Partner lost interest?

April 2, 2016

Partner wants to stay together and see if things can get back to how they were when we started out things were amazing. I am assessing the risk, if we drag things out and possibly get back something that was really great. Or do I split and keep hold of my dignity. Is possible to work things out if one party loses the interest / falls out of love / loses feelings? (Still figuring out what exactly has happened, partner doesn't know either). Should we take a break to get back to our lives and assess matters? I can't make a decision yet. I don't want to break it off, we had something great. But can't continue if I feel like it's a waiting game til then I get dumped.

April 2, 2016

Partner wants to stay together and see if things can get back to how they were when we started out things were amazing. I am assessing the risk, if we drag things out and possibly get back something that was really great. Or do I split and keep hold of my dignity. Is possible to work things out if one party loses the interest / falls out of love / loses feelings? (Still figuring out what exactly has happened, partner doesn't know either). Should we take a break to get back to our lives and assess matters? I can't make a decision yet. I don't want to break it off, we had something great. But can't continue if I feel like it's a waiting game til then I get dumped.

Was the same as me. Was with my now ex for 7 years, when she started Uni she said it changed how she felt and that she thought we were more friends than anything. We tried for a few months to make things work, and it was going well but in the end she said her feelings never really changed back towards me. It is a risk that can go either way, it can work and I would possibly recommend a break, but it may not do any good if the feelings have changed, no guarantee that time apart will change anything.

I would probably suggest trying, give it a break etc but be prepared that things may not work out, rather than pin your hopes on it working.

April 2, 2016

Was the same as me. Was with my now ex for 7 years, when she started Uni she said it changed how she felt and that she thought we were more friends than anything. We tried for a few months to make things work, and it was going well but in the end she said her feelings never really changed back towards me. It is a risk that can go either way, it can work and I would possibly recommend a break, but it may not do any good if the feelings have changed, no guarantee that time apart will change anything.

I would probably suggest trying, give it a break etc but be prepared that things may not work out, rather than pin your hopes on it working.

Thanks for your advice and sorry that things didn't work out in your case

It's hard, it is a gamble I think because I might end up hurting more.

April 2, 2016

Thanks for your advice and sorry that things didn't work out in your case

It's hard, it is a gamble I think because I might end up hurting more.

The thing I didn't do was, she said she didn't want to be together but it was still up in the air you know? I went through that thinking we would get back at the other side, and we didn't, and I also discovered the real reasons for the break up etc.

I think if you try and discuss it between you as to why you or her or both of you feel this way, it will help a bit, and if you do decide on a break, go into it but also try to separate the outcome, things may work out, but prepare yourself during that time that they may not. That way at least you will also be moving on before it happens, if it does.

April 2, 2016

Partner wants to stay together and see if things can get back to how they were when we started out things were amazing. I am assessing the risk, if we drag things out and possibly get back something that was really great. Or do I split and keep hold of my dignity. Is possible to work things out if one party loses the interest / falls out of love / loses feelings? (Still figuring out what exactly has happened, partner doesn't know either). Should we take a break to get back to our lives and assess matters? I can't make a decision yet. I don't want to break it off, we had something great. But can't continue if I feel like it's a waiting game til then I get dumped.

In my opinion, no. You already know the answer because your gut is telling you that this is coming to an end.

When someone "falls out of love" or "loves you, but is not in love with you", that means the person not only is losing interest in you but is also losing attraction in you. It's happened to me and many other people on this forum. Unfortunately, no matter how much you try to talk, spend money or do nice things, you cannot negotiate attraction. A person can be extremely attracted to you one day but overtime things may change...sometimes because the persons personality changes (for example, more jealous, possessive, etc), they stop trying to look good for the person they are with or some of their actions (such as cheating) turn them off of you.

