Superman2024 Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 People generally say to highlight your strengths when doing OLD, but should guys ever use their money, wealth, or material things as an advantage here when looking for something serious and long-term? Maybe not as the main focus but definitely part of the package. Do women really care about this very much or is it mainly about looks? I've always felt like doing this would be asking for trouble or draw in the wrong type (gold diggers), but on the other hand it might bring in more prospects to date that could be weeded out later in person. Thoughts?
CarrieT Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 I think it would be totally counter-intuitive and would only get you gold-diggers. Don't you want someone who will love you for YOU and not your wealth? 5
fitnessfan365 Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 I thought this was going to be another "who should pay" thread. To be honest, I think money should be downplayed because you want someone who is interested in you. Not what you can give them. 4
d0nnivain Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 There are ways to communicate wealth without posting the words that indicate you have money. Wear expensive clothes in your photo. But unless you only want people who only want you for your money don't lead with your wallet. 3
fitnessfan365 Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 Also, I was thinking your experiences may have been a learning experience for you. I mean when you've talked about dates you've planned they've always been really detailed and expensive. Yet these women always wind up flaking on you. So this should show that money actually isn't as important as we're lead to believe.
loveweary11 Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 Never lead with money. Genuine and great girls are immediately turned off by guys trying to show off wealth. Even most gold digger types would rather find this out after getting to know you a little, Lead with your looks, your personality and your lifestyle. 2
Author Superman2024 Posted April 3, 2016 Author Posted April 3, 2016 Thanks for all the replies! This pretty much confirms what my gut has always told me. I've never gone the route of leading with money but I was just curious if others had or what they thought about it. I definitely don't want to be in a sugar daddy situation haha. I want someone to love me as a person, not for my wealth. FF, my dates haven't been that expensive. First ones are typically just ice cream or dinner. Second or third ones might be bowling or local candy museum plus dinner.
Gaeta Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 Don't do that Blue. There is nothing more putting off than a man listing his assets on his profile or putting up pictures of their bike, boat and swimming pool. 1. It will attract gold diggers 2. It will intimidate genuine women with less mean 3. It will turn off woman with financial stability looking for a man with dept. 1
preraph Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 You'd be beseiged by gold-diggers. Don't do it. Instead you can talk about your job or position or how long you've held the same job to make yourself look responsible. 2
No_Go Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 I did that once by mistake - OKC asked for salary range and I put y real one (for the record: it was not even high, just high for my position). 70 messages or more within an hour. Literally. One of the guys became my BF within the next few days, and mooched the s**t out of me in the next 6 months of torturous 'relationship'. Don't repeat my mistake.
Ami1uwant Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 Don't do that Blue. There is nothing more putting off than a man listing his assets on his profile or putting up pictures of their bike, boat and swimming pool. 1. It will attract gold diggers 2. It will intimidate genuine women with less mean 3. It will turn off woman with financial stability looking for a man with dept. If agree with above......to add to it.... If you are on a site that lists your occupation then that can reveal enough. On the flip side you show these images and downgrade your j9b description they will wonder if you are a drug dealer.
RecentChange Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 Okay I admit - I do not have experience with OLD - and it sounds like those who do say don't do it! BUT..... I will say, perhaps not straight "wealth" - but knowing that a man is DRIVEN, and successful is a huge turn on. The trust fund guy, yeah that a use em' and lose em' Oh, but a guy with an education, brains, and the drive for success. Oooo that gets me
SwordofFlame Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 Most people list their job on their profile. I would advocate listing the income if the range for your job is vast and you make near the top end. I don't care what anyone says, women do care. They may not consciously admit it though. 1
hasaquestion Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 Specifically stating your income range is crass and tasteless. But if you have a high-powered or influential job you should absolutely communicate that without saying it outright. Just mention what your job is and put a picture in a suit that isn't from a wedding. Write in a clear and educated tone. There is no shame in playing to your strengths. I've always found the way people look down on 'gold-digging' curious. I mean, we go out 'hormone-digging' every Friday and no one bats an eye I'm not going to like someone if I sense that they don't want me for my personality. But OP, there's nothing wrong with indicating the value you have implicitly. 2
normal person Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 Money is important to some extent. Some women like money. Some just like success and ambition. Sometimes money is just a qualifier. I went out with a dentist recently and she said one of her only requirements is that a guy make more money than her because she didn't want to feel like the breadwinner. I've experimented with both displaying my income (it's the highest bracket on Match) and not displaying it. It didn't really make too much of a difference. I got messaged from a very attractive girl a few hundred miles away whose ex boyfriends were a portfolio manager for some very wealthy people and an NFL player. She said she wasn't really into the money, she just wanted to date successful guys and not losers. I also joined a dating website for successful men and on there women can be forward. The girls who are just after money are pretty upfront it, to their credit. I've connected with a quite a few others and they're just more into success and goals because most guys they meet don't have much of either. I don't live lavishly. I've been out with plenty of girls who knew my financial situation and never tried to get anything out of it. The point being, you can pretty much tell what a woman's after. It's presumptuous to think that just because she wants a "winner," she really just wants money.
Jejangles Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 Most people list their job on their profile. I would advocate listing the income if the range for your job is vast and you make near the top end. I don't care what anyone says, women do care. They may not consciously admit it though. I agree with this. As a woman, I think a good job and good earning potential can help with dating for men. Just listing your profession or industry is enough. Conversely, a good job and good earning potential can actually hinder women when it comes to dating. But that's a different discussion.
