Can intense heart ache cause permanent mental instability?

[surferchic]

What this is a gradual process? How long did it take you?

 

I'm certain it was gradual. For those of us who have a heart, we feel pain for some time and eventually get over it... Eventually.

[thespacey1]

I totally agree with you Surferchic.

 

And I'll assume the other poster meant gradually as well...

As human beings we REFLECT. I truly believe in reflection (long or short term) in the grieving process. Reflection helps us see not only the other person, but ourselves as well.

 

I'll assume overthought/ruminating can happen in the reflection process too, and that's when we have to try to refocus our energy to something else. But keep in mind, EVERYONE GRIEVES DIFFERENTLY. One person may stop reflecting in a month or two. The next person may not so reflecting/over thinking until a year... I think it's somewhat harmful to compare ourselves to other peoples recovery, so to speak.

 

When the overthought starts to negatively affect our own life and daily responsibilities, then that may be the time to get HELP, not necessarily time to "get over it", but to get help in order to get to the source of the pain and overthought.

 

I'm learning to respect my own ability and time frame to cope.

[Raina314]

I'm starting to really believe that time truly is the key. People always say to exercise, get a new hair cut, spend time with friends, pick up a new hobby, etc...but what I've learned from this breakup is that if you're really struck down and heartbroken, none of it will help at first, and that stuff all comes as a result of you feeling better over time. I did all of the above in my first few months combined with NC and didn't feel any better whatsoever. Nothing helped.

 

Now it's been a bit longer and I find myself actually wanting to do those things and feeling better. I think once we've had some time to recuperate, the exercising, hobbies, friends, etc...come as a result of feeling better and in turn give us an even bigger boost, instead of the other way around. People often make the mistake of saying that doing these things leads to feeling better, but I've come to realize, at least for me, that it's vice versa. It's easy to mix up which thing causes the other when they happen at the same time, but now I'm almost sure that feeling better and having enough time leads to enjoying more new things in life rather than the other way around.

 

I guess I'm just saying this for everyone who feels like they've tried everything and think they're permanently broken because it doesn't help. It will help. But only once you've had enough time to grieve. That said, it's not like you shouldn't do all those things while grieving, cuz they're still good things. Just don't get discouraged if they don't magically make you better right away.

Edited April 11, 2016 by Raina314

[LivingWaterPlease]

There is much about the brain that is still being discovered. Here's some interesting information about the brain and the immune system.

 

https://news.virginia.edu/illimitable/discovery/theyll-have-rewrite-textbooks

 

It seems there is still much to learn in the field of science.

 

I've been studying the health and function of the brain for six or seven years because of the effects of pharmaceuticals on the brain of someone close to me. This person is now totally healed through natural methods, though we were in doubt it may happen.

 

I'm aware I know very little about the brain, in fact, the more I learn the more aware I am of how little I know!

 

One thing that I have learned not only through research but also through talking with many who's brains have been severely injured and/or compromised is that our bodies and brains are capable of healing themselves given the right conditions; i.e. nutrition, sleep, sunshine, rest, pure air, trust in God, etc.

 

OP, haven't read the whole thread but if someone you know is going through a difficult time with brain injury there is much to be optimistic about!

 

Ahhh, just read the thread, seems psychological injury is the main thrust of the question. I do believe healing is possible. Have been through a great deal of physical and emotional trauma in my life and am glad to be thankful, stable, happy and at peace!

 

Sending best wishes to you!

Edited April 11, 2016 by LivingWaterPlease

[basil67]

I believe that the amount someone is affected by heartbreak probably depends on their own resilience.

 

In your first post, you talked about both prolonged hearbreak and repeated heartbreak.

 

If someone is suffering repeated heartbreak, then they are probably doing something wrong to start with. Do they love too much? Are they ignoring warning signs and staying with people who aren't suitable? Do they not know when to gather up their dignity and walk away from a bad situation? Could they they be contributing to their own issues?

 

We all get hurt when relationships end. But someone who says that they've been hurt many times in the past is probably someone to avoid.

[surferchic]

I believe that the amount someone is affected by heartbreak probably depends on their own resilience.