When someone tells me they need a break / are unsure of things, that is normally the other person looking to either "figure out their feelings", know their feelings but are too scared to hurt you so they are breaking it in, or sometimes there is someone else in the picture that they are shifting their attention to. Whatever the reason is, if I ever hear that coming out of my girlfriends mouth, I'd end it instantly because I know I'd be wasting my time from that day foreword. Breaks are a waste of time and don't benefit anyone but the person playing the field while you're waiting / hoping he or she come back.

Just remember - if the sex is dropping a lot, if they don't laugh at your jokes as much, if they aren't taking as much of an interest or putting in the effort...and most importantly if your gut is telling you something is wrong (you gut is normally right), then you can already see most of the signs that he or she is already on the way out or has started to lose attraction in you.

When someone is truly into you, they don't make it difficult. Things are easy. If that person wanted to be with you they'd never risk losing you.

April 2, 2016

In my opinion, no. You already know the answer because your gut is telling you that this is coming to an end.

When someone "falls out of love" or "loves you, but is not in love with you", that means the person not only is losing interest in you but is also losing attraction in you. It's happened to me and many other people on this forum. Unfortunately, no matter how much you try to talk, spend money or do nice things, you cannot negotiate attraction. A person can be extremely attracted to you one day but overtime things may change...sometimes because the persons personality changes (for example, more jealous, possessive, etc), they stop trying to look good for the person they are with or some of their actions (such as cheating) turn them off of you.

When someone tells me they need a break / are unsure of things, that is normally the other person looking to either "figure out their feelings", know their feelings but are too scared to hurt you so they are breaking it in, or sometimes there is someone else in the picture that they are shifting their attention to. Whatever the reason is, if I ever hear that coming out of my girlfriends mouth, I'd end it instantly because I know I'd be wasting my time from that day foreword. Breaks are a waste of time and don't benefit anyone but the person playing the field while you're waiting / hoping he or she come back.

Just remember - if the sex is dropping a lot, if they don't laugh at your jokes as much, if they aren't taking as much of an interest or putting in the effort...and most importantly if your gut is telling you something is wrong (you gut is normally right), then you can already see most of the signs that he or she is already on the way out or has started to lose attraction in you.

When someone is truly into you, they don't make it difficult. Things are easy. If that person wanted to be with you they'd never risk losing you.

I agree with lauri 100%. Save yourself some heartache. I went through this a few months ago and honestly its AWFUL. I thought things were finally getting better and we had the best weekend ever and then he dumped me. When someone says they're unsure it means they know what they are feeling but somehow are trying to avoid the situation because they don't want to feel that way but they do. Your SO is probably already checked out and just doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

Most of the people that "fall out of love" are usually emotionally immature people who don't really know the definition of real love and have a communication problem or they like that new feeling of being in love like at the beginning of the relationship. For instance, my ex never addressed any issue arising in the relationship, instead he would let things slide and never voice concerns (red flag). This will lead to the falling out of love because he was not telling me the things that I should have improved to make the RS work. Those little things that were never addressed became ONE huge one. He threw it all in my face the day of the breakup. This was in no shape of form fair nor mature. You can't expect someone to meet your needs if you're not voicing them. Meanwhile, while I voiced my needs he complained about me being "needy".

Also, someone who feels like this usually does not want to talk about the REAL issue that led them to feel the way they do and that would be the ONLY way to fix things. They feel like they "don't know" but in reality, believe me they DO know. It's a matter of looking back and observing themselves. Emotionally immature people tend to be the ones who "fall out of love or lose interest".

Also, i've learned the hard way but don't ever be with someone who is unsure of their feelings for you, you deserve someone who is as sure about you as you are about them. From personal experience, my advice is to walk away now. If he really does care and his "feelings" come back after you're no longer in his life he will contact you.

Best of luck.

April 2, 2016

Somethings are in measurable like time and space. Take time for yourself and give each other space. What you might want now maybe won't be what you want later. And this should apply to your partner too. I'm no doctor but if I was one this is what I would subscribe for you. Good luck.