No_Go Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 Conversely, a good job and good earning potential can actually hinder women when it comes to dating. But that's a different discussion - totally different from my observation. I see guys swarming and swarming waiting 'mama' to feed them. The laws apply to both genders. If you don't want to be a host of a leech - don't reveal your worth before trusting a potential date. I agree with this. As a woman, I think a good job and good earning potential can help with dating for men. Just listing your profession or industry is enough. Conversely, a good job and good earning potential can actually hinder women when it comes to dating. But that's a different discussion.
kismetkismet Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 As with everything it's different for everyone. Personally anyone that brags about, or seems to be bragging about, their wealth in any way is an automatic no. Not because I'm against money, but it's not a major value for me - and valuing it comes across as shallow. It can also look like you are LOOKING for gold diggers if you are too upfront about it. But if you make money, and you don't mind dating someone who highly values money/the fact that you have it there are subtler ways to *suggest* that you have it. The way you dress or the things you're doing in your photos can communicate it. You seem like you're somewhere in between - not looking for super shallow people, but not opposed to people who value money - so don't do anything too obvious like - just a shot of your super nice car or yacht or your brandname watch or whatever. you can subtly suggest it by say.. posting photos of a nice vacation, or you in nice clothing and that sort of thing. Communicate to them what you want them to like about you. If you want them to like you for your money, post about it. If not, let it be a pleasant surprise.
joseb Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 I've experimented with both displaying my income (it's the highest bracket on Match) and not displaying it. OMG they actually have an income display on Match? And they say Tinder is shallow! They might as well add a penis size one while they are at it 1
AMJ Posted April 4, 2016 Posted April 4, 2016 The point being, you can pretty much tell what a woman's after. It's presumptuous to think that just because she wants a "winner," she really just wants money. I think the minor detail that you're missing is that some people associate "winning" and "success" with earning lots of money, and some don't. Some people may feel that there are more options than "losers" on one end and someone who's really wealthy on the other. If you consistently advertise your own financial success to everyone you date, how can you ever really be sure that it doesn't play at least a factor in her interest? Just because she's not asking for immediate rewards on date #3, doesn't mean that she's not picturing financial rewards in the distant future.
jay1983 Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 Yes it absolutely matters. Most women won't see someone who makes less than they do. If she makes 6 figures, she expects the same from you. It's so common that social scientist and gender specialists think it's hard wired in their DNA. Yes, list your income and mention what you do for a living. Ignore that sh*the on page 1 telling you otherwise. It's the typical PC bullsh*t that flows through the forum. Don't believe me? Tell me how many couples you know where the woman makes significantly more than the man?
SugarLips72 Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 I agree if you flaunt your wealth, queue the gold diggers. Since you do well for yourself, you should want a woman that makes her own money and holds her own to some extent although you probably out earn most of us. If you are proud of what you do for a living, just state roughly what field you are in and that you are educated. If you went to graduate school or have a masters, state it. I am middle class, I do ok. Not great but I have a very decent house in a nice neighborhood, a luxury sedan, 845 FICO LOL. I expect a guy to make decent too esp of he has kids. I have kids of my own to support, I am not looking to be the main bread winner. If the guy makes around the same as me or more thats fine. If you make 30k a year we have a problem. 1
ZA Dater Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 I disagree with much here. In theory money is not important, however the reality is somewhat different. Ask yourself this, have you ever come across a guy who has money who cannot get a date? Slightly different way of looking at it but without question material assets do impress most impressionable ladies of a certain age, its not the be all but I do believe it can get a guy a foot in the door when it comes to dating. OLD is already so superficial to begin with. It all forms part of the fact I don't believe many people like people for intangible things. The tangibles seem to matter more so material wealth is going to be important.
Author Superman2024 Posted April 5, 2016 Author Posted April 5, 2016 It's been a difficult balance for me because I don't want to emphasize wealth too much but I also want women to know I'm successful. For me it's not as simple as just listing my job or career since I'm the entrepreneurial type having ownership in and investing in businesses. Owning your own business has it's risks but the upside potential is way higher than just about any job or career. I frequently get questions about what I do because it's not the typical career. One woman even initially thought I was financially unstable, which couldn't be further from the truth! I've definitely avoided listing my income so far, but I do talk about my business experience, international travel (pics of Switzerland, Italy, etc), and my dream house in the country (recently put up a pic of that). I couldn't care less what the woman I'm with earns since I'm looking for someone to be a stay at home wife/mom. I've not really experienced gold diggers yet so I must not be emphasizing it too much. I'm not getting quite the interest I want either, so maybe I should be a little more forward haha. I'm fairly athletic too (not quite a six pack but muscular and fit) so I'm wondering if putting more focus on that would yield more interest. I've been hesitant to post the shirtless selfie since I've heard mixed things about that! So far I've been able to date 4 different women this year from online, but I'd like to do better. Recently I've started using photofeeler to gauge the quality of my pictures, so we'll see if that helps.
lino Posted April 5, 2016 Posted April 5, 2016 If leading with your money is something that comes naturally to you, then do it. It'll work then and yes you will attract some gold diggers but many genuine women too. If it's not natural, you'll look like a try hard or worse, a guy who has no money but is pretending he does. Same way that a guy leading with his physique or sense of humour... It has to come naturally. A guy with a desperate showing off photo of him posing shirtless or the guy trying too hard to be funny will attract less women. Ps. You won't get many honest answers in a topic like this from female members of this board. Read the 'who pays' topics on any given day to see what their genuine thoughts on finances are. You'll have your eyes opened for sure.
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