kittyxo Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Hey guys, I have been doing serious NC since we broke up and I spent a day begging him to change his mind. This isn't the first breakup we had - this will be our 3rd. All initiated by him. I won't go into too much detail here (my other post sums it all up) but in short, I spent the last 5 years taking him back each time he betrayed me lying and eventually cheating on me. The previous times we broke up, I spent days and months begging him to return, in which he did. He broke up with me because of a heated argument we had. But this time, I have learned to suck it up and I went full NC 2 days after he ended it; unfollowed him and friends and family on IG, left whatsapp groups, deleted ALL pictures on my phone and online, and numbers. I've been having a hard time lately dealing with the breakup because he cut me off cold. I know based off everything he did I should hate him, but I dont. I miss him too. Any tips on staying strong?
galaxys5 Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Hey guys, I have been doing serious NC since we broke up and I spent a day begging him to change his mind. This isn't the first breakup we had - this will be our 3rd. All initiated by him. I won't go into too much detail here (my other post sums it all up) but in short, I spent the last 5 years taking him back each time he betrayed me lying and eventually cheating on me. The previous times we broke up, I spent days and months begging him to return, in which he did. He broke up with me because of a heated argument we had. But this time, I have learned to suck it up and I went full NC 2 days after he ended it; unfollowed him and friends and family on IG, left whatsapp groups, deleted ALL pictures on my phone and online, and numbers. I've been having a hard time lately dealing with the breakup because he cut me off cold. I know based off everything he did I should hate him, but I dont. I miss him too. Any tips on staying strong? Yes you need to forget about him not only has he cheated on you but coming from a man myself he is using you.he knows no matter what he does you will come begging back for him.is this the kind of man you want to marry?tips to stay strong?you deserve better there is good loyal men who don't play games like myself out there.not only that if he truly loved you he would be with you.forget him.
Qboro90 Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 Delete his number. What makes you keep wanting this guy back? He's continuously hurt you and cheated on you? That's not going to ever change. Expect more out of your bf's and have higher standards. Make him beg to get YOU back instead of the other way around. After all, he's the one screwing up.
Author kittyxo Posted January 11, 2016 Author Posted January 11, 2016 Delete his number. What makes you keep wanting this guy back? He's continuously hurt you and cheated on you? That's not going to ever change. Expect more out of your bf's and have higher standards. Make him beg to get YOU back instead of the other way around. After all, he's the one screwing up. I've deleted his number and every aspect of him in my phone. I think he was a compulsive liar because he always used to say things like, "i didnt think you'd find out" and "if theres anything left, youll find out". Is it wrong of me to want him to beg for me back? I just want that satisfaction of seeing him remorseful because I have never seen him do so. Thank you, I needed to hear this.
Author kittyxo Posted January 11, 2016 Author Posted January 11, 2016 Yes you need to forget about him not only has he cheated on you but coming from a man myself he is using you.he knows no matter what he does you will come begging back for him.is this the kind of man you want to marry?tips to stay strong?you deserve better there is good loyal men who don't play games like myself out there.not only that if he truly loved you he would be with you.forget him. I'm really confused because his actions showed me that he truly did love me, but he was always lying on the side. And when I mean lying, I mean he would lie to my face if I asked him if he liked girls pictures online, or if he talked to girls he shouldnt be talking to, or if he kept in touch with flings in the past. Why did he go out of his way to plan nice things and buy me expensive birthday gifts and tell me he loved me all the time.. then leave me during an argument? I am so confused
galaxys5 Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 I'm really confused because his actions showed me that he truly did love me, but he was always lying on the side. And when I mean lying, I mean he would lie to my face if I asked him if he liked girls pictures online, or if he talked to girls he shouldnt be talking to, or if he kept in touch with flings in the past. Why did he go out of his way to plan nice things and buy me expensive birthday gifts and tell me he loved me all the time.. then leave me during an argument? I am so confused There is nothing to be confused about if you love someone you do not lie to them.the amount of money he spent on you means nothing that's all materialistic.if he's telling you small lies imagine in the future what big lies he's hiding from you.do not beg chase or pursue him he dumped you.if he wants to get in contact with u he will
