smackie9 Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 IMO this is a compatibility issue. He is the way he is....if you don't approve, then why date someone like him in the first place. If you expected him to change, forget about it and find someone who fits into your lifestyle. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 Curious as to what he actually does. I can't imagine any jobs that require him to work those kinds of hours regularly, even if he's in a band or a sound engineer or stage manager those kind of jobs tend to be a couple times per week or a few months of touring at a time. Personally it's all too much for me and I couldn't be doing with it, sure you don't live together but I'd question whether I could handle that every night of the week if we did live together. You've aired your concerns and he's blanked them out, unwilling to compromise or reassure you or invite you along or anything. That tells me he'll keep doing what he's doing whether you care or not because either he believes you won't leave because of it or he doesn't care that much if you do. I mean at this point you're really a weekend companion rather than a fully fledged partner, during the week it sounds like you're more of a drag in his eyes, which just isn't fair! The good guys will balance this life with making their partner feel loved and appreciated. Oh and if he's maintaining those kinds of hours I think it's incredibly unlikely he's not engaged in some kind of stimulant use to keep going, you can't keep it up for that long before crashing, probably cocaine or amphetamines. Even if he's just drinking heavily five nights a week, that's a recipe for addiction. Doesn't sound like a great partner. 1
KatZee Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 I know you've been with this guy for 2 years at this point but you need to see what he's doing and take it at face value. He's been living his life the way he wants to and you've accepted it for 2 years. This is not a mutually fulfilling relationship this is him living his life and pursuing his passions and dreams and you are just hanging on for the ride. I used to be like you in the past. I would be the laid-back girl, the chill girl, the girl who put all of her wants and needs on the back burner just so I didn't stir the pot and cause problems in my relationships. I sacrificed my own happiness and had lots of guys cross my boundaries and I was basically a doormat. I don't put up with things like this anymore. my happiness is just as important in a relationship as my partners. You keep saying how great this guy is, but what you're not seeing is that he's being very selfish in a relationship with you. He doesn't care what you think about his lifestyle, he doesn't care if he comes home at a reasonable time, he's just a guy living his life and you just happened to be someone he sees whenever it's convenient for him and he's not too busy working or drinking with his buddies after the fact. He is not going to change for you it's been going on too long and you've established your position. The only way to change this is to accept it or leave him and find someone more compatible. 1
preraph Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 I know section players, sound dudes, etc.....the days of partying like a rock star are not like they were back in the day. Drug addiction and all the other crap, big business won't tolerate it anymore....it all business/professionalism, legal obligations. He's staying behind for himself, and to party....he isn't furthering his career. It still goes on, though. I know a VP my age, and he's pretty civilized (because we're old now), but he still drinks every day, and those visits to the coast for conventions wear him out. I'll let you know. Going to a club concert with him, his wife, and another label guy in a couple of weeks. I'll probably be the only sober one, and I have offered to drive myself but not sure that will happen. I doubt those guys are staying up all hours, but I'll pick their brains and find out. I do know the business has pretty much sucked ever since internet sales took over, though. It's a different animal, not so much face to face and marketing probably mostly online. So less excuse to party. But I still bet on the coasts where it's based, there's got to be a lot still going on. I get your point, though. Times have changed. Honestly, it changed a lot just from that tax writeoff going away. Not as free-flowing. And everyone was always expected to do their jobs and not get so f'd up they couldn't do them, but that was always true. We worked hard. I should add that sound engineers weren't part of it. They were contracted, and not part of the labels or any of the clients being entertained. They were not at any of the functions I was at except the concerts working.
Recommended Posts