dragonwalker Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 (edited) I have never been the best at meeting women in person or online. I'm 28. I've posted about my problems before. I tried finding someone online after the last relationship I had ended abruptly. I lost hope quickly and I've tried sporadically. I have never moved beyond a simple conversation with anyone online. I have only tried okcupid as that is the platform I want to focus on first. Just yesterday I was browsing okcupid and I found a profile of a woman I appreciated. I got a great vibe from what she had to say. I was attracted to her, she was pursing a career that I was taking classes for as well, she lived pretty close and she had something in a photo that I also have a mutual interest as well. She was also online. I "liked" her and sent her a message not expecting much. She liked me back and messaged me back. The okcupid chatting system is clunky as it delays messages and isn't smooth but we chatted over the next several hours. I liked what she had to say and I got the sense that she was interested in me because she kept the conversation going by asking questions as well. I wanted to meet her and I decided to ask her out. She accepted. I suggested meeting at the farmer's market that I normally go to on Sunday. We agreed on a time and I gave her my name and number, she gave me her name. I didn't think much of it yesterday night but I'm becoming more nervous about this. I thought it good fortune that I think 1 of the first people I messaged in awhile panned out so well. I'm glad in my profile I am very honest about who I am but what has always concerned me is me being able to express the good feelings I may have so that she may see it. For example, I found out in my last relationship that the woman I was seeing didn't really know if I was that into her. After some reflection I believe that this has much to do with my own confidence especially as it relates to relationships and being intimate. I inhibit myself from developing the relationship to the next level even when I feel like I want to because I am afraid of doing something wrong or something that might jeopardize what I've done so far. I suppose some of this comes with practice but how might I overcome these feelings? I have heard many people say something like go with the flow or trust myself but I say to that, how can I trust myself when I have so many self-doubts? I feel like I'm really good at turning people into friends and I struggle to go beyond that. It's possible the woman I was with just wasn't that into me and I just haven't been fortunate enough to find someone that actually likes me but I inevitably feel ashamed for not having tried harder to overcome my fears whenever I am in a situation like this. Anyway, on this first meeting I thought we might meet up and we could go around at the market talking, getting to know each other and buying some food. There is an area with tables and chairs and some vendors that sell food. I thought we could also have some food or drinks. I happen to go to this farmer's market literally every week and I'm doing what feels comfortable. How does this plan sound and what might any of you suggest to make the experience a bit more interesting and "exciting." I'm not trying to do something totally out of my nature but I don't want to turn this whole thing into a big bore and lose another good thing. On a practical level, what should I offer to pay for? I was thinking we might walk together to the various vendors, if she wants a few things would it be prudent for me to pay for them? I suppose I should at least offer but not necessarily insist? I do plan to pay for whatever food she may want when we sit down to eat. Also, I set the date for this Sunday. I kind of wanted to chat with her more before than. Do you think that's a good idea? We shared about 100 or so messages so I'm not sure if that's a lot before actually meeting. Anyway, need help. Edited April 2, 2016 by dragonwalker
d0nnivain Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 I think the farmer's market is a really cute idea. If any of the stalls sell flowers but her 1 ( < $5) or buy her a cookie, cupcake, sweet treat. Grab a coffee or water & sit on the grass nearby to talk. If all goes well, set up the 2nd more traditional date before you part. kiss her on the cheek by way of greeting at the 2nd meeting. 1
Recommended Posts