Can intense heart ache cause permanent mental instability?

[surferchic]

Hello all:

 

As we post and read the provocative threads of various breakups, I realize the pain eventually subsides...or at least it's "supposed" to. I also notice how deeply people are affected by heart ache(men& women) but they don't always verbalize it. Some of us bounce back quick(seemingly so)/,while the rest of us struggle to get through months or even years after a break up.

 

Regardless, we all are affected by breakups. Speaking for myself, the pain feels so unfair at times. Whether you're the dumper or dumpee,the pain can be huge...but people never know what you're going through until they listen to or read what you have to say.

 

Can repetitive heart break or intense/long term pain cause permanent mental instability?

[TaraMaiden2]

Yes (10 Ch'rs.)

[SunnyWeather]

 

Can repetitive heart break or intense/long term pain cause permanent mental instability?

 

sounds like a good research question

 

my initial response is that there probably would be some kind of previous 'mental instability' if one is unable to recover from a heart break after a certain period of time. But, who knows, it's complex, and everyone is different

[PrettyEmily77]

It can, but only if you let it.

[Haydn]

Think when i first came to LS, i was in the throes of something close to feeling i was losing my mind. The total and utter loss of everything.

 

Makes the mind do odd and often unsafe things.

 

I was a mess. I did take anti depressants for a while.

 

Only when clarity started to break through, i realised i was not a terrible or sad person.

 

As soon as i stopped overthinking everything, things got better.

 

And of course some posters here, helped me more than they can ever know.

[surferchic]

Yeah, I realize it can be kind of complex.

 

@sunnyweather, I'm inclined to agree with you almost 100%. I've known a few situations where people never bounced back after a broken heart perhaps at young ages.

 

But then there are individuals who lose their significant others in tragic accidents. I'd say a situation like that can be traumatic with little, if any recovery back to the state they were before. And that of course doesn't necessarily have to mean unstable forever, but moreso life altering...

[surferchic]

Yes (10 Ch'rs.)

 

Are you being sarcastic?No need for the 10 chars.... The answer is not obvious hence my asking the question and some folk not sure.

 

If you're not being sarcastic, then my apology and if you can, do expound on what makes you so certain to say "yes".

[PrettyEmily77]

 

As soon as i stopped overthinking everything, things got better.

 

That's the key right here. It's so tempting to over-analyse and make yourself feel sick in the process, and it's totally normal when the relationship was dysfunctional or abusive.

 

There are is no set time-frame for that kind of stuff. As long as you are ok holding your part in the break-up of the R and you do whatever it takes to get it out of your system, you should be ok in the long run.

[TaraMaiden2]

Are you being sarcastic?No need for the 10 chars.... The answer is not obvious hence my asking the question and some folk not sure.

 

If you're not being sarcastic, then my apology and if you can, do expound on what makes you so certain to say "yes".

 

No sarcasm intended at all.

I studied Traditional Chinese Medicine; a therapy which is documented to be over 4000 years of age; archives and documents show how intricate and accurate such a medical system is. Therein they correlate all emotional states to physical ones. They knew millennia ago, that the body is connected to the mind, an that the body affects feelings and vice versa.

They've known this a long time. In the West, this correlation is a recent 'discovery'.

 

It's a fascinating science, which never ceases to amaze - or educate - me. Look into it.. PM me if you wish.

 

[thespacey1]

I think you have something here and I agree with taramaiden.

 

One of the nights my ex and I were discussing the reasons why i wanted out of the relationship, we both went to sleep late and upset. It took me forever to finally go to sleep that night/morning. Ever since then, I've been dealing with insomnia. I've tried benadryl, zquil, therapy and soon a psychiatrist.

 

For the majority of my life I've been a pretty tough cookie and pushed through rough times. However, ever since the period of the breakup with my ex I have not been able to sleep well. I'm in the U.S. and still awake...it's almost 6:00a.m. I've been this way only since my breakup with my ex. It was one of the more significant romantic relationships in my life because we were engaged to be married. After I said yes, I started seeing another part of him that was not good on so many levels.

 

Lss,my point being...I knew why I broke up with him,yet I'm struggling to keep my sanity. I should be sleep now...... Although I was the dumper, I didn't walk away unscathed. I know I hurt him but had I stayed with him I think I would've seen him become an even bigger &better sweet/charming/monster/ Jekyll/ Hyde.

 

So I'm working my way out of this bump in the road,but some days I wonder is there any rest for the weary?

[loveweary11]

I'm going to have to say no.

 

Ptsd or situational depression is about the worst that can come of it. These are not permanent conditions when resulting from a situation.

 

If your brain chemistry is a mess due to heredity, you're going to have problems prior to the break up. If you were fine before, your temporary effects will subside, eventually.

 

After 3-4 years now, I can safely say I never think of my 12 year 10 married) ex except in a matter of fact, non emotional way when on love shack. In my daily life she never pops up.

 

The full on insanity went away in about 18 months.

 

The partial insanity due to feelings went away in a couple years.

[elaine567]

I believe it can, because intense heart ache or the mental pain of abuse can alter their view of the world as a relatively "safe and cozy" place, prior to the event(s).

The trust that things will go right for them, or that they can deal with it well if something untoward did happen, can also be impaired.

It can be a huge shock to the system and some although apparently "healed" can hide that instability, until it surfaces in something perhaps quite unconnected, like work for instance.

[burnt]

Are you being sarcastic?No need for the 10 chars.... The answer is not obvious hence my asking the question and some folk not sure.

 

If you're not being sarcastic, then my apology and if you can, do expound on what makes you so certain to say "yes".

 

Well, I don't know what Tara meant, but I didn't read her response as sarcastic. I read it as a *strong* agreement. A yes without a doubt.

 

Now to add my own response to your question, OP,

My answer is also YES.

 

After this prolonged pain (going on constantly) for three years, I think I'm somewhat qualified to say that I'm one of those people who are taking rather TOO long to recover.

 

I can tell you with certainty that I do feel mentally unstable more and more. The sense of what's real and what's fiction is getting rather blurred. There's a limit to how much pain you can endure before your mind shuts down to everything around, perhaps in an attempt to protect itself.

 

It was just last week, I told my therapist, that I fear that I'm on the road to reach psychosis. I fear that my mind has started to slip slowly and slowly.

 

We all have a limit on our coping ability. When the pain severely exceeds our ability to tolerate the pain, it damages the mind.

[keiji]

I guess it's very difficult to agree or disagree categorically. I am definitely an example of (hopefully) non-permanent mental instability. Five years ago I started an incredibly toxic relationship that lasted three years, although it was an on and off thing. The level of permanent heartbreak, stress, aggression and disappointment (for both sides) was such that I ended up with anxiety and depression and that translated into insomnia, bad eating habits and high blood pressure, among other things. Even my doctor said "this has to stop. Now". Two years down the road, I'm doing so much better, even after another breakup which hasn't been nearly as painful as the previous one, but some effects are still felt. In those cases, I always recommend therapy asap. It's hard, but ignoring certain mental and physical conditions is definitely a bad course of action.

[brothers343]

Everyone hurts different. I can see loosing my mind if I loose one of my kids becouse they haven't really lived yet. I have lost family and lost friends in war and tho the memories linger the pain gets better through time. I still remember my first love but even that feels so far back that it really doesn't mean anything anymore. Like I said I think its all in the individual. I'm good at letting things go when there gone.

[HopeForTomorrow]

It took me forever to get over the relationship that brought me to LS several years ago. I think part of that was because I lost a child with him, but I was a mess for years after. And I am a strong woman.

 

As for it being permanent... Years later and this man still calls me like twice a week and I could not care less. I wouldn't be with him if he were the last man on this earth. Zero feelings. So no..... not permanent.

[surferchic]

Well, I don't know what Tara meant, but I didn't read her response as sarcastic. I read it as a *strong* agreement. A yes without a doubt.

 

Now to add my own response to your question, OP,

My answer is also YES.

 

After this prolonged pain (going on constantly) for three years, I think I'm somewhat qualified to say that I'm one of those people who are taking rather TOO long to recover.

