jonathanfields4ever Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 (edited) This is a long and weird story, so bear with me please. I hide a lot of the details of my life from the people around me, so I feel like I can't talk to anyone. I'm a busy person. I'm in a PhD program, I play basketball on a team, I have 2 jobs, and I usually try to have a handful of women in my life. A long night's sleep for me is 5 hours, and I try to always be moving. About 2 years ago, I fell in love for maybe the first time ever with a girl that I had in my weird little rotation of women. She's gorgeous; the kind of girl that other women check out when she's walking down the street. She drinks like a fish, smokes like a chimney, spits, curses, and barely eats anything. She barely graduated high school, and her parents paid to send her to a community college where she is failing. She has a terrible personality (I once told her a story about a man I knew who died in a very tragic way and she laughed hysterically). But for some reason she just clicked with me. She tried to get me to commit a couple of times, but I was always wary. About 6 months ago, I finally dropped all the other women in my life and officially made her my girlfriend. We'll call her Julia for the purposes of this story. About 3 months ago I somehow acquired a stalker. I'm assuming it's a girl I was seeing previously, but I'm still not 100% sure of who it is. She hounded me and hounded me, and eventually I had to quit all social media. Every time I blocked her, she'd create a new email address and send me more weird messages. I changed all my email addresses except one work address which I just can't change for business reasons. The emails slowed to a trickle and I learned to live with it. It was then that she went after Julia. One night, she sent me pictures of Julia's Twitter talking about some hot guy she saw. It didn't really bother me, but the stalker sent me dozens of emails about how Julia was cheating, about how she's a terrible person, and about how I need to get rid of her. The stalker knew a lot of things about me that she shouldn't have, almost to the point where I thought she might have gotten into my email or iCloud account. I told Julia about the situation, but chose to believe my girlfriend over a crazy stalker weirdo. Two weeks ago, Julia was staying over and an email came from the stalker. It said, "Ask her about Ben." I showed Julia the email and she immediately started crying. After a few minutes, she broke down and told me a very strange story about a 28-year-old man she met online when she was in middle school. She said the man had some kind of power over her, and had paid for her to come meet him in another state. He raped her in the mouth when she was 14, but she thought she was in love with him so she continued to have a relationship with him. He got her started smoking. She first had sex with him when she was 15 and would go out to meet him frequently until she was about 18 (she's 21 now and he is 35). That was Ben. I listened to the story and tried not to look too horrified when she talked about how amazing and misunderstood he is. She told him that a while before we started dating, he had contacted her for the first time in years. She said that she maintained a dialogue with him since then, but their conversations were innocuous. I chose to believe her, but told her that it was deeply troubling. The next day I texted Julia and told her that I wasn't comfortable with the Ben thing after all. I asked her to let me be apart for a while. She accepted that and told me that she would wait for contact from me. A few days later I got more emails from the stalker talking about how she is promiscuous., she hates you and I love you, blahblahblah stalker weirdness. Then an email came that just got to me for some reason: "Break up with her. She'll be fine. She has Ben." I know I shouldn't have responded and validated this crazy person, but I sent back "Why do you know about that?" There was no response for a few hours, but then in the evening around a dozen emails poured in with text logs from Julia's phone. My first instinct was to delete them, but like an idiot I read them. When talking to her friends she talked about me a lot and occasionally mentioned Ben. She seemed just like normal Julia and made some very flattering remarks about me. But when talking to Ben, she was like a totally different person. "When did you last play with your self?" "I'm doing it now." "Send me pictures." "OK here" "I want you." "I want no one but you." It was a massive violation of her privacy, but I read every word. I was glued to it. Somehow I felt entitled to that information. He toyed with her and she'd desperately seek attention from him. They'd sext and when she tried to shift the focus to something else or get out of meeting up with him, he'd insult her, ignore her, or get even more graphic. From the texts it appears they never met up while we were dating, but I have a sneaking suspicion that she went to see him once in the first month of our relationship. I was shocked. Of course I was angry. It's very clearly cheating. But the most painful thing was seeing what she was like when talking to this man. I know she's a flawed person, but I had never felt pity for her before. I know she's a victim and very likely has some mental damage from this man that assaulted her when she was in her formative years, but to see her so desperate for attention from a man that is clearly toying with her hurt me. I will never be able to comprehend their relationship. I also know that I violated her trust. No matter what she did, it wasn't right of me to read all of those texts. I should have deleted them the second they hit my inbox. I feel anger, pity, hatred, love, sorrow, everything. It's too complex for a guy like me who usually has only two emotions. I don't know how to react and I can't stop thinking about the whole crazy situation. I deleted her from my phone, erased all of our texts, blew away all the pictures of her and am trying to just keep my head down and focus on all of my usual projects. I reestablished contact with some of my previous lady friends, and I know it's wrong but I'm trying to use them to help me forget about her. I'm not operating at my normal level. I just can't stop thinking about this. The other night she sent me a long text apologizing. She said "I really was in love with you and there were times where I only had eyes for you." That 'there were times' part really made me angry. I happened to have a girl asleep on my arm at the time and I took a picture and sent it to her. That set her off and we had a really nasty exchange. I didn't think our breakup could get any worse, but it did. I'm not sure what I'm seeking by posting this. Maybe just a place to vent. Maybe I want to see some third-party reactions to this weird ordeal. At any rate, some kind of input would be appreciated. Even negative input. If you made it this far, thanks for reading. Jonathan. Edited April 2, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Curiousroxy86 Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 (edited) I can relate to the mixed feelings you have for this person. Ratchet jerry springerish relationships will do that to you. But you have to be honest. It's not like you didn't know she was ratchet. You took a chance playing with fire and got burned. Block her and try to block that other weirdo and make better choices of who you decide to be exclusive with. Also I hope when your screwing with other girls that your up front with them they your not looking for a relationship and not playing with their minds. If so karma can be cruel. Edited April 2, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author jonathanfields4ever Posted April 2, 2016 Author Posted April 2, 2016 You're right. The whole thing is ratchet. That's why I can't make sense of it. PS. I always let girls know I don't want anything long term.
Curiousroxy86 Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 You're right. The whole thing is ratchet. That's why I can't make sense of it. PS. I always let girls know I don't want anything long term. Yep that's what foolishness does. It lacks sense so you can't make sense out of it no matter how hard you try. Be safe and good luck with moving on
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