Op17 Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 (edited) I'm cool with this lady at my job and she has a niece who is cute, I've asked about her a few times and now it seems like her niece interested in me, especially from how she looked at me today. But now I feel like I'm not that interested in her anymore. It's not that shes ugly but now that I think about it, I can't see myself in a relationship with her. I don't feel like she would fit me 100%. I feel like since I didn't ask her out or make any kind of commitment I can still get out of it. The only thing is if she asks me out or if her Aunt tries to put me onto her what do I say? I don't want to break her heart because I know exactly how that feels but at the same time I want to still be free to date someone else that catches my interest. Edited April 1, 2016 by Op17
truth_seeker Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 Options... 1) Lie. You just met someone. 2) Go on one date with her. You never know. You might like her. 2
preraph Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 Hey, you got this ball rolling. You should take both her AND the coworker aunt out and at least buy them dinner. And then if you really know there's nothing there, you can always tell them you have recently been seeing someone, but how lovely it was to meet her. 2
jasmineb Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 When you asked about her do you mean asked about dating her? If this is the case then a simple friendly dinner may be in order. However, if you just meant general things like "How is she" or "Is she enjoying her job", then that is just conversation and you do not need to worry about "doing" anything. If she asks you out herself then you can just tell her you are very flattered by the offer but you feel more comfortable being friends. If her aunt acts as matchmaker, just tell her that you aren't sure that you would click in that way, but you are flattered she thinks so much of you. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 Oh for heaven's sake. You had a crush but now that the girl may actually like you back, you don't even want to try & without really knowing her you have concluded that you don't want a relationship with her because you think she won't fit you 100%. You don't have enough information to come to that conclusion. Since you are no longer interested, do not ask her out. But if she actually asks you out, go on one simple date with her to see if the reality of who she is changes your misinformed perception of who you think she might be. 8
missk803 Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 I don't think you really have to do anything right now except for just not show as much interest in the niece. If it does come up, I think the best thing you can do in that situation is to just to be honest with the aunt or niece. It might sting a little to hear it, but imagine how she would feel if you lied to her, or worst, let things go further knowing you aren't really into her and then dump her. I've been through this plenty of times and it's a terrible feeling to be rejected that way. I would much rather have a guy be upfront with me about not being that into me than to let me continue wasting my time. 1
Author Op17 Posted April 2, 2016 Author Posted April 2, 2016 I don't think you really have to do anything right now except for just not show as much interest in the niece. If it does come up, I think the best thing you can do in that situation is to just to be honest with the aunt or niece. It might sting a little to hear it, but imagine how she would feel if you lied to her, or worst, let things go further knowing you aren't really into her and then dump her. I've been through this plenty of times and it's a terrible feeling to be rejected that way. I would much rather have a guy be upfront with me about not being that into me than to let me continue wasting my time. I agree with you on that, I'm honestly just thinking about telling her I already have my eyes on someone else, It would be crushing but like you said it's better than leading her on and I don't want to be unfair to me and restrict myself from talking to someone else or put on a facade everytime I see her aunt.
Grewd Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 Nobody will fit you 100%. The grass is greener syndrome can keep you single for a very very long time. 2
d0nnivain Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 I agree with you on that, I'm honestly just thinking about telling her I already have my eyes on someone else, It would be crushing but like you said it's better than leading her on and I don't want to be unfair to me and restrict myself from talking to someone else or put on a facade everytime I see her aunt. That sounds egotistical & cruel. If you don't like her, fine. But to go out of your way to tell her you don't like her is plain mean. There is no need to be that blunt unless she specifically asks you out. If your behavior screams, "not interested" it's unlikely that she will ask. Why do you think it's a good idea to be so direct when that level of bluntness will only be hurtful? Exercise some compassion. 3
Kamille Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 I don't know where you live, but welcome to the 21st century, where people date, go on a date or two and then decide they're not interested, date more than one person at the same time until such a time as they decide to be exclusive. The one thing to know about this century is that one date will not commit you to a relationship. Thanks to all this dating that's going on, people tend to handle rejection fairly well, without being crushed if someone isn't interested in them. Plenty more men out there, many of whom will likely find her as charming as you first did. 2
truth_seeker Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 I don't know where you live, but welcome to the 21st century, where people date, go on a date or two and then decide they're not interested, date more than one person at the same time until such a time as they decide to be exclusive. The one thing to know about this century is that one date will not commit you to a relationship. Thanks to all this dating that's going on, people tend to handle rejection fairly well, without being crushed if someone isn't interested in them. Plenty more men out there, many of whom will likely find her as charming as you first did. It's taken me awhile to be accustomed to being blown off, ghosted, going on a date with a woman who is seeing other men, and now I find myself not caring as much, accepting how the times are now. I remember going on a date years ago and when I remarked to the woman how I found it odd she was multi-dating. She laughed. She was like, that's what everyone is doing. Where have you been???
