traveler_n Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 I've been seeing a guy for about 2 months now. We are not officially dating. The thing that worries me is that he hasn't got in touch with me in 5 days. He does have an insanely busy schedule (neurosurgery resident) and he does have a history of going days without talking to me. He also just got over a pretty bad illness. The last period of silence from him was when he went on vacation and did not contact me for a week. I didn't think much of it though because after all he was on vacation. We've spent the weekend together (not totally because he left me for a little to go to the hospital) for the past month. When we're together he seems really into me. He's always touching me, cuddling me and complimenting me. He tells me very personal things and he says that he trusts me. We also go on dates and do little things like make dinner together. In the back of my mind I still have a little fear that he could be using me because he is a bit of a player and he hasn't brought up the relationship talk. Would a guy seem really into a girl, only to use her? Do you think he has lost interest in me or do you think he'll eventually contact me? Should I contact him? Sorry for all of the questions but my brain is on over-think mode today haha. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SunnyWeather Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 I've been seeing a guy for about 2 months now. We are not officially dating. The thing that worries me is that he hasn't got in touch with me in 5 days. He does have an insanely busy schedule (neurosurgery resident) and he does have a history of going days without talking to me. He also just got over a pretty bad illness. The last period of silence from him was when he went on vacation and did not contact me for a week. I didn't think much of it though because after all he was on vacation. We've spent the weekend together (not totally because he left me for a little to go to the hospital) for the past month. When we're together he seems really into me. He's always touching me, cuddling me and complimenting me. He tells me very personal things and he says that he trusts me. We also go on dates and do little things like make dinner together. In the back of my mind I still have a little fear that he could be using me because he is a bit of a player and he hasn't brought up the relationship talk. Would a guy seem really into a girl, only to use her? Do you think he has lost interest in me or do you think he'll eventually contact me? Should I contact him? Sorry for all of the questions but my brain is on over-think mode today haha. I'm curious why YOU haven't brought it up? Are you ok with casual dating that includes sex? If not, why are you doing it? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 The best thing you can do for yourself is to not contact him at all and date other people...NOW. You're not officially dating him. He is not in a relationship with you and not contacting you for that many days (even if he's on vacation) shows you how little he really thinks about you or values you when you're not around. Back way off and get out there and date others. Make yourself less available to him if or when he does get in touch with you. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 I'm guessing he is taking advantage of the grey area. You are not putting your foot down to either define the relationship or leave so he is taking advantage of the vagueness. Every guy I know who wants a relationship makes sure the woman knows that, asks, etc. How can you spend time with someone for months and not know where you stand? He is playing you for sure. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 Whenever a woman posts asking why a guy hasn't contacted her in forever, the first thing that always goes through my mind is "You could contact him". I think if you've been seeing the guy for a few months, it's time you initiate some of the communication. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 He probably is really busy, given his profession. Does he owe you a text? Did he leave a text hanging? Or was everything caught up and then he just has been silent a few days? Unless you wrote and he didn't respond when it required a response, I wouldn't worry about it because it's probably work. He probably is dating around, so you should too, definitely. That way, you're not focused on waiting for him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 Maybe you should send him a text and ask something like "Hey where've you been?" If he doesn't respond, you're done. Sorry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 I've been seeing a guy for about 2 months now. We are not officially dating. The thing that worries me is that he hasn't got in touch with me in 5 days. He does have an insanely busy schedule (neurosurgery resident) and he does have a history of going days without talking to me. He also just got over a pretty bad illness. The last period of silence from him was when he went on vacation and did not contact me for a week. I didn't think much of it though because after all he was on vacation. We've spent the weekend together (not totally because he left me for a little to go to the hospital) for the past month. When we're together he seems really into me. He's always touching me, cuddling me and complimenting me. He tells me very personal things and he says that he trusts me. We also go on dates and do little things like make dinner together. In the back of my mind I still have a little fear that he could be using me because he is a bit of a player and he hasn't brought up the relationship talk. Would a guy seem really into a girl, only to use her? Do you think he has lost interest in me or do you think he'll eventually contact me? Should I contact him? Sorry for all of the questions but my brain is on over-think mode today haha. Stop stressing over a guy who hasn't made it official. Date others. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author traveler_n Posted April 2, 2016 Author Share Posted April 2, 2016 He just texted me asking why I haven't contacted him. I've learned that I need to initiate contact as well. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 He just texted me asking why I haven't contacted him. I've learned that I need to initiate contact as well. I'm guessing that's why five days went by. He was waiting to see if you'd contact him for a change since you apparently haven't been doing that at all. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 You date those who treat you the way you want to be treated...just because he says nice things to you doesn't mean he is looking for something serious. Actions speak louder than words. Since he doesn't contact you for long periods of time, that should tell you you are no priority of his, and there is a possibility he is multi dating during these spells of no communication. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 It looks like this is one of those silly situations where neither contacts the other because they don't want to appear too eager. Whats wrong with being eager? How much is too much? "How are you? Lets meet up." Wow! I just typed that out and nobody died! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 He just texted me asking why I haven't contacted him. I've learned that I need to initiate contact as well. Of course you have to initiate contact. Would you have a friendship where you were the one who was always initiating? A relationship is no different. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SunnyWeather Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 He just texted me asking why I haven't contacted him. I've learned that I need to initiate contact as well. looks like now might be a good time to have that conversation 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ses Posted April 3, 2016 Share Posted April 3, 2016 After two months I would definitely be initiating a lot of contact and not putting all the onus on him. Medicine is a demanding mistress, and he probably doesn't have a lot of time to initiate. Dating someone in medicine isn't for everyone because you'll spend a lot of time alone and have to be independent. It's not a glamorous life and your partner will not be available for you as often as other working professionals, especially in a specialty like neurosurgery. Depending on where he is at his career, you can expect his hours to be irregular for 5-7 years. If you're comfortable being casual that's your prerogative, but don't be afraid to tell him your needs and expectations. It's been 2 months. You should know where he stands now than be surprised later. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted April 3, 2016 Share Posted April 3, 2016 It's your 5th thread about this guy leaving you with no news for days. He does that to you all the time. He's not contacting you because he's not thinking about you. You're the girl he takes out and have sex with when he has free time, nothing more 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sunshine2 Posted April 3, 2016 Share Posted April 3, 2016 I agree with Gaeta. If a guy is waiting 5 or more days to contact you, theres a problem. For him, this could just be a FWB situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted April 3, 2016 Share Posted April 3, 2016 It's your 5th thread about this guy leaving you with no news for days. He does that to you all the time. He's not contacting you because he's not thinking about you. You're the girl he takes out and have sex with when he has free time, nothing more Yeah, I mean I love my own time and I am childless and still "selfish" and absolutely love my downtime.. and yet even when I am busy studying and working and have no spare time, I MAKE spare time for my bf and have from day one. When he meets a girl he is really into, this doctor will move mountains to be with her.... Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted April 3, 2016 Share Posted April 3, 2016 Neurosurgery resident... he's too busy for a relationship. Trust me, when men have to decide between careers and relationship, careers typically comes first particularly if beautiful women are available everywhere. If he's not calling you or texting you, or taking up your free time, he's not overtly interested in becoming more. He's making you comply with his wants- date around and sleep around. Don't make yourself too available for him. If you're too focused on him, you will miss the other guys out there who are looking for relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts