ljn1650 Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 (edited) Guy at work started messaging me about a month and a half ago. He works a few floors down, so it's rare we ever see each other in person. We happened to bump into one another at the lifts on one occasion - he then emailed me a week later out of the blue (work email) asking how I was etc. (A couple of years ago when I worked near him, work nights out, I got the vibe he liked me.) This has escalated into full blown conversations most days. We get each other, and he's nice - at least on what I gather from our messages. At first I thought he had messaged me because he likes me, but he hasn't made any kind of move. Not asked for my number, hasn't asked me out, hasn't alluded to liking me. I held back a bit last week, and wasn't so quick to respond - partly because I'm getting a bit bored of 'virtual' conversations and just to see how he reacts. A few days and he's messaging me again, all still on work email. He has made the odd hint like 'maybe we will see you later' when both our teams were guessing to the same bar one Friday evening, and talking about all these places he wants to check out. It's just so strange!! I am confused, and I feel I may have been presumptuous in thinking he was anything but bored or he was into me. I feel work emails can only go so far, and it seems juvenile to try to sustain that in the long term. I need real life contact! I wouldn't ever ask him out, it's no particular loss to me as he may as well not rexist in real life! I am ntrigues though, so want to know what's going on. I don't want to look bad and just stop messaging him - then it would be awkward if we saw each other at work. In short, do men put so much effort into contacting a girl and keeping up to date on her life if he isn't interested? Thoughts? Edited April 2, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language~T
spriggan2 Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 (edited) This is just my personal thought, but do you like him? Would you be interested in pursuing something with him? If yes, why not take some action yourself? It's just odd for you to get impatient and withdraw as if you have no influence in the direction of the relationship. I'm a guy, I don't know what every guy thinks about going lengths to make platonic friends with a girl. Personally it's not my style. Doesn't sound like hes looking at you as purely a chat buddy either, so he probably needs a wakeup call too. One of you should be bold. Edited April 1, 2016 by spriggan2 1
preraph Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 He has a crush on you but is only pretending to be friends and hoping you'll make the move so he's not subject to discipline should he ask you out and you complain on him for sexual harassment. Men don't usually just go after a woman for friendship. They may fall into a friendship, but this one pursued you. 5
d0nnivain Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 I don't think men pursue friendships with women. I think they use that guise in the hopes of it turning to something else. I do think that men are capable of being friends with women; I just don't think they put in the effort to start friends at least not without an ulterior motive. N.B. the above is a massive generalization. Your colleague could be the exception that proves the rule but I doubt it. 6
fitnessfan365 Posted April 1, 2016 Posted April 1, 2016 Female friendships can be great if there is genuinely no attraction. But what can happen is someone will use friendship as a rejection saying "we should just be friends" or someone pretends to want friendship trying to work up the nerve to go for more, etc.. That's why I've always believed in pursuing women I am attracted to from the get go. They know what I want. If it isn't reciprocated, I don't pursue a friendship afterwards. But like I said. If it's a woman I have no interest in at all and we get along really well, of course a friendship is nice to have.
deckard11 Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 I sure as hell don't pursue friendships with women. As soon as I hear the "let's just be friends" blow off line I'm done. Men and women can't be "just friends". 2
Ano2016 Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 I think he like you a lot, but is to scared to even let you know. He hopes on a miracle, that somehow it would magically happen. He probably has a lot of respect for you and doesn't want to screw it up.
WaitingForBardot Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 IME, men don't pursue friendships with women; they can happen, but they happen effortlessly, evolve organically. The minute a pursuit is involved you can bet that friendship is not the ultimate goal. 5
smackie9 Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 You say in those conversations there is no hint of romantic interest....well how about you? He is wondering the same thing, he is looking for a hint of interest too. I tell you, there are a lot, I mean a lot of guys that will not make a move unless they get strong signals or some kind of obvious indication that the girl is interested. Not every guy is a Rico Suave, and has np swaggering up to the ladies to ask for a date. 99.9% of the time, men only make an effort to communicate with a women because they are motivated by sexual interest. Guys don't want to be friends with women, they want to have sex with them. This guy is interested in you, he finds you attractive, he doesn't have confidence.