okc85 Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 It's taken me awhile to be accustomed to being blown off, ghosted, going on a date with a woman who is seeing other men, and now I find myself not caring as much, accepting how the times are now. I remember going on a date years ago and when I remarked to the woman how I found it odd she was multi-dating. She laughed. She was like, that's what everyone is doing. Where have you been??? Multi dating drives me nuts. I get why people do it. Then you're not overly invested in just one person. But ugh! As for the OP, just say you met someone else. Why do you have to hurt her feelings, haha. Sometimes, being overly truthful is not the best policy.
truth_seeker Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 Oh for heaven's sake. You had a crush but now that the girl may actually like you back, you don't even want to try & without really knowing her you have concluded that you don't want a relationship with her because you think she won't fit you 100%. You don't have enough information to come to that conclusion. Since you are no longer interested, do not ask her out. But if she actually asks you out, go on one simple date with her to see if the reality of who she is changes your misinformed perception of who you think she might be. This is the problem with young people. They just don't know how to handle things, act like an adult. Talk about crazy with what I highlighted in bold. He liked her but now that she might like him, he's not interested? Uh, what??? 1
fitnessfan365 Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 It's funny that you can say she's "probably not a good fit" when you've never even had one date with her. LOL My advice for what it's worth would be to have one date. If you wind up having a horrible time, then you just be honest and say that it's not a good fit. But if you have a good time, that crush you had forever may actually be realized. 1
truth_seeker Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 Multi dating drives me nuts. I get why people do it. Then you're not overly invested in just one person. But ugh! Same here. I went out with two women I met from using apps on the phone in January. After the dates I didn't think I'd see them again. I went out with both again in the last 3 weeks. This after not communicating with them at all since the first date. 5 years ago, I would've have assumed after one date, never hear from them again. Today? You can go out on a date and see them again months later like it was yesterday. Strange, but that's just the way it is.
truth_seeker Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 You had a crush but now that the girl may actually like you back, you don't even want to try I've noticed that younger women who are not in exclusive relationships behave like this. How many times a young one would throw themselves at me and when I put it out there I'm interested, they lose interest or run away.
Author Op17 Posted April 2, 2016 Author Posted April 2, 2016 (edited) That sounds egotistical & cruel. If you don't like her, fine. But to go out of your way to tell her you don't like her is plain mean. There is no need to be that blunt unless she specifically asks you out. If your behavior screams, "not interested" it's unlikely that she will ask. Why do you think it's a good idea to be so direct when that level of bluntness will only be hurtful? Exercise some compassion. I think you took what I said out of context, I wasn't going to just go up to her and say I don't like you and there's someone better than you, thats just messed up and cruel like you said. I was going to say to her aunt if she asks me about her or if her niece asks that I already like somebody else. Since this is before her niece came in the picture it's understandable and at the same time doesn't make it about her. Edited April 2, 2016 by Op17
Author Op17 Posted April 2, 2016 Author Posted April 2, 2016 I don't want people to think that I think I'm too good for this girl, that's definitely not the point I just simply changed my mind, not that interested anymore. That doesn't mean I think she doesn't deserve a great person and I'm better. People change their minds about things all the time. 1
PrettyEmily77 Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 I don't want people to think that I think I'm too good for this girl, that's definitely not the point I just simply changed my mind, not that interested anymore. That doesn't mean I think she doesn't deserve a great person and I'm better. People change their minds about things all the time. There's nothing wrong with that, but I don't get the lying part. How is that necessary, or easier to deal with than the actual truth?
Author Op17 Posted April 2, 2016 Author Posted April 2, 2016 There's nothing wrong with that, but I don't get the lying part. How is that necessary, or easier to deal with than the actual truth? Just telling her straight up that I'm not interested is the truth but will hurt her feelings. I don't want her to feel that there's something wrong with her when there's not. Rejection can affect your self-esteem.
truth_seeker Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 I don't get the lying part. How is that necessary, or easier to deal with than the actual truth? Trying to spare their feelings. Lets say you're at a friends house and she makes dinner for you and it's terrible. Do you tell her: A) OMG! Your pot roast tastes like sh-t! B) The dinner was lovely. Any decent human being will choose B) because even though you're lying, you're trying not to hurt the other person's feelings. It's called caring. 1
PrettyEmily77 Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 No, that's called lying. When you care about someone, you tell them the truth. Not to rain on your parade or anything but there is every chance she'll get over it/you eventually, whatever the reason.
Author Op17 Posted April 2, 2016 Author Posted April 2, 2016 (edited) No, that's called lying. When you care about someone, you tell them the truth. Not to rain on your parade or anything but there is every chance she'll get over it/you eventually, whatever the reason. That all depends on the person and how they handle things in life. Some people never let go of things other people get over it eventually. I can't tell someone how they should think of themselves after I make them feel a certain way based on my actions. I rather not give her the wrong message to feel bad when that wasn't my intention. Edited April 2, 2016 by Op17
ff12343 Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 Nobody will fit you 100%. The grass is greener syndrome can keep you single for a very very long time. Yes it will.
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