April 2, 2016

I think it depends on what you mean. If you mean a loss of actual interest, as in strangers are more interesting or there's complete indifference, then that is awfully hard to regain. You're likely done and waiting for someone to get sick of the situation. If you mean a loss of excitement, but there's still affection and admiration, then you might have something to work with. Most people don't walk around head over heels in love every day of their lives.

April 2, 2016

It's like when people say the relationship became 'comfortable' some people view that as it being a good thing, IE your relationship should be comfortable, settled etc. Others see it as meaning 'boring'.

April 2, 2016

It's like when people say the relationship became 'comfortable' some people view that as it being a good thing, IE your relationship should be comfortable, settled etc. Others see it as meaning 'boring'.

this is sad to me. I prefer something stable rather than something that is ALWAYS exciting me. Yes there should still be effort and work into the RS but I guess some people like that thrill.

April 2, 2016

this is sad to me. I prefer something stable rather than something that is ALWAYS exciting me. Yes there should still be effort and work into the RS but I guess some people like that thrill.

I know. That's what my ex said to me, that she thought we had become 'comfortable' etc. If anything I would think that if a relationship was that steady/settled then it would be a good thing...clearly I'm wrong..lol

April 2, 2016

Thanks for the replies all. You are all spot on with a lot of what you have said and it is helpful although I still don't know which direction to take. I think there are things that I need to be clarified about what exactly has been lost before I determine whether we can get it back. I agree that someone who can fall in and out of love so quickly is not very promising. If it is attraction that is lost then I can't really carry on. My partner definitely wants in, wants it to work out. I think my head is just telling me to run and save myself the hassle because I am doubtful, but I have strong feelings and not ready to let go of what we had either. But I haven't changed, I've been the same person throughout, my feelings remained the same throughout. So going back in, I can't do anything aside from wait to see how my partner feels as to whether or not it works out. Which is a really bad situation to be in.

April 2, 2016

Thanks for the replies all. You are all spot on with a lot of what you have said and it is helpful although I still don't know which direction to take. I think there are things that I need to be clarified about what exactly has been lost before I determine whether we can get it back. I agree that someone who can fall in and out of love so quickly is not very promising. If it is attraction that is lost then I can't really carry on. My partner definitely wants in, wants it to work out. I think my head is just telling me to run and save myself the hassle because I am doubtful, but I have strong feelings and not ready to let go of what we had either. But I haven't changed, I've been the same person throughout, my feelings remained the same throughout. So going back in, I can't do anything aside from wait to see how my partner feels as to whether or not it works out. Which is a really bad situation to be in.

To be honest I felt better and worse once I got clarification on why we broke up. Obviously it did help me to understand and did bring a level of acceptance to the issue, but at the same time it's not always something you want to hear and it can eat away at you.

I think it's probably best to have a talk about it though imo, at least you can see if it is salvageable.

April 3, 2016

To be honest I felt better and worse once I got clarification on why we broke up. Obviously it did help me to understand and did bring a level of acceptance to the issue, but at the same time it's not always something you want to hear and it can eat away at you.

I think it's probably best to have a talk about it though imo, at least you can see if it is salvageable.

I am still hopeful that it can be salvaged.. we both are hopeful but realistically I'm not sure if that is enough. I cant walk away yet.

April 3, 2016

I am still hopeful that it can be salvaged.. we both are hopeful but realistically I'm not sure if that is enough. I cant walk away yet.

You inability to walk away is the biggest thing holding you back from doing what needs to be done. Your SO can sense this, hence why they're still stringing you along bc there is NO risk for them at this point. If they knew you'd walk away, there'd be less likely any of this "I need to think about us" and more clarity on your end.

Relationships and feelings are not games that should be played with. I find too many people are only looking out for their best interests today without putting any thought into what they are doing to the person on the other side.

I want you to realize what you've been saying...you're saying your SO isn't sure but is "in" and wants to see if you can work out. How in any way does that make sense? Why would somone, who truly loves you, be unsure of being with you? Your situation is no different than mine, or the thousands of people who have posted on this forum. This is a pattern I've lived through and I can sense where your partner may be going with this.