Author kittyxo Posted January 11, 2016 Author Posted January 11, 2016 There is nothing to be confused about if you love someone you do not lie to them.the amount of money he spent on you means nothing that's all materialistic.if he's telling you small lies imagine in the future what big lies he's hiding from you.do not beg chase or pursue him he dumped you.if he wants to get in contact with u he will You're right Galaxy.. I really appreciate your honesty and these are all things I need to hear. I haven't told any of my friends about the betrayal because I think they would judge me for going back all those times
galaxys5 Posted January 11, 2016 Posted January 11, 2016 You're right Galaxy.. I really appreciate your honesty and these are all things I need to hear. I haven't told any of my friends about the betrayal because I think they would judge me for going back all those times Don't worry going through a rough breakup myself...all these relationships are learning experiences for bigger and better things on the horizon.he did you a favor.i promise you bigger and better things are coming
Qboro90 Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 I've deleted his number and every aspect of him in my phone. I think he was a compulsive liar because he always used to say things like, "i didnt think you'd find out" and "if theres anything left, youll find out". Is it wrong of me to want him to beg for me back? I just want that satisfaction of seeing him remorseful because I have never seen him do so. Thank you, I needed to hear this. Yea it's wrong for you to want him back. You're never going to get that closure moment of him telling you "in so sorry, I messed up and never should've treated you that way, please forgive me!!". That's a fantasy hope and not the real world. He was an ******* to be blunt. Why you wanna date someone who your friends would be embarrassed to see you with is beyond me. You Brag to your friends about your BF. You don't lie to them so they don't see what a scum bag he is.
Author kittyxo Posted January 12, 2016 Author Posted January 12, 2016 Shouldn't this be a good thing? Am i mad because he ended it abruplty?
Qboro90 Posted January 12, 2016 Posted January 12, 2016 You're mad because you wanted him to love you enough to change and be the boyfriend that you think he can be instead of realizing the BF and person he actually is. Plus by taking him back you were giving him another chance and he had to prove to you that he was worth it because you probably did so against everyone else's advise and your better judgement. But when he breaks up with you after that it's basically a "f*^• you" and confirmation that he's not the guy you think he is or want him to be. Odds are deep down you know it's over now for good because if you get back with him again, no one is gonna feel pity for you when it happens again and no ones gonna care when you say he's treating you poorly because by now you should learn from your mistakes. The best way to feel better is to fake it at first, go out with your friends and socialize. Make it appear like it's not on your mind. When he tries to reach out and use you as a booty call, that's when you ignore him and finally feel like you're the one who's in charge. By then you'll see how much better you can do and it'll be easier. 1
Author kittyxo Posted January 14, 2016 Author Posted January 14, 2016 You guys i just wanted to share that i feel like since the breakup a month ago, my anxiety has gone down quite a bit. I know why i felt anxious alot, because i didn't trust him. And i didnt trust him because he told me me a lot of lies - in his defense it was to "protect me". I dont see how cheating on me and denying it when i found out was to protect me. I just realized this today, because felt so uptight before and i literally felt a sense of panic all the time. I dont feel that anymore. Though it may take some time to get over my feelings for him and though it may take longer to date a guy, I feel like im finally starting to move on. Thank you 6
Silver_star Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 That is really good to hear. Good for you for standing up for yourself, and understanding that your needs and feelings are important. Some days will be better than others, but always remember YOUR needs should come first. 1
elly key Posted January 14, 2016 Posted January 14, 2016 I'm happy to hear that. Try not to let this relationship to have a big impact on your future relationship. This is a big challenge but I believe you will be able to make it. 1
Author kittyxo Posted January 22, 2016 Author Posted January 22, 2016 Hello everyone, I will keep this brief. To sum up my 5 year long relationship, it ended back in December. I dont really know why he broke up with me to be honest, but I'm thinking it's because he is going through GIGS or he fell out of love me with me but strung me along for many years. I say this because the moment we started dating, he has been lying to me about a number of things when I asked him. He also was seeing another girl when we were reconciling from a previous breakup, and made out with her and had sex with her. I have really been fighting myself lately from messaging him to see how he's doing. I know I shouldn't be missing him because he hasn't bothered to text me at all. Why do I miss him?