 

In your first post, you talked about both prolonged hearbreak and repeated heartbreak.

 

If someone is suffering repeated heartbreak, then they are probably doing something wrong to start with. Do they love too much? Are they ignoring warning signs and staying with people who aren't suitable? Do they not know when to gather up their dignity and walk away from a bad situation? Could they they be contributing to their own issues?

 

We all get hurt when relationships end. But someone who says that they've been hurt many times in the past is probably someone to avoid.

 

I'm sorry but you sound incredibly mislead and kind of insane.... I've never told anyone this in my entire time of posting in loveshack. And I haven't agreed with everyone all the time, but we all deserve someone to love no matter how many times we've been hurt. You're saying to avoid people who've been hurt several times?

 

Open your mind and know that some people have only poor models to go by growing up. That doesn't mean that there is no one out there to love them. I know a several people who have been hurt several times but ended up happily married, not perfect but happy for the most part.

 

I feel bad for you and your outlook on people and love.

[basil67]

Yeah. If someone has been deeply and repeatedly hurt by a number of different people, I would wonder if they are the constant. *Especially* if they have nothing good to say about any of their exes.

[LivingWaterPlease]

I believe that the amount someone is affected by heartbreak probably depends on their own resilience.

 

In your first post, you talked about both prolonged hearbreak and repeated heartbreak.

 

If someone is suffering repeated heartbreak, then they are probably doing something wrong to start with. Do they love too much? Are they ignoring warning signs and staying with people who aren't suitable? Do they not know when to gather up their dignity and walk away from a bad situation? Could they they be contributing to their own issues?

 

We all get hurt when relationships end. But someone who says that they've been hurt many times in the past is probably someone to avoid.

 

 

I don't believe that if someone is suffering repeated heartbreak it means they're at fault and should be avoided at all.

 

Nothing personal as this is the first post I've read of yours that I can recall and you may be a great person in other respects, but on this one particular point it seems illogical, naive and condescending to judge others that way, to me, without knowing the circumstances of the relationships they've been in.

 

While it is possible that they've contributed in some way, it isn't necessarily a certainty and I don't believe you'll ever know if it's part of the problem or not without getting to know the circumstances of the relationships in question and without talking through the issues of the relationships with, at the very least, the person who has been hurt.

 

I don't believe one can make a judgement about a person's ability to be a good partner in a relationship based on how many times they've been through heartbreak. Too simplistic an approach.

 

Sometimes bad things happen to good people in multiple incidents, and this includes being hurt in relationships.

 

I base whom I'd get involved with not on how they are treated but on how I've observed they treat others among other factors.

Edited April 11, 2016 by LivingWaterPlease

[basil67]

At no time did I suggest that it's a certainty that they are the cause of the own heartbreak. If you noticed, I used a lot of 'Probably' and asked a lot of questions. The answers to those questions would make a lot of difference to whether or not I got involved with them.

 

It's just something which would make me wary of that person. Especially after reading posts on here like "he/she is really guarded and holding back because they've been hurt a lot in the past". Now, some people may be fine with this situation, but it's hardly a crime to avoid people who aren't ready to give a relationship their all.

[basil67]

To try and explain a different way.

 

When a relationship ends, we generally look back at what we could have done wrong. The repeated heartbreaks which would particularly worry me is where the heartbreakee sees themselves as a victim and doesn't recognise the part they played in the breakdown of the relationship.

[TheSwanGirl]

Well it's been two months since my BU, but I'm on anxiolytics and going to a psychologist... I'm experiencing mental instability... I hope it's not forever!

[TaraMaiden2]

Well it's been two months since my BU, but I'm on anxiolytics and going to a psychologist... I'm experiencing mental instability... I hope it's not forever!

 

That's up to you.....

[thespacey1]

Yes, it's up to the individual to a certain extent, but everything is not.

 

None of us know how long it takes to grieve, especially if you've never experienced pain to a certain degree. I understand how some posters want to be positive, but some statements can be a bit callous and thoughtless.

