SunnyWeather Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 this article lays it out pretty clearly why most relationships are doomed, and the reasons why. I just know that a frightening amount of people voluntarily enter relationships with people who don’t share their values, subjecting themselves to all kinds of abuse or dysfunction afterward, and it appears as if it’s because they’re more afraid of being alone than they are of being mistreated or suffering bad break-ups. I see these types of issues all the time on this board. So much suffering could be eliminated if people didn't look to others to 'make them complete', and were happy with themselves. and this: If you haven’t identified your personal boundaries, or aren’t willing to vigilantly enforce them, you’re going to experience a heavy dose of frustration and heartache. If you do it my way, you won’t have as many dates and may feel frustrated by what seems like a scary lack of options. The temptation can be great to date people simply because they’re attractive and they like you. again, I see this issue all the time, especially with women who, just because a guy gives them attention–attention that no one else has–makes it ok to put up with behaviors that they know are not right for them. The part about the "scary lack of options is real", but it certainly is better than entering into something that one knows is 'wrong'. You Probably Shouldn't Be Dating Them 5
spriggan2 Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 I just don't get the abuse bit...and don't understand why people can't be considerate and kind with one another. It's so depressing.
preraph Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 I have been astounded at the number of women I've seen just blindly go along with some guy who is against everything they ever professed to believe in. There's a lot of reasons why, none of them good. One is if the guy is, say, possessive to a fault, they think that's about them and take it as flattery. It's not that they're special; it's that the guy has problems and he'll be that way with everyone. They believe in fairytales and think the frog will turn into a prince if they love him enough or if he loves them. Nope. They think they're predestined (more fairytale) and some diety will wave a magic wand and make it all perfect. That doesn't happen, so they get pregnant, hoping a child will change him. Stupidest move ever. But then the flip side of the coin is the opposite of what this article is saying, and that is those who have so many boundaries and rules that they want them all lined up like the planets around the sun right up front. So they may overlook an ambitious guy who is on his way up but just hasn't made it there yet or the very shallow may reject a man who doesn't buy them jewelry, which really just makes my teeth hurt. So shallow. So it can swing too far both ways.
brothers343 Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 Sometimes is self esteem. Both in the male and female kind. Don't kid yourself....there are some that like the abuse and the torment. When a good mate comes along they do everything possible to destroy there relationship. Why.....becouse they can't understand why there mate is treating them so good. And after they destroyed a good thing from progressing they come to forums like this one and ask why are I'm I 30 yrs old and haven't found anyone to love and spend my life with. Some people don't want to change, some hate change, some change becouse they have no choice, and some change becouse they know is the right thing to do. You need to change to evolve as human being.
Author SunnyWeather Posted April 2, 2016 Author Posted April 2, 2016 But then the flip side of the coin is the opposite of what this article is saying, and that is those who have so many boundaries and rules that they want them all lined up like the planets around the sun right up front. So they may overlook an ambitious guy who is on his way up but just hasn't made it there yet or the very shallow may reject a man who doesn't buy them jewelry, which really just makes my teeth hurt. So shallow. So it can swing too far both ways. I totally agree. I see this attitude a lot in OLD also, people being quick to 'nope' someone because there is the slightest whiff of imperfection. What I believe the article is pointing to is the need for values to line up. That, in the end those, if aligned, form the backbone to a healthy relationship.
preraph Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 I totally agree. I see this attitude a lot in OLD also, people being quick to 'nope' someone because there is the slightest whiff of imperfection. What I believe the article is pointing to is the need for values to line up. That, in the end those, if aligned, form the backbone to a healthy relationship. People often mistake OLD for a catalog.
LookAtThisPOst Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 I totally agree. I see this attitude a lot in OLD also, people being quick to 'nope' someone because there is the slightest whiff of imperfection. What I believe the article is pointing to is the need for values to line up. That, in the end those, if aligned, form the backbone to a healthy relationship. Yep, I've known Christians to forgo their beliefs by dating someone completely not in alignment with them.
Author SunnyWeather Posted April 3, 2016 Author Posted April 3, 2016 People often mistake OLD for a catalog. so true, and with so many choices one is reticent to choose anyone--grass is greener on steroids. If memory serves me well, I believe there's actually a psychological condition related to this, or a study that looked this.
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