You know, deep down inside, what your SO is really saying. You need to stop listening to words and look at their actions. I can almost guarantee that their actions are not matching their words. There is nothing your partner needs to explain or tell you. You won't get the full truth anyways and they'll only tel you things to either let you down slowly or lead you on because they are trying to understand why they've lost attraction (for example, he's so good to me, why don't I love him anymore? What is wrong with me?, etc)

Want to know my advice? The only chance you have of potentially knowing if your relationship is worth it, is by actually walking away. No one deserves to be put into your situation and it isn't your job to wait on the sideline while your partner figures it out. You need to first and foremost respect yourself, and spend some time apart. Don't fall for the panic they go into once your walking away...that's just them scared of losing their safety net. You need to always keep in mind their feelings and attraction will not change that quickly.

If your partner truly loves you, you'll find out very quickly. But I hate to tell you this, I think it's time you start to move on and prepare for the worst.

Edited April 3, 2016 by lauri

April 3, 2016

If nothing has happened, you haven't done anything wrong and your SO is just bored, I'd walk away. I was in your shoes a year ago and my ex was all "something is missing, I don't know what, I don't want to break up but I don't feel AS in love anymore." I saved myself some emotional torture and walked away and never looked back. Best thing I ever did (for other reasons too, he wasn't a great boyfriend).

If YOU aren't getting what you want from this, and he isn't treating YOU the way you want to be treated, then just walk away. Life is too short to be spent on flaky people. If someone really loves you it's easy and doubts don't just pop up for no specific reason. If there are issues that have caused this attraction to wane, ie personality traits, arguments, or no effort being put it, then possibly it could be worked on. If it's just cold feet or boredom then I'd tell them where the door is

April 3, 2016

If nothing has happened, you haven't done anything wrong and your SO is just bored, I'd walk away. I was in your shoes a year ago and my ex was all "something is missing, I don't know what, I don't want to break up but I don't feel AS in love anymore." I saved myself some emotional torture and walked away and never looked back. Best thing I ever did (for other reasons too, he wasn't a great boyfriend).

If YOU aren't getting what you want from this, and he isn't treating YOU the way you want to be treated, then just walk away. Life is too short to be spent on flaky people. If someone really loves you it's easy and doubts don't just pop up for no specific reason. If there are issues that have caused this attraction to wane, ie personality traits, arguments, or no effort being put it, then possibly it could be worked on. If it's just cold feet or boredom then I'd tell them where the door is

Very much the same here. I think maturity and age definitely has something to do with it, with both sexes.

I get on well with two girls I work with. One is 22, the other 26. The 22-year-old had been seeing a guy a while ago who many would describe as perfect bf material - nice, quite attractive and easy to get on with - yet she sacked him off as he wasn't 'exciting' enough and has since been dating guys who are exciting but who constantly move on from her after a few dates or when they've got what they wanted, sex.

The 26-year-old on the other hand is looking for that guy who is good bf material rather than someone who is exciting but flaky and just in it for the sex. She was seeing a guy off tinder and found out he'd been talking to her friend too. She's more concerned with finding someone who is exciting but also steady, loyal and a good companion.

April 3, 2016

I think it depends on what you mean. If you mean a loss of actual interest, as in strangers are more interesting or there's complete indifference, then that is awfully hard to regain. You're likely done and waiting for someone to get sick of the situation. If you mean a loss of excitement, but there's still affection and admiration, then you might have something to work with. Most people don't walk around head over heels in love every day of their lives.

This.

The problem here IMO is that some people (emotionally immature people I'd think) don't understand or don't want to accept that a relationship and also the feelings involved change over time. It's impossible to maintain the highs of an early relationship forever. So if your partner still has feelings for you, but there's just been an inevitable decrease in passion and/or excitement, then it's possible things might work out and the relationship can progress. It probably won't go back to how it was in the beginning though. And if that is what your partner is looking for, then s/he might not be ready for a more stable relationship. Passion comes and goes and it's up to you and your partner how to deal with it. How long have you two been together?