 

Just because something works for you and you tell people that same phrase all the time, doesn't mean that it needs to be said to every single person who's in pain. I'm sorry but I've seen similar repetition of phrases a few times and lots of people haven't been responsive probably because it's just not applicable and people can sense when something becomes trite.

 

There's no one size fits all phrase for every broken heart. If so we could mend all broken hearts with a good lay in the hay... Or a walk in the park...

[Buddhist]

I understand how some posters want to be positive, but some statements can be a bit callous and thoughtless.

 

There's no one size fits all phrase for every broken heart. If so we could mend all broken hearts with a good lay in the hay... Or a walk in the park...

 

This. In my experience getting over someone by getting under someone else is a horrible idea for many reasons. You're only going to walk from one bad relationship and straight into another one. Using another person and their emotions as a tool for healing yours is the kind of action that perpetuates selfishness in life. Distraction isn't the answer to the grief process. In order to heal negative experiences you need to resolve the emotional turmoil they bring.

Often when people experience heartbreak what they are experiencing is a re-awakening of a deeply buried painful experience from much easier in life or even a past life (if you believe in that).

 

So what might be simple heartbreak to one person can actually be experienced as the lancing of an unhealed wound to another. No-one can tell the depth of emotion someone is going to feel from any given set of circumstances. That relationship folding could very well be someone's spiritual journey that does indeed take them into the depths of hell (for whatever purpose).

 

I personally hate the trite fixes offered by the majority of people that invalidate the experience the person is having and communicating to them that their feelings are wrong or overblown and they are making too much of something.

 

I experienced a near mental breakdown over a very simple thing. I met someone I was attracted to. That simple 30 sec meeting ended up in me developing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. So I don't doubt that you can end up in very dark place but you have to remind yourself of a couple of things....

 

Your experience and what you are feeling is valid. No matter what anyone else says you are not being a drama queen or blowing things out of proportion. You are having a unique experience for a purpose.

 

Do what is necessary for you right now and follow that path of healing. It's very likely that at the end of your dark days you will be in a space to have better relationships going forward. Let that be your hope.

Edited April 12, 2016 by Buddhist

[TaraMaiden2]

Yes, it's up to the individual to a certain extent, but everything is not.

Whatever goes on between your ears - is entirely up to you.

IF YOU ARE OF SOUND MIND - the thought processes taking you one way or the other, giving you choices - are up to you.

 

None of us know how long it takes to grieve, especially if you've never experienced pain to a certain degree. I understand how some posters want to be positive, but some statements can be a bit callous and thoughtless.

And some statements 'hurt' because it's true. Maybe the hurt person doesn't want to hear or face that truth, quite yet. I get that. But that doesn't alter the fact that they're true. Dressing them up in pretty lacy paper and pink ribbon, may make them more palatable, but it lacks the necessary impact. Still the truth though....

 

Just because something works for you and you tell people that same phrase all the time, doesn't mean that it needs to be said to every single person who's in pain. I'm sorry but I've seen similar repetition of phrases a few times and lots of people haven't been responsive probably because it's just not applicable and people can sense when something becomes trite.

Something often repeated on this forum, is repeated on this forum, because on this forum, it works. You may think it sounds trite, but instead of protesting and dismissing such comments, the important thing is to test their worthiness, truth and value for yourself, before criticism can be applied.

There is much advice that is given, and one thing in particular is repeated more often than any other piece of advice: Go No Contact, see the No Contact Guide.

Why?

Because - IT - WORKS.

And when applied to the strictest letter, comma, full-stop/period, it works better than anything else.

There's no one size fits all phrase for every broken heart. If so we could mend all broken hearts with a good lay in the hay... Or a walk in the park...

Never in a million years have I ever, or will I ever suggest such remedies.

But I do, repeatedly advise people that whatever course of action they take - it's because they've made that choice.

 

If I had a pound for every time I've been asked the following question, I'd be able to run against Trump and beat him resoundingly in the Campaign-funding stakes:

 

"How come you're always so happy?"

 

Answer?

"Because I wake up in the morning, and I think:

'Have I got something to be happy about, or have I got something to be miserable about?'