ScienceGal Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 Because you are still entertaining the notion that he might be able to treat you well. Your romanticizing and fantasizing. Stop. Instead, remember the lying and cheating. That's the reality. That's all he has for you. Also, we get stuck in routines and we try to avoid change at all costs. We fight and cling to what we know. But, that often only serves to hold us back from growing and finding something (and someone) better. Resist the temptation to reach out. It will get easier in time. Don't forget you deserve better. 3
Chi townD Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 I don't think you actually miss him per say, but I think you miss the person that he could have been. You don't miss the lying and the cheating, but I think you miss the guy and the qualities that first attracted you to him. You miss the good time because when they were good, then they were good. So, go out and find a guy that has the same kind of qualities minus the lying and the cheating. 2
smudge21 Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 We build people up in our minds and hearts to be better than they actually are, so when they turn out to be less than that, it's hard to see the real person (you will, once you're healed). I know that looking back at my ex from years ago, everything I missed about her was what I'd created in my mind. No person could be that perfect. You miss the best of him, whilst ignoring the worst. Only time will heal this and there's no rule for how long that takes. Just stay strong and it will get better. Don't lower yourself to running back, only move forward. 1
DrMario Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 You miss him for the same reason many people miss their exes, he treated you bad and you've been stripped to the bone marrow of your self worth and your confidence is at an all time low, you can't look to yourself to do anything about it because your in a state of disbelief and mourning so at this point, only Mr fix it can temporarily patch you up, but say that he did, you would be out of pain because you wouldn't be longing for him anymore but what remains after that?, trust issues?, a life of codependency?, heartache that you'll have to live with in order to be with him?, yeah it ain't great, I'd say, you should focus on healing and staying well away, put this one behind you and have a fresh start elsewhere, less you go through all this again and trust me, you will, people like this don't change and your destined to repeat the same pattern over and over again, you deserve better, get out there and get it. 1
jen1447 Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 Why do I miss him? Most likely just separation anxiety imo. If you spent 5 years w/Carlos the Jackal you'd probably miss him for a while too. 2
brothers343 Posted January 22, 2016 Posted January 22, 2016 Im a big fan of reading about serial killers. I have gone to disney world many of times but i would never read about him. We humans tend to like people or things that are not healthy for us. It's like a shot of adrenaline running through your vains.
Author kittyxo Posted April 2, 2016 Author Posted April 2, 2016 The last time I posted on loveshack was when my boyfriend of 5 years ended our relationship back in December. It was a really tough time. I lost friendships and family members I gained through my ex, but because I have such an amazing circle of friends and family members of my own, the pain was easier to deal with. I figured that being depressed and upset and crying all the time was too tiring. I really wanted to get back to my old self. I wanted to enjoy life and start dating. So I decided it was time to go online and start meeting guys. I will tell you that it was hard and I was meeting duds. So over 2 months I created and deleted a number of online dating profiles. Until about a couple of weeks ago, I met a guy and we clicked. We have been casually dating for a couple of weeks and it has been great so far. I have been keeping a guard up with him because I do not want to get hurt, but I feel as if I am starting to like him more and more. I just wanted to let everyone know, that it does get better with time. I know that everyone says that and its so much easier said that done, but its been the truth for me. For anyone who is struggling, please go no contact. No texts, no calls, no social media. I did text me ex a month after we broke up, and he was receptive and told me he missed me, but I thought to myself, if he really wanted to be with me, he would contact me and make things bettter.. unfortunately he hasnt. I'm not sure if he will contact me in a few months or later on in this year, but I just keep telling myself, dont look so far ahead. Just focus on the next 24 hours ahead of you and deal with life that way.. Thank you for reading!
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