Can intense heart ache cause permanent mental instability?

[TaraMaiden2]

Hopefully you'll get better sooner than later. Time is a healer...

 

This is sadly, an all-too-common fallacy.

Time does nothing but pass.

It is how we utilise that time, to heal.

Or not.

[thespacey1]

I'm having a thought and wondering. Perhaps the effects of the heartbreak/pain just cause a permanent "change" in some and in others, it's still possible to cause instability.

 

The change doesn't always have to be negative. Sometimes, the change can:

• build character
  
• make us more astute
  
• help prevent us from making the same mistake again
  
• allow us to help others through empathy and coaching
  

 

When our past experiences are so overwhelming that it's more of a challenge to bounce back, I think it's crucial to:

• be patient with ourselves
  
• be GOOD/healthy to ourselves
  
• accept the fact that we are different; not necessarily weak or unworthy of greatness
  
• find takeaways to learn from
  

 

 

For those who think that people are "weak" just because they didn't bounce back as soon as the next person, how do you tell a child that? We were all children at some point. I would think extended trauma can have truly residual effects on people even as they become adults. Some people do become unstable. Getting help and support is key.

 

Regardless of one's coping style, I've always found that it's good practice to avoid comparing one person to another. So many people in this world have found themselves in situations they never thought they'd ever be in. Hence, we never know how we may respond until we've been faced with certain situations.

 

Even Superman can have a long recovery time...

[thespacey1]

It is how we utilise that time, to heal.

Or not.

 

Tara of course... I do agree with that part of your post. That's common sense.

 

But it's always good practice to reinforce coping strategies while allowing time for healing. Why? Because time really is a healer. You can't rush healing just to please others or give the appearance that you're over something when you're not.

[surferchic]

I think lots of the comments are so valid mainly because each person comes with their own set of experiences. Meaning we all have a different perspective and I can appreciate them all, with the exception of declaring people weak just because they don't bounce back like someone else.

 

I personally can recall healing fast before... However, a different situation in my life has caused a different type of pain to last longer than ever before. I'm still surviving, but I'm questioning how I'm changing permanently. Like, for real.

 

I'm not as focused and upbeat as I used to be. Most of us will probably get better, but perhaps only with the help of therapy or meds. I personally, have never been on meds in my entire life.

[surferchic]

Tara maiden, I personally appreciate some of your feedback and anyone's feedback that's positive. So please don't think I'm knocking your advice completely.

 

However, I know that being unrealistic by making a general statement as "the truth" is harmful and not very wise. At least be honest enough with yourself to NOT make your opinions sound like they're scientific or even logical facts. That's ludicrous...

 

You said the truth hurts. It's not the truth... It's YOUR truth. Your truth is not EVERYONE'S truth. You must understand that. This world is far too complex to abide by only a truth conceived my one or a few individuals.

 

I could've have said this better myself...

[surferchic]

It took me forever to get over the relationship that brought me to LS several years ago. I think part of that was because I lost a child with him, but I was a mess for years after. And I am a strong woman.

 

As for it being permanent... Years later and this man still calls me like twice a week and I could not care less. I wouldn't be with him if he were the last man on this earth. Zero feelings. So no..... not permanent.

It's different for everyone and every situation.

 

Thanks for making us see that there's hope.

[ByMyself01]

Hello all:

 

As we post and read the provocative threads of various breakups, I realize the pain eventually subsides...or at least it's "supposed" to. I also notice how deeply people are affected by heart ache(men& women) but they don't always verbalize it. Some of us bounce back quick(seemingly so)/,while the rest of us struggle to get through months or even years after a break up.

 

Regardless, we all are affected by breakups. Speaking for myself, the pain feels so unfair at times. Whether you're the dumper or dumpee,the pain can be huge...but people never know what you're going through until they listen to or read what you have to say.

 

Can repetitive heart break or intense/long term pain cause permanent mental instability?

 

Yes, thought it would never happen to me and I'm just growing old and single like I never planned. I constantly think about it and come down to a bad mood. Only thing keeping me going is to not totally give up since people talked bad about me so I create a fake life to prove others wrong.

[TaraMaiden2]

I could've have said this better myself...

 

Read my subsequent response and tell me where I am mistaken.....

[TaraMaiden2]

I'm having a thought and wondering. Perhaps the effects of the heartbreak/pain just cause a permanent "change" in some and in others, it's still possible to cause instability.

Absolutely right. It depends on an awful lot of things, but mainly how conditioned the person has become over time, in one way or the other.

 

The change doesn't always have to be negative. Sometimes, the change can:

• build character
  
• make us more astute
  
• help prevent us from making the same mistake again
  
• allow us to help others through empathy and coaching
  

No, I think you may be misinterpreting the state of things here. Change is change is change. It is the person's own perspective and perception which creates a negative or positive image of the situation. The above decisions are as a result of how the person themselves has decided they are going to tackle the change.

 

When our past experiences are so overwhelming that it's more of a challenge to bounce back, I think it's crucial to:

• be patient with ourselves
  
• be GOOD/healthy to ourselves
  
• accept the fact that we are different; not necessarily weak or unworthy of greatness
  
• find takeaways to learn from
  

Can't fault this, and totally agree.

 

 

For those who think that people are "weak" just because they didn't bounce back as soon as the next person, how do you tell a child that? We were all children at some point. I would think extended trauma can have truly residual effects on people even as they become adults. Some people do become unstable. Getting help and support is key.

During childhood is when the conditioning begins to take place. Depending on upbringing and familial, social and cultural influences - but chiefly parental - the person's ability to evaluate and process change, is determined through these influences. Ultimately, the person can choose to be a victim to their history, or change their approach, to tackle things in a tangentially-different way to the way they were conditioned to do.

 

 

Regardless of one's coping style, I've always found that it's good practice to avoid comparing one person to another. So many people in this world have found themselves in situations they never thought they'd ever be in. Hence, we never know how we may respond until we've been faced with certain situations.

This is very true. However, it does not change the fact that people always have choices.

 

Even Superman can have a long recovery time...

That depends on his exposure to kryptonite....

 

....But it's always good practice to reinforce coping strategies while allowing time for healing. Why? Because time really is a healer.

Time is not the healer. It is we, who take different amounts of time, in which to heal.

And people have the right to take all the time they really need.

However, progress differs from person to person because of (a) the circumstances of the incident, and (b) how much a person can heal, let go and move on.

It has nothing to do with what time does. We 'Do'.

 

You can't rush healing just to please others or give the appearance that you're over something when you're not.

Where have I suggested that should happen?

[TaraMaiden2]

I read an interesting article, on a website called Inc.com (by a reporter/journalist, called Jessica Stillman), titled 'Complaining is Terrible for You, According to Science'.

I would paste a link, but I think the site is commercial, and invites subscription, so perhaps, Google it....?

Interesting.

The more negative your thoughts, the more you wire your brain to become consistently and habitually negative and depressed.....

 

Which is why I reiterate that making choices about your attitude, and which way to "go", can make a whole difference to the outcome of things....