If the answer's 'no' to both, it's better to be happy for nothing, than miserable for nothing."

 

I get people are in pain.

But the pain they felt at the time the pain was inflicted, is in the Past.

They hurt. And they hurt badly.

At. The. Time.

 

But if they feel the pain now, (long) after the event - who is inflicting that pain? Why is the pain STILL there?

The event is over, but the pain persists.

At times it is perpetuated and exaggerated too.

We feed the pain so that, instead of diminishing, it either remains or grows.

 

If hitting your head with a hammer, hurts, why inflict a second blow to keep the pain going?

[thespacey1]

Whatever goes on between your ears - is entirely up to you.

IF YOU ARE OF SOUND MIND - the thought processes taking you one way or the other, giving you choices - are up to you.

 

 

And some statements 'hurt' because it's true. Maybe the hurt person doesn't want to hear or face that truth, quite yet. I get that. But that doesn't alter the fact that they're true. Dressing them up in pretty lacy paper and pink ribbon, may make them more palatable, but it lacks the necessary impact. Still the truth though....

 

 

Something often repeated on this forum, is repeated on this forum, because on this forum, it works. You may think it sounds trite, but instead of protesting and dismissing such comments, the important thing is to test their worthiness, truth and value for yourself, before criticism can be applied.

There is much advice that is given, and one thing in particular is repeated more often than any other piece of advice: Go No Contact, see the No Contact Guide.

Why?

Because - IT - WORKS.

And when applied to the strictest letter, comma, full-stop/period, it works better than anything else.

 

Never in a million years have I ever, or will I ever suggest such remedies.

But I do, repeatedly advise people that whatever course of action they take - it's because they've made that choice.

 

If I had a pound for every time I've been asked the following question, I'd be able to run against Trump and beat him resoundingly in the Campaign-funding stakes:

 

"How come you're always so happy?"

 

Answer?

"Because I wake up in the morning, and I think:

'Have I got something to be happy about, or have I got something to be miserable about?'

If the answer's 'no' to both, it's better to be happy for nothing, than miserable for nothing."

 

I get people are in pain.

But the pain they felt at the time the pain was inflicted, is in the Past.

They hurt. And they hurt badly.

At. The. Time.

 

But if they feel the pain now, (long) after the event - who is inflicting that pain? Why is the pain STILL there?

The event is over, but the pain persists.

At times it is perpetuated and exaggerated too.

We feed the pain so that, instead of diminishing, it either remains or grows.

 

If hitting your head with a hammer, hurts, why inflict a second blow to keep the pain going?

 

Tara maiden, I personally appreciate some of your feedback and anyone's feedback that's positive. So please don't think I'm knocking your advice completely.

 

However, I know that being unrealistic by making a general statement as "the truth" is harmful and not very wise. At least be honest enough with yourself to NOT make your opinions sound like they're scientific or even logical facts. That's ludicrous...

 

You said the truth hurts. It's not the truth... It's YOUR truth. Your truth is not EVERYONE'S truth. You must understand that. This world is far too complex to abide by only a truth conceived my one or a few individuals.

[TaraMaiden2]

Tara maiden, I personally appreciate some of your feedback and anyone's feedback that's positive. So please don't think I'm knocking your advice completely.

Thank you, I appreciate the feedback. Honestly, I do.

 

However, I know that being unrealistic by making a general statement as "the truth" is harmful and not very wise. At least be honest enough with yourself to NOT make your opinions sound like they're scientific or even logical facts. That's ludicrous...

Actually, that's exactly what they are. I didn't make this up. It's something I've researched, learnt about and read up on, time and again. It's not my fact. It's out there, and you can check it for yourself. You can check everything I say, for yourself.

 

You said the truth hurts. It's not the truth... It's YOUR truth.

No, actually, it's an oft-quoted maxim. I didn't make it up, nor is it mine. It's been said many times by many people, in many circumstances...

 

Your truth is not EVERYONE'S truth. You must understand that. This world is far too complex to abide by only a truth conceived my one or a few individuals.