April 3, 2016

You inability to walk away is the biggest thing holding you back from doing what needs to be done. Your SO can sense this, hence why they're still stringing you along bc there is NO risk for them at this point. If they knew you'd walk away, there'd be less likely any of this "I need to think about us" and more clarity on your end.

Relationships and feelings are not games that should be played with. I find too many people are only looking out for their best interests today without putting any thought into what they are doing to the person on the other side.

I want you to realize what you've been saying...you're saying your SO isn't sure but is "in" and wants to see if you can work out. How in any way does that make sense? Why would somone, who truly loves you, be unsure of being with you? Your situation is no different than mine, or the thousands of people who have posted on this forum. This is a pattern I've lived through and I can sense where your partner may be going with this.

You know, deep down inside, what your SO is really saying. You need to stop listening to words and look at their actions. I can almost guarantee that their actions are not matching their words. There is nothing your partner needs to explain or tell you. You won't get the full truth anyways and they'll only tel you things to either let you down slowly or lead you on because they are trying to understand why they've lost attraction (for example, he's so good to me, why don't I love him anymore? What is wrong with me?, etc)

Want to know my advice? The only chance you have of potentially knowing if your relationship is worth it, is by actually walking away. No one deserves to be put into your situation and it isn't your job to wait on the sideline while your partner figures it out. You need to first and foremost respect yourself, and spend some time apart. Don't fall for the panic they go into once your walking away...that's just them scared of losing their safety net. You need to always keep in mind their feelings and attraction will not change that quickly.

If your partner truly loves you, you'll find out very quickly. But I hate to tell you this, I think it's time you start to move on and prepare for the worst.

This.

You need to end it with your partner. You're having your time wasted at this point.

April 5, 2016

You inability to walk away is the biggest thing holding you back from doing what needs to be done. Your SO can sense this, hence why they're still stringing you along bc there is NO risk for them at this point. If they knew you'd walk away, there'd be less likely any of this "I need to think about us" and more clarity on your end.

Relationships and feelings are not games that should be played with. I find too many people are only looking out for their best interests today without putting any thought into what they are doing to the person on the other side.

I want you to realize what you've been saying...you're saying your SO isn't sure but is "in" and wants to see if you can work out. How in any way does that make sense? Why would somone, who truly loves you, be unsure of being with you? Your situation is no different than mine, or the thousands of people who have posted on this forum. This is a pattern I've lived through and I can sense where your partner may be going with this.

You know, deep down inside, what your SO is really saying. You need to stop listening to words and look at their actions. I can almost guarantee that their actions are not matching their words. There is nothing your partner needs to explain or tell you. You won't get the full truth anyways and they'll only tel you things to either let you down slowly or lead you on because they are trying to understand why they've lost attraction (for example, he's so good to me, why don't I love him anymore? What is wrong with me?, etc)

Want to know my advice? The only chance you have of potentially knowing if your relationship is worth it, is by actually walking away. No one deserves to be put into your situation and it isn't your job to wait on the sideline while your partner figures it out. You need to first and foremost respect yourself, and spend some time apart. Don't fall for the panic they go into once your walking away...that's just them scared of losing their safety net. You need to always keep in mind their feelings and attraction will not change that quickly.

If your partner truly loves you, you'll find out very quickly. But I hate to tell you this, I think it's time you start to move on and prepare for the worst.

THISSSSS right here. 100%. OP, I wish I would of known of this forum before my breakup. Tons of people who have been in your shoes. No one here is a therapist but we have already been there, same exact situation and guess what we all have something in common, we've all experience the same outcome. WALK away now and save your dignity. I WISH i would of had someone advise me, I would have saved myself some time and heartache.

As mentioned, when you walk away, thats when you'll realize his true intentions. Sometimes the dumper is waiting for you to pull the plug to alleviate guilt. Been there, done that. Lesson learned. Hope you don't make the same mistakes some of us have made.

Good luck.

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