 

I can tell you with certainty that I do feel mentally unstable more and more. The sense of what's real and what's fiction is getting rather blurred. There's a limit to how much pain you can endure before your mind shuts down to everything around, perhaps in an attempt to protect itself.

 

It was just last week, I told my therapist, that I fear that I'm on the road to reach psychosis. I fear that my mind has started to slip slowly and slowly.

 

We all have a limit on our coping ability. When the pain severely exceeds our ability to tolerate the pain, it damages the mind.

 

Thanks so much Burnt. I'm so sorry you're going through the pain and difficult recovery. That's what I'm talking about .

 

Some people think that it means that you/we/whomever was already predisposed to mental instability to not be able to bounce back within those few years. Give yourself some more time though. It takes some of us longer than others to heal. I'm not sure about the genetics things or predisposition, but I know that we're all different....

[Elwood]

I don't know if it can cause permanent damage or not. I only know it's hurting me more than I ever thought it could. I never thought the pain would last so long.

[Mind-Chants]

Lemme throw in some psychological insight to it.

 

Mental instability as in Human behavior is affected by mainly three factors: -

 

Behavior = f (Genetics, Person's psychology , Environment )

 

1. Genetics - We are all predisposed to react in some particular fashion. Some people have Happiness predisposition i.e. they are inherently happy and some people are not capable to feel that way.

 

2. Person's Psychology - This is important. Lot of sub-factors are included in this. Ex:- Coping style (Problem focused, Emotion focused, Avoidance etc.) ; Learning style ; Resilience ; Beliefs and Attitude ; Lifestyle

 

3. Environment - Triggers, Social Support.

 

How they work: In terms of Pure analogy - GENETICS loads the gun, PSYCHOLOGY aims it and ENVIRONMENT pulls the trigger.

 

** Once heard this in Criminal Minds.

 

If you have healthy personal psychological development, for any powerful environmental condition happening like a break up, your Positive psychology aims it at a safe outlet and the trigger becomes harmless.

 

 

Every human behavior is a combination of various subjective parameters. There are two parts in human brain: one is called limbic system and other is prefrontal cortex. Limbic system controls emotions and prefrontal cortex is the seat of rationality. Every decision we make is the result of strong interaction between limbic system and prefrontal cortex.

 

When emotions run high, especially when you have a emotion focused coping style, limbic system overrides prefrontal cortex and we make emotion laced decisions.

 

(Emotions affects physiological aspects in human body. Ex- When you see a lion, you feel fear (emotion). Brain activates sympathetic nervous system and physiological changes occurs in body. Blood stops flowing to stomach (digestion stops) etc etc. Increased blood flow to legs to give you extra energy to run. )

 

My point is emotions affect physiology. If negative thoughts dominate your coping process, serotonin levels falls down and you move into depression. Depression medication (SSRI) mostly increases the serotonin level.

 

Given proper environment (family, friends, parties, vacations etc ) and positive psychology (good coping, having some meaning in life other than a person, positive outlook etc), you could come out of the mental instability.

 

PS: - I have no degree in psychology just my understanding of things out of interest only. So things may look bit random.

[jen1447]

Can intense heart ache cause permanent mental instability?

 

I think it can, particularly if you set aside the notion of mental illness as a nebulous 'in-the-brain' thing and look at heartache (which is often very sudden) as a brain injury, like a physical blow to the head would hurt your brain. You could certainly suffer permanent disability from that.

 

And there may be some validity to the notion, between whatever harmful brain chemicals you get dosed with as a crisis response and detoxing from your regular oxy fix. I remember literally feeling like a different person - someone I didn't know - bc of that.

Edited April 4, 2016 by jen1447

[surferchic]

Some good points (well taken) and interesting perspectives on this.

 

I definitely think it's a combination of multiple factors,e.g. socialization as a child, genetics, environment as an adult and whether or not there are abandonment issues of any degree from a parent.

 

Personally,I know I have some issues to work on that directly affect my ability to deal with this breakup stuff... It's just a shame when we people like myself don't seek help until we're adults. Better late than never, but d@mn.... I guess it takes certain situations to force is to respond more urgently.