mortensorchid Posted April 2, 2016 Posted April 2, 2016 (edited) It doesn't sound like he's interested in much of anything except someone to talk to based on your geography. If he ever makes a move towards something else (ex. asking to see you outside of work) then that's your answer. Edited April 2, 2016 by mortensorchid Changed answer 1
smudge21 Posted April 3, 2016 Posted April 3, 2016 No I also don't think men pursue friendships with women, but that's not to say they don't have friendships with women. I think you have to instead look at the location - if he's only ever contacting you at work, then maybe it's just he fact he wants someone nice to chat to during those dull 8 hour work days. The fact you're chatting just as much indicates you're happy with the way things are. As much as you're wondering about him, what about you? If you're interested, then take charge a bit. You may find though that it is only a work based thing. I've chatted to people at work many times, both sexes, with no intention of really wanting to know them outside of work. They're just work colleagues as opposed to my friends outside of work who I'd be spending my free time with anyway. I can honestly say that a recent girl who I did develop feelings for (after she left work) was for a good month or two, just someone I chatted to at work. Once the day ended, she wasn't even in my thoughts. It was only after she left that we stayed in touch and things changed. Decide what you want and test the water - everyone likes a drink after work don't they?
SherryEast Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 I sure as hell don't pursue friendships with women. As soon as I hear the "let's just be friends" blow off line I'm done. Men and women can't be "just friends". I agree! And I hate it when people are so silly and get mad when people say men and women can't be friends... it is true, unless they just aren't attracted to each other.
Larryville Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 I don't think men pursue friendships with women. I think they use that guise in the hopes of it turning to something else. Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! - d0nnivain you win!!
kismetkismet Posted April 7, 2016 Posted April 7, 2016 I'm not sure if it's common, but it DOES happen. The way that my best friend - who happens to be a guy - and I met is very strange haha. we actually first started talking on POF and ended up adding each other to facebook, but we would just have long rambling conversations and we never actually got together. He's the kind of guy that likes to just chat with people on the internet because it keeps him entertained with the work that he does and most of his friends are female - all of his close friends are. After kind of just chatting back and forth for at least a year we realized that we are incredibly similar intellectually and in our sense of humour and basically everything else so we met up. but we never actually dated at all. We just chatted online and had drinks every now and then. Eventually our friend groups merged and now we're bffs hahah. My boyfriend thinks he's great and it's a totally non threatening platonic situation. HOWEVER - this is the only time i've encountered something like this. Every other time a guy has tried to befriend me it ended with him trying to sleep with me/date me. I would try to find out a couple of things: does he tend to chat to others like that via email? Some people just really like that kind of correspondence especially while at work if it can get dull. Also find out if he has other female friends. I find that guys are either the type that have lots of female friends or none at all. One of my exes has mainly female friends as well (who never cheated on my btw).
TheBathWater Posted April 8, 2016 Posted April 8, 2016 Guy at work started messaging me about a month and a half ago. He works a few floors down, so it's rare we ever see each other in person. We happened to bump into one another at the lifts on one occasion - he then emailed me a week later out of the blue (work email) asking how I was etc. (A couple of years ago when I worked near him, work nights out, I got the vibe he liked me.) This has escalated into full blown conversations most days. We get each other, and he's nice - at least on what I gather from our messages. At first I thought he had messaged me because he likes me, but he hasn't made any kind of move. Not asked for my number, hasn't asked me out, hasn't alluded to liking me. I held back a bit last week, and wasn't so quick to respond - partly because I'm getting a bit bored of 'virtual' conversations and just to see how he reacts. A few days and he's messaging me again, all still on work email. He has made the odd hint like 'maybe we will see you later' when both our teams were guessing to the same bar one Friday evening, and talking about all these places he wants to check out. It's just so strange!! I am confused, and I feel I may have been presumptuous in thinking he was anything but bored or he was into me. I feel work emails can only go so far, and it seems juvenile to try to sustain that in the long term. I need real life contact! I wouldn't ever ask him out, it's no particular loss to me as he may as well not rexist in real life! I am ntrigues though, so want to know what's going on. I don't want to look bad and just stop messaging him - then it would be awkward if we saw each other at work. In short, do men put so much effort into contacting a girl and keeping up to date on her life if he isn't interested? Thoughts? My perspective is - No, men do not pursue women for platonic relationships. I would assume he is interested on some level, but for one reason or another may be reticent to be up front with you and ask you out on a proper date. Sometimes, it can be helpful for the woman to make the first move (why not?) and suggest you go out. Give him some encouragement if you're interested and see how he responds.
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