I don't think the entire world's Buddhist population (ok, well, maybe I'm exaggerating that snippet just a little bit!) can be described as a 'few individuals'.

Basically - and I'm not trying to preach here, I'm just expanding on the basis of my post - The 4 Noble Truths begin (1 & 2) by explaining that Life is a series of stressful situations, and they're stressful because we cling to, and crave certain results.

 

We want certain negative things to not be, and we want certain positive things to be, for ever.

 

That's what the main fundamental cause of stress, is.

Wanting things to either stay the way they are (which they can't) or wanting things to change to our advantage (which is not always possible).

It's fighting these conditions which causes the pain.

Edited April 12, 2016 by TaraMaiden2

[TaraMaiden2]

...To expand...

 

It's fighting these conditions which causes the pain.

 

our resistance to Change is what hurts us.

Change in our circumstances, change in someone else's opinions, change in which a state of presumed security becomes insecure, and the rock-steady becomes quicksand.

 

We resist change.

the more we resist, the more it hurts.

 

We can choose.

To either continue resisting, or accept that things change.

 

It's that acceptance which relieves the pain.

[Tayla]

in science its also phases to reach acceptance.

 

Denial,anger, bargaining,depression, acceptance, re-routing.

 

Some things are quicker apt to this process, yet it is on some levels a process to reach the outcome.

 

I think in some ways Taramaiden2 is stating that living in the "now" gives us that momentum to determine our mindset of choice.

[sandylee1]

It DEFINETLY can for some.

 

Some people are just stronger and have better coping mechanisms than others.... they are more resilient to the things life dishes out . Perhaps it's in our DNA.

 

A good friend of mine actually committed suicide following heartbreak, when her BF/EXBF told her didn't love her anymore. She became depressed and then ended her life. It was devastating. I couldn't believe she did this over 'just a guy'. A waste life.

 

For me .... NO - NEVER. I refuse to allow any man to drive me insane, no matter what he does. If someone doesn't love me as I love them... I have no desire to be with them at all.

[swtchks]

its crazy that i came across this post, because as stressed out as ive been over my issue right now, my chest hurts constantly with anxiety. i sometimes wonder if i will have a heart attack over this. :-(

[TaraMaiden2]

Well, there is a particular type of stress called stress cardiomyopathy, also known as 'broken heart syndrome so I'd get yourself checked out, frankly.

 

No harm in that.

[thespacey1]

Well it's been two months since my BU, but I'm on anxiolytics and going to a psychologist... I'm experiencing mental instability... I hope it's not forever!

 

Hopefully you'll get better sooner than later. Time is a healer...

[maacus]

Hello all:

 

As we post and read the provocative threads of various breakups, I realize the pain eventually subsides...or at least it's "supposed" to. I also notice how deeply people are affected by heart ache(men& women) but they don't always verbalize it. Some of us bounce back quick(seemingly so)/,while the rest of us struggle to get through months or even years after a break up.

 

Regardless, we all are affected by breakups. Speaking for myself, the pain feels so unfair at times. Whether you're the dumper or dumpee,the pain can be huge...but people never know what you're going through until they listen to or read what you have to say.

 

Can repetitive heart break or intense/long term pain cause permanent mental instability?

 

I think what you are proposing is very possible. I've been through a TON over the last year. Things are looking somewhat up, but I wonder.. I do indeed wonder, if the damage is already done and if I'm beyond hope. Most assuredly if things don't get drastically better soon I'll be good for nothing at some point.

[thespacey1]

its crazy that i came across this post, because as stressed out as ive been over my issue right now, my chest hurts constantly with anxiety. i sometimes wonder if i will have a heart attack over this. :-(

 

Oh wow, I'm hoping you're feeling better and finding some peace in your situation. How are you feeling today, compared to other days?

 

I personally, can empathize with intense heart ache. I've felt like I would never get better. I still have my moments. However, I want you to know that you and your happiness is worth so much... You will get better in due time...

 

Please allow yourself TIME to heal and feel. Treat yourself well always and do things to make yourself happy. Surround yourself with positive thoughts and people who acknowledge your situation and support your healing process. Please keep posting!