.

 

It won't hurt anything to give it a try though. What do you have to lose? Just write him and tell him how you feel, and that you want a LDR with him until he gets home. No need to appear needy. Just say

 

"I've been thinking a lot about this, and I want to let you know that I still love you and care about you. I want us to be together again, and I am willing to give it my all to see that it can work between us now in a long distance relationship, and hopefully by the time you get home our relationship will be stronger."

 

There's no telling how he will take that - but as long as you have nothing to lose, may as well take that chance.

[Jadey]

If you know hewill freak why bother? I think he knows what you feel for him. If he wants you back he will tell you. Leave it up to him now. I personally sugest NC..like i said he will ask you back if thats wht he wants. I know its hard but if you contact himnow it will probably push him even further away. Try to get on with your life withouth him and if its meant to be it will be,somehow. I have a feeling if you do NC he'll end up contacting you and MAYBE wanting you back. Good luck with whatever happens hun!

[Butterflye]

You're both so right. I suppose it's a case of knowing what you SHOULD do, but because you're just "blinded" by love you still need to be told! Problem, is I never told him I loved him, I am not the most open of people when it comes to relationships, call it bad past experiences.

 

I feel I should tell him because it kind of explains away my past actions (I was hardly rational when we broke up, crying one moment, angry the next, telling him I want him back, telling him where he can 'stick' his apologies etc).

 

I'm thinking I should do NC for a good couple of months. I'm trying to do a self-improvement thing for myself, travel, meet new people etc, try to grow in me because also part of me knows if I immedately throw this on him when he's just trying to settle in he may get...annoyed(?) that I'm still hanging on.

 

I suppose I'm hoping I can do all this, then maybe go visit him in a few months. It feels wrong to tell him all my feelings, that I love him over email (although definately easier...I don't know, should I do it over email?!?!). I'm hoping he can see I've thought about this, grown, am not the desperate girl from after the break-up, that I'm not being irrational, that he can see he still cares for me, that maybe the NC will make him miss me...I don't know!

 

In regards to him freaking, I mean in the sense that he hates game playing and in a way, because of how I handled things before, I'm afraid he'll think I'm just messing with him again. He's the type that feels the need to always seem in control. Deep down he is scared by a lot of things, moving away, situations etc but he always needs this exterior front that he is controlled. I know I kind of messed with that and i'm afraid if I keep throwing myself at him I may push him further away. Because he is so 'rational', the irrationality of trying despite the distance and everything is so foreign to him!

 

The "liking me too much" line, I suppose I'm hanging onto this because it just hurts too much to think that he just meant he didn't like me enough. He's an honest guy and I suppose i just want to believe he was being honest about this too.

 

I'm afraid though that if I do complete NC he'll forget about me. Move on. Should i occassionally email him? Keep it light and chirpy, give me an opening to go see him?

 

I know I'm ranting but this is my thought train basically.

 

Way to go???