[TheBathWater]

Hello all:

Can repetitive heart break or intense/long term pain cause permanent mental instability?

 

Yes, it can. But A doesn't always equal B. Some people suffer one heartbreak and are done forever; others go through repetitive heartache and do just fine in the long-run. I suspect most people fall somewhere in between.

[surferchic]

Lemme throw in some psychological insight to it.

 

Mental instability as in Human behavior is affected by mainly three factors: -

 

Behavior = f (Genetics, Person's psychology , Environment )

 

1. Genetics - We are all predisposed to react in some particular fashion. Some people have Happiness predisposition i.e. they are inherently happy and some people are not capable to feel that way.

 

2. Person's Psychology - This is important. Lot of sub-factors are included in this. Ex:- Coping style (Problem focused, Emotion focused, Avoidance etc.) ; Learning style ; Resilience ; Beliefs and Attitude ; Lifestyle

 

3. Environment - Triggers, Social Support.

 

How they work: In terms of Pure analogy - GENETICS loads the gun, PSYCHOLOGY aims it and ENVIRONMENT pulls the trigger.

 

** Once heard this in Criminal Minds.

 

If you have healthy personal psychological development, for any powerful environmental condition happening like a break up, your Positive psychology aims it at a safe outlet and the trigger becomes harmless.

 

 

Every human behavior is a combination of various subjective parameters. There are two parts in human brain: one is called limbic system and other is prefrontal cortex. Limbic system controls emotions and prefrontal cortex is the seat of rationality. Every decision we make is the result of strong interaction between limbic system and prefrontal cortex.

 

When emotions run high, especially when you have a emotion focused coping style, limbic system overrides prefrontal cortex and we make emotion laced decisions.

 

(Emotions affects physiological aspects in human body. Ex- When you see a lion, you feel fear (emotion). Brain activates sympathetic nervous system and physiological changes occurs in body. Blood stops flowing to stomach (digestion stops) etc etc. Increased blood flow to legs to give you extra energy to run. )

 

My point is emotions affect physiology. If negative thoughts dominate your coping process, serotonin levels falls down and you move into depression. Depression medication (SSRI) mostly increases the serotonin level.

 

Given proper environment (family, friends, parties, vacations etc ) and positive psychology (good coping, having some meaning in life other than a person, positive outlook etc), you could come out of the mental instability.

 

PS: - I have no degree in psychology just my understanding of things out of interest only. So things may look bit random.

 

Thanks for this informative post. I love the show "criminal minds".

 

I'll research more of the stuff you put in this post, but I already agree with the multiple factors affecting ones coping under certain circumstances.

[TimmyC]

Very good question! I love talking about these things and sharing my theory's!!

 

Personally I would say its definitely plausable. Think of PTSD, it can happen when we suffer an event so traumatic are brain literally cannot compute how to handle it. Which even worse, it becomes a part of our memory. In turn because we havent learned how to handle that situation, our brain cannot create simularities in the memory branch which forces us to relive the memory over and over. Our minds are complex, we constantly have to make sense of what we see what we perceive. You ever see a cloud that looks like a pillow or an angel? Our minds are trained to look for similarities in what we see. Now take that same principle and think of something scary. Let's say you see a person with void eyes (like the exorsism movies don't judge me, lol!!) If you saw this in person it would scare you. Why? Because we cannot compute it, we cannot make since of it.

 

Take someone that's been sheltered their entire life but goes through a loss so bad they shut down. Their mind was unable to compute it so it shut down. It destroyed their perception of reality. This is why our first love is the most painful. We generally don't shut down because again our brain is trained to look for similarities in situations which in that case would come from our friends, family, or even past events like the loss of a pet or family member.

 

So in turn yes, it is of my opinion that, given the circumstances if you do not know how to cope with a broken heart you can indeed become mentally unstable. We don't realize just how powerful our mind is, and our perception of reality.

[ExtraSpice]

As soon as i stopped overthinking everything, things got better.

 

What this is a gradual process? How